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That's an outdated concept that doesn't really apply anymore. It may be less about focusing on when to kiss a guy and more about finding a better type of guy. There is no specific ideal number. It should happen when both are ready and it feels right.
Is this the tip of the iceberg and theres more to this story or did she dump you just because you had a bad day? If she did, then you don't want her back anyway.
It sure sounds like that’s what he wants: to go wild while he’s away, and pick up where he left off when he gets back.
You, of course, are at a severe disadvantage having your hall pass back home, as your potential hookups will want to know what happened between the two of you, and probably not want the drama if you explain honestly. He, on the other hand, can conveniently omit to mention you at all, knowing he’ll be blowing town in a few weeks, and not owe anyone any explanations.
He’s already down there fucking up a storm. You could simply stop answering his texts. Wouldn’t want to ruin his good time with a messy breakup. He’ll figure it out on his own how badly he fucked up when he gets back.
I don't think that it is that linear and fixed. With that said, I do agree that if we don't mentally, physically and spiritually take care of ourselves first then we cannot bring our full, healthy selves out to our partner. I do think that helping to take care of our partner does feed into taking care of ourselves.
Is my priority my career or my relationship? Does it need to be an either/or decision?
I agree with you that if part of his values and priority is having a partner then that should factor into his priorities of career, etc.
Is there anything specific that is in dispute?
The gall to be upset with you. It’s laughable.
I had this same situation happen..a year later I ran into my flirtatious now divorced ex coworker and began to date him. He turned out to be a cheating piece of shit, go figure. Do yourself a favor and don’t do itn
Time to leave him, while you can still hold your head high.
He did do something wrong, that’s why they went to her apartment.
I think you’ve outgrown him. Get out before their affair goes any further. Don’t end up looking and feeling like a fool.
Meh, there is so much we don’t know.
put them up to it as a joke or otherwise
Is a pretty weird comment. Understandably, she was in shock, he was also in shock. We have no idea if she literally said otherwise or if she’s paraphrasing, how it was said. We do not know what “awkward now at home” means. We do not know these people.
What we do know is that one of them is here asking for relationship advice regarding her marriage, which would generally lead me to believe that she wants the best advice for the marriage. Her husband is obviously rattled by it, if that’s some major character flaw or a one off weird reaction to an extremely weird situation we do not know. She at no point insinuated that she was unhappy in the marriage. The best course of action for the marriage is to soothe the partner’s worries and have a good talk about the events and his reaction, however if she wanted to be in the right at the expense of her marriage then yes she should follow your mantra.
He literally TOLD you that he does not see an issue with what his brother is doing. You literally typed that and didn’t think twice about it?
If after all this you are staying with this guy, and prefer to sit in the warm misery, then maybe that is what you truly like, cause no one who has an ounce of self respect or wants happily would stay with him.
We seem to be over looking the fact she cheated on you and has been hiding it and lying to you for a year now. How can there be any trust? Open relationships seldom work. Open relationships without honesty and trust NEVER work. Do not light yourself on fire to keep her and her boss warm.
I feel like people are really going in on you here, so I just wanted to say that OP you sound like a genuine and caring person. But I hope that you start to put yourself and your needs first and set better boundaries. You deserve someone a lot better than this, and there is someone out there who will cherish your love and not disrespect you and just treat you like an option. It sounds like this will be a huge life change on top of other personal issues you’re dealing with, but we all believe in you, you can do it and fight for the life that you deserve.
Your brother eventually said the wrong thing to the wrong person, who just happened to be your bf.
Keep the boyfriend, your racist brother apparently needs more than a couple slaps imo.
When I bought my condo, the previous owner was a handyman/superintendent. I've never used his services in the 20+ years I've owned my place.
OTOH, 15 years ago I did get romantically involved with a contractor. And even though we've broken up numerous times (because he was a liar and cheater) I've actually maintained our friendship because, well, he owed me.
Still there were some things I got a handyman for.
I might not be the best example.
Girl he went out partying and asked for sex not once but 3 times while you miscarried his child… then went off on work trip. You don’t need any more red flags.. get gone
I found him for her
You married this guy? What on earth were you thinking? It is cheating and lying.
Yeah I don’t get this. He’s honest about what he wants. He’s never done hookups and has views on sex that come from his religion. He wants to date someone who shares his views.
I don’t get what’s so wrong with that?
The issue is OP is lying about her past and tricking this guy into thinking she’s someone she’s not. To me, the fault totally sits with OP
I picked up on that story was probably fake about halfway in. The fake responses confirm for me.
where do you see how OP reacted to her brother's behaviour?
I mean she says he was “intimidated” and therefore “hostile” so while she can see why he behaved badly she's not excusing it. She says literally nothing in the post about how she reacted at the time.
You shouldn't be downvoted for asking a genuine question. I think your point is exactly mine—he wasn't (or didn't mention in the post) presented with the opportunity to fix things. She has already downloaded apps and is in the beginning stages of new relationships. In the course of four years a lot of things happen, good and bad. Presumably, at some point she voiced concerns or expressed issues with the relationship, but whatever happened she ultimately decided to move on and is checked out. The only reason she hasn't told him it's over is essentially cowardice… She does still care about his feelings and have a life with him and wants to present herself as good and moral, so things will have to come to a head before they can actually have the conversation about it being over. Probably when he confronts her about the apps.
How do I know all this? I've been in this exact situation before, on both sides.
She’s got to buck up and lower her expenses by getting a closer job. It’s not fair to you that she’s having you pay for her shortfalls. She sounds nice and all, but she needs a rational plan to get her out of the monthly spiral. And spending a bunch of money on an electric bike sounds dubious.
Please move on without her. She planned a trip with a colleague to cheat on you. Not many things more disrespectful than that. Didn't see anything about now having children together. Think next time when she does it again and you have kids. She's still hiding things from you. That's why she hasn't shared her messages with you. If you are married, there should be nothing to hide from each other.