You are not being insecure – as you explained your girlfriend is doing a poor job of establishing boundaries and putting up with behaviours which frankly would bother most people.
It is possible that she is not doing it out of malice or disregard, she is young and perhaps she has not yet learned how to navigate these sorts of social aspects of being popular and learned to prioritize the things that she considers important, i.e the relationship vs bustling social life.
You have to talk to her and explain that entertaining flirty behaviour from guys who are clearly interested is not sustainable and would make most people uneasy. Explain that this is not an attempt to control her relationships or opportunities to meet people, but this should be done with the intent of friendship from both sides and not what is clearly a romantic interest on one of the sides. Exemplify some instances where you believe these guys crossed boundaries and discuss with her what both of you consider acceptable and unacceptable, were it to happen with either of you.
Once you reach a consensus and tell her you trust her to manage the relationships with these guys. A good way to put it is “if you wouldn't act a certain way with a guy in front of me, just please don't do it when I'm not around” and that's roughly a good rule of thumb.
Then it's up to her to choose whether to uphold the terms of your conversation or whether she prioritizes her social life instead. You have done all you could and this point so just relax and make a decision don't the line regarding the future of the relationship based on whether things changed or not.
Good night. Your question is disjointed. And my response came off like your question. Don’t have time to explain. Good night.
So you can't tell your wife the truth, and you can't tell your affair partner the truth, either.
You do not need advice from here; you need a therapist to help you work on your communication problem.
You are not being insecure – as you explained your girlfriend is doing a poor job of establishing boundaries and putting up with behaviours which frankly would bother most people.
It is possible that she is not doing it out of malice or disregard, she is young and perhaps she has not yet learned how to navigate these sorts of social aspects of being popular and learned to prioritize the things that she considers important, i.e the relationship vs bustling social life.
You have to talk to her and explain that entertaining flirty behaviour from guys who are clearly interested is not sustainable and would make most people uneasy. Explain that this is not an attempt to control her relationships or opportunities to meet people, but this should be done with the intent of friendship from both sides and not what is clearly a romantic interest on one of the sides. Exemplify some instances where you believe these guys crossed boundaries and discuss with her what both of you consider acceptable and unacceptable, were it to happen with either of you.
Once you reach a consensus and tell her you trust her to manage the relationships with these guys. A good way to put it is “if you wouldn't act a certain way with a guy in front of me, just please don't do it when I'm not around” and that's roughly a good rule of thumb.
Then it's up to her to choose whether to uphold the terms of your conversation or whether she prioritizes her social life instead. You have done all you could and this point so just relax and make a decision don't the line regarding the future of the relationship based on whether things changed or not.
And someone that actually respects your feeling when you tell them you aren't comfortable with something.