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i don’t know, i know she’s not cheating or anything. but it just made my heart hurt a little because i felt a little off with her showing off her ass when she knows how i feel
Why bother OP? Knowing doesn’t change a thing. You’re still separating. I don’t see a point in bringing it up now. If you feel you must bring it up after you are no longer living together and all your belongings and monies are separated.
Dude just do it. Will it eventually go up in flames? Probably. But I thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts. You can always move out if it gets weird. Until then have some fun! And hey, what if it doesn’t get weird? It could end up being an amazing experience. You’ll never know if you don’t try.
Dude just do it. Will it eventually go up in flames? Probably. But I thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts. You can always move out if it gets weird. Until then have some fun! And hey, what if it doesn’t get weird? It could end up being an amazing experience. You’ll never know if you don’t try.
You dont scratch your own back sometimes?
I would ask the friend what your fiancé did there the whole time. Hopefully they haven't straightened out their stories yet
Yes but she’s already parenting a 4 year old even though her frontal lobe isn’t fully developed and it controls judgement, impulse control and emotions
I hope to have an open discussion so he doesn’t feel ambushed or attacked about it. I am just concerned at the end of the day.
You are not the morality police. This is absolutely none of your goddamn business.
This. She she’s her own person.
Some of these people are… weird…?
She’s not some property that he owns. My wife drives a beater now. I’d be thriiiiilled if one of her friends bought her a car
Depends on why you two broke up. You can still cherish the memories of the past while moving on to the future. It could of meant the world to him, but he's dealing with it by moving on instead of dwelling on it. I've been there before, on both sides of this.
If she can't see the light after a recording in which she broke shit and tried to DRIVE DRUNK, then you need to move on. Drunk driving has taken so many innocent lives; you'd have to be ungodly levels of selfish to not break down and feel guilty seeing that. The fact that she tried to turn it around on you as being manipulative… Jesus man, you're in an abusive relationship.
You said in another post that she thinks she's always right and has to win every argument. She won't self-examine even after seeing a therapist. She has a bunch of friends who tell her what she wants to hear. I'm sure she has some good qualities but this is not the sort of person you should be around. People who get angry and destructive when drunk can burn down a house. You need to tell her that you love her, but that her behavior has made her dangerous and that you're moving on. Do so when she's sober and maybe in public; from what you've posted here I'd be afraid she'd try to take a bat to my head.
Ma’am he gaslit you and wasted your time in marriage counseling when he already knew he didn’t want to save the relationship. You are allowed to be angry.
The best thing you could do for yourself is move forward with your life without him making you doubt your gut instincts.
Its okay for her to want to take her mol for support for this, but im sensing there is going to be some problems ahead with the fact your wife hasnt cut the cord yet. She sounds emeshed, having an unhealthy emotional relationship to parents.
I mean if y’all are only having sex 2-3 a MONTH she don’t have any right to be mad imo and I’m a woman ..
Aw man. So this is sad.
Speculation – This guy was happy to have an affectionate and enthusiastic friend. That developed into sexual tension which both of you adults consented to giving into. Okay. NBD. You're shitting where you eat, but it happens.
But while you're like “AYO Affirmation? AYO Intimacy! This is the SHIIIZZZY SHIT.”
They're 30. And they realize that there's no real future with you. You're going to become two or three different versions of yourself as you evolve as a person. Shit, who you are after this relationship concludes will be different than the person who went into it.
They know that. They went through it themselves.
So they weren't sure what to do, and finally told you that.
To which you're like:
If he just wanted sex the whole time why did he do me the way he did and not communicate that upfront?
But you know the answer, because you stated it earlier in your post.
We never talked about a relationship or anything, nor did I think we were in one.
The two of you entered into a sexual relationship with no communication as to what you both wanted out of it. Where you saw it going, and where you were okay with it going.
While maybe at one time he saw himself being something more with you, he's detached himself and is open to a chance at romance with your mutual coworker.
Right now, you're both using each other for sex / intimacy without acknowledging that's what you're doing. It's removed the fun of it for you for the most part, and you're starting to feel bad.
Good news!
You don't have to throw yourself at the next guy who shows interest and is kind of charming. You don't have to rebound into something abusive or just as shitty.
Instead, you can start communicating because whomever you are and whomever you're going to be, is a person with needs that deserve respectful acknowledgement.
You can tell this guy that you're not getting the post sex intimacy that you really want out of this arrangement. You understand that he's not romantically invested but phoning in the aftercare isn't really doing it for you.
He can change it up, or you guys can change your arrangement.
OR you can communicate to him that neither of you seem as invested in this as before, and you owe it to yourself to look ahead just like he is.
Make arrangements for double dates. Or separate entirely from him outside of work until you're in a place where he doesn't remind you of a sour arrangement.
When you meet your next guy or gal, tell them who you are, what you need, what you want.
Make sure they know what they're in for with you. It doesn't have to be a list, just stuff like “I'm here for affection and affirmation as a person and as a woman. I'm okay with x, y, z, but I can't do without w regularly in our rotation.” You'll paraphrase of course.
That's true for inside and outside the bedroom.
TL;DR As with most problems this starts and ends with communication. That's not something that you should feel bad about, and the good news is that you can work on it together or by yourself to make sure this doesn't happen again.
have you considered, that this was real for her, 2 years ago and the situation has changed since then?
This. I literally just asked the same thing. This sounds like adhd tendencies
How old is your son? Was the abuser his dad?
Sorry I guess it came out wrong, I was just trying to get a sanity check that he’s being friendly that’s all. If not I would shut it down
That’s so fucked up!
I mean, I know we are only seeing one side of the story but I sense something else is at play here.
Husband wants divorce out of the blue, family likes new partner better, kids like new partner better.
Maybe you just weren't a great person to begin with?
There's a saying, if everywhere I go I smell shit, maybe it's me that stinks of shit
Perhaps you are driving people away without realising.
Or perhaps you do realise and you're looking for people to be on your side so you tell a one sided story.
I don't know, everything could be true here, and maybe they do just like her better who knows.
Plenty of times people only present their side of the story in a biased manner to make themself look better than they would in reality, more frequently than the event your suggesting actually.
We met!! Ahaha. Honestly I was over him completely and made other plans then he texted and called at like 5. I told him I had made other plans because I hadn’t heard anything from him and he apologised a lot and said he had just finished work.. I’m going to try and keep guard up for a while but honestly I’m glad I went. Thank you for your help:-)
Sounds like you learned something very important about your girlfriend. I would never want a partner that thought like this.
UpdateMe!
Had a bf bring this up with me before. I said how would you feel if I sucked a dick in front of you? He almost puked.
Like how do they not think of this shit? So fragile. They have nooo problem bringing up getting to fuck someone else and then you turn the thought around and it’s like you killed their dog
I've gone through similar situations until my mental health assessment that I have bipolar. If I ever felt moody for whatever reason, I could fake it around people I don't care that much, but around close friends/family/partner I would be very grumpy and snappy. Nowadays I have a lot more coping mechanisms and can deal with most situationt. I'm noot saying that you have the same condition but going after a mental health specialist come a long way. Good luck ?
I did not read one positive thing in your post. Why are you with him? (Honest question)
Yes, if you did decide to tell her, definitely don’t say “hooker”. If you’re going to have a difficult conversation, don’t add on to the challenge by using offensive terms to describe the woman who provided you a paid service you sought out.
To woman he actually likes? Doesn’t that make you mad that he’s taking a load off thinking about other woman who aren’t you?
To add to this. Op, you're the age he was when yall started dating. Would you be interested in a 16 yo?
Tell him to call you when his divorce is finalized.
In the meantime, go out, meet people, have fun, do not wait around.
Definitely don’t involve yourself in the drama of an unhappily married man with a child. You don’t need that in your life.
Dude, my BIL married at 18, divorced by 19. Rinse and repeat with a couple of other women in his 20s.
He was violent with his exes, used drugs, an alcoholic, couldn't keep a job, in and out of jail, but managed to get married and get divorced–also managed to keep getting gf after gf, even now.
He's not a looker too (jmo, thou). But I will say this, he can be charming in the beginning. Probably love bombed everyone he dated b4 showing his true colors.
We attract what we think we deserve.
My advice, as someone who has been with some shitty people? Do not go anywhere near dating again until you've worked on your self esteem and know your worth. Be happy with yourself and on your own first.
This sucks, but it's better.
Yes this is a good point. “You’re welcome to stay,” means “Stay.”
OP, what you meant—so what you have say—is “do you plan on leaving in the future?”
Fooled you once, shame on him. Fooled you twice, shame on you.
Wake up and break up
So what age do you want to start a family? What is your timescale? Do you actually want kids?
She's wanting a baby now probably because it's a decent age to get pregnant, it gets harder apparently once you start getting into your 30s and she has got a biological clock against her, whereas you haven't.
Does she want marriage, and do you want marriage?
Like actually sit and look at both of your timescales and see if they align or if they will ever align in a time frame that suits both of you.
If you don't want kids for example let's say another 10 years, that isn't going to work for her.
I know breaking up sucks and it hurts but you'll both be doing each other a disservice staying together, someone will suffer.
Unpopular opinion: someone who's actually cheating has no right to expect “privacy” for it.
I'm sure it would've been much more comfy and convenient for her if you'd never seen that notification.
Doesn't mean you owed her a reality where she could just keep cheating on you in “”private””.
As someone mid IVF I’d you’d like to chat about it feel free to msg. I’m around the same age. It’s not as scary as it sounds but it really depends on your reasons for doing it.
I’d suggest IUI first, if it’s a sperm issue.
Once cheating happens it’s over.
You clearly online under a rock. I live! in London and there are plenty of clubs that stay open till 7am.
Then provide one if it's so easy. Seriously. If you find me a single instance of a guy getting a 5+ year sentence for just selling weed in any “western” country, I'll find you a unicorn that fucked a leprechaun. That means not trafficking 100 lbs of it, not running a farm, not carrying a gun, not his 5th conviction, etc.
Thank you for youd reply. I really appreciate it, it means alot. Can't stress this enough
Same. Great comment, but I don’t see where “womanizer” fits.
Marriage exists for a reason. This is one.
I feel like you do know what to do, right? It's just hard to do it. But rest assured you're not going to change this man.
If this is a new relationship it’s more likely all the porn. If you spend a lot of time together I’m sure that’ll go down over time on its own.
Found the girlfriend
I dont think that there is a problem that has an immediate solution.
Its just that we are both tired psychologically from university and that has an impact on our behaviour
We will just talk it through
So what changed
Alright, einstein, you're always the right one!
Thanks for the “intense” response? You do realize age plays a role in life?
Additionally we were never married. I did walk away because of me, but you cannot act like it does not take two people to build and maintain a relationship.
Again, thank you for your input and I do understand that having space alone lets you discover a lot about yourself. You have to understand that the majority of my relationship was alone time. We had very few common interests or things we actively did together that were not chores or eating or sex etc. It was a very bad match from the start and I spent years trying to put effort into something that I sure as hell should of walked from but I was too weak to hurt her. Finally a year after my mothers passing I realized life is way too short to continue forcing a square peg in a round hole. Over all of these years she had supported me as more of a family member than an actual lover. Our initial crush and infatuation died off probably by year 3 and I kept trying to make things work for no reason but to frustrate myself.
I am sorry If I seem combative or something, but I am seriously not.
That's just one of the sub rules for throwaway accounts.
Send him an Amazon link for new sheets and a duvet.
Sober up and then come back to this sub to post. It’s concerning he left you but it’s also concerning you drink until puking. How often do you do this? Your age gap is a huge ick factor as well. There’s a reason women in their 30’s are not with him.
What else do you have though? Until you have evidence, he's not guilty. If you cannot trust him, then why be in the relationship in the first place?
My thoughts exactly. Why is the wife suggesting this?
Give it a year.
File for divorce.
This is exactly what I have been and will keep on doing… But it’s not really getting me anywhere near him understanding. Sometimes he apologises and it’a better for a few days, then the next little thing doesn’t go his way and we’re back to square one. I don’t want my boy to grow up being afraid because his parents fought a lot.
What if you gave him some lusty pictures or videos for him to substitute porn for?
That way he satisfies his needs and you still keep your virginity.
Those definitely don’t work at making his penis grow, but absolutely are desensitizing him!
Step one: he needs to stop with those Step two: maybe try out some toys in the meantime Step three: he should probably see a doctor if he still has nerve issues
That would be it for me, especially with your added note of his anger issues being displayed prior.
These things can sometimes progress over time. Please keep yourself safe. Think of what you would tell your best friend to do if she told you this.
Yep, if (as it sounds) OP's going to the pub every day after work then that's 30 euro a week, or 120 a month. Obviously whether that's affordable is subjective but if you're trying to save money that's a thing that could easily be cut down. I'm not saying OP shouldn't have a break, and I do think this is about the boyfriend thinking it's improper for women to go out (to pubs) alone more than it is the money, but at a time when you're meant to be saving that seems like quite a lot.
She does have a few clubs she goes to and has a group of friends she goes out with once or twice a week but these are all daytime things, she seems to want to fill her evenings up aswell
Not wanting to sugar coat it, anal is a thing for quite a lot of guys, not all, maybe not even most, but many guys want to try it at least once.
Oral is another thing, I think most guys want oral to be a part of their sex life.
If you don't want to do stuff, you shouldn't do it, but you're probably right that many guys would find it dissatisfying and maybe boring.
There are guys out there though that are maybe nearer the asexual end of the spectrum or just not that bothered about anything other than PIV.
Younger guys are more likely to want a more interesting sex life though.
I'm not for a moment saying you should do anything you're uncomfortable with, but it likely will cause some problems later down the line, especially the oral thing.
Leave her alone. You don’t want to reach out for her. You want to do it for yourself. Not cool.
“I am not happy” is enough
So, 2 things:
First: it's totally reasonable to tell your partner that you have needs. If you need to be more adventurous, you need to tell her that. You need to give your partner the ability to respond to your needs by being direct and honest with them.
Second: (might sound harsh) by your age, you should be starting to settle down or at the very least have plans to. Unless there are irreparable differences between you two, it's probably not a good idea to just throw away a relationship with the thought “I might regret this later.” It's OK to want to be adventurous, but keep the adventure and thrill-seeking away from gambling with your relationships.
Good luck.
It’s worse because a deadman can’t defend himself. And this must really pollute your grieving and that’s awful thing for her to do that to you and your boyfriend.
She slept on the couch for 3 months; that is support especially since you had a room. Why couldn’t your sister take an Uber to these interviews, the bus, Lyft or even walk? In 3 months your sister couldn’t get a job? Even an online one? Why was it your daughter’s responsibility to upgrade her car and take your sister around. What scarifies did you make? Where was your support that required you to be uncomfortable in your home?
No. That’s just how evictions we’re done there. I evicted my spouse’s evil grandma who was trying to split us up. We asked her to leave and she responded we would have to evict her, so we did. They served her on Friday, she was gone by Sunday.
find someone else, she already abused enough of your time. enjoy the good years while theyre there (im 40 and divorced : believe me, its not gonna improve over time. she’s playing with you.
you're in denial about how terrible this situation is. She's not the problem, not really. Your “bf” is. He's been stringing both of you along and almost certainly cheating on you. Drop him. He doesnt respect you. He's an untrustworthy liar. He doesnt prioritize you. Staying will only damage you.
Only you can decide what's worth the relationship.
Because we had an agreement to just be fwb. Her and I no longer hang out as of now however