If having this conversation isn't working, try writing it down and giving it to her. Let her read it without you hovering. This way, she can read it and not feel immediately defensive so that your feelings on the subject are heard. Then maybe you can have an honest discussion. Keep communicating via notes if need be.
Give them your time and attention. Take in the things they say (hear them) show up in the ways they speak to you about ?
If having this conversation isn't working, try writing it down and giving it to her. Let her read it without you hovering. This way, she can read it and not feel immediately defensive so that your feelings on the subject are heard. Then maybe you can have an honest discussion. Keep communicating via notes if need be.