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64 thoughts on “vanessavega

  1. If he is commenting on your body when you didn't ask, then that's beyond shitty. You said you have a bit of weight you could lose? Is that something you've said to him before, or is that something he made you believe? If he's lifting at the gym and heard you say that before, he could just be offering a solution because gaining muscle does help to lose “weight” in the long run because you burn more calories with more muscle mass on your body. Cardio is essential for good cardiovascular health, but only does so much in the short term. But if you never mentioned to him about wanting to lose weight, then obviously, this wouldn't be the case. If that is something he made you believe and you didn't hold that opinion of yourself before him, then that might be a red flag you need to face and ask yourself why youre with someone that makes you feel insecure when there is someone out there that would love your body and make you feel confident. Also, it's really good you're not willing to skip meals to lose weight now like you would in the past 🙂 I have had a similar experience with food and developed an eating disorder because of it (10 years ago, I've been in recovery for a while) and hearing people having a healthy relationship with food makes me really happy.

  2. Why didn't he just tell me he doesn't like what I make instead of giving it to the dog

    this is an important conversation to have. seems very strange to me as well. but if he's not going to be direct about this, feels like he might leave you in the dark about other things in the future.

    hope your pup is on the mend soon!

  3. He sounds like a grab bag of big red flags. My first therapist always said when someone tells you who they are pay attention and believe them. He told you he has been single for 6 years and he lives an unorthodox life…the mind reels. At my age and level of experience this says I like to be free to sleep around with no strings and I am possibly into a kinky non-trad sex life. Is he pansexual? Does he like orgies? Do escorts fit his lifestyle best? Who the heck knows. Also he flirts with everyone (ew) and touches his younger coworker (ew and possibly grounds for dismissal). I would run far far away from Mr. Charm. I feel like this is a Sex and the City column. But seriously, everything you wrote about this guy gives me bad vibes. You don’t judge character by clothing and gym habits or bank accounts. Just the touching you on your lower back thing is just…yikes. I come from working a corporate job and that could lead to a firing. No joke. I think what he was doing is exactly what he said: that he’s ”flirty with everybody.“ He told you.

  4. Sounds like someone disrespectful and thoughtless is refusing to make small, intentional changes to show that they listen to their partner.

    It's not really about the sponge. It's about him telling her not to leave the disgusting, germ-filled sponge in the sink over and over and over again, but she ignores him, because she's selfish and self-centered.

  5. It sounds as though he likes you too, he's just not in the headspace to do anything about it.

    If you have told him you're still friends not talking to him would just be a dick move.

  6. I have many dude friends. When I was single, I’d hang out at their places from time to time. Now I have a BF. I do not go to their places alone. These are decade long friendships. But I respect my BF and his feelings. You are upset with her because you care about your relationship. Do tell her that. Don’t do passive aggressive nonsense or give her the silent treatment. The fact that she refuses therapy is really concerning. You seem to be the only one fighting for your relationship.

  7. What do you mean by “what do I do”?

    Delete the video & block her everywhere.

    If you're worried about legal ramifications, get a lawyer.

    Christ almighty, why are you asking Reddit about this??

  8. In my opinion, no. Calling the cops should come when the “threat” comes, you aren't equipped to handle someone who is mentally ill, I doubt the cops are either, but at that point, it's out of your hands.

  9. So she contributes almost nothing toward your home or household, she's a shitty partner who can't be bothered to look up from a role playing game, and now she's cheating?! What exactly are you hoping to get from her? What does she bring to the table in this relationship? Because from what you've described, it's absolutely nothing. I never understand people who want to stay in these types of relationships. She is literally giving you nothing from companionship, love, respect, financial contributions. She sounds like a loser to be really honest and mean about it. Find someone who has more to offer. Let her be this other dude's problem.

  10. So leave him. If he is doing things you don’t like and does not respect your boundaries- leave. You’re not a tree.

  11. Women also enjoy the sensation when they are raped. Same with men. If he didn't consent (while awake) prior to it happening, then she did molest him. Even if he didn't mind it. But that's a low bar anyway. Shouldn't sex be good? Not, I don't mind it.

    Her claims sounds like he said yes half asleep. Yeah nah, she raped him by the definition.

  12. Something was probably going on. The whole situation sounds suspicious and he let you down, I wouldn’t advise investing more time into this relationship.

  13. Yeah this is definitely abuse and manipulation.

    I really don't understand people like that. I want to have kids with someone who wants to have kids with me, because I understand how fucking naked it is. Regardless having kids with this guy is the biggest possible mistake she could ever make. He would also definitely be abusive and manipulative towards the kids too.

  14. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture. This is unacceptable behavior and he needs to knock the shit off yesterday.

  15. I don't know, and I think that's the worst part. Everyone just insists I get over it so he doesn't feel bad, but what about me? I just have to suck it up and feel uncomfortable because a 65 year old man can't control himself? What? Make it make sense.

    Our wedding party is well aware of the situation, and my bridesmaids know to keep him away from us as much as possible.

  16. She was pushing for exclusivity early on, too early for me and I wasn't ready she knows that, I can see it being too much for her but if that honesty is what is required to have integrity then I'm willing to do that. Thanks for your comment.

  17. That is a challenge of LDRs.

    So much weight is placed on conversation. If you cannot converse, then you two disconnect. Talking, is literally your lifeline and glue holding your connection together.

    And look, sometimes my own reletionship experiences the same thing.

    We can run out of things to talk about. And with my friends, I can be on the phone for hours with. Why? Because my friends and I have more base level shared interests.

    My gf and I… we have very little in common when it comes to interests. But the chemistry of our personalities is the glue for us. Additionally, I get so much more from my GF that I cannot get from my friends that is beyond conversation.

    You're not receiving that side of the reletionship because your person is unattainable in your day to day life… The LDR is a massive wall for you two.

    Good questions to ask:

    How often do you see each-other? How long have you been dating? What are you plans for closing the distance? When can you realistically remove the distance factor?

  18. But I don't understand why I feel this way or how to stop.

    It all does come down to the why and a lot of what I'd have said based on the title, you've already mentioned so you already know it's perfectly natural. Also natural for women too. It really is a no shame thing on all sides and not something to be jealous of by either side.

    Without getting to personal, if you've treated yourself before it's easier to understand the key differences between doing a solo venture vs doing things with someone else. Because it's you do things for yourself, you can feel exactly what's going on and adjust to what you feel like at the time. Maybe it's a 5 minute thing, maybe a 30 minute adventure etc… It doesn't make masturbation better than sex, it's just a different experience.

    This kind of thing only really becomes an issue if one party is sacrificing good times with their partner to do their own thing. As long as that's not happening and hampering the sex life then there should be no worries.

    Not sure if any of the above helps but I'm happy to say that it doesn't have anything to do with a partner not being enough. It's just sometimes a badminton player wants a game of football.

  19. That'd be nice, but I'd prefer to receive them as potted plants. It'd be a shame to just see them wither – I'd much rather keep them.

  20. It's a problem, ALL of it is a problem because it matters to you. Break it off and please go live! your life and be happy and single! You have a right to online your youth and experience and explore before you settle down. You haven't even begun to live! your life and now seems like a good time to start.

  21. “I understand but, I'm really disappointed in your reaction, as a 30 year old man with his shit together I thought you'd react more responsibly”

    So in other words, she thinks it's “irresponsible” that you don't want to have kids together within 2 years??? Dude. No.

    Sounds like she just slipped up there and indirectly admitted that she's targeting you with these plans because she's decided that being 30 means you should instantly be ready to settle down on her preferred timeline.

    Nope. Nooooo. I'm siding hot with your gut on this one.

  22. I went through this with my partner, I loved going out I was 21 when I met him so I was clubbing and just out all time. I would invite him but since he was older he was also done with the party part of his life. It didn't give us any problems and we were fine eventually a couple years later I didn't like going out all the time.

  23. Look, if you can’t get him to change please, please get rid of him while you still can. In all our years married by ex husband never ONCE cooked a meal, did the grocery shopping, did a load of laundry, vacuumed the floor… get the idea. He did NOTHING. He wouldn’t even put the clothes he expected ME to wash in the laundry hamper and would just leave them scattered around the house. Since I divorced him, my new partner either does things with me, or, I’ll come home and things are just already done. I can never thank him enough (we’ve been together 6 years now but I can’t seem to get used to it). He looks at me kinda weird and goes ‘babe, we’re both adults that live! in this house. Why are you thanking me? It’s not like it’s just your job’ Look for that. DONT marry my ex husband. Please. I can’t tell you the depths of misery living with someone like that for years will bring you. Oh, and now that we’re divorced and he’s on his own? He does it all. His house is cleaner than mine. So all that ‘I can’t, I don’t know how’ really was just ‘I don’t want to, don’t you understand? I got married so I would have a slave, why would I do anything myself? If you had a dog, are you gonna bark at passers-by??’

  24. You’re the one who should have dated someone who wanted a “traditional family name structure” instead of a “modern” woman as you put it. You knocked up someone with whom you don’t share values, you kinda should feel like an idiot if not ashamed. Just as she doesn’t get to decide whether you get to see the child or not, you don’t get to decide it’s last name. If you guys wanna argue and go through the courts it’s only going to lead to hyphenation.

    And I don’t know where you live! but I online in Canada and it’s really not uncommon here for a kid to have their moms last name if the parents aren’t married/together. My older brother has my moms maiden name as a last name so he no longer shares a surname with either of his parents and it matters to no one.

  25. Wait… so you weren’t even close enough to these people that you considered yourself “dating” them, they’re just flings… but your bf is so bothered by that you cut them out of your life without question?? Girl. The red flags. How weird and controlling.

  26. I’m so sorry OP but you need to know that his friends have most certainly seen your very hot photos. This is grounds for breaking up. How incredibly immature and disrespectful.

  27. I have mostly guy friends. I hate when people try to change that or get insecure and won’t deal with being controlled. BUT if a guy expresses interest in me more than once while knowing in in relationship, I’m not going to be hanging out with them alone and definitely am not going on a cruise with them (and I have gone on a cruise with a guy friend before). If they can’t take my relationship seriously and respect it enough to not even make comments like that, then they’re not really my friends.

    He’s already shown he doesn’t really respect the relationship, and she’s crossing a line. Guys hide behind “joking” way too much to take it seriously – hell, I learned that as a teenager. I recommend breaking up with her because honestly this is insulting.

  28. That's what I first thought reading the beginning, but if that were the case, it's weird she was mad at him. I would've been like “thanks, that guy was making me really uncomfortable.”

  29. You realize that she is done with the relationship, and there is nothing you can do about it. She has clearly given this a ton of thought and has decided this is what's best for her. Sometimes, there is no dramatic event that causes the breakup, and it's just run its course. I'm sorry for your pain.

  30. He's paying you no attention and watching porn on his phone, so essentially he is just using you to masturbate. It shows how little respect he has for you. He keeps doing it despite your complaints and is gaslighting you into believing that it's normal. That'd be a dealbreaker for me.

    I had something like this happen to me only once. My first boyfriend and I were having sex and he decided to check Twitter on his phone while we changed positions. I'll never forget how offended I was. I made sure that never happened again. At least we were still in our late teens at the time, your husband is 34! You're 29! Don't waste any more time with that loser.

  31. He's paying you no attention and watching porn on his phone, so essentially he is just using you to masturbate. It shows how little respect he has for you. He keeps doing it despite your complaints and is gaslighting you into believing that it's normal. That'd be a dealbreaker for me.

    I had something like this happen to me only once. My first boyfriend and I were having sex and he decided to check Twitter on his phone while we changed positions. I'll never forget how offended I was. I made sure that never happened again. At least we were still in our late teens at the time, your husband is 34! You're 29! Don't waste any more time with that loser.

  32. Your girlfriend doesn’t act like she loves you very much. I think a new girlfriend, one who loves and respects you, is in order.

  33. Ewwwwww why are you even asking??! My ass would have packed him and his buddies crap up and thrown them both out… disgusting!!!

  34. If your bf is insisting he is straight, why is he with you, a male? It sounds like he is either ashamed to admit he’s not completely straight or he’s extremely confused. In his insistence that he is straight, he is implying that your competition is women, so now you feel this way. He’s playing mind games, and if he truly doesn’t know what he wants, then you two might want to take a break while he figures himself out.

  35. You fell for someone who is very broken and clearly wasn't ready for a relationship. She needs to stop dating and heal herself first. You did nothing wrong that I can tell based here. But I want to point something out about yourself. It seems you want deep love. You put all your chips in the pot in hopes that you cash out big. You did everything even when all you received was hurt back. Most people when they touch a burning stove don't go back for seconds. You go back and think maybe I won't get burned this time?

    You need to self reflect, why are you being a pleaser? Why do you allow people to hurt you? Heal up. You will know your ready when you can take or leave being in a relationship. That your life won't end if your not in a relationship and that you can love yourself.

  36. My extra spicy take is the bf and finance are into each other, and they realize it's a forbidden romance they can't have.

  37. Me and my bf have the same arrangement. I cook and he does the dishes.

    When I'm doing a meal that will dirty a lot of dishes, I wash some stuff along when cooking. Used a bowl for butter ? I rincer it right afterwards. Used a glass for startch water ? I rinse it right after.

    Cleaning right after you dirty it makes it way easier. And it keeps the space clean for me. And less dishes for bf. I do it wile stuff is cooking. It's a win win all around.

  38. My parents still consider my cheating ex as 'one of their own kids' and say he's always welcome at their house. I had a nervous breakdown when our marriage broke up. I was a mess for months, but as long as they see him as one of their own kids, then it's fine. I just don't have to be there for it because I've moved away. I'm happy now and it's low contact all the way.


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