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  1. Fair enough. I'm a divorced dad with two kids (S13 & D10). I split custody/placement 50%. My partner does not have any kids. She now says she wanted kids and regrets not being a mom, but made life decisions (all positive) earlier in life that led in a different direction.

    She is, however, an armchair parent and is critical of what she perceives as my shortcomings as a parent.

    I think I'm a great dad. I believe if you asked pretty much anyone who knows me they would say I'm a great dad. I'm active and engaged. I volunteer. I do things with them. I listen. I've given 110% since the day they were born.

    I have more shortcomings as a parent. All parents do. There are things I miss and to that point, I'm working with a family therapist to get better.

    I'd say my partner's biggest gripe is about how I've parented my son. She feels I haven't been naked enough on him and now he's grown into a disrespectful, arrogant kid, which he's not. He can be a surly 13 year old, but I feel he's a good kid.

    This is something we're working on – the differences in how we perceive the work I'm doing as a parent. We're also going to a therapist together.

    We took a family road trip this past weekend and there were a handful of instances where she felt I didn't notice his behavior or didn't respond properly. The biggest thing was when we were driving home he was lounging in the backseat without his seatbelt on and I didn't notice and when she pointed it out, I responded, but not firmly enough.

    Taking it a step further, when she gets upset about my parenting, it sometimes extends to perceived flaws about me. She says she doesn't fully trust that I have it in me to make the necessary changes.

    When we fight like this, she retreats inward. She distances herself. She told me on Sunday that she needs to take a step back from life where it involves the kids because she's been enabling me and that I need to fail as a parent before I can get better.

    So, we're in this cold war. She's not unfriendly, but she's also not warm. Her friendliness seems a little fake, a little forced. I'm the one who wants to communicate. I want to talk about it and often I feel like I force the conversation, but I think if I didn't do that we'd drift apart.

    I also try and show her that I'm still here and that I still love her. I made dinner for her last night because I know she'd been eating the same leftovers for several days in a row. I changed the turn signal in her car. I ask her about her day. I'm trying to connect.

    She's usually home by 4 on Tuesdays, but last night she wasn't and there was no contact. She just showed up several hours later. I guess she was doing her own thing and wanted to avoid the kids, but it felt like she was ghosting us.

    I understand we have work to do, but I feel so disconnected from her. It's a situation where she feels like she's right and has been wronged.


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