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With them both being cheaters, I’m not sure them staying together is gonna help anyone avoid either of them
You're in a better position to decide whether you want to keep on trying to better a bad situation or get out and move on.
You are a at cross roads now.
My honest suggestion would be to be upfront with him what you are thinking and feeling inside. How sex is very important to you and the lack is seriously impeding your mental health. The constant shut down and dismissal is negatively affecting you. That he needs to work on this marriage. For that both you and him needs to go to couples counselling. But if he doesn't prioritize the marriage you'd have no other choice bu to leave him.
Where did this rule come from? I know it from Parks and Rec but I see it a lot on Reddit.
No. It's not salvageable. Don't date immature men 15 years older than you. He's a walking red flag. Totally dropped the mask as soon as you've in and he felt he had you sufficiently hooked. None of this is normal or healthy behavior.