Presumably, at some point she voiced concerns or expressed issues with the relationship, but whatever happened she ultimately decided to move on and is checked out.
The problem is OP doesn't state if she expressed concerns or not and what, if anything he did to address those concerns.
If she had concerns about something and he ignored them or doubled down, that's justification to end the relationship.
Relationships are a two way street. If OP hasn't been holding up his side of things, does he really have the right to be upset that she's looking for someone else?
If she communicated dissatisfaction in the relationship with OP and he didn't do anything about it or ignored her concerns, I don't understand why anyone would expect her to do anything other than check out emotionally. If someone doesn't care about your concerns or feelings enough to address them when they're brought up, you don't owe them shit. If she never brought anything up and just checked out, that's 100% on her.
The only reason she hasn't told him it's over is essentially cowardice… She does still care about his feelings and have a life with him and wants to present herself as good and moral, so things will have to come to a head before they can actually have the conversation about it being over. Probably when he confronts her about the apps.
How do I know all this? I've been in this exact situation before, on both sides.
I respectfully disagree with your assessment. It is terrifying to try to end a relationship as a woman. You might think “Oh just say you're not into him and you want to leave” but many of us women have done that and been met with verbal and/or physical violence.
For example: I had an ex throw a chair AT MY HEAD when I gently informed him that we weren't compatible. He then THREW MY CAT down the hall and told me I was lucky that he was “such a reasonable guy that he'd never hit me”. I'd never seen that side of him before, but it was clear that I needed an exit strategy for leaving. So I checked out of the relationship emotionally, found an apartment, moved out while he was at work, left a note, and changed my number.
Obviously I don't know if that's happened to OP's girlfriend, but the most dangerous times for women in relationships are when we try to end the relationship and when we are pregnant and I just wanted to point out that saying her not ending it was “cowardice” is an oversimplification of the physical power dynamic between men and women.
Your husband is a jerk. Take it back, the end.
Presumably, at some point she voiced concerns or expressed issues with the relationship, but whatever happened she ultimately decided to move on and is checked out.
The problem is OP doesn't state if she expressed concerns or not and what, if anything he did to address those concerns.
If she had concerns about something and he ignored them or doubled down, that's justification to end the relationship.
Relationships are a two way street. If OP hasn't been holding up his side of things, does he really have the right to be upset that she's looking for someone else?
If she communicated dissatisfaction in the relationship with OP and he didn't do anything about it or ignored her concerns, I don't understand why anyone would expect her to do anything other than check out emotionally. If someone doesn't care about your concerns or feelings enough to address them when they're brought up, you don't owe them shit. If she never brought anything up and just checked out, that's 100% on her.
The only reason she hasn't told him it's over is essentially cowardice… She does still care about his feelings and have a life with him and wants to present herself as good and moral, so things will have to come to a head before they can actually have the conversation about it being over. Probably when he confronts her about the apps.
How do I know all this? I've been in this exact situation before, on both sides.
I respectfully disagree with your assessment. It is terrifying to try to end a relationship as a woman. You might think “Oh just say you're not into him and you want to leave” but many of us women have done that and been met with verbal and/or physical violence.
For example: I had an ex throw a chair AT MY HEAD when I gently informed him that we weren't compatible. He then THREW MY CAT down the hall and told me I was lucky that he was “such a reasonable guy that he'd never hit me”. I'd never seen that side of him before, but it was clear that I needed an exit strategy for leaving. So I checked out of the relationship emotionally, found an apartment, moved out while he was at work, left a note, and changed my number.
Obviously I don't know if that's happened to OP's girlfriend, but the most dangerous times for women in relationships are when we try to end the relationship and when we are pregnant and I just wanted to point out that saying her not ending it was “cowardice” is an oversimplification of the physical power dynamic between men and women.
he is in his 20-22’s
Thank you