Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
The thing is also which I didn't want to go into deeper is that she calls me baby etc, uno always calls me, she would get angry/moody when I didn't say goodbye to her etc. it's a strange case
Christ, the age gap paranoia has leaked out of Reddit. 20 is not a child. Let’s not be fucking idiots here who pretend not to understand the difference between a young adult and an actual child.
Her insecurity is causing her to want to hurt you instead of face the truth about herself. She can't emotionally deal with the truth about her weight, so her reaction is to project you as the fat one so she can remain in denial. Obesity is a tough thing to face. She doesn't have to lose weight, make sure she knows that. You still love her. You've always loved her.
My relationship has almost the same numbers as yours lol. My wife will casually drop little comments that I need to gain a little weight so we can be overweight together. I try to just end the conversation without indulging her fantasy. Over covid I gained 40 lbs. Then, over this last winter, I lost it all with portion control. I was excited but she couldn't be happy for me. I think because she struggles with weight loss and feels a lot of pressure from my family (mostly have good bmi) to lose weight. Her family is all in the high range of 40s. I don't pressure her into weight loss at all. I just want her to be happy with herself, whatever path that takes. She likes to use her height (shorter than your girl) as an excuse for the bmi ratings to be skewed and inaccurate. Whatever, I don't push anything related to bmi and try to keep the focus on her body and what she wants to do with it for herself.
Imagine that the bmi ratings are junk (what our girls want to believe), then the only thing left is their past selves and the people around them. Focus on that. Do they feel restricted by their weight? Do they acknowledge that it comes with health risks? Do they want to lose weight based on the bodies of their close friends/relatives? Do they miss their thinner bodies from when they were younger? They get these bmi ratings from strangers at a hospital and want to just say “fyck them, they don't know what they're talking about, they don't know my body” but it still plants the seed in their mind that everybody might disrespect them. Your girl thought she was “curvy” (sexy, feminine, mature) but now feels reduced down to “obese” (unattractive, needs improvement, not worth respect). Help her see that she is still attractive, and that your body weight isn't going to help her feel differently about hers. Help her see weight in terms of her former self vs her future self, instead of an arbitrary weight goal based on bmi.
Just last night we watched the latest episode of Star Wars and it had Jack Black and Lizzo as married royalty. Was so awesome. My wife then talked about Lizzo having such a strong fashion presence (despite being obese). Obesity doesn't mean a person is broken or unattractive. Lizzo and Jack have such high confidence in themselves, which is better than being the clinical 'ideal' weight. It's a tough thing to bring up weight. You'd rather not talk about it, but now you have to since she is adopting some bad habits of shaming you for having a healthy weight.
Because they’ll see you coming in with another person. I worked at a hotel, we can see you on cameras
Look at you getting all emotional about someone else being emotional.
Poor baby can’t handle someone being different ???
did you not read the post
Please do not get into a relationship oh my god
Hello /u/Salty_popcorn755,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles start with ages/genders in the following format:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two at the beginning of your title. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
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The thing is also which I didn't want to go into deeper is that she calls me baby etc, uno always calls me, she would get angry/moody when I didn't say goodbye to her etc. it's a strange case
Christ, the age gap paranoia has leaked out of Reddit. 20 is not a child. Let’s not be fucking idiots here who pretend not to understand the difference between a young adult and an actual child.
Her insecurity is causing her to want to hurt you instead of face the truth about herself. She can't emotionally deal with the truth about her weight, so her reaction is to project you as the fat one so she can remain in denial. Obesity is a tough thing to face. She doesn't have to lose weight, make sure she knows that. You still love her. You've always loved her.
My relationship has almost the same numbers as yours lol. My wife will casually drop little comments that I need to gain a little weight so we can be overweight together. I try to just end the conversation without indulging her fantasy. Over covid I gained 40 lbs. Then, over this last winter, I lost it all with portion control. I was excited but she couldn't be happy for me. I think because she struggles with weight loss and feels a lot of pressure from my family (mostly have good bmi) to lose weight. Her family is all in the high range of 40s. I don't pressure her into weight loss at all. I just want her to be happy with herself, whatever path that takes. She likes to use her height (shorter than your girl) as an excuse for the bmi ratings to be skewed and inaccurate. Whatever, I don't push anything related to bmi and try to keep the focus on her body and what she wants to do with it for herself.
Imagine that the bmi ratings are junk (what our girls want to believe), then the only thing left is their past selves and the people around them. Focus on that. Do they feel restricted by their weight? Do they acknowledge that it comes with health risks? Do they want to lose weight based on the bodies of their close friends/relatives? Do they miss their thinner bodies from when they were younger? They get these bmi ratings from strangers at a hospital and want to just say “fyck them, they don't know what they're talking about, they don't know my body” but it still plants the seed in their mind that everybody might disrespect them. Your girl thought she was “curvy” (sexy, feminine, mature) but now feels reduced down to “obese” (unattractive, needs improvement, not worth respect). Help her see that she is still attractive, and that your body weight isn't going to help her feel differently about hers. Help her see weight in terms of her former self vs her future self, instead of an arbitrary weight goal based on bmi.
Just last night we watched the latest episode of Star Wars and it had Jack Black and Lizzo as married royalty. Was so awesome. My wife then talked about Lizzo having such a strong fashion presence (despite being obese). Obesity doesn't mean a person is broken or unattractive. Lizzo and Jack have such high confidence in themselves, which is better than being the clinical 'ideal' weight. It's a tough thing to bring up weight. You'd rather not talk about it, but now you have to since she is adopting some bad habits of shaming you for having a healthy weight.