I would reconsider the sexual compatibility and if thatâs something you are willing to put up with for life. If he is telling you âhe loves it and is willing to do it more oftenâ and then does the complete opposite, chances are he is just telling you what you want to hear because he doesnât want to hurt you. However he most definitely does not love it, and likely wonât change much on that stance. Some people arenât into oral but like to receive it, and it sounds like he is one of them.
I think what is being described is Alimoney. Brendan Frasers situation is a great example.
$30000 yearly for child support
$800000 yearly alimony.
In OPs case, I would assume there is a strong case for alimony as the wife did not work for a period in favour of the husband working. The husband got a chance to develop his career and the wife didn't.
I think the redditor you're replying to is being completely reasonable. You're attacking them and misrepresenting their views (notice how I didn't use a gendered pronoun. They didn't specify a gender. Why did you accuse them of hating women?)
When you attack someone in the way you're doing, you never get to find out what they're truing to say. The court system is broken. We see this in the way the justice system treats minorities and lower income people.
There are certain (albeit a very small number) of situations in which men are actually disadvantaged. One of those situations would be retaining custody of children in the event of a custody battle, and divorce settlements.
Now. I also want to clarify that the alimony system is necessary anyway. It exists so that women aren't punished for raising kids (which they are still more likely to stay at home and do). I do think there should be updates to it now, as it is much more common for both men and women to work
Although at the same time, I would like everyone to be able to work less and have the option of looking after their kids. Its a nuanced issue. I really think we would all feel a lot better if we listened instead of accusing.
If you disagree, I genuinely would like to hear why.
Make foreplay satisfactory before you allow him in. He must get the sheets wet to earn entry. I put my wife first, and eat dessert like it's the first time in my life everytime. Love it. Tell him to stop being selfish if it needs to be blunt. In your own nice words,,, or you need to make him cum prior, with alternative media, To make him last longer inside.
Let's throw the analogy out of the window and talk simply for a second. No doctor is going to give a healthy 20 year old a vasectomy, it would have to be crazy circumstances to have them give it the okay.
He hasn't paid you back YET. Honestly, I want to be wrong. I want him to pay you back. But you said he has put the blame on you. I don't think he's going to pay you.
IF HE DOES, please come back here and tell me. I will apologize and find the prettiest picture of flowers to give you.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong. An analogy I have heard here is that do you expect any of the people you work for to be at your funeral?
You are working to provide for your family, and the new job is paying you more for the valuable time you are not with your family.
It's just a job and they think you are worth the money. Your wife is likely annoyed that with a little negotiation you got a raise bigger than her current salary.
It's unfortunate but some skills are more valued by those with money
Lol at this point I just laugh at these stories who try so nude to find any excuses under the sun to stay with a cheater. Yâall will learn at some point have some self respect for yourselves
I donât think itâs a sign of heâs not attracted to youâŚ
Mainly because he already went out with you before, so he knows what you look like already (it wasnât a blind date type or first meeting type of situation).
Why would he want to go out on a second date with someone he wasnât attracted to in some way?
There could be a lot of reasons why it didnât happen, but that does not mean itâs because of anything you are or didâŚ
More information would be helpful in possibly determining what is going on.
How recent did the relationship he just got out of end? And how serious was that relationship?
If itâs been a short while and it was a long-term relationship; he might be still struggling with the freshness of the break up. (from what he was talking about this seems to be whatâs going on)
If itâs been a decent time since the break up; then he might still be hung up on his ex. (that is not good, especially if it was a short relationship)
What type of relationship person is he?
If heâs the type of person to have committed relationships; hooking up just might not be his thing. He might like to have more connection with someone in order to have fulfilling sexual relationships.
If he has a history of having hook ups and flings; then that would be odd to turn an offer down.
How is the contact with him now?
Are you still talking or texting? If so, thatâs a very good sign.
You don't actually like this guy. It's only been two weeks! End it and move on. This is the honeymoon period. You should both be on your best behavior at this point, and you're already fighting with each other. Things won't improve, they'll only get worse from here.
This is what dating is for. You're auditioning potential partners. If they're not the right fit early on, you politely end it and move on. Working through issues in a relationship is for people who have been dating long-term and encounter a bump in the road of an otherwise solid and mutually loving relationship – NOT for a dude you've been seeing for two weeks!
You know itâs wrong, so something is stopping you from making the change. You need to figure out what that is. A professional can help you gain that insight.
There is no simple answer to this. Most people do not have to ask, âHow can I be a good person?â They just do the thing they think they should do.
Have a check list honestly with the things you need from a relationship and the deal breakers you have, revisit when necessary. Then when you aren't getting them you can try to talk about it and if your partner is willing and does the work then you stay and if they throw a tantrum about things leave or they say okay but make no actual progress. When the dealbreakers show up you have to leave. They are dealbreakers and should be serious and meaningful.
No need just break up with him. Despite what you think he is a walking disaster that would make you miserable. No explanations, means no room for him to negotiate, which is why you do this.
My grandma is like this. I love her dearly but that's really heartbreaking. I always tell her that I would just love for her to win the lottery because I can't wait to hear what negative response she will cook up for that occasion.
Over the years I found some kind of balance that works, for example she is never the first person I tell happy news to. Some topics I avoid altogether. But that's only working because she is my gran and not my partner. I don't think I could live with a partner like that.
My gran never thinks she is wrong either. Her answer whenever I or someone else says that she is hurtful is always that she is just stating facts.
It sounds like they are jealous they don't have girlfriends so they pick on you like they have not matured emotionally since middle school. If they pull your pigtails you will know for sure they like you.
my boyfriend got a tiny bit into kpop because i'm into kpop. of course he did not have to do that and i would never, ever have expected him to. but he's curious about me and my interests and likes experiencing them with me. (and me for him.)
i'd accept nothing less, at this point! i also don't want to be sexual unless we've been connecting in non-sexual ways. this is totally normal.
â¤ď¸
I would reconsider the sexual compatibility and if thatâs something you are willing to put up with for life. If he is telling you âhe loves it and is willing to do it more oftenâ and then does the complete opposite, chances are he is just telling you what you want to hear because he doesnât want to hurt you. However he most definitely does not love it, and likely wonât change much on that stance. Some people arenât into oral but like to receive it, and it sounds like he is one of them.
I think what is being described is Alimoney. Brendan Frasers situation is a great example.
$30000 yearly for child support
$800000 yearly alimony.
In OPs case, I would assume there is a strong case for alimony as the wife did not work for a period in favour of the husband working. The husband got a chance to develop his career and the wife didn't.
I think the redditor you're replying to is being completely reasonable. You're attacking them and misrepresenting their views (notice how I didn't use a gendered pronoun. They didn't specify a gender. Why did you accuse them of hating women?)
When you attack someone in the way you're doing, you never get to find out what they're truing to say. The court system is broken. We see this in the way the justice system treats minorities and lower income people.
There are certain (albeit a very small number) of situations in which men are actually disadvantaged. One of those situations would be retaining custody of children in the event of a custody battle, and divorce settlements.
Now. I also want to clarify that the alimony system is necessary anyway. It exists so that women aren't punished for raising kids (which they are still more likely to stay at home and do). I do think there should be updates to it now, as it is much more common for both men and women to work
Although at the same time, I would like everyone to be able to work less and have the option of looking after their kids. Its a nuanced issue. I really think we would all feel a lot better if we listened instead of accusing.
If you disagree, I genuinely would like to hear why.
This.
She's clearly ok with the way things are, and either doesn't realize the strain this is putting on their relationship or just doesn't care.
OP should just get an annulment.
you leave her to stew in her own shit ir simply leave her wtf is wrong with her behaviour?????
I was gonna say, she's showing signs of actively cheating then I saw the edit
Make foreplay satisfactory before you allow him in. He must get the sheets wet to earn entry. I put my wife first, and eat dessert like it's the first time in my life everytime. Love it. Tell him to stop being selfish if it needs to be blunt. In your own nice words,,, or you need to make him cum prior, with alternative media, To make him last longer inside.
Let's throw the analogy out of the window and talk simply for a second. No doctor is going to give a healthy 20 year old a vasectomy, it would have to be crazy circumstances to have them give it the okay.
Ok but I canât think of one reason that would invalidate her story.
He hasn't paid you back YET. Honestly, I want to be wrong. I want him to pay you back. But you said he has put the blame on you. I don't think he's going to pay you.
IF HE DOES, please come back here and tell me. I will apologize and find the prettiest picture of flowers to give you.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong. An analogy I have heard here is that do you expect any of the people you work for to be at your funeral?
You are working to provide for your family, and the new job is paying you more for the valuable time you are not with your family.
It's just a job and they think you are worth the money. Your wife is likely annoyed that with a little negotiation you got a raise bigger than her current salary.
It's unfortunate but some skills are more valued by those with money
She sounds kind of an idiot.
Lol at this point I just laugh at these stories who try so nude to find any excuses under the sun to stay with a cheater. Yâall will learn at some point have some self respect for yourselves
why not a surrogate? why the immediate jump to another partner?
Guessing from social media and what they've said to other people aren't gonna resolve it, though.
Ik, i just want some other solution on how to fix this problem. Can you please give me a solution?
Why would you say that to someone who is old enough to be my father?
I think men over 40 are creepy
Thanks, grandpa.
But be careful. I wonder if this guy is really your Mom's friend or if he is using her to get to you. Make sure that you aren't alone with him.
I donât think itâs a sign of heâs not attracted to youâŚ
Mainly because he already went out with you before, so he knows what you look like already (it wasnât a blind date type or first meeting type of situation).
Why would he want to go out on a second date with someone he wasnât attracted to in some way?
There could be a lot of reasons why it didnât happen, but that does not mean itâs because of anything you are or didâŚ
More information would be helpful in possibly determining what is going on.
How recent did the relationship he just got out of end? And how serious was that relationship?
If itâs been a short while and it was a long-term relationship; he might be still struggling with the freshness of the break up. (from what he was talking about this seems to be whatâs going on)
If itâs been a decent time since the break up; then he might still be hung up on his ex. (that is not good, especially if it was a short relationship)
What type of relationship person is he?
If heâs the type of person to have committed relationships; hooking up just might not be his thing. He might like to have more connection with someone in order to have fulfilling sexual relationships.
If he has a history of having hook ups and flings; then that would be odd to turn an offer down.
How is the contact with him now?
Are you still talking or texting? If so, thatâs a very good sign.
Or has he ghosted you?
God no. When people say relationships take work, we do NOT mean “work to make yourself tolerate someone youre not actually compatible with.”
This clearly isn't your person and its totally ok to acknowledge that and move on.
You don't actually like this guy. It's only been two weeks! End it and move on. This is the honeymoon period. You should both be on your best behavior at this point, and you're already fighting with each other. Things won't improve, they'll only get worse from here.
This is what dating is for. You're auditioning potential partners. If they're not the right fit early on, you politely end it and move on. Working through issues in a relationship is for people who have been dating long-term and encounter a bump in the road of an otherwise solid and mutually loving relationship – NOT for a dude you've been seeing for two weeks!
Soo..the bar… is this low. Jesus. How exactly do you see a future with this leach, pardon, man?
That's what I would think too – the whole ewwww factor. But betrayed? That's a stretch
Lucky you.
Therapy.
You know itâs wrong, so something is stopping you from making the change. You need to figure out what that is. A professional can help you gain that insight.
There is no simple answer to this. Most people do not have to ask, âHow can I be a good person?â They just do the thing they think they should do.
Have a check list honestly with the things you need from a relationship and the deal breakers you have, revisit when necessary. Then when you aren't getting them you can try to talk about it and if your partner is willing and does the work then you stay and if they throw a tantrum about things leave or they say okay but make no actual progress. When the dealbreakers show up you have to leave. They are dealbreakers and should be serious and meaningful.
No time like the present.
No need just break up with him. Despite what you think he is a walking disaster that would make you miserable. No explanations, means no room for him to negotiate, which is why you do this.
Somebody went full bloom on something going on in a mental health way….
My grandma is like this. I love her dearly but that's really heartbreaking. I always tell her that I would just love for her to win the lottery because I can't wait to hear what negative response she will cook up for that occasion.
Over the years I found some kind of balance that works, for example she is never the first person I tell happy news to. Some topics I avoid altogether. But that's only working because she is my gran and not my partner. I don't think I could live with a partner like that.
My gran never thinks she is wrong either. Her answer whenever I or someone else says that she is hurtful is always that she is just stating facts.
It sounds like they are jealous they don't have girlfriends so they pick on you like they have not matured emotionally since middle school. If they pull your pigtails you will know for sure they like you.
This would not be worth salvaging, for me.
my boyfriend got a tiny bit into kpop because i'm into kpop. of course he did not have to do that and i would never, ever have expected him to. but he's curious about me and my interests and likes experiencing them with me. (and me for him.)
i'd accept nothing less, at this point! i also don't want to be sexual unless we've been connecting in non-sexual ways. this is totally normal.