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It’s hard as I feel vulnerable and I feel scared being alone. I want to buy a house, but can’t afford to do it by myself. Also I’m worried about my age and I just feel unlovable m.
Grief absolutely has no timeline.
However, that doesn’t mean you get to not to chores and ignore your partners needs. If it’s been over a year and you’re still struggling to function, you need to seek professional help. I understand you said you’re on a waiting list, but there’s resources and things on-line too.
There’s only so much understanding a person can give, at some point you have to make an effort to work on things. It sounds like she’s been plenty understanding if this has gone on for a year and there’s been other issues in the past.
And while it may be harsh, no, it’s not fair to expect her to just wait around for you to finally get back to living.