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Irrelevant. She wants to break up.
You don't have the power to force her to stay.
That's the thing about relationships and why I say you're not ready for one: It's a two yes or one no situation.
She has already told you she wants out.
You also say she's giving you emotional whiplash. Time to move on.
None of this is healthy.
How you deal with the grief is your issue tbh.