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  1. You can’t “compromise” by having a child. She doesn’t want one and you have to respect that. I also don’t think you should feel as though you have been duped. Many woman who don’t want kids are told we will “change our minds” or start to feel broody by a certain age. Often that doesn’t actually happy and we want to remain child free. I would also be skeptical of a marriage councillor as you don’t want someone who will just be on your side. Be careful to chose someone who is aware of CF people and can respect both of your choices. I have been in a similar position before and it sucks.

  2. You're supposed to be his mate in life, not his mother or his mentor yet you're both. As kind and loyal as he is, he is not your boyfriend and won't be a husband to you. Teamwork I feel would be an alien concept to him, you need to wake up to this fact.

  3. I thought it was just me! OP seems like a condescending jerk.

    I know that's not nice, but it's my gut feeling for some reason.

  4. There is something really wrong with you if you feel it’s inappropriate for family members to be alone together. Does your family have a history of being inappropriate with each other behind closed doors? And if they do, most other families are not like that.

    And I’m reading your mind already, it’s not being rude, it’s being honest.

    You may need some sort of therapy to figure out the root of your insecurity issues that you won’t let a brother and sister mourn the loss of their mother without you being there to chaperone.

  5. Thank you for your response these are all really good points. I really appreciate you taking the time this was really helpful!

  6. Tinder very much sends you notifications, ESPECIALLY if you havent used it in a while.

    Now there is always going to be that small chance of there being something more sinister but they also send so many notifications about discounts to tinder gold to get you back on the app, or things like “people agree that tinder without (insert name here) just isnt the same, get back to swiping) and shit like that.

  7. Should I match her text speed?

    Generally, yes. People will generally text you about as often as they want to be contacted.

    If she takes 24 hours to text you, and you take 20 minutes to text her, she's going to be annoyed.

    Also, if you're always the one initiating, stop that too.

    You sound awfully emotionally invested in someone who's not interested in you in that way anymore. It's probably healthier for you to back off anyway.

  8. Renting is far too expensive and wouldn’t be able to save anything. How would one person buying the house make it better? Even if one bought the house and the other paid bills etc each are still contributing to the house.

  9. Renting is far too expensive and wouldn’t be able to save anything. How would one person buying the house make it better? Even if one bought the house and the other paid bills etc each are still contributing to the house.

  10. Yes it is all about you because you were talking about how YOU feel, not how he feels. He’s more than welcome to his feelings, just as you are to yours. But seriously, just block him, he’s trying to shame and bully you for your feelings and force you into doing what he wants rather than respect how you feel. This guy sounds like a walking red flag.

  11. also before someone says not to care so much about girls i honestly care more about settling down and finding (or rekindling) the woman of my dreams more than anything else in life. i want to be loved by someone i fell the same way about. my wife loved me a lot at first. showed me what real love was and i accepted it slowly. she gave up. this was like the first year of our marriage. now i feel like i’ve been fighting for it for the last three.

  12. is it a red flag to you? it would be for me.

    Really your choice and hers. It's her body, she can do whatever she wants with it. But it's also your choice if that is a deal breaker or something you aren't into.

  13. The other thing to point out here is that however solid your commitment is, others may judge your relationship as less serious or committed because you aren’t married, and though at the end of the day their opinions shouldn’t matter, this might also be a source of insecurity and embarrassment for your partner, especially as you get older and have kids, etc. Marriage is security for many, and more importantly, it’s something your partner really wants. I can’t tell you how proud it makes me feel to introduce my partner as my husband. I didn’t think I wanted to be married either, but that changed when things became more serious between us. And I’m so proud and happy to be his wife, and to have the whole world know that we’ve committed to each other in this big and public way. It just feels really good, and solid, and safe. At the end of the day, it’s still up to us to put the work in, and keep our relationship solid. But I relaxed into the relationship in a way I hadn’t known I even could when we got married.

  14. I visited my PCP and she prescribed me a medication that helps suppress my appetite. I lost like 15lbs but because of the holidays I went up before coming back down so I’ve basically reset most of my progress

  15. You say he's never done anything like this before …. yet you're done ? That's now how long-term relationships make ot to long term.

  16. If you keep going on with wedding and how you’re treated, Youre literally signing up for it.., and for life. Assuming it stays at that level of disrespect.

  17. Grown women being allowed to hang out with a male friend only if there is a chaperone present to make sure they don't slip and fall on a dick is an odd worldview to me.

    If your partner wants to cheat, they will cheat regardless of whatever “boundaries” you set down. Let's all be realistic here.

  18. Haven't thought about that possibly being a suggestion. I'll have to bring it up as a possible compromise that's available

  19. You are long distance, he doesn't dislike dogs, in fact he wants s dog. The only reason he wants you to get rid of her if to actively hurt you.This he would be the easiest choice for me.

  20. It irks me how few people seem to be realizing that, like you said, this whole arrangement is clearly NOT about just trying to get pregnant.

    I think since the brothers can no longer pass for each other, this is just OP's husband manipulating her into thinking this is about trying to figure out a way to get pregnant. But in reality, there has to be some sort of weird kink/fetish/whatever the hell you want to call it. Because clearly he gets off on swapping places with his brother and his many girlfriends/wife sleeping with the brother.

  21. I just don’t think that is worth throwing someone away for. You don’t want to miss out on the possibility of amazing experiences together and growing in love over the people she’s slept with. She chose you.

  22. So in other words this point of contention is just a long line of you not getting your needs met for fear of him getting mad.

  23. He’s definitely my dad. I have a hereditary illness from my dads mom. (I know this isn’t the best evidence) but I wouldn’t ever think he wasn’t. My mom definitely isn’t making it easy for him but he knows we’re all their for him and my aunt and cousins know that too

  24. You forget the usual “GIRL YOU NEED TO RUN” comment whenever a guy raises his voice by 0.5 decibels to a woman as if she's gonna get raped and murdered tomorrow or some shit.

  25. It's been five years. If you're still not sure, you probably won't ever be. Break it off if you won't take the relationship as seriously as she does.

    I was in this same situation with my ex and we broke up because he just didn't want to get married. He wouldn't make the commitment so I didn't want to waste more time with him.

  26. Op you have every right to not want him there. But not allowing him there will probably also mean she can’t go as welll

  27. I got married at 19 and I don’t recommend it. This was back in the day when women either went to college or got married. I flunked out of college my freshman year and I thought my only option was marriage. I had no idea I could support myself! Fast forward to now and I’m divorced and support myself quite well. Please rethink marriage and online your life.


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