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  1. I stopped reading at the point you said she drinks til 4am but doesn't come home drunk…

    As an alcoholic, THATS A RED FLAG. It sounds silly, but its not

  2. Good thing that relationship is over tbh. I know you aren't gonna feel great about it but I'd assume he already had thoughts about that chick and wanted an excuse to leave. If it wasn't an excuse, then he was super controlling and him being gone is better for you both.

  3. She sounds exactly like a friend of mine that ended up full-blown schizophrenic before he passed away. I mean…he was doing the same thing: being paranoid about random people stalking him live!. I found out at one point that a woman he had been telling me about for years was stalking him and getting live to accuse him of pedophilia was actually just some random girl he’d tried to fuck a few years earlier. He had coke dick and couldn’t satisfy her, so she started calling him names. It burned into his mind and he started making up drama where she was e-stalking him. It was all in his head though, and I couldn’t get through to him. We ended up estranged because he didn’t like what I would tell him. One time, he called me at 3am threatening to kill me. He started hearing a voice that he interacted with daily (he called it an “angel”) and would turn on people if his voice told him to. He ended up dying because he had been arrested so many times that paramedics weren’t allowed to approach him without police escorts and couldn’t save him while he was dying of heat stroke in his car. But your wife is exhibiting the same stuff. She, and everyone she knows, is in a bit of danger right now. When people get paranoid and delusional like that they’re apt to do something weird or scary to those around them.

  4. OP, ask yourself why a woman around his age, with the same educational and financial background as him, doesn’t want to date him.

  5. He saved the numbers of people in the complex who also have dogs – so that their dogs can socialise.

    This isn't cheating. But your insecurity will absolutely push him away in some way/shape/form.

  6. If either one of you have an intimate relationship really, it’s between the three of you. However, I will tell you that when you have an intimate relationship, your friends change and they should. Intimacy even verbal and emotional should be kept in the relationship. Go to the movie with your friends go as a group chat meet at a restaurant in public for lunch.

  7. Idk man, if she was just hanging out with girlfriends for sure, who knows what really happened. Maybe she just had a few more drinks and may have lost track of time. It was only 30 minutes… I mean I know it’s late, but if she still wanted to come see you etc.. then idk if I’d bomb the entire thing outright.

    I’d just let it go and keep your cool and see. Plus it’s only been a month only. Just brush it off and make some make up s3x when she comes over.

  8. She is being pathetic and vindictive. Her not taking your feelings into consideration is not how a good partner behaves If you want to continue dating her I would sit down with her and express that not wanting to have sex with her doesn't mean that you don't care about her. That you're allowed take time to yourself and process emotions. Sex isn't a required part of any romantic relationship and that you won't be coerced or guilt tripped into something your uncomfortable with. But don't give her anymore chances after. Don't stay in a relationship that's unhealthy, and not to be gross but practice safe sex if you decide too. Take care!

  9. He wants you to stay and put with with his crap – he doesn't want to actually work on anything.

    All of what you're saying is massive red flags for an abusive relationship so I do think you need to do what you know you need to do and be safe doing it.

  10. I would actually encourage her to find some more hobbies. Usually people that are anxiously attached tend to make their partners their whole world and it suffocates the other person. Other than that, I would suggest keeping some rituals in a sense in the relationship to soothe her inner anxiety.

    Something like every week we do this activity and try to always do this activity as a sign of your love. This will show her commitment and hopefully alleviate the anxiety she has in the long run. Also make sure she understands that you want to be the best version of yourself and this means taking time for yourself, for your own hobbies, friends, and inner thoughts.

    You should take space when you need to. Just tell her that you’re really busy and you’ll make it up to her with something fun that you start to do consistently.

    Usually anxiously attached people want consistency the most. If you start acting weird then it’ll trigger anxiety but if there’s something constant in your romantic lives at all times, this will help a lot. Also, she should respect your boundaries when you say you’re busy.

  11. Well it seems that you already know what you should do.

    The fact that you are asking us to advise you to be a lying deceitful cunt shows us you have no intention of being honourable.

    There is no advice we can give. Fuck off.

  12. Bruh she is doing you a godly favor by breaking up with you so you don’t have to deal with that. You are dodging a major bullet

  13. The question is simple: why would he not want you to have an income of your own. You don’t need to tell me the answer but you do need to think long and hot about it yourself.

  14. Hello /u/jarrow281,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  15. This relationship obviously leaves you anxious. What are you looking for here? We don’t know him. We don’t know you or your relationship. All we know is that you are out in the garage checking his tires to see if he’s been out cheating on you, instead of having an honest open discussion with him.

    Decide that you want a future cod mistrust, suspicion and spying or if you want a relationship with someone honest, that you trust

  16. One thing that stands out to me is how mature you are, to not blow up at the time is amazing when the emotional pain was so unexpected and so big …really impressed that you could wait, think it through then act.. many of us could learn from that. Some worthy woman one day will be blessed to be your true sweetie. You are a keeper, this gal was not of the same breed.

  17. Hate to say this but it DEFINITELY seems like he's being disloyal. Lying, hiding things, deleting the chat… They're not just interacting as friends.

  18. Thanks for calling this out. I'm pretty disgusted with OP and how he views his wife as basically a means to an end for him.

  19. “The fact that we are communicating about this and trying to resolve this is evidence to suggest” – she clearly asked you to be consulted and also for her side of the story to be heard. In my opinion it's a reasonable thing to ask (for normal people). Now, if you are being abused then it's a different story. You can't reason with an abuser, you can't resolve things with an abuser, you can't change the abuser and make them not abusive anymore. If she's abusive, why are you not escaping? Why staying in abusive trauma bonded relationship?

    “I’m not dismissing her this whole post is designed for me to try understand her point of view?” – you are dismissing her request for discussing the issues with her before going to tell them to your friends.

    You are saying NO to her request “No. I’m not willing to do that.” – that is exactly dismissing her and not doing what she asked you to do.

    “Do exactly what she asks me to do” ???? “Elaborate on this one please. Not sure what you mean by that.” – Is something wrong with you? I meant the paragraph that I copied where she's asking her to talk with her before talking with your friends… She asked you, you said NO and now you are not sure what I mean by listening to her… Even if I take your word for her being abusive, something is definitely wrong with you too…

    For gaslighting, try to understand that you are gaslighting yourself! Not aware of the situation. You are only focused on doing what you think is right, you don't want to try and understand her, you are refusing to try at least for a month to do what she asks you and see if anything will improve… Basically you are so focused on your feelings about the subject that you have a tunnel vision, completely dismissing how she feels, how you make her feel by saying that you are a victim, how she's abusive… You are trashing her character, making us think that she's crazy but at the same time you live! her so much, you are 6 years together, you want to work on the issues with her…. But at the same time you are doing everything against her.

    Why don't you ask here, how can I help my girlfriend to feel respected by my friends?

    Your friends think that you are in a abusive relationship, you are telling them about being abused, telling them how your girlfriend is horrible AND YOU ARR HURTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND BY DOING THAT, you are a weak person so you can't leave the abuse but instead you want to destroy your girlfriend's reputation by telling everyone how horrible, abusive and shitty person she is.

    I'm pretty much sure that you are the abuser here because you do exactly what all abuser do and that is making a victim look crazy!

    “I do usually talk to her first, but that’s not the issue” – ok so here we have an issue created by YOU! YOU ARE dismissing what your girlfriend asked you to do. Instead of trying to listen to her (in my opinion a reasonable thing to ask) YOU ARE CREATING A PROBLEM, MAKING US THINK THAT SHE'S CRAZY for asking something reasonable, you don't want to listen to her, understand her, respect and do what she asked you to do. Where your toxicity and abuse comes from is for having your opinion on what's right, dismiss her completely, not trying to show her this thread and let her write her side of the story…. You are afraid that if she tells her side then you will be EXPOSED as being the abuser so that's why you are gaslighting her and doing everything so that her side of story is not known.

    “I’m allowed to decide for myself who I talk to about my own feelings. No?” – Yes you are but you are not allowed to talk bad about her, destroy her character, make people think that she's stupid, abusive, crazy…. If you love that person then you wouldn't do what you are doing!

    “She has a general issue with me talking to my friends at all” – If she's the abusive one, after first 6 months of the relationship you would have no friends. After 6 years you still have your friends and you are trashing her to them.. I can guarantee to you that she's not the abuser.

    “She has a general issue with me talking to my friends at all” – you have an issue of her talking to your friends and not the other way around!

    In my opinion you are abusing her! She's not crazy but you seems like you are! Totally delusional, afraid to be exposed, tunnel vision… No empathy, need analogy to understand something basic…

    I feel sorry for her… Also I feel lucky for myself that I don't have to deal with you, argue in circles, getting gaslight…

  20. So, what actually happened is: turns out her doctor knew she wasn't a virgin anymore, and said she'd have to do an exam that only non-virgins can do. When she got home, her mother got confused when she saw the papers, and thought the doctor had made a mistake, so she was going to call the clinic and ask them about it. My gf thought there wouldn't be any way to avoid her learning about it if she called, so she'd rather her mom learn about it from her than the doctor.

  21. That’s a fair point but there are other risks. People see you out with a friend no questions vs out with a stranger. A stranger might try to break you and wife up. Reveal themselves or do some drastic.

  22. My house hasn’t been cleaned in weeks because I got tired of years of repeating myself I ended up just giving up so the last year I live! in grossness cause I can’t do it all by myself and I have every responsibility on myself like I am the mum or something

  23. Your bf met James and saw why you were attracted to him is what happened. Now he wants him out of the picture. Seeing how James rejected you and not the other way around, your boyfriend wonders what would happen if James just changed his mind one day and feels like he has to look over his shoulder for the day it happens. Honestly, I wouldn’t wanna live! my life that way either.

  24. Could be buying the wrong size. It used to be really difficult for me to put on a condom until I realized I was buying too small a size..

  25. he could sell it in that case because it is worth a lot.

    If he sells it how does his daughter inherit it?

    You are talking about uprooting and getting rid the only normalcy his daughter had during the divorce of her parents. Why are you being so cavalier?

    It his daughters home, not his ex wifes.

  26. Ok, what are you panicking about? Just take a deep breath and center yourself. You’re allowing your anxiety to get to your head. If there’s nothing you are hiding, then there isn’t anything to worry about.

  27. I'm with you on this. I've had some pretty messed up porn phases so I'm not one to judge as long as she doesn't drag me into it or want to do any of it in real life

  28. If he cheated then the apt and car goes to her regardless of the prenup. I guess OP doesn't realize it's officially hers now unless she rejected the offer during the divorce which would be weird.

  29. Again, that's a perfectly valid place to be. And using how pissed off you are to motivate yourself to kick life's ass in spite of her bullshit? That's the emotional move I'm trying to encourage you to make.

  30. My mom said you need to listen to your heart and do exactly what it tells you. The time is not right and shes urging you to not force something that shouldn't happen just yet.

    I'd recommend also, getting promise rings, showing you do have every intention on staying together but with everything that's happening right now, you just can't think of marriage when you're about to lose a major part of your world.

  31. Accept it or move on. Maybe it's just a fantasy thing. I myself don't actually wanna do half the shit I jack it to.

  32. Bullshit response, the post doesn't explicitly mention size, that's your assumption. It says that she responded positively, and if your assumption is correct, then she is in fact impressed by the size of the guy's dick. On average, women are turned on by big dicks. Everybody knows this. If they didn't then they wouldn't suddenly bring it up out of nowhere for reassurance.

    You're bullshitting to make OP feel better, just like how OP bullshits about the IG models to make his gf feel better. As soon as everyone stops lying to eachother and gains a bit of self confidence, the relationship will improve.

    OP, you are insecure and expected your gf to read your uncomfortably, and to reassure you (which by the sounds of things would just be more bullshitting). Why don't you have a think about how you can feel more self-assured and independent in a situation like this? Ideally, would you be happy to react the same downbeat way in the future, or would you like to relax, have a laugh and remain confident in yourself? Identify your ideal self and strive towards it.

    Oh, and if you think it will be worth bring up how you felt to her, definitely communicate openly about it. Perhaps discuss things that each if you did well or could improve on, rather than just focusing on what she should change next time to make you feel less insecure (in other words, how she can bullshit next time to make you feel better).

  33. So he lied and said he told everyone about you, and you're never allowed to visit his apartment?

    Sounds like you're the side chick. Unless he has an amazing reason for not telling people I'd just dump him and move on. 'I'm waiting for the right time' or 'I wanted to make sure we were serious first' are not good enough to cover up for his lying.

  34. I think it's best to at least start looking as soon as possible. It really does help – in my experience – to see what else is out there and start getting excited about new possibilities. If you wait, that's just more time you're sitting around thinking about the past, and you might be tempted to try to go back.

    If you're involved in any hobbies, I'd definitely suggest getting more invested in those. Attend in-person events and go do fun things. This will help you fill the holes in your social life, you'll get cool experiences, and might be a way to meet new friends or potentially people to date (though I wouldn't consider that the goal). The idea is you want to be your best happy and fulfilled self on your own, instead of trying to hunt for someone who will do that for you.

    Otherwise, live! dating is still a thing. Create profiles on different apps to see which one might be in line with what you're looking for at this time, or just look around and get an idea of what the dating pool is like.

  35. OP, babe. Your “girlfriend” is using YOUR hot earned money so she doesn't have to do anything, then gong on social media and blasting you PERSONALLY for not doing enough?!

    What do you like? Do you have a favorite type of food? Favorite color? Video game series? Does she know your likes and does she incorporate your likes into these things? If not, you don't have a girlfriend. You have a loud sponge who isn't grateful for what she has!

    Take a step back, look at all these comments, and remember you deserve what you want and need in a relationship too!!

  36. Unless you're not listening when she speaks you've already been given your answer. Wishing someone was something they're not – in this case a busy, harried single parent – rarely gleans the results we want. She may even wish things were different too, but they're not. All you can really do is not pressure her and maybe hope that when her kid is older she'll have more time to contemplate dating (and that when that happens you'll be the one she wants to date).

  37. We have adhd and we hate dishes! I think we should all come with housekeepers, it would take so much pressure off of our partners!

  38. You have to be frim when she tries to cross that line, it will be tough and it can even seem cruel at the time (if she's as manipulative as you described, it definitely will, she'll make sure of that) but that's your boundary that's not to be crossed and that is sacred, trauma or not.

    If there really is no one else then be there for her if you can, do your best and remember you're not a trained professional so there's only so much you can do, so don't despair if you can't pull your friend out of that hole.

    If she hasn't already it's possible she will tell you straight up she needs to be close to someone in this time, again if you don't want to be that person there's absolutely nothing wrong with that (back to first paragraph).

    I understand the need to help, that's a virtue thru and thru, but remember your life is just as, if not more, important as hers so if it seems like she's pulling you down and you can't pull both of you up you need to think about cutting that relationship off, for you own sake, but that's just a big IF.

  39. You'll hate yourself if you do it just because he wants to. He probably watches too much porn. The thing is, a guy that loves you will go without sex. He'll not need another woman. Once a woman takes his heart, you're gone, and you'll have this shame on you from what you've done to keep a man that doesn't respect you, care about you, or love you. Only do things sexually and adventurous if you're kinda curious and want to or y'all have a real solid bond and y'all are both into women or y'all are both into men, whatever your thing is it needs to be mutual. It can be hesitant because of taboo reasons, but not for keeping your person reasons.


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