Explain to your boyfriend that your speech for your sister's wedding is about you and your sister. It is not about him. You gave the speech that you felt was right for your sister's big day.
If he insists on continuing to pout and make a fuss over you not sufficiently coddling him, and not making your sister's wedding speech about stroking his ego, it's time to look for another boyfriend. Because this will not be the last time you find yourself begging for forgiveness after not doing anything wrong, and life is too short for that BS
I thought that too, but every time he sent another like in my queue, he added a message acknowledging that this isn’t the first time. For eg., “Applying for a second chance” & “Third time’s a charm” is what he wrote, despite him being the one to constantly drop the conversation and unmatch me?
Yes, it is, I love him as a friend, but that's all for now. There were times when I got a little bit confused but those were only my hormones (it's very easy to confuse sexual attraction with love).
Yes, you are right. I am a bit on the fence, though, because he is so anxious about our friends. First I should talk to him about it I guess, and then with our friends. If he is so hellbent that it could somehow go wrong and then he would be crucified because of it, I should respect it.
The best thing you can do is acknowledge what he’s going to do and continue to offer your support if he needs it.
Hope is a funny thing. It can be really good or really treacherous depending on what drives it.
It can be good in motivating people but it can also be bad in that nothing you can say or do can change the mind or actions of someone who has that degree of happiness and self worth riding on hope especially when it comes to love.
You can speak your fears and convey concern like a good friend will do, but I wouldn’t push it too naked. Just be there as much as you can.
I disagree. People have the right to choose who comes into their home. If OP wants to see her sister she can do it elsewhere. Her husband has made his boundary clear. If she keeps violating the boundary they he should divorce her. She has no respect for him, their marriage, or their home bringing in an addict who has been arrested and hospitalized, refuses all help, shows up at midnight, etc.
EDIT: Apparently, OP deleted her post regarding her sister's serious mental health and addiction issues.
To be honest, unless the person is likely to harm someone else, I don’t think the police should be involved. We do need to stop relying on the police to solve every single problem.
But there definitely is a gap in services that could be incredibly helpful to families who have loved ones like this. Like maybe we should have social workers who specialize in adults with mental health issues/addiction? We still can’t help people unless they want to be helped (this is for very good reason. We have a bad history of involuntary hospitalization), but if there were a service that families could call and get a professional out there to help navigate everything, and help talk to the person to try to convince them to get help, that would be a major benefit to a lot of people. Oh, and if treatment was actually affordable, that would be great too— but since they’re adults, they have to use their own health insurance, and if they’re in a really bad state, they probably don’t have a job to provide it.
It could very well have been a pocket dial if it was 3 seconds…
Why the hell did you not consider this OP?
You don’t have anyone to blame but yourself for this. You can feel however you wish, the story doesn’t add up and you decide to go nuclear and blow up your relationship over a potential pocket dial, or hesitant call of 3 seconds that abruptly ended.
Give your head a shake man, and perhaps you should seek some help for dealing with your insecurities. They are your responsibility to deal with, not a potential partners.
Your behavior is justification for him leaving you, but not cheating on you. It may be that him making out with another woman means he has one foot out of the door, but he should have broken up with you first.
Girl he is going to chew you up and spit you out in a few years time, at which point you won't even recognise yourself. He is abusive!!! Get out now before too much damage is done. You are only 18 and do not need to be wasting your young years trying to recover from him. Get out now whilst you can
She says she can't imagine a life without me and still wants to have that future.
What does she have to show for that? Because nothing in what you told in your post shows that she wants to have a life with you.
I think she is scared to be alone and you're better to her than being alone.
Also: you were assaulted and spent time in the hospital. She apparently thought this was THE BEST TIME to have sex with her co-worker. I doubt this was the first time.
Ask yourself:
Do you want to spend the time and energy to fix something that she has broken? Do you think she is going to put in the effort to fix what she has broken? Do you think you can ever trust her again?
If you can answer all three questions wholeheartedly and without a doubt with 'Yes', go for reconciliation. If not, I think you are only delaying the inevitable by reconciling.
He is pretty healthy. Eats good, works out a few times a week, no major health issues. I’ve never seen him self gratify but once he told me that he did so I know he does do it sometimes. He’s not into role playing but I’m sure he’d enjoy some lingerie so I’ll try that.
It’s already over. She’s already cheating and now making excuses to create the space necessary to do so without guilt or interference.
She is now self-proclaimed bi-sexual but has never had an encounter with the same sex, she just says she knows in her heart how she feels.
I mean, how do you think it works? Ideally people already have the attraction before they have an encounter, right? The desire for polyamory is a separate thing, btw.
Practically, you need to prioritizing the logistics of evicting her, and prepare to pull the plug on your financial support.
I agree. My dogs have never tried to bite anyone, nor have they tried to bite or fight with other dogs. With that being said, I’d never let them around cats or other small animals, because they have a high prey drive. That doesn’t mean I need to put them down. I think one of the animals should be re-homed, or this couple needs to separate.
The problem is that you can not trust your husband ever again. There is no re-attaining that trust. He threw you under the bus on Ali's say so alone. He threw you out and decided that being the single life was fun until he found out Ali lied about you. But it was too late. You didn't have an affair but he slept around, like a dog, while you suffered. How are you supposed to trust he won't do this all over again? If he was so in love with you, how come he was sleeping around within months of your separation? What he did cannot but undone. He cannot even blame Ali for his own infidelity.
If you wouldn't have come back except for your child, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Your child will know that you are just there for them. They will know that they are the cause of their parents' misery. This child is being brought into the ruins of a relationship, a dead marriage.
Do both of you a favor. Set both of you free. There is a chance for happiness for both of you but it isn't together. Show your child that you can recover from mistakes and be happy again. Don't chain yourselves to the misery that Ali started but your husband made so much worse.
You’re on a throwaway, you might as well be honest about things, who cares if you sound stupid on reddit, it’s more important to get opinions based on the reality of your situation.
Hey I've been in this situation as an introvert myself and all I can say is try to plan some sort of activity even if it's a book or video game and try to see it as treating yourself. Watch things he doesn't like and do things he doesn't like to do together and treat it as me time. Also try to plan things with friends if you don't need as much down time.
But ultimately even if you feel like you want to be with him every night you would probably hate it if you actually did spend that much time with him, and you need this time to recharge just as much as he does. Try to think of it as poasitive time to recharge and t
He was fine raw dogging me, again I don’t see any possibility of him having them unless he was only raw dogging me, and using them on someone else. If they were old, how come I have never seen them before? I’ve seen his drawers and all his stuff and never seen them before.
She's negging him. She's dragging him down to make her feel better about herself, but also to convince him to cheat, hoping he'll feel so low that he would accept her advances.
I absolutely wouldn't be forgiving her. She tried to destroy your marriage and your husband's self-confidence, his trust in you, his whole body image and perception out of jealousy and ugliness.
“”his body his choice” is the most useless advice on this sub. In a relationship, the mindset “I do what I want regardless of my partner” is a recipe for loss of trust. He had to communicate it before doing it. That doesn't mean blocking him from doing it but that's the least he should do in a healthy relationship: communicate, especially on such altering procedures.
You are a good brother and human being. Please try not to be scared. You are doing a wonderful thing for your sister. Your ex was expecting you to let your sister sit in a dirty diaper until your mom came home and you don’t know when she will be home. Your ex has no compassion at all and honestly you dodged a bullet, she sounds controlling. I wish you the best OP.
For what it's worth, I get why you're upset: you two made a deal, and you feel like he's reneging on his side of the bargain. I think that reaction is reasonable and fair.
But being right doesn't actually get you closer to a solution. The solution is going to have to come from you two having open conversations. If you need a hand, find a good therapist to help.
I can assure you im not leaving anything out. He knows I play on his phone because he has so many more games than I do. I’m a curious person, I have permission from him to be on his phone.
Explain to your boyfriend that your speech for your sister's wedding is about you and your sister. It is not about him. You gave the speech that you felt was right for your sister's big day.
If he insists on continuing to pout and make a fuss over you not sufficiently coddling him, and not making your sister's wedding speech about stroking his ego, it's time to look for another boyfriend. Because this will not be the last time you find yourself begging for forgiveness after not doing anything wrong, and life is too short for that BS
Say goodbye to your gf
I thought that too, but every time he sent another like in my queue, he added a message acknowledging that this isn’t the first time. For eg., “Applying for a second chance” & “Third time’s a charm” is what he wrote, despite him being the one to constantly drop the conversation and unmatch me?
New conversations are sometimes unavoidably awkward, but it's the only way to move forward.
I have. Im too worked up and sad to sleep rn
Yes, it is, I love him as a friend, but that's all for now. There were times when I got a little bit confused but those were only my hormones (it's very easy to confuse sexual attraction with love).
Yes, you are right. I am a bit on the fence, though, because he is so anxious about our friends. First I should talk to him about it I guess, and then with our friends. If he is so hellbent that it could somehow go wrong and then he would be crucified because of it, I should respect it.
Thanks again!:)
Just for clarity are you both baptised Catholics? If not, they're not going to want to marry you.
It would be amazingly hypocritical for you to go through a Catholic wedding when you don't believe.
The best thing you can do is acknowledge what he’s going to do and continue to offer your support if he needs it.
Hope is a funny thing. It can be really good or really treacherous depending on what drives it.
It can be good in motivating people but it can also be bad in that nothing you can say or do can change the mind or actions of someone who has that degree of happiness and self worth riding on hope especially when it comes to love.
You can speak your fears and convey concern like a good friend will do, but I wouldn’t push it too naked. Just be there as much as you can.
Thanks 🙂 this was really nice to hear
When a relationship has become all about the fighting, it's time for it to end.
I disagree. People have the right to choose who comes into their home. If OP wants to see her sister she can do it elsewhere. Her husband has made his boundary clear. If she keeps violating the boundary they he should divorce her. She has no respect for him, their marriage, or their home bringing in an addict who has been arrested and hospitalized, refuses all help, shows up at midnight, etc.
EDIT: Apparently, OP deleted her post regarding her sister's serious mental health and addiction issues.
To be honest, unless the person is likely to harm someone else, I don’t think the police should be involved. We do need to stop relying on the police to solve every single problem.
But there definitely is a gap in services that could be incredibly helpful to families who have loved ones like this. Like maybe we should have social workers who specialize in adults with mental health issues/addiction? We still can’t help people unless they want to be helped (this is for very good reason. We have a bad history of involuntary hospitalization), but if there were a service that families could call and get a professional out there to help navigate everything, and help talk to the person to try to convince them to get help, that would be a major benefit to a lot of people. Oh, and if treatment was actually affordable, that would be great too— but since they’re adults, they have to use their own health insurance, and if they’re in a really bad state, they probably don’t have a job to provide it.
It could very well have been a pocket dial if it was 3 seconds…
Why the hell did you not consider this OP?
You don’t have anyone to blame but yourself for this. You can feel however you wish, the story doesn’t add up and you decide to go nuclear and blow up your relationship over a potential pocket dial, or hesitant call of 3 seconds that abruptly ended.
Give your head a shake man, and perhaps you should seek some help for dealing with your insecurities. They are your responsibility to deal with, not a potential partners.
No. She is responsible for getting to and from her job
You’ve come for justification, you ain’t going to get it from me.
You know you should tell her and face the consequences.
Your behavior is justification for him leaving you, but not cheating on you. It may be that him making out with another woman means he has one foot out of the door, but he should have broken up with you first.
Girl he is going to chew you up and spit you out in a few years time, at which point you won't even recognise yourself. He is abusive!!! Get out now before too much damage is done. You are only 18 and do not need to be wasting your young years trying to recover from him. Get out now whilst you can
She says she can't imagine a life without me and still wants to have that future.
What does she have to show for that? Because nothing in what you told in your post shows that she wants to have a life with you.
I think she is scared to be alone and you're better to her than being alone.
Also: you were assaulted and spent time in the hospital. She apparently thought this was THE BEST TIME to have sex with her co-worker. I doubt this was the first time.
Ask yourself:
Do you want to spend the time and energy to fix something that she has broken? Do you think she is going to put in the effort to fix what she has broken? Do you think you can ever trust her again?
If you can answer all three questions wholeheartedly and without a doubt with 'Yes', go for reconciliation. If not, I think you are only delaying the inevitable by reconciling.
To answer your question: yes
He is pretty healthy. Eats good, works out a few times a week, no major health issues. I’ve never seen him self gratify but once he told me that he did so I know he does do it sometimes. He’s not into role playing but I’m sure he’d enjoy some lingerie so I’ll try that.
It’s already over. She’s already cheating and now making excuses to create the space necessary to do so without guilt or interference.
She is now self-proclaimed bi-sexual but has never had an encounter with the same sex, she just says she knows in her heart how she feels.
I mean, how do you think it works? Ideally people already have the attraction before they have an encounter, right? The desire for polyamory is a separate thing, btw.
Practically, you need to prioritizing the logistics of evicting her, and prepare to pull the plug on your financial support.
I agree. My dogs have never tried to bite anyone, nor have they tried to bite or fight with other dogs. With that being said, I’d never let them around cats or other small animals, because they have a high prey drive. That doesn’t mean I need to put them down. I think one of the animals should be re-homed, or this couple needs to separate.
Leave her please. She will not sto lying I promise you.
The problem is that you can not trust your husband ever again. There is no re-attaining that trust. He threw you under the bus on Ali's say so alone. He threw you out and decided that being the single life was fun until he found out Ali lied about you. But it was too late. You didn't have an affair but he slept around, like a dog, while you suffered. How are you supposed to trust he won't do this all over again? If he was so in love with you, how come he was sleeping around within months of your separation? What he did cannot but undone. He cannot even blame Ali for his own infidelity.
If you wouldn't have come back except for your child, you are doing it for the wrong reasons. Your child will know that you are just there for them. They will know that they are the cause of their parents' misery. This child is being brought into the ruins of a relationship, a dead marriage.
Do both of you a favor. Set both of you free. There is a chance for happiness for both of you but it isn't together. Show your child that you can recover from mistakes and be happy again. Don't chain yourselves to the misery that Ali started but your husband made so much worse.
You’re on a throwaway, you might as well be honest about things, who cares if you sound stupid on reddit, it’s more important to get opinions based on the reality of your situation.
Hey I've been in this situation as an introvert myself and all I can say is try to plan some sort of activity even if it's a book or video game and try to see it as treating yourself. Watch things he doesn't like and do things he doesn't like to do together and treat it as me time. Also try to plan things with friends if you don't need as much down time.
But ultimately even if you feel like you want to be with him every night you would probably hate it if you actually did spend that much time with him, and you need this time to recharge just as much as he does. Try to think of it as poasitive time to recharge and t
Don't do anything you don't want to.
He was fine raw dogging me, again I don’t see any possibility of him having them unless he was only raw dogging me, and using them on someone else. If they were old, how come I have never seen them before? I’ve seen his drawers and all his stuff and never seen them before.
She doesn't sound fed up, OP sounds fed up.
Everyone pays in life somehow. The people that think “oh only people like me pay” are self absorbed little shits.
Also. I would like to add.
Real mature, to insult people, using a throwaway account ?
I can't see all of your comment, and I don't need to to know that I'm fighting a losing battle trying to educate a fool.
Have a nice night.
✌️
He groomed you and now because you are too old he goes to your sister.
Wtf are you talking about. Hsv-1 isn't an std, most people get it when they're kids, sharing food, drinking from the carton. A dozen other ways.
She's negging him. She's dragging him down to make her feel better about herself, but also to convince him to cheat, hoping he'll feel so low that he would accept her advances.
I absolutely wouldn't be forgiving her. She tried to destroy your marriage and your husband's self-confidence, his trust in you, his whole body image and perception out of jealousy and ugliness.
“”his body his choice” is the most useless advice on this sub. In a relationship, the mindset “I do what I want regardless of my partner” is a recipe for loss of trust. He had to communicate it before doing it. That doesn't mean blocking him from doing it but that's the least he should do in a healthy relationship: communicate, especially on such altering procedures.
You are a good brother and human being. Please try not to be scared. You are doing a wonderful thing for your sister. Your ex was expecting you to let your sister sit in a dirty diaper until your mom came home and you don’t know when she will be home. Your ex has no compassion at all and honestly you dodged a bullet, she sounds controlling. I wish you the best OP.
Guys it’s not a catfish I already met her many times and I know her family
The only comment that OP needs to read
Just a complete random thought, is she worried she’s pregnant through some other means and it’s manifesting?
For what it's worth, I get why you're upset: you two made a deal, and you feel like he's reneging on his side of the bargain. I think that reaction is reasonable and fair.
But being right doesn't actually get you closer to a solution. The solution is going to have to come from you two having open conversations. If you need a hand, find a good therapist to help.
My advice is to not introduce your next boyfriend to your family unless they’ve learned how to be civil.
I can assure you im not leaving anything out. He knows I play on his phone because he has so many more games than I do. I’m a curious person, I have permission from him to be on his phone.
Ohhhhhh she needs to move out and get a new job?!
I like this approach, thank you