What an idiot, I hope that dumbass night was worth ruining his relationship and stability of his kids over. Sorry OP, glad you took the smart route and kicked his lying ass out.
There is a different thing I would point out though. It's rude to treat her friends that way. You don't think they like it, but also don't think they are willing to say anything about it. You don't want her to lose friends or be hurt because of it. You thought it would be best to say something now rather than later.
I really can't. We have already planned out everything, the invites have been sent and the preparations are under way. Where I on-line, weddings are a family affair and it's not up to individuals to decide if they want to put off their wedding or not. If I did want to put it off, the entire two families would ask me the reasons and I won't really have an answer to give them. Also, I do love my fiancé and want to start our life together.
I mentioned this in another comment, but I know why I'm willing to give up so much for him. Basically, I messed up a few years ago, and I promised myself I would do anything for him. The idea of losing him was very real at that time, and I realized that I couldn't handle it.
Why do you need an agreement? It doesn’t matter what this friend thinks, you’re an adult and are capable of making your own decisions.
If he’s constantly starting a fight over this, the only agreement you need is this: „I’m grown up, I make my own decisions and if you don’t stop trying to be controlling my next decision will be to cut you out of my life.“
I understand where they’re coming from. They come from a different time and had i not been born in a western country I would’ve had the same mentality. I don’t blame them. But I also can’t kiss them. So yes, it’s true. I can’t handle up to them
I agree with this. It is an actual break up, no matter how it is couched. There is no special “Friends” on a break identifier for relationships that is different than a break up. They are the same.
Weird that you keep trying to paint me as someone trying to “save face” or jump on soap boxes. There was never a right or wrong, I questioned and pointed out what appeared to be a double standard in your comment to which your rebuttal was unnecessary jabs and assumptions about me as a person instead of a dignified response, but I guess I was hoping for better so again have a good one
Reading this description, you're not his girlfriend. You're his mom. Boot him out. None of the reasons you've stated are “petty”. They are very, very valid.
You didn't ask her out. You assumed she would date you and demanded a time. You need to adjust your approach. Listen to your friends, don't bring it up again. You caught the poor girl off-guard.
You put your tp in the toilet in countries with functioning waste pipes. People in those countries are put off by throwing used tp in the trash. It's also very unsanitary and disgusting.
If you on-line in an area with good waste water infrastructure, putting your poo paper in the toilet is acceptable
YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER…… REPEAT – YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER…. REPEAT…YOU NEED TO LISTEN…. YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER….AND THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILD IS IN DANGER…….
It's not that nude really. You make it clear that she has preferences that are important to her. This is a preference that is important to you. You don't really have to have a logic argument, it's mostly a feeling anyway, just like her preferences.
The only thing I would add is to make sure you agree regarding your kids names too because I wouldn't be so sure that she would give them your name if she doesn't take it.
I'd say that disagreements are normal to have in a relationship, but “fighting” the way you describe is not good. One of the clearest signs that a relationship isn't going to survive is if either person ever treats the other one with contempt, and it sounds like he does that to you.
It's possible to learn better communication techniques, but he has to want to.
Oh I’m not “ending things”, I’m just sad about the whole situation. I miss my partner. I still laughed and smiled a lot in our relationship. I think I’m coming to learn that it was ended due more to me “promising” things and then not following through on those promises. I also have difficulty being on “bad terms” with someone I cared for extensively. I fully understand and accept the relationship is over, and it’s likely for the best long term, but it still hurts like hell and I don’t want to be on bad terms with her.
Don’t do it. She’s gonna ask you for a mmf next and she already has the guy lined up. I guarantee you won’t have a positive reaction to that. Be careful she’s not cheating on you or hasn’t.
What the hell is wrong with you? Stop sleeping with him. Get tested. Tell him if you have something. Continue to not sleep with him or use a damn condom like an adult. If he blames you, STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM. There are other dicks in the sea. Maybe it is time to have a committed relationship instead of being somebody's part time fuck buddy.
This guy is toxic, a cheater, mentally abusive, and an AH. Why is she still there? I would've left at his 1st “sexual joke.” There is TRUTH behind his “jokes.”
Try to imagine a close friend of yours in your situation, read the post as if it wasn't yours. Would you tell your friend it's a good idea to get married?
Appreciate this story. My parents have a 9 year difference, but I know things were different then. They didn’t have a healthy relationship when I was growing up so I’m hyper aware of things that could potentially lead to that. Success stories definitely help.
No one is perfect. You have priorities that don't allow you to put up with this sort of thing.
What an idiot, I hope that dumbass night was worth ruining his relationship and stability of his kids over. Sorry OP, glad you took the smart route and kicked his lying ass out.
/r/sex
There is a different thing I would point out though. It's rude to treat her friends that way. You don't think they like it, but also don't think they are willing to say anything about it. You don't want her to lose friends or be hurt because of it. You thought it would be best to say something now rather than later.
I really can't. We have already planned out everything, the invites have been sent and the preparations are under way. Where I on-line, weddings are a family affair and it's not up to individuals to decide if they want to put off their wedding or not. If I did want to put it off, the entire two families would ask me the reasons and I won't really have an answer to give them. Also, I do love my fiancé and want to start our life together.
Honestly, it's the 4 beautiful children we have together.
I am probably a bad example though ?
Sounds like even more of a reason for her to escape them.
I mentioned this in another comment, but I know why I'm willing to give up so much for him. Basically, I messed up a few years ago, and I promised myself I would do anything for him. The idea of losing him was very real at that time, and I realized that I couldn't handle it.
You also write that because she's 51, she's stuck in her ways. She is not. 51 isn't old.
You are not responsible for being cheated on.
You are responsible for staying after it happens.
This is not difficult, you break up with people who decide to damage you in the worst ways. Period.
Telling yourself they won’t next time is better saved for make believe land.
Thank you.
Why do you need an agreement? It doesn’t matter what this friend thinks, you’re an adult and are capable of making your own decisions.
If he’s constantly starting a fight over this, the only agreement you need is this: „I’m grown up, I make my own decisions and if you don’t stop trying to be controlling my next decision will be to cut you out of my life.“
Yea or I wait to see if he reaches out. He’s reached out already
I understand where they’re coming from. They come from a different time and had i not been born in a western country I would’ve had the same mentality. I don’t blame them. But I also can’t kiss them. So yes, it’s true. I can’t handle up to them
When did I say that
I agree with this. It is an actual break up, no matter how it is couched. There is no special “Friends” on a break identifier for relationships that is different than a break up. They are the same.
Weird that you keep trying to paint me as someone trying to “save face” or jump on soap boxes. There was never a right or wrong, I questioned and pointed out what appeared to be a double standard in your comment to which your rebuttal was unnecessary jabs and assumptions about me as a person instead of a dignified response, but I guess I was hoping for better so again have a good one
Reading this description, you're not his girlfriend. You're his mom. Boot him out. None of the reasons you've stated are “petty”. They are very, very valid.
You didn't ask her out. You assumed she would date you and demanded a time. You need to adjust your approach. Listen to your friends, don't bring it up again. You caught the poor girl off-guard.
Yeah the dogs shouldn’t be in your sleeping area. He’s correct although it’s your house so I guess it’s your choice over his
You put your tp in the toilet in countries with functioning waste pipes. People in those countries are put off by throwing used tp in the trash. It's also very unsanitary and disgusting.
If you on-line in an area with good waste water infrastructure, putting your poo paper in the toilet is acceptable
But do you take the silica packet from your new pair of shoes and hang onto it for your dried goods?
YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER…… REPEAT – YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER…. REPEAT…YOU NEED TO LISTEN…. YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER….AND THE LIFE OF YOUR CHILD IS IN DANGER…….
You are dumb.
It's not that nude really. You make it clear that she has preferences that are important to her. This is a preference that is important to you. You don't really have to have a logic argument, it's mostly a feeling anyway, just like her preferences.
The only thing I would add is to make sure you agree regarding your kids names too because I wouldn't be so sure that she would give them your name if she doesn't take it.
No problem, Good luck!!
your father slapping you is wrong but your husband breaking his arm is also wrong. this is very messy, i really don’t see how u could fix this
Nahh…you are the one who betrayed your fiance by cheating.. you had your chance with him and you blew it.
Better take this time to confront your own inner demons, make yourself a better person, dont cheat.
That ship with your ex has sailed.
I'd say that disagreements are normal to have in a relationship, but “fighting” the way you describe is not good. One of the clearest signs that a relationship isn't going to survive is if either person ever treats the other one with contempt, and it sounds like he does that to you.
It's possible to learn better communication techniques, but he has to want to.
Oh I’m not “ending things”, I’m just sad about the whole situation. I miss my partner. I still laughed and smiled a lot in our relationship. I think I’m coming to learn that it was ended due more to me “promising” things and then not following through on those promises. I also have difficulty being on “bad terms” with someone I cared for extensively. I fully understand and accept the relationship is over, and it’s likely for the best long term, but it still hurts like hell and I don’t want to be on bad terms with her.
Don’t do it. She’s gonna ask you for a mmf next and she already has the guy lined up. I guarantee you won’t have a positive reaction to that. Be careful she’s not cheating on you or hasn’t.
What the hell is wrong with you? Stop sleeping with him. Get tested. Tell him if you have something. Continue to not sleep with him or use a damn condom like an adult. If he blames you, STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM. There are other dicks in the sea. Maybe it is time to have a committed relationship instead of being somebody's part time fuck buddy.
Good ?
This guy is toxic, a cheater, mentally abusive, and an AH. Why is she still there? I would've left at his 1st “sexual joke.” There is TRUTH behind his “jokes.”
I thought that was particularly egregious because he denigrates SAHM for not contributing money and is mad at OP for making more money.
Why would he possibly reconcile with someone who actively lead an entire double life for half a year? What the fuck?
But it’s last minute for you and he knows that. It’s disrespectful and shows a lack of empathy for you. I hope that’s not how he regularly treats you.
Try to imagine a close friend of yours in your situation, read the post as if it wasn't yours. Would you tell your friend it's a good idea to get married?
Your “girlfriend” is a toddler. She’s done you a favour because she’s too childish to date.
Appreciate this story. My parents have a 9 year difference, but I know things were different then. They didn’t have a healthy relationship when I was growing up so I’m hyper aware of things that could potentially lead to that. Success stories definitely help.
Or he was just out having fun with friends.