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u/MathSuccessful1333, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
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I would suggest not letting her in if she is more than 20 minutes late. Tell her this beforehand so she knows what is going on. Relationships are based on mutual respect and if she does not respect your time, a thing you value greatly, than you will use your time accordingly. If you make plans with her where she has to arrive at 6, if she is not there by 6:15, plans are off and you are free to do as you please. If she tells you to please arrive to her place at 6 and you do, but she is not ready to leave for the prearranged event by 6:15, the event is cancelled. Explain to her why this bothers you. The waste of your time and the disregard of it. Explain your rules and then actually follow them. This will accomplish two things. It will clearly state the problem beyond just saying that is annoying, and it will clearly state your boundaries. The first three times, have a plan so you know what you will do and be comfortable with it. Something more than just not answering the door, but rather leaving to get a coffee or visiting a friend. Something you would like to do anyway. You enjoy her company so it is not her that you find troublesome. It is just one behavior that annoys you. Concentrate only on that behavior. One way to do this is to talk it out, honestly. Remember, it is not her, it is only a behavior that annoys you. You can write it out on paper. Your position can be 15 minutes, hers can be at least 30 and you settle on 20 or something. The result on your end is the plan is cancelled. Both of you agree and sign it. Only talk about time in this discussion. If she brings up other things or you bring up other things, stop and talk again about time. Clearly defined rules and consequences that you both agree on will work if you both follow them. All these rules will apply to you also. Don’t know if this helps at all, but I did my best and I wish the best for you.
She sounds utterly exhausting. At some point, you’re going to decide that you’re not getting a good return on your investment of time, effort, and emotional energy. She’s just too high maintenance to keep this up forever.
Do you think you’re being reasonable in the way you’re addressing or not addressing the issues she raises? Are you doing your best to reasonably meet her needs without harming yourself in the process? What advice would you give to a friend who came to you with the same issue in their own relationship?
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I think she’s scared he’ll figure out that he can find partnership and sex.
She also doesn’t seem to grasp that his physical touch needs and the intimate connection that comes from being with a human simply aren’t the same as hers, but because they both essentially care to actually find middle ground with one another.
This dude is emotionally and physically starved in a big way.
She really hammers home how there’s no separation and it’s simply out of the question, but also seems shocked he’s even thinking about this at all. So I don’t think there’s a lot of introspection happening here..
I agree. She was definitely wrong to turn the topic to her anxiety instead of supporting her partner. I just wanted to say that laughing as a stand-alone reaction could be something other than straight up laughing at her husband for being a fast cummer.
Bump
Your relationship is messed up. Your girlfriend has to learn to on-line within a budget and to pay her bills. You have to learn to be generous and buy children’s toys.
Thank you! The last week building up to it deffinately was the most anxiety ridden week I've ever had. I didn't inform him that I was leaving or breaking up with him until after I left ?
It wouldn’t bother me at all. I’d be happy that you were open about it with me
No not that I’m aware of
I lost a lot of jobs last year and made the deal with my SO that I would cook and clean until I found employment. He literally kept us afloat and was still helpful around the house.
Your dude needs a fucking wake up call.
you research daily for years and sought mentorship on how to invest everything in one stock? sounds more like your parents paid for you to go to a ritzy school, then loaned you 200k to invest, which you combined with your…..7k, and now you feel entitled to half because of your…..research and stress? oh and that it had always been your dream to “make a lot of money”.
Are you seriously this nude up for a relationship? This dude sits on his ass all day long and is mad because you aren’t doing enough for him?
Right now the only thing he’s doing for you is keeping you from finding the right person.
Please oh please pack his shit for him and toss his ass out.
You need to lose about 75kg of boyfriend. This is controlling in the extreme.
…. You weren't dating at that time, though. You sound like you have extreme insecurity issues. While it's good to pay attention to these things so you don't get screwed over, it's not good to hyperfixate on things that sound super platonic. You can't control what your BF does. He's his own person. You need to communicate what makes you uncomfortable, see what he says, and go from there.
Obviously what she dit was wrong but how do you and your gf divide baby time during the night? How much are you contributing?
Uhhh, am I reading this right that your mother suggested you and your husband have an open marriage without you or your husband ever having said a word about it to each other or to her before? She just came up with the idea all on her own?
She then talked about how she knows 5-6 couples who have open marriages because the wife couldn't conceive. In some cases, the husband would have a kid with another woman in their life, and the wife stays with the husband for either love or companionship.
Generally when this happens, it isn't because those couples actually had an open marriage. It's because they cheated and told everyone later on it was planned to save face. She doesn't know a ton of people with happy, planned open marriages. She knows a ton of cheating liars who stayed together because it's easier. Your mother is either naive, stupid, or genuinely thinks open marriages are super common things now and it's completely normal to suggest your daughter and her husband do that because babies.
I would message her that her idea was really inappropriate and you never want to talk about it again. I would avoid talking to her really at all because she seems to have some screwed up ideas.
On the kid front, have you considered being foster parents?
I agree on this. He is studying Psychology and he is trying to help me but I told him that I think I should see someone who is a professional and is not in our relationship could actually help.
Before we met
If he does a DNA test and comes to me I won’t lie to him. He’ll be old enough to know the truth at that point. I’m not going to distance myself and cut contact for his whole life.
Toxic has no meaning. People call anyone toxic when they display any negative actions. That is just human.
I can't believe everyone here is crucifying me for not immediately jumping to the worst-case scenario…
You were raped! Go now!
I definitely agree about the consulting legal advice as well as therapists, but honestly, the absolute best thing you can do for your kids is keep things civil between you and your ex. In drawn out court battles the only ones who get hurt are the kids. He may have been a shitty partner, but that doesn't automatically mean he will be a shitty father. That doesn't mean you should just let him come and get the kids. I'm sure your lawyers (and therapists) would only suggest short supervised visits to start with. The most important thing is putting the kids first, but you need to realize that doing that may mean you need to put your own feelings about him as a partner aside and give him a chance to show what kind of dad he can be to your kids. He may just surprise you. I know this has been mentioned before, but if you do block the kids from seeing him, and they contact him when they're older and he turns out to be an amazing dad, your kids are going to resent you for keeping them from him because of your own feelings about him as a partner. I know somebody who cut off their mom for this exact reason. I'm not saying you are doing this, but just always make sure that you aren't allowing your own feelings of bitterness against him as a partner cloud your judgement.
I don’t think you read my post.
Haha “date someone who isn't exhausting” too true
Sounds like he’s over the relationship
If it is new, I'd let it go.
Your instinct to not “confront” is the correct one. Just because birthdays are important to you doesn't mean they're important to everyone. These siblings of yours were raised in the same environment you were where apparently birthdays weren't all that critical. So they just don't feel that the world needs to stop spinning because you've gained another year of life. When one's family isn't supportive it's usually a good idea to develop a strong friend group of people who share your priorities. The truly important thing here would be for you to try to get a handle on this “depression”. If you're not currently in treatment for that you should start. If you truly have depression it's not going to get better just because you browbeat other people into inflating your birthday into a national holiday. You're looking for distractions when you should be investing in feeling good every day, not just the days you deem special.
Get an attorney. That’s my best advice.
It wasn’t until I started reading this sub that I realized there were woman who did care about their partner’s private porn use so I would say that “very extremely few” is very inaccurate.
It seems pretty important. So you were pregnant and getting over the flu when your husband behaved like this?
I mean it's not like they'd be hanging out alone so what's the problem? If it rekindles something then she obviously wasn't yours in the first place.
Check his Eyes !!! ? If they have turned yellow !