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Greedy? No. But you do need to communicate the difficulties you are experiencing. If this is a very serious relationship, potentially going to be taking the next step, then discuss it in detail. Share not only salaries, but you're monthly liabilities, your budget (make one if you don't have one), what you are saving for, or if you are targeting laying down your student loans, car payment, or whatever plan you are currently following. Likewise, she should do the same, if you guys are that serious. Too many couples do not discuss finances until they are fighting over them.
Unless you have made it clear to her how much of a difficulty splitting dates and purchasing gifts, she may be completely clueless about your struggle. She lives at home, she might not have any idea of how costly it can be to on-line on your own. It sounds like her impression of struggling is very comfortable, which is fine and she was dam smart to get a jumpstart on her career being as it does not require a degree, if this is so, she more than likely does not realize your dropping hints and assumes you have enough to cover your monthlies, but are just tightening the belt a little to be frugal.
If you buy her gifts, she by no means thinking you can't actually afford them, and to be honest, those should be cut out of spending if it's as difficult as you say. Nice they may be, but if things are tight, it's not the time to give random niceties and then explain that you need her to assume more of the costs of dating. That would show her you are not very good at managing finances, which is certainly a red flag.
you were both in poly relationships or you were both cheating garbage?
Happened to me. She was in my bridal party, and I thought we stayed good friends. When she got engaged I found out secondhand, and was told it was a small, family affair. Then I found out how many of our friends were invited. I was crushed. OP, you were never intended to know about any of this until after you spent your half of the money on the engagement party. Engagement parties, showers, bachelorette parties…these are all things hosted and paid for by bridesmaids, work friends, and parents. You are none of these. It would be exceedingly poor etiquette for you to take the spotlight from another bridesmaid when the bride and groom gush their thanks over the surprise via toasts at the event.
Sounds like he was just waiting for you to “mess up” to follow that girl. If he just followed her to spite you, you dodged a bullet. He even updated his Facebook Relationship Status? Sounds like he is kinda immature here.
I usually avoid saying this.
But please get out of this relationship as soon as you can.
Not only do you in laws sound narcissistic as hell, they also have 0 respect for your son or you.
I don't even want to imagine how he gets treated by them when you are not there.
Also try to gather as much prove as possible of their behavoir and if you can get full custody of the child.
This may make be a bitch but I’m so tired of reading shit like this. It takes too much from me. You know he treats you like shit, cheats, is abusive physically and emotionally and yet you bought a house. Not sure what you’re asking advice on? How to get him back? How to stay away? My advice to you is to get therapy before you need to check into the hospital for mental and physical abuse.
I'm sorry your going through this. Keep up the very hot work in school and make your own beautiful life!
I put my hand in between my legs because my hands are cold.
Is he on the deed?
are you saying now you argue in relationships because your parents argued? I feel like it's more of a normal thing than to be just some contagious virus that broke out due to exposure
Sadly, you handle this break up by not handling it. My advice would be: do not reach out. Maybe this is her way of handling it and you will make it worse.
He wants to keep his access to you. Wanting an open relationship is his way of saying he isn't fulfilled with what he currently has and wants to see what is out there. Let him go and become awesome coparents. You will find someone who wants what you want.
You really want validation about cheating…
Honestly sick that you are more worried about losing your friend group than properly dealing with the troubling and childish behavior. You lost the option to choose your friend group when you cheated. Imo you have three options.
1: Choose your bf and move on without the cheating.
2: Choose the brother and hope it works out.
3: go with neither and work on yourself before you hurt others again. take time and reflect on your mistakes and see what you can do to gain the trust of the friend group again.
not trying to be mean but you sound like you don't understand the serious nature of what you have done and have your priorities mixed up.
I do however wish you luck and hope this comes across as advise as it is meant. (harsh but honest)
Um…..
“He made me feel somewhat inferior, and sometimes came off slightly condescending and judgmental.”
No.
“However, I disregarded this due to a strong physical attraction and the fact that he checked off a lot of “boxes” in terms of who I would want in a serious boyfriend/future husband.”
Checking the right boxes doesn’t make him the right one. Being first off the starting block doesn’t mean you have the stamina to win a race.
“I began to feel more insecure and uncomfortable around him, like I couldn’t really be myself.”
I repeat no.
“….then he basically started giving me ultimatums”
After he’s met you
Honestly? You're married. Who cares?
People act like your ex texting you is the same as them kicking in your front door.
It's just a text message. It might stir up some unpleasant emotions, but I doubt you still care all that much considering you're in a relationship with another man. The worst thing that can happen if you reply is that he may feel encouraged to send you another text message that you'll ultimately feel indifferent about. If the text messages you feel indifferent about ever become too much, you can stop them by tapping the “block” button and that's it.
If he was a shithead, ignore it.
If he was a decent person, send him a quick thank you and go back to enjoying time with your husband.
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So…are you sure she’s not mad at you just for having a relationship with the AP and not necessarily your dad? I won’t lie…if my husband cheated on me and my child was being buddy buddy with his AP, I’d be pretty upset.
Say bye bye bitch and wait for an apology
kids are pretty resilient.
I've had three, oldests father disappeared when she was two – she doesn't remember him and honestly wouldn't bring it up often unless something reminded her. they're easy to misdirect.
the younger two; their dad lived with us full time before he went to prison when they were around 6, has been sparingly in and out of their lives ever since… again, they aren't hard to distract and after a while they kind of forget when they're having too much fun with me – it's actually worse when he reappears because he's unreliable and they build their expectations. i just never wanted any of them to internalise their dads leaving and i think we did ok
what your ex did was not ok. as someone else said, kid probably barely thinks about it until some asshole prompts him and reminds him that something is missing. it's a shit thing to do to you and a monstrous thing to do to your kid
I can’t think of a clearer message than deleting someone. What you did was seriously uncool. Open relationship or no separating is stressful and emotional, and you swooped in adding additional drama.
Sounds like this IUD should be put to use preventing pregnancies with a new boyfriend.
Considering your other post, the answer is simple. Leave this manchild
This is really tough.
Sometimes people make poor decisions and learn from them. It just depends on whether or not they take accountability for their actions.
So, the short answer is that even if she did something wrong (and I'm not even certain, based on your post, that she has) she could have learned from it and gained wisdom.
The trust part is really all on you. If you are capable of putting your doubts behind you and moving forward then that's okay. If you are always going to doubt her, then admit that, acknowledge it and let her go.
As for telling her about the test, this is a mistake that you made. You have learned from it and hopefully you are now a better person for it. Like your doubts mentioned above, if you are capable of putting it behind you and moving forward then there it's not completely necessary to tell her. If you are going to feel guilty about it, then you need to be open and honest with her. Own up to your mistake. Apologize. Reinforce that you are better now and that you have grown. And be accepting if she cannot move past it.
Yeah, that's just being abusive and she knows it. Make sure she follows through and watch her take the medication don't just trust that she will. Have her take it in front of you and make sure she isn't hiding the pills in her mouth and pretending to swallow.
You found the progressive yet not really type of girl, it's really early in the relationship so please consider if you want this for your life.
SMH
Just let it go.
Ignore her, go about your own business like it never happened. Don't even acknowledge her.
Breakups are forever. At least until you actually get back together.
I would view this as permanent right now and work on moving on.
Guess it depends on your jurisdiction
Guess it depends on your jurisdiction
If she is 15 and he a top 3 dick list that’s a whole other problem
The stupid thing is buying a house with someone who is still married to someone else, not buying a house with someone you're not engaged or married to. My partner and I are not married but we sorted everything out on paper, all our property is in both our names, with our share of everything going to the kids when we die.
But then I'm not the kind of partner who would expect my ex to pay my bills either.
INFO: do you all even like each other?
Your bf is gay and is trying to hide it.
Despite his openess about his fantasies, he may be deep down gay or bi. He's feeling ashamed and hence the denial.
I suspect my ex is a closeted bi or gay but is ashamed to admit it. He's nearing 50 so he grew up in a different time
He's the worst and I hate him on your behalf. I would have been over the moon if I had lost that much weight by 4 months post delivery. You are AMAZING!!! You deserve better.
You want a partner, not a dependent. She wants Santa Claus, not a partner. It's absolutely ridiculous. She will want to upgrade her car in a few years. Now is the time to set boundaries, and enforce them, because it will always be like this for a Daddy's Girl. Stay strong, and take care.
While my advice was always going to be (and still is) to run, once you said that he said he wants you to be like his ex I completely checked out.
To address your concern about looks, people have the ability to be attracted to many different things. Just because you find his ex attractive doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive.
Unfortunately, in this case it’s all a moot point. You two are in vastly different life stages and the only reason he’s with you is because of the inherent power dynamic he has. That alone is reason to run, but when he explicitly told you he wants you to be like his ex? Jesus. The dude is a piece of shit. What more do you need to know?
For the first comment we both met when we were both of legal age not like there is a 4+ year difference or that I knew her before she turned 18, and for the second comment thank you for for the advice I need to do more thinking and self evaluation but I am taking it into consideration
You need to contact law enforcement asap. He is stalking and harassing you. Start documenting it
You're getting good advice on the rest, so won't bother with that. But the gym issue has to be addressed. I would drive me up the WALL if someone said they wanted to go with me, then changed their mind and then said now you can't go either! Exercising is an invaluable way to stay healthy and decompress, the latter which you are obviously craving. Not sustainable for her to dictate your free time like that, she either gets on board and comes with you or shuts up and stays home, that's totally unfair
My partner and I gym together often, but just as equally gym separate. It's more an “I am going to the gym either way, but you're welcome to join me” sort of thing. We exercise differently, I run he lifts, so sometimes we're on alternate schedules. It's very hot for us to both find the motivation to go at the same time sometimes, so we don't stress about it.
That said, we do enjoy exercising together so one thing we do is every Tuesday after work we work out together at home. We bought some basic weights (plates, dumbbells, kettle bells) and we do a basic workout routine, different every week (my partner likes creating new ones) and we smoke a little weed and turn the TV (something engaging that we both enjoy and can discuss) on while we do it. We get to exercise and bond a bit, and we both like the routine of it. Perhaps something similar could help bridge the gap between you two on this issue.
The sister got pregnant right away after cheating so it's not like she could have warned her anyway. The whole family makes no sense.
Being a home wrecker isn't a good look. There is zero respect to being a home wrecker.
Ah, perfect!
She didn’t deserve to be raped, but that doesn’t obligate you to take care of her either. Take care of yourself first. Don’t lie and give her false hope if you want out.
I’m assuming attention seeking and in this situation a closet racist that finds this situation amusing.
Smdh and you fell for it. You are caught up in a cycle of manipulation and abuse, the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave.
Even if you’re “the bad one” there is no way you deserve this kind of situation as punishment. Like did you sell the souls of his unborn children to the devil? If you’re so bad, why can’t he just leave you alone.
I didn't carry the baby tho.
Still, he landed like a bomb in our 10 yr. marriage. A very cute, sometimes smelly, infinitely precious, unbelievably loud bomb.
I was working a lot. A lot a lot. And she was suddenly home all the time. It was new stuff to deal with. Just change. Change. It's hard. And worth it. But very hot.
agree, though that OP should consider physical problems his partner might be having. Look under every rock. Make it a big tent. My original point was allow for some behavior that is not a characteristic from time to time. Assuming it doesn't escalate or interfere with your relationship with her or your career.
I care because it’s not just accounting, she changes reality based in the argument at hand. It’s not just about HomePods, it’s even worse arguments, where she loops us into semantics instead of just admitting a true statement.
I used this instance to explain that.
Have you tried discussing this with him? If talking to him breaks a cultural boundary you may have to try taking the initiative and being more vocal with what you want in the heat if the moment.
Yeah my wife lost her wedding/engagement ring. She told me immediately. Honestly not a huge deal. I mean yeah it wasn’t super cheap, but it didn’t make us less married.
I would have felt the same way if it was a necklace though. She communicated with me and that was it. Our love isn’t dependent on an object.
Have her read these replies.
She needs therapy. She’s unhealthy and destructive. It’s not normal to do what she’s doing.