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u/Impossible_Sink1622, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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One of my favorite first dates is with my now ex/ good friend! We met downtown at a beautiful little shop and he bought me a bouquet of roses. Hands down the best/only gift I’ve ever gotten
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. A good rule of thumb is to maintain your safety standards if you’re engaging in casual sex. His unwillingness to do so was a huge red flag and you rightly called him out for it.
I get that it hurts to be blown off like this but please know you did the right thing holding this boundary.
If you had grown as much as you say you have, this post wouldn't exist because you'd realize how fucking insane you sound. Your replies are incredibly illustrative.
His comments don't help him at all in mind. Hopefully he's just a troll. I can't imagine being so passive about such conflict.
u/__qwpozxmn, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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Hello /u/ArtemisTheirin,
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He said the landlord knew about it
She states that she tried the pill and only trusts the pill. There are a ton of other effective forms of birth control, like an IUD, she hasn't tried from her post. and probably should talk to her doctor about as an alternative to forcing her husband to have surgery or always wear a condom with the threat of no sex is absolutely weaponizing sex.
I understand where her body is at risk. There are other alternatives than what she's proposing that she will not consider that do not nearly have the long-term ramifications or the shitty side effects of the pill.
Condoms aren't comfortable. They desensitize and make you feel dejected from your partner. It's hot to explain to someone who is presumably without a penis. The best analogy i know of was from a comedian who said it was like snuggling in a snowsuit.
Condoms should absolutely be worn whenever having sex outside the confines of a marriage/life partner or when there is an STD risk. OP is married.
It's unfortunate that there have not been more advancements when it comes to male birth control. It's a pretty shit situation. OP should talk to her doctor and look into alternatives from the pill and forcing someone else into a surgery…
All men are different and do different things. Why are you demanding at all men answer to what one singular man did?
What’s a shit post? I grew up in a catholic family. Regardless that he’s a trash bag sometimes I love him and he’s the father of my children. I will do everything I can to make our marriage work. But yeah someday he may cross a boundary I can’t forgive
It's a medical procedure. I'd go help my friend personally. I don't see why this thing would be any reason to be paranoid or insecure, and I'd probably consider it a warning sign unless there is some history with this “friend” that would give a reasonable partner concern.
If he’s gone how did him accepting this work contract work? Did you both discuss it? Is it the nature of his work (as in “you knew what you were getting into when I took this job” sort of deal?)
Your focusing on a lack of day to day communication, but I’m wondering about how the “big talk” stuff goes on with you two.
This is extremely concerning, my mil and I do not have a good relationship but I’m nice enough for my son, she’s a good grandma and I will not rob my son of a good, if not great, grandma. If your mom is gonna be a good grandma I’d draw the line here. Demand therapy.
I dont know if “responsible” is the right word. He threw condoms in the trash can multiple times, OP also said she gave him condoms (which she couldve easily tampered with) so he wasnt this “responsibile” before. And it seems a bit crazy if you take into consideration that he's known the girl for 8 years, shes not a random tinder hookup…. And honestly if you think a girl youve known for that long is this crazy (like she would use a condom to get pregnant) then maybe you're not that responsible, you shouldn't be hooking up with her in the first place. Sounds like he's an idiot to me and maybe got influenced by his idiot friends who told him every woman will baby trap him lol.
First I never said she is abusive. Why are you jumping to that conclusion. I just presented a hypothetical case to discuss the idea of discussing relationship with your friends more general. This is not my particular case.
I think your ideas about someone being weak by not leaving an abusive relationship is disgusting. You’re claiming someone being abused has no empathy for their abuser. You’re claiming that talking to your friends about being abused is “bad for the abuser”. This is the sickest case of victim blaming I’ve witnessed in discussion with anyone.
I don’t think anyone with that set of opinions is worth listening to. Thanks for your help
This book deals a lot with how our environments shape us, how many of the defensive mechanisms that get activated in us as children don’t help us in adulthood, how the structure of our society values wealth and professional achievement while not allowing us what we really need to thrive. I think there are a lot of things in there that could give you perspective on the issues you are having and help point you in the direction of what you might need to work on in yourself. It might not easy to accept that a person as accomplished as you who is dedicating so much of himself to being successful, has mental work to do, but you really seem to need it. Others on other posts have commented that your responses to their comments that you need to work on how you view women, talk about women, connect to other people, etc.. remind them of the main character in the movie American Psycho. You have to be told that your posts, your tone, your choice of words, the way you talk about women, the way you constantly reiterate your achievements make you come off as someone who is either potentially a sociopath or narcissistic. Multiple internet strangers have read what you wrote and have been really put-off and have been doubting your desire for actual relationships. You respond often by talking about how you are above the women you have met. I see this as classic defensiveness. It’s easier to accept the loneliness if you tell yourself that the women you have met are not good enough than to worry that you may not be good enough. It’s a really painful thought and feeling unworthy is awful. I would say, that you have some work to do on yourself to be able to genuinely connect with other people. Whether it’s work that is related to being potentially autistic or work to do with your upbringing and the bad habits and mental health issues it has endowed you with, you really need a lot of work. My husband looks terrible on paper. He doesn’t have near the achievements that you do. He is super intelligent and empathetic, though. And, even when in the worst moments of his life, he was able to connect with people and find romantic partners because his empathy makes him a great partner. You’ve got all the stuff that makes you look good on paper, but you are lacking skills, empathy, emotional work, and very likely therapy to unpack a lot of your issues. You also need to get help to work on your mental health. Btw, since you are quite the reader, I would like to mention one way that you can work on your empathy is to read fiction. Read stories about how other people, especially women, live their lives and try to step into other people’s shoes. I assume that most of the reading you do is to level yourself up in knowledge and in business. But, since you really need to work on empathy and connecting with people, one fiction book a week might be a decent start. You are 26, which is fairly young. You have lots of time to really figure yourself out, find what you need to work on, and work on it. But, you will need to carve out some time from your business goals to achieve this. When you envision a successful life, look not only at the achievements you are aiming at in the professional world, what does a successful life look like to you on the personal side of things? Do you think being in your 40s or 50s single and without a group of friends, but with a successful business and lots of money is success? I mean, you may be able to find people who are willing to be around you because of the money, but you need to work on your interpersonal skills to the point that people will want to associate with you even if they have no idea of your earnings and achievements in order to really trust that it’s not just money that brings them around. It’s a really empty life having people hang around just for the luxury you can afford them rather than being there for you. It's going to be a bitter pill to swallow, but you have been duped by society and your family into thinking that fulfillment can come solely from professional success and money. Money affords people some measure of happiness when it removes the stressors and concerns of survival. Once people have enough money to online comfortably (and that has been found to be less than you are currently earning, actually) more money doesn’t improve their happiness or their mental health. You need social connections to get rid of whatever void or emptiness or lack of happiness or lack of fulfillment you feel. The amount of effort you put into that side of your life will determine in future whether you will be successful in other areas of life or just in business. I hope you take this to heart. I hope you can find a way to work on yourself and connect with people genuinely. It will be years of work and you will likely need the help of a professional. Start by reading that book I recommended. Good luck! I really, truly wish that you can heal and have a fulfilling life.
Fake fake fake fake fake.
Well, maybe you two are incompatible, at least in this point.
Try to express to him how much this means to you.
I mean, it is his decision to not be vaccinated (a selfish one, but still his decision). But not going with you and your family just because Austria made the vaccine mandatory it’s just plain stubborn and extraordinarily selfish. So yes, if he chooses this it might the hill he dies on.
You were 19 dating a 16 year old? Weird bro.
Plus we’re not actually in a relationship, more like a situationship, so her saying that didn’t make any sense
This was very insightful thanks
Hey, man, good luck with those tumours, I hope it's nothing bad and I wish you a fast recovery.
Amanda is being unreasonable. You have tried. The only thing that will make her happy is to be #1 priority in your life from now on. And if you do that you'll have 2 ex wives and 2 daughters you weren't there enough for. Amanda is emotionally blackmailing you my dude.
I understand, thank you so much. I’ll do some thinking based on what you said and take this up with her sometime when she is in a better mental state / isn’t anxious.
Thank you for this!
He's repeatedly asked you (told you) to put his mental health above your own. You were also grieving a pet and needed that connection. But you put it off until your mother could see that it was harming you. He's been really selfish in this, and it doesn't seem like a one off for this situation. This man will forever expect you to sacrifice your own needs for his.
I have green eyes and brown eyes are my favorite! I not only wished I had brown eyes when I was young, but I’ve only ever been physically attracted to those with brown eyes. He’s a jackass.
But he's such a good and kind guy! Its just this one disgusting thing he does! Otherwise he's such a good person! /s
If you’re in a monogamous relationship, you don’t ask for a break to go fuck around. If that’s what you want to do, break up.
You can’t control how he behaves. There’s no way for you to articulate what you want without him getting mad unless you’re articulating what he wants. He’s shown you time and time again he is way is the only way. And you backing down when he gets angry just solidifies that if he gets angry he’ll get what he wants.
Definitely could use a conversation
The 4 years thought really hit me today. And his lack of response really solidified it. You make some really good points. And while I do see value in him as a person and a partner in other aspects of our life/relationship, and we do have a lot of common ground, I just can’t move past this that he’s known for so long and no efforts have been taken by him. I know I should leave him. It certainly feels like it’s about more than just sex at this point. I just don’t know if uprooting my life and our toddlers life is worth it or even how to start.
Why do I get the very distinct feeling that the story from friend and wife would be very, very different.
You sound very arrogant, and a little too assured of your position in his life.
It may very well be that they both got sick of you meddling in their marriage and decided to phase you out.
Who made the first move?
Exactly what I'm saying. I didn't even touch upon the topic and I never really wanted to know anything about it as I knew it'd make me jelaous. Even a few days ago I didn't ask, I just told her about the dream and she admitted she forgot.
She said she wanted a relationship with said person but he used her. She said she doesn't really care about the experience or the person so that's why she forgot about it.
good luck, and wishing you strength!
No. It has to do with birds, farmers considered the ones with yellow breasts, or bellies, to be cowardly. There is also a suggestion from Christianity that yellow was Judas' color. Also, back to the bird thing, another suggestion is that it is to do with the yellow color of a chicken egg yolk, and chickens are also pretty historically linked to cowardice.