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If one party in the relationship ‘has lost feelings’ it means the relationship is pretty much over. He might still love you but it will be as a friend. I have had all kinds of rough patches in relationships but have never recovered from having lost romantic feelings for a partner. Sorry that this happened. Break up officially and free both of you.
Are you drinking an excessive amount or mixing alcohol with psychiatric medicines that should not be consumed with alcohol? The blackouts are really worrying. Im concerned for your brain and liver.