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It does sound like a bit much, is there reason for it? If you're planning to fix her dinner, or a surprise date night, maybe you need to know what she has planned, or maybe just ask her to block off a night for some time for just the two of you.
As for her coming and going, does she live or work in a high crime area that you are that concerned? If so, help her address that. She sounds like she thinks you're overbearing. She can't know your intentions. Her perception is her reality.
Honestly, you should break up with her and move to where you want to live. You’re 35, no time to waste.
My friend wanted me and my other friend to meet up for dinner and specified that it was supposed to be a “guys only” meet. I said I wanted to bring my wife because we do everything together and I don’t see why she couldn’t come. He tried to convince me to come alone but I brought mg wife anyway.
I think this probably has less to do with her wanting you, and more to do with that group disliking your wife enough to try to get rid of her. Refusing to get dinner with friends without your wife is a little extreme. Outside looking in, I would consider that could be a sign of an abusive relationship. That dinner might have been an attempt at an intervention, whether or not it was warranted, and the package was plan B.