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It's a way of coping with intense emotion. Physical pain often provides an emotional “hard reset”. I struggled with self harm for about a decade starting in my teens to deal with my anger. I didn't have an outlet for it, I couldn't make the feeling go away, and I knew that taking it out on other people was wrong, so I engaged in self harm. Again, physical pain provides an emotional reset. Your husband is engaging in a very mild version of self harm. It does not make him dangerous, but is a sign that perhaps he could benefit from cognative behavioral therapy to learn healthier outlets for intense emotion.
Counterpoint: Some people are super savvy unrepentant narcissistic a-holes. These types DELIGHT in “turning “ normal people to the dark side.
In this case your wife is not poly. But if he can infect her (totally unethical poly behavior!!) then he “wins.”
He’s HAPPY to destroy her life and her marriage.
If your wife is naive and hasn’t dealt with anything or anyone this venal before, it’s worth attempting couples counseling and trying to connect with her. She might be out of her league and unaware of the consequences.
If she’s unable to see the forest for the trees, then dump her.
EDIT: He’s 100% using her and doesn’t care about her at all. I hope she understands his primary goal is to fuck up her life. That’s not love.