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109 thoughts on “Mariana

  1. Sounds like she's bored of the relationship but is trying to hang on to something whether that's your money, house, status etc.

    Get rid of her.

  2. Do you really respect someone that neglects their dog?

    This behaviour only has consequences for the dog. He needs to be taking responsibility and training.

  3. I'm not going to lie. Straight up, I am really struggling not to judge you harshly, but whatever. I'll take the downvotes. Why are you “off and on” for eight years with a person who (almost? I hope it is just almost and you're not covering for him) beat your dog to death? Like…why? You've shown that you can get away from him, right? And go “off ” this person? So naturally, why not go back on and have a kid with a violent cruel asshat who should have been jailed for that…? Nothing anyone here says is going to make a bit of difference. You're going to find a 'reason' why you just cant leave and he will eventually beat you, and your kid. I can only hope your dog is no longer living there because I assume he'll kill it next time. Being afraid he's going to skate out of child support on purpose is a really lame reason to stick around with someone who has demonstrated such violence. There are benefits you are eligible for, but after working in a particular industry for 25 years I am so cynical about these situations. Even your question is ridiculous. How do you handle the guilt of having a child with a bad person?? That's your question out of all this? Not, 'how do I get free' or 'how do I leave safely' ? Well you go “off” and don't go “on” again and you seek therapy to find out why you were so attracted to this violent person so you don't keep subjecting your kids and pets to the same mistake over and over. That's how. Every hospital and clinic and police station in existence has posters for DV shelters and resources. And it sounds like your friends and family would 100% support you in leaving. But frankly, if you didn't report him for the animal cruelty and decided -AFTER HE DID THAT mind you- that he was baby daddy material, then I'm curious what he has to do to make you want to leave him? Maybe kill your toddler with one angry punch? Sorry that this isn't the requisite sympathy everyone demands on Reddit these days no matter what, but good god someone needs to say it.

  4. On my birthday she didn't come to dinner celebration with my family because it was her friends' son's birthday.

  5. He is crying because he got caught! He didnt have no problem stickning his dick in another. When he got home satisfyed, he looked you in the eye and kissed you with no problem. He just sad he got his toys taken away!

  6. He hasn’t responded to me since I sent my last message to him, where in sum I said i couldn’t stay friends with him because its too hurtful, it’s hurtful that he appears to be okay and completely unfazed by the breakup while i’m not, and that i wish him well on everything, that he and his puppy and family are all happy and healthy, and that after his exam (which is end of February, so 3 months from now) we can talk and revisit the idea of friendship after everything has passed and i’ve had some time completely away from him.

    He never responded since. So i deleted everything. He wont call or text me unless I reach out to him first. He is too prideful to call me suddenly because he missed me or whatever. But i feel that completely blocking his number is cruel. I dont have it memorized, there is no way for me to get it again.

  7. You are probably just seeing him for what he is. Now that he has you he isn't pretending anymore or giving the same effort.

    Do with that how you will but maybe it's about time to speak with him about it and tell him you don't want it to be like this.. If nothing changes, it might in the beginning but it will go back, you leave

  8. For much of my adult life I was 5’2” and weighed 105 to 110. Then in my late 30s my weight went up to 130. Suddenly a little “overweight,” I felt so much better! I am from the USA. Our obsession with women being underweight is incredible. 130 to 135 was really the right weight for my body and psyche.

    I hope your wife realizes that in order to be happy she needs to lose a whole lot of weight – that is you. You can help her by realizing that you also need a different partner.

  9. Wow. Why is the ex still around anyway? That's weird in itself. You should have said “I know what you mean, as your least good looking of all my ex's. But you're nicer at times”

  10. I can’t relate to that one. I never went, I know many people who never went. I graduated a year early and went to college and didn’t care about having a senior year.

  11. If it's a usual thing he's a bad dude. If it's a once in a while “I want to see my friends but you don't want to” he has to also prioritize his social life. Not an ideal situation, I'd be upset, but I also get it depending on the circumstances. You're really nice to offer and follow through lol but it would have been nice if he'd had follow through with your plans omfg what a cringy moment

  12. That means she knows how to set direct debits up and cancel them then . There's some reason she doesn't want them going out her own account. How is his mum with you in general

  13. But.. he “didn’t excite you much”

    .. now he does, because he found someone else who wants a monogamous relationship, and your jealous?

    Think you are a “grass is always greener” type. He wasn’t your human when you were together. Move forward and find someone that “excites” you.

  14. My thoughts are you and this 'woman' are trashy cheaters that will have a miserable relationship and will constantly accuse each other of being cheaters.

  15. Exactly!

    In the words of the great cinematic masterpiece Anchorman…

    They’ve done studies you know. 60 percent of the time it works every time.


  16. This guy is hiding you after TWO YEARS? Dude. Come on. You aren't this guy's priority or even given consideration. Time to move on.

  17. Ask yourself if you want to keep the baby and having him around you all your life or have an abortion. If you decide to keep the baby break up with him. He cheated and doesn’t have the decency to give you an explanation (or lies anyway). Be strong he’s not worth keeping, it will a long questionning if he’s unfaithful.

  18. was sending inappropriate messages to another girl and we worked through that

    It sounds like this wound never really healed. There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex etc… but after the trust breach… that may not be a breach that can be fixed.

    If he'd never done anything and said that you should trust him, I'd side with him on that. Private chats with friends are private. But has he done anything to bring the trust back? Has the issue really been worked through?

  19. How sexually active are the two of you together? If you're not very sexually active, she could be jealous of what's on the screen.

    And this may seem odd, but do you compliment her body and build her up? Does she have body image issues? Ask her why she feels how she does. I have body image issues and I kinda tune out sometimes when I see someone I consider to be more attractive than me on a TV show or even TikTok.

    Insecurities happen. It's just a matter of figuring out if she's willing to work on them so this doesn't keep happening.

  20. Make it about you. Say that with the new year you are focusing on eating better and reducing take out. Say that when you’re together that you would appreciate her help not to be tempted into take out of she can.

    Suggest you have read that planning home meals prior to avoid being tired and ordering out instead.

    Ask her if she would have time to help as you are feeling overwhelmed and you value her advice.

    Then make comments as she is helping that you appreciate her support and that it’s naked to do alone. That saving money and being healthier is important to you.

    Then you can plan things together that promote healthier choices. -Bringing over food to cook. -Going for a romantic stroll holding hand and talking -Going for a sexy swim before bed.

    This will build your relationship but at no stage is it about her losing weight.

    She will feel connected to you and maybe get back to being motivated to make changes herself.

    Do not bring it up. She knows. Not your job to tell her… she needs your lead and connection.

  21. You don't do that before straight up telling him “look I'm just not interested, I don't mean to be rude but I'd rather just be left alone so please stop texting me and sort out the issue with user eats”

  22. We were never officially together, more like a friends with benefits situation for just a few weeks.

    I was going through a weird time and exploring a lot of different things and trying to be open minded. He was interesting enough that I might have kept seeing him casually, but he didn’t understand a lot of personal boundaries (jizzing in a fancy teacup was too shocking to be part of a pattern at the time) and after him being really weird at my parents’ house when he was supposed to just drop me off (tried to surprise me by being naked in my bed… but I hadn’t been staying there for a couple months and he knocked over all of my boxes and stuff I had packed!) I stopped talking to him so much

    He has some other things going on with him that he can’t help, so I don’t want to get too into it. But he also is a perfectly capable adult, and has enough sense to not jizz in a cup on a first date. Lol

  23. Ah ok. So asking a question but then getting annoyed or not taking the issue seriously even though it’s him that asked for help. Thanks for the summary!

  24. I mean…that’s not really remedying (if that’s a word) the potential impact it could have on her professional reputation. Could this not have been done on a weekend? I understand why you’re upset but you are leaving a lot of context out I think it was super nice for you to try and surprise her, but I think the downside of it is that it can also go seriously wrong. I’ve had surprises for dates, etc and sometimes they just don’t go the way I want them to. Maybe you guys need to reassess how you two do surprises? Often I’ll ask someone if they’re free x date bc I have a surprise. I don’t tell them what it is but then they know and can plan around it or it’s clear that it’s not a good time and I don’t waste time or money.

  25. I mean…that’s not really remedying (if that’s a word) the potential impact it could have on her professional reputation. Could this not have been done on a weekend? I understand why you’re upset but you are leaving a lot of context out I think it was super nice for you to try and surprise her, but I think the downside of it is that it can also go seriously wrong. I’ve had surprises for dates, etc and sometimes they just don’t go the way I want them to. Maybe you guys need to reassess how you two do surprises? Often I’ll ask someone if they’re free x date bc I have a surprise. I don’t tell them what it is but then they know and can plan around it or it’s clear that it’s not a good time and I don’t waste time or money.

  26. Spray him with Raid. He sounds like a roach. In all seriousness, you need to leave him. He has no respect for you.

  27. When I was in a bad relationship I eventually learned to prep an escape and a long term separation solution. So that even if we are trying to work it out if they try to hurt me I am ready to leave and I don’t have to try and figure everything else in a blind panic. Make your preparations this will help you to feel more in control. It sounds like your husband is not wanting to be a father.

  28. When I was in a bad relationship I eventually learned to prep an escape and a long term separation solution. So that even if we are trying to work it out if they try to hurt me I am ready to leave and I don’t have to try and figure everything else in a blind panic. Make your preparations this will help you to feel more in control. It sounds like your husband is not wanting to be a father.

  29. Maybe she’s simply playing for fun or as a player his age and ability? Or is there a reason she would be afraid to tell you the truth? You seems to a relatively harsh character, you’re crushing your son after all. So she’s telling you perhaps to relax and shut up about it?

  30. Your bf did nothing wrong, he literalky told his pseudo ex to leave him alone and you still got upset. His overreaction is actually proportional to his, you really are made of the same cloth.

    If you go back together you should apologise for being upset at him for that thing and tell him he did nothing wrong. Conversely tell him it is just as unreasonable to be upset about things you have told or did from before you have met. It's insanity from both of you and if this is enough to damage your relationship it has no hope of surviving.

    Going forward you may want couple counceling.

  31. Absolutely I got in trouble as a kid for rolling my eyes all the time when I was just stopping eye contact. But to them, any movement of my eyes away from them was an “eye roll”.

  32. You need to rehome those puppies before they “accidentally” get into some rat poison or something. He wouldn’t be the first guy to get rid of responsibility that way.

    Then you can focus on why you stay with this cruel, immature loser.

  33. Some people Date with the intention of getting married and having kids. It's definitely something that needs to be discussed prior to marriage.

  34. So, I had a friend like this but I'm a man and now a decade older. Similar ages, sounds like a similar situation although I'm sure very different expressions. I think this is one of those early 20s, time-of-life things.

    Consider it a complement, but it isn't healthy for you to be around. They're looking to your style cues, and it seems annoying but they know what they're doing. Addressing it will just meet weird ego protecting BS.

    You just need to keep some of your sparkle for yourself, don't let her know your moves, and certainly don't include her in your long term plans. She'll probably sabotage whatever you really want, if she can insert herself into that real goal. But at the same time they don't want to hurt you actively.

    My friend started dressing like me, and tried to sabotage my relationship with the girl friend at the time. You just need to pull back, they probably don't actually have the chutzpa to pull it off by themselves if they're actively copying their friends.

    We're still friends at a distance. They grew into themselves, and it wasn't actively toxic. If it gets toxic at all, address it directly. They'll either blow up or melt. If that makes sense?

  35. You’ve said exactly what I thought! It’s a boyfriend issue here, and is like to know what he’s said about the situation? He really needs to manage this behaviour of his friend because it’s intrusive and odd and he surely can’t be that oblivious to it. What contact does she have on the phone/online as well? I can’t see it just being this intense and overbearing in person.

  36. She got mad at me over a birthday banner that our 1y grabbed while getting her out of the high chair then later or 6y was playing with our 1y and he asked if he could put a toy together for her and normally we say no but I decided to let him watching him closely (very destructive) and she took it as me taking a jab at her for the morning issue when I thought we moved past that.

  37. You can't make it work unless he puts in the same effort. And he doesn't, so there's nothing you can do beyond telling him very clearly what you need from him and that if he can't/won't give you those things then you'll let go so you can find someone who will.

    Don't settle for not getting your needs met. A guy who truly wants you will give you what you need.

  38. Absolutely not. Op should do what is best for her. Not wait around until her bf is ready. But I’m just saying it may have nothing to do with how much he loves her.

  39. It’s so irritating when your partner entertains the advances of guys CLEARLY hitting on them, probably because they enjoy the attention. And then you claim “well I wouldn’t have done anything” lol. Major red flag, I just personally wouldn’t wanna be with a girl that does stuff like this.

  40. If someone is threatening to cheat on you at the first sign of disagreement – because that is what she was implying with the traveling with someone else, right? – maybe they are not a good partner.

    Also, when you promised to travel the world with her, did you promised to never go anywhere without her? Never to see your family again?

  41. That's specifically the part that we think would hurt everyone. Like I feel like she would rather fly in witness the 10 minute ceremony and have us a go off and party than to miss the ceremony. But also I don't want to deal with her bridezillaing this shit and also I just have 0 desire to be with that woman in Vegas for even a moment. Fiances mom/ family would be a blast in Vegas though they drink and smoke and aren't weird and judgemental. My mother didn't speak to me for the better part of a year when I got my nose pierced at 18. I'm the only tattooed and pierced person in my family, but almost every member of his family has at least 1 little tiny tattoo, they know a little about my history as a sex worker and actively promote and compliment the hell out of my modeling, some of which is implied nudity so they're super open minded. It's my family that's the problem. But that would be the biggest slap in the face to invite his and not mine but I just don't feel like being talking to as a grown adult with a business and cars because I took a shot and it's “unladylike” and also having a couple shots means I'm an alcoholic. I just want to enjoy my day and be me

  42. Putting up healthy boundaries is important and naked to do.

    My therapist used the metaphor of a fence:

    It's ok to meet at the fence, talk about things from there, but as soon as they insist on dealing with shit in your yard, or expect you to deal with shit in their yard, it's probably a boundary issue.

    Easier said than done, of course.

    A lot of what you can do, especially while you're living in the same house, is to cool off your emotional reactions to things she says she does. Manipulation relies on you engaging with elevated emotions. Learning not to feed that dynamic with emotional fuel can slow the dynamic

    Google “grey rock” to get an extreme example

  43. ❤️❤️Thank you for pointing that out. I am not familiar with many of the internet slang. Today I learned something new

  44. People don’t accept PTSD is real because they can’t see it. I have it too. You are also a mother with another major mental disorder. When you say you can’t do it then you really can’t do it. I learned to stand up for myself without feeling guilty. I say “no” when I don’t want to do something.

  45. Sis I didn’t even need to read all this but I did This man is abusive. Leave his fucking asssss!!!!! He sucks!!!!

  46. We were sleep deprived and had a long drive ahead of us so he popped an adderall to get through it on the first day. I’m not familiar with it so I don’t know if the comedown can affect someone’s mood that much.

  47. Why not look up some gentle sleep training methods? Ones that don't require crying it out. Crying it out is not good for babies and it is traumatising. They don't learn to self soothe that way, they just learn to stop crying coz my caregivers aren't coming. There are plenty of loving, safe ways to sleep train/night wean babies that don't involve hurting them.

  48. Your edit says it all. She lied to this woman about her entire life. She was fine with entertaining the idea until it became real and someone actually messaged you who was interested in meeting up with you both. Your wife is selfish, hypocritical. I get that her going out with this woman doesn’t bother you, but it should on the level that your wife is lying and portraying herself as someone single, living alone. Why is she doing that??? If she can so easily do this with this woman, what’s stopping her from doing it in future for other encounters.

  49. I've seen it, but is it normal in USA to share a room? Thought it was just some people.

    Would be really strange here!

  50. I disagree. OP should stop doing anyone’s hair for free, it’s how she is making a living. It was okay to practice on them for a while but if they value her work they should pay for it.

  51. I see. I did not mean their judgements mean nothing as in his feelings aren’t valid. I meant their judgements mean nothing as in they are not his truth, they don’t define what his character is. Again, the problem isn’t his wife, and I wanted to remind him that the problem is jot him vs her. That was an important thing for me to hear in my own marriage, so thought I’d pass it on.

  52. That’s even worse – you decided to live with a girl your girlfriend clearly isn’t comfortable with without even talking to her about it…..

  53. No she said it was too early for doctors appointments. The miscarriage happened when she was visiting her friend and when I got there she was already back home at her friends house from the hospital.

  54. Given your list and your sisters behavior… be prepared for some of those rules to be broken.

    While, it is your home and your rules should be respected… I would assume a lot of people would have a naked time adhering to everything flawlessly. Something is bound to be broken along the lines IMO.

    It would also make sense for her to have dedicated desk if she is WFH.

    Anyways… You two sound like complete extreme opposites and this is about being aware of each-other's personality.

    She: Could understand that this is your place and could put in more effort into doing things your way. You: Could be forgiving if she makes a mistake occasionally.

    As long as there is progression and effort, that's the important thing.

    So, Id suggest a talk with her and communicate the things you were upset about last time (non-confrontational).

    Rooming with people is hot. You have different personalities and habits. To find synchronization is challenging. I would hate to see one slip up create a conflict.

    I think the key would be not to fight about things. Just communicate nicely, add reminders. Set a limit to how many reminders you want to give before escalating.

  55. He was lying to you about her from the beginning. You really should leave him. There better men out there.

  56. update: i talked with my boyfriend about this again and shared everyone’s responses and he made me feel really safe and secure. he validated my feelings and understands why it’s naked for me and told me he’s happy to give me reassurance whenever i need it especially when it comes to times they will hang out. i know it will still be hot for me to sit with the icky feelings that may come up when they want to hang out bc that’s the nature of my insecurity and also ocd tendencies, but im not going to let it control my behavior or control my sweet and loving boyfriend. thank you all (:

  57. That makes zero logical sense.

    All she'd have to do to cover her tracks is, say nothing. That's it.

    Why the fuck would someone create a throwaway reddit account to ask for advice on a situation if they knew the answer was that they were lying.

    Or are you suggesting OP has DID and one of her alters slept with someone else, got chlamydia and is hiding it from her?

    Seriously. Can you tell me how you came to the conclusion that OP is lying? What were your clues?

  58. Yes. I agree, I am actually ready to move on from this bullshit and has asked him to leave me alone multiple times and he leaves for a few days and comes back saying he will leave soon and extends it and just tries his luck.

    I try my best not to put on a show but some people really leave you no choice but for you to embarrassed the shit out of them.

  59. And here I thought me being in $4k CC debt was bad…I’m glad you put yourself first OP. This is a lifetime of debt and financial aspects are definitely something to consider in a relationship.

  60. I will definitely give one of my friends a call. I miss talking to her. The last time we talked, we were on the phone for like 2 hours! Tim accused me of talking bad about him to her, because why else would I go into a different room and be talking for that long. But I didn't, we just had a great time talking. I'll message her 🙂

  61. For a LDR to work (and they take a lot more patience), the key ingredients is a big effort, huge commitment, and trustworthiness. The fact that she has carried on with this Tim, continues to hang around him, blocks (or lies about it) and unblocks, and him saying things to her that you would reserve for a partner is VERY telling. The fact that she gets very aggressive and defensive in order to shut down any rational attempt to try to have to voice your concerns shows her ass quite clearly. Even if it is not a sexual cheat, at the minimum, it’s an emotional cheat and her behavior towards you is unacceptable and unfair to you. It does sound like for your own sanity and well being you should distance yourself from this woman and work on healing and moving on.

  62. I’d like to know wtf everyone else contributed to the night that cost 1000 each!

    Yeah still tryna figure out what they did

  63. You are not insane. Just reading this made me feel gross. That would be a dealbreaker for me personally.

  64. You are not insane. Just reading this made me feel gross. That would be a dealbreaker for me personally.

  65. Is this because she is jealous of your daughter?

    Honestly, your daughter is what matters the most here. And I think its pretty cruel of your GF to still rejecting the kid (and you!) after all these years. You didn't commit a crime by having a kid with someone else; this isn't some sort of dirty past that you should be ashamed of.

    I would give your GF an ultimatum; either accept the fact that you come with a kid, or end things.

  66. You can't have sex unless you want lesbian sex, which you don't. Because you're both biologically female.

  67. You really don’t “communicate better than the average couple” if you need counselling even before you get married.

    “I didn’t really know how to proceed with all these revelations so I said nothing” is not communicating.

    You both need to sit down and talk openly about what you expect the marriage to be like. Finances. Children. Everything. If you don’t agree, or can’t even discuss it openly, then the wedding needs to be put o hold right now. The longer you wait the more it will cost – financially and emotionally.

  68. I didn’t have any feeling for him. I like people who likes me that looks ok (in my standard). If he did not like me I would rather pass. I was annoyed a little because he makes it so obvious and now it is not anymore

  69. Are you trolling?

    I ask because you seem to glibly ignore what people are saying but then continue to ask your initial question: how can I magically fix an addict that doesn't want to get better without making any sacrifices or tough choices?

    With separate accounts it doesn't matter if he continues to do what you tolerate him doing every day because he will not be able to spend the money you need for transportation and rent.

  70. Tell your poor gf immediately. You “still have 3 years of college” ahead of you? Sure, unless you have to drop out to deal with the consequences of your actions. I don’t personally know if student aid is legally useable to cover child support payments, so you may end up needing a full time job sooner rather than later if the woman you knocked up decides to continue this pregnancy.

    Importantly: Serial cheating isn’t “a bad habit.” It’s not biting your nails here: you’ve admitted to repeatedly ruining your own relationships because you either can’t communicate well enough with your partners to establish firm boundaries, or you ignore those boundaries at, apparently, every availability. I hope your college offers free or reduced therapy sessions, because you need to do some serious self-reflection with professional help or this “habit” will never improve.

  71. I would've thought similar, maybe it was flirty and he thought it was more than it is.

    But also, did he willingly show OP the texts? if so that kinda makes it seem like it's not that (in my head anyway)

  72. The upbringing of the child is directly part of this conversation. OP may or may not choose to keep the child, however, she is aware that her ex does not wish to have a child.

    Is it a good choice for OP to be obligated to coordinate either support payments or custody with an ex for 18+ years?

    Is it good for the child to have a parent who wishes they were never born?

    Is OP in a place where they're financially stable enough that a lack of support payments won't create a negative impact on their ability to parent?

    Is the ex going to be an issue? Is the ex going to be a potential source of physical danger for OP?

    OP is the only one who gets to decide whether she terminates the pregnancy. But her ex's feelings about the pregnancy are relevant both in the short-term and the long term and will certainly have consequences for the child.

  73. I think it was pickup basketball, practising dunking a little too much. That's when it first started to hurt anyways, then it got worse and worse.

    Now I'm in full arch, supports metpads and bulky shoes to even walk around the house.

    From OP's profile. Dated 11 days ago.

    This surgery seems sus af.

  74. Yeah. BBWhen you present this idea to someone the real rub is that there's really no other good reason for the OPP–they either have to admit that it's got homophobic underpinnings and they're homophobic if they insist on it, or change the rule. I've seen people get very angry about it (like, throwing tantrums) because they don't like what either option means about them/for them.

  75. He insults you and puts you in dangerous situations like waving broken glass in front of your face. Anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself or tried to is being abusive. Leave him, you deserve to be in a relationship in which you feel safe and you don't have to question whether the other person is being abusive or not. It will only get worse.

  76. Sleeping with all kinds of random people is

    Not that I think he's one, but that'd make him the ho, lol. Not the women.

  77. Please. He is also the type to cheat on his wife when she is full term and sex becomes uncomfortable and/or after delivery and she is unable to or unwilling as her hormones level and she adjusts to motherhood. This is also the type of man that will leaves his wife for a younger woman once his wife shows any signs of aging.

  78. I’d rather for you to try and keep an eye on this person, at least to aide in prevention of actual children being abused. I know this situation sucks and you hate that you’re already involved. That’s a naked decision to make and honestly, I don’t think I would be able to ask my sister to make a decision to stay with her husband if she were in your shoes, at the same time. I wouldn’t want to be privy to this information and not act on it in a way that would prevent other from being hurt. It’s not OP’s responsibility in all actuality. But definitely a difficult decisions. My heart goes out to you OP.

  79. Then maybe look for some other friends. You said yourself that YOU did give her reasons to be insecure. It’s really not about getting anxious for every move you make thinking it’ll hurt your gf, but the fact is, that one relationship w that friend already did.

    It’s totally valid for you to have friends and someone to talk to other than gf. That’s why my advice would be looking for other friends.


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