You said you looked up her symptoms and came to this conclusion?? I am not a big fan of self diagnostics or armchair ones from forums. While in all likelihood this is correct, she needs to be checked out in person by a doctor.
Thank you for your comment! The situation itself isn't overbearing, just giving a little back story. He cancelled visiting me last Christmas on the 10th because his mom started crying saying our relationship wasn't real because we were long distance and he should spend Christmas with his family. I was honestly half expecting it to happen this year too, but so far, we're still visiting my family, but she has said she doesn't know why she's being punished for my parents not being together. We're talking it through some more, but he definitely feels pressure and wants to make everyone happy, which is part of my issue. It shouldn't be about that, it should be about the previous commitment.
So just a question. You caught him flirting with another girl, and then you moved away. So he's been on his own all this time and now he's finally ready to be with you? Why? Who dumped him? Girl, keep the cats, hell get a dog too, and dump this guy. He is not a nice person anyways, so why would you want to stay with him. He wants to get rid of one cat to just gwt another? Why not offer to help you trian them properly if he's so bothered? Screw this guy, he sucks!
You are both still very young and havenât been together very long. If you both want something different instead of convincing the other one to give up the life they want accept that your future plans arenât compatible and move on.
Yes, itâs like a battle trying to talk about anything bothering me. Iâve noticed heâs trying to use âIâm just chilling/being chill/positive vibes onlyâ but if he has an issue he lets it be known.
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You're welcome to your own opinion but you're not entitled to your own set of facts. If women are equally stimulated visually as men, you would expect a similar level of perverse behavior. The fact that doesn't appear to be true speaks volumes.
Thank you for your response and Iâm hoping youâd be willing to give me one more response based on this new info. I donât rent my current condo- I own and have for 5 years. Iâm not allowed to rent out at my HOA to do so in the interim. If I rented another larger apartment Iâd have to pay rent while also paying my mortgage. Letâs say we rent for a year thatâs $24000 we are putting towards rent that could be used for our home also thatâs the cost of a one bedroom apartment still. here, two bedrooms would be $2400-$2600. So weâre paying rent to move into a one bedroom with a little more space.
With this info do you still think I should rent AND pay my mortgage at the same time? Weâve been dating for two and half years so I would hope that after a quick trial of living together fully, making sure that we can still stand each other we could quickly move towards our longer term goal of a house.
Idk about her staying at home, canât imagine theyâre still babies.. but it is kind of a given youâll be more involved if you get married. So if you donât want to spend your retirement years still taking care of kids, then donât. But then leave her be.
Sheâs not a very expressive person. I don't know if I can be happy with the way she is. In my mind I have to be patient and wait it out. But it's like maybe it's never going yo be there. That that's just the way she is and I have to accept it.
She's going to have to change who she is to meet your basic needs. Or you're going to have to change who you are in order to be fulfilled with her as she is. It can be done. But it takes work from both people. It also means both people have to change themselves in order to be able to give what the other person needs. Is that what you want? Is that fair to yourself? Is that what she wants? Are you both willing to make that change? Can you give her the space to be distant regularly for the rest of your life and feel secure in the relationship? Can she give you some communication during these moods when she needs the solitude?
Classifying lesser offenses separately and giving them separate, lesser punishments would make reporting for things like groping better, not worse.
Letâs say a man grabs a womanâs ass on the train. She reports him to the police. Do you think the police are going to bother charging the man with sexual assault? Do you think the DA is going to prosecute? Because from what Iâve seen, the answer is no.
Thats the reason these things donât get reported enough imo. Because victims feel like thereâs no point. Because even if they do report, the odds of the police or the DA being willing to pursue a groper under a sexual assault charge is slim to none.
Having a separe legal classification would go a long way toward resolving that. It would:
add specific legal language that criminalizes that behavior rather than it being thrown under the âsexual assaultâ umbrella and
Incentive law enforcement, public prosecutors, and juries to pursue and convict perpetrators. Obviously itâs true that not all sexual assault is rape, but itâs also true that most people associate the two.
Which means if you ask someone to convict a groper of the crime sexual assault, most wonât because of that association. And because the law at this point punishes groping similarly to rape (correct me if wrong on that, Iâm not a lawyer and could be incorrect), which few would agree is just.
But if you ask them to convict a groper of the crime of groping? Itâs a much simpler case. Youâll get more convictions, more justice, and as a result more reportings
You've already told her what would happen if she gets her PhD so I don't see there being a need for an ultimatum. She should be free to pursue the schooling if she wants it and if the idea of long distance being a possibility doesn't work for you, maybe it's time to part ways.
Give her a time line on what you expect and if you guys can't come to an agreement, you're probably better off separating.
You tell him âI love you, and youâre great, but weâre just not right for each other.â And break off the engagement.
I mean you ARE gonna leave and never come back. Canât really be purely platonic friends with someone you were gonna marry. If he asks you to reconsider, tell him your decision is final.
You arenât happy, and itâs better to cut it off now, so you can both find someone you are compatible with.
Idk why you're being so harsh on op like her husband is a victim. She said that he's wanted three somes before and she'd obliged, and together they have both selected male and female partners before this. He wasn't coerced into this arrangement. He went willingly. They were both stupid. Not just her. I personally would never open my relationship up, but I'm not going to batter the op for a consensual agreement bc her husband didn't realize he couldn't handle playing with extreme fetishes.
The reason I brought it up was cos while he's a really sweet man, he lacks in the how to make a woman happy dept, if you get my drift. Sex was literally over when he was done.
If this means what I think it means, then this is relationship ending right here….
When you first start a relationship, thatâs when people show you their best (usually) and treat you the best they are going to treat you. So this is the best this guy is ever going to treat you. He will never treat better then how he is treating you right now. Is that cool with you?
He can take care of our daughter, as in playing some things like puzzles etc. Nothing which needs him keeping up long or running/squatting. It isn'tt diagnosed yet, but we think it's LongCOVID.
Housework.. depends. When he does something, he complains, that he's sick and “doing everything”.
He can take care of our daughter, as in playing some things like puzzles etc. Nothing which needs him keeping up long or running/squatting. It isn'tt diagnosed yet, but we think it's LongCOVID.
Housework.. depends. When he does something, he complains, that he's sick and “doing everything”.
A 20 year old guy who is experiencing these issues is either masturbating too much and has “death grip syndrome” (most likely to porn despite what he says), or needs to see a doctor about potential medical issues.
They found him watching it the first time it happened so clearly they are watching what he's viewing on the internet lol.
So who threw the party? If they was expecting you… why was you not invited???
You said you looked up her symptoms and came to this conclusion?? I am not a big fan of self diagnostics or armchair ones from forums. While in all likelihood this is correct, she needs to be checked out in person by a doctor.
Sadly he sounds married đ
When Rachel was on leave for a couple of weeks I didnât mention her and my girlfriend asked after a few days of Iâd spoke to her recently
Thank you for your comment! The situation itself isn't overbearing, just giving a little back story. He cancelled visiting me last Christmas on the 10th because his mom started crying saying our relationship wasn't real because we were long distance and he should spend Christmas with his family. I was honestly half expecting it to happen this year too, but so far, we're still visiting my family, but she has said she doesn't know why she's being punished for my parents not being together. We're talking it through some more, but he definitely feels pressure and wants to make everyone happy, which is part of my issue. It shouldn't be about that, it should be about the previous commitment.
So just a question. You caught him flirting with another girl, and then you moved away. So he's been on his own all this time and now he's finally ready to be with you? Why? Who dumped him? Girl, keep the cats, hell get a dog too, and dump this guy. He is not a nice person anyways, so why would you want to stay with him. He wants to get rid of one cat to just gwt another? Why not offer to help you trian them properly if he's so bothered? Screw this guy, he sucks!
Good point you made there the old two sides to the coiĂą
You are both still very young and havenât been together very long. If you both want something different instead of convincing the other one to give up the life they want accept that your future plans arenât compatible and move on.
You sound like an ass.
You need to dump that loser and find yourself someone who respects you. Donât put up with this shit heâs trying to pull on you.
Yes, itâs like a battle trying to talk about anything bothering me. Iâve noticed heâs trying to use âIâm just chilling/being chill/positive vibes onlyâ but if he has an issue he lets it be known.
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As usual, most r/relationship_advice could be resolved by having a simple conversation. âHey, Babe. Are you ok? Anything you want to talk about?â
You're welcome to your own opinion but you're not entitled to your own set of facts. If women are equally stimulated visually as men, you would expect a similar level of perverse behavior. The fact that doesn't appear to be true speaks volumes.
Get the money from him and then dump him.
Totally a red flag, sheâs shown her colors.
I donât know why I dismissed everything so early onâŚ
Wonder what she thinks of male OBGYNs
Sounds like you were kind of acting like a petulant child because you didnât want to go somewhere and he didnât feel like enabling it.
Being in time actually is important to many people, and you deciding what âshouldâ be important to him isnât helping anybody.
It sounds like you both would benefit from counseling.
Thank you for your response and Iâm hoping youâd be willing to give me one more response based on this new info. I donât rent my current condo- I own and have for 5 years. Iâm not allowed to rent out at my HOA to do so in the interim. If I rented another larger apartment Iâd have to pay rent while also paying my mortgage. Letâs say we rent for a year thatâs $24000 we are putting towards rent that could be used for our home also thatâs the cost of a one bedroom apartment still. here, two bedrooms would be $2400-$2600. So weâre paying rent to move into a one bedroom with a little more space.
With this info do you still think I should rent AND pay my mortgage at the same time? Weâve been dating for two and half years so I would hope that after a quick trial of living together fully, making sure that we can still stand each other we could quickly move towards our longer term goal of a house.
Idk about her staying at home, canât imagine theyâre still babies.. but it is kind of a given youâll be more involved if you get married. So if you donât want to spend your retirement years still taking care of kids, then donât. But then leave her be.
Occam's razor dude.
Think really deeply about this:
Sheâs not a very expressive person. I don't know if I can be happy with the way she is. In my mind I have to be patient and wait it out. But it's like maybe it's never going yo be there. That that's just the way she is and I have to accept it.
She's going to have to change who she is to meet your basic needs. Or you're going to have to change who you are in order to be fulfilled with her as she is. It can be done. But it takes work from both people. It also means both people have to change themselves in order to be able to give what the other person needs. Is that what you want? Is that fair to yourself? Is that what she wants? Are you both willing to make that change? Can you give her the space to be distant regularly for the rest of your life and feel secure in the relationship? Can she give you some communication during these moods when she needs the solitude?
Youâre a rebound
thank you, I needed that! ⤠that is a bit of black and white thinking here and I know that he is very caring and supportive most of the time.
Turned out I have covid hence the high fever :/ crappy few days ?
Classifying lesser offenses separately and giving them separate, lesser punishments would make reporting for things like groping better, not worse.
Letâs say a man grabs a womanâs ass on the train. She reports him to the police. Do you think the police are going to bother charging the man with sexual assault? Do you think the DA is going to prosecute? Because from what Iâve seen, the answer is no.
Thats the reason these things donât get reported enough imo. Because victims feel like thereâs no point. Because even if they do report, the odds of the police or the DA being willing to pursue a groper under a sexual assault charge is slim to none.
Having a separe legal classification would go a long way toward resolving that. It would:
add specific legal language that criminalizes that behavior rather than it being thrown under the âsexual assaultâ umbrella and
Incentive law enforcement, public prosecutors, and juries to pursue and convict perpetrators. Obviously itâs true that not all sexual assault is rape, but itâs also true that most people associate the two.
Which means if you ask someone to convict a groper of the crime sexual assault, most wonât because of that association. And because the law at this point punishes groping similarly to rape (correct me if wrong on that, Iâm not a lawyer and could be incorrect), which few would agree is just.
But if you ask them to convict a groper of the crime of groping? Itâs a much simpler case. Youâll get more convictions, more justice, and as a result more reportings
You've already told her what would happen if she gets her PhD so I don't see there being a need for an ultimatum. She should be free to pursue the schooling if she wants it and if the idea of long distance being a possibility doesn't work for you, maybe it's time to part ways.
Give her a time line on what you expect and if you guys can't come to an agreement, you're probably better off separating.
This!!!
You can feel IUD with your fingers pretty easily
You tell him âI love you, and youâre great, but weâre just not right for each other.â And break off the engagement.
I mean you ARE gonna leave and never come back. Canât really be purely platonic friends with someone you were gonna marry. If he asks you to reconsider, tell him your decision is final.
You arenât happy, and itâs better to cut it off now, so you can both find someone you are compatible with.
A death threat involves, you know, a threat. This was a rude comment but she wasnât threatening any harm.
Idk why you're being so harsh on op like her husband is a victim. She said that he's wanted three somes before and she'd obliged, and together they have both selected male and female partners before this. He wasn't coerced into this arrangement. He went willingly. They were both stupid. Not just her. I personally would never open my relationship up, but I'm not going to batter the op for a consensual agreement bc her husband didn't realize he couldn't handle playing with extreme fetishes.
The reason I brought it up was cos while he's a really sweet man, he lacks in the how to make a woman happy dept, if you get my drift. Sex was literally over when he was done.
If this means what I think it means, then this is relationship ending right here….
Also his mother ringing all the time? No. Not OK.
He might not be the right guy for you.
When you first start a relationship, thatâs when people show you their best (usually) and treat you the best they are going to treat you. So this is the best this guy is ever going to treat you. He will never treat better then how he is treating you right now. Is that cool with you?
Can you move across the country?
He can take care of our daughter, as in playing some things like puzzles etc. Nothing which needs him keeping up long or running/squatting. It isn'tt diagnosed yet, but we think it's LongCOVID.
Housework.. depends. When he does something, he complains, that he's sick and “doing everything”.
He can take care of our daughter, as in playing some things like puzzles etc. Nothing which needs him keeping up long or running/squatting. It isn'tt diagnosed yet, but we think it's LongCOVID.
Housework.. depends. When he does something, he complains, that he's sick and “doing everything”.
.
Wow – I wish I hadnât went down the rabbit hole if your post history.
Sheâs saying now that she wasnât making a career out of it or at trying to do so. Trickle truth time! I would end it
A 20 year old guy who is experiencing these issues is either masturbating too much and has “death grip syndrome” (most likely to porn despite what he says), or needs to see a doctor about potential medical issues.
iâm not NOT saying thatâŚ
Me…okay dude