Dude, cheating isn't an “oopsie I made a mistake”, especially if it's multiple times, hotels booked, constantly lying to your wife. That's not what a mistake is.
I have tried watching movies and distracting myself with work. It doesn’t work. I’m telling you it’s not working.
Okay, well you got your advice from people, and your response once again is, “no, can't do that, won't work”.
So you're on your own then. None of the advice people have works for you for all the reasons you respond with.
My honest advice is to look into cheap/free therapy you can attend live and start building up your self-worth and confidence again so you don't get treated like this. Because you're right, you DO deserve better. You deserve to be happy.
But you will respond saying “no, that will never work because __________ and _______”
After that, what else are people supposed to say then? Other than, “alright, whatever OP, good luck then?”
During his last visit his girlfriend and I got into a fight via text
The argument wasnt with her. You should have talked to him. This was his time with his daughter and HIS reactions to incoming texts, regardless of who they were from, were taking his time away from his daughter.
I gave him my phone
I think were giving him too much credit. He is not your partner anymore. He's nto someone you should be giving your phone to in some attempt to bring him onto “your” side of this debate.
I want her to have a relationship with her dad,
At this point, yes, you do seem bitter and it seems more like you want a relationship with her Dad.
I know people will disagree with me, but I found that it was difficult as a Father to relate to a new born baby. I suspect the experience is very different than the experience the mother has. I loved my babies but I didnt really begin to relate to them in a deeper way until they were older and could interact with me more. He isnt even in the house with the child all the time so he is not going to feel connected.
As for moving an hour further away? 6 hours? 7 hours? At that distance the extra hour is neglible. And remember he has a g/f that would be happy to get further away and he doesnt have a connection with the child like you, as primary carer, do.
Seems he does have a plan for being in his daughter's life. He wants custody.
Good luck.
You're not bitter, but you do seem slightly naive.
I hear you, and softening the tone in situations like this seems wholly unhelpful. Isn’t it better for OP to have all the information, than to have people tell her things that aren’t true?
You do you. But for the record, most people prefer the truth.
My brother is married to a Jewish woman and he did not have to convert, BUT his sons were circumcised at birth and are being raised Jewish. So I don’t think you should have to be circumcised but I think you need to work out what religion (if any) your children will be brought up in. I have see many relationships break up when children are born and which religion rules causes so many fights.
Wow. This is literally you getting what you wanted and now you're mad. Sounds like you had an amazing husband but weren't willing to see that until it was too late. I hope he runs
You need to end things. The sooner, the better- for both of you. Spare her feelings and keep yourself sane and available for a relationship you want to pursue by ending it ASAP. You both deserve more.
Yeah she was trying to cheat on you because you didn’t “show affection towards her” but really she should talk to you so she doesn’t deserve you because her action shows that.
I didn't say that people don't get married here, obviously they do.
However, my experience is that it's not a big deal if you don't, and it's not particularly expected that you will. That doesn't appear to be the case in the US, where it seems from comments in this sub and others, that there is more of an expectation that long-term relationships will inevitably lead to marriage, and if they don't, it's something that you should be wary of, or some kind of red flag.
I do understand you guys have a good relationship. The problem is that a good relationship isn't enough to just have a sound family. Maybe a part of you wishes he will come around but it's not going to happen randomly.
You want to give your son his best shot, but is your partner looking at it the same way? To me, it's obvious if he can't deal with his parents then he has to stop interacting with them. He has to be willing to admit the faults in them and in himself. That, he needs therapy and some tough decisions need to be made about his parents, REGARDLESS if they are solved or not.
If you decide to pick this battle he has with parents, you are ultimately picking two battles. I can't emphasize enough that if you want to fulfil any of these dreams you have, you really need a dependable partner. One that WILL pull through at times of a crisis. What's going to happen if your son gets sick? What if you got in an accident? One of you loses your jobs? What is a natural disaster affected your house? Meanwhile your partner is still on this quest of fishing for his parents attention no matter the cost.
We’ve never set any boundaries with each other. What boundary do you suspect he’s crossed? I’m trying to breathe out the toxicity which is why I haven’t engaged any further. Thanks for the reminder.
Not really sure what that means? I was just trying to convey that my husband isn't physically attracted to her and I see it as disrespectful vs jealousy. I wasn't trying to be rude just factual.
Me and my 5 brothers are all in our 20s and 30s. Every single time we all come home for the holidays there’s at least one wrestling match. I imagine your position would be similar to if one of my brothers were gay, and their partner had to watch said wrestling. I don’t know what they would feel, but I imagine they would feel something. There are so many unique people out there. So many different families. You gotta have an open mind to that. I think you should put a little work into why you’re this uncomfortable, more than just because it’s not like how you were raised
Ask her about her childhood. Those love languages have an equivalent in relationships she had before you. Write them all down, and have her think of instances where she felt best.
It can lie dormant for years, and randomly reactivate (are you saying that’s incorrect? Because it’s not incorrect – mine has been mostly dormant but randomly reactivates across a 15 year time span now). I am immune compromised and cannot get rid of the virus. HPV 16 and 18 are linked with cervical cancer so it’s important to be tested for them and any cervical changes. Luckily with regular screening the cell changes are typically detected well before cancer develops. But that’s if you’re actually being screened regularly.
Fun is exactly what you'd think it means. If you said you'd have more fun being single, then there isn't much room for misinterpretation – he's crushed cause you essentially stated he's unfun, and that's the telltale sign a relationship isn't gonna last.
a lot of people wanted more context, there really isn’t any, i asked him where he was, and tried to call him and he responded with “im out”. I asked him with who, it was Monday evening, he said “can’t, im with a (insert word)”. I tried to message him again and he ghosted me. for everyone asking me to speak to my guardians, they are both white and don’t really know what to do other than the, block and delete. I’ve been with him for 2 years and I can’t decide if this is something i can try to resolve, or something that isn’t worth fixing..
This is a bad situation. I don't know about your financial situation here, but I think it's time to make arrangements. Putting money aside, and as soon as you can, you can move out. If you have friends or family close, maybe move in there?
If you have to stay and keep saving up, I think you should put your foot down and confront him about these games he is playing and tell him you won't be intimate with him anymore. If he is all smiling and loving just to get some puss, you don't want it. If he ain't genuine with you, you don't want him.
This is a bad situation. I don't know about your financial situation here, but I think it's time to make arrangements. Putting money aside, and as soon as you can, you can move out. If you have friends or family close, maybe move in there?
If you have to stay and keep saving up, I think you should put your foot down and confront him about these games he is playing and tell him you won't be intimate with him anymore. If he is all smiling and loving just to get some puss, you don't want it. If he ain't genuine with you, you don't want him.
parents are far from perfect
Dude, cheating isn't an “oopsie I made a mistake”, especially if it's multiple times, hotels booked, constantly lying to your wife. That's not what a mistake is.
Tell he to keep her cellulite ridden ass away from your man. Your house is an STD free zone!
Yes, I agree. If I say anything, it definitely won't be in his physical presence. I'm literally shaking just thinking about it.
Biggest red flag? He got defensive. Hands down.
Go to a marriage therapist. ASAP
I have tried watching movies and distracting myself with work. It doesn’t work. I’m telling you it’s not working.
Okay, well you got your advice from people, and your response once again is, “no, can't do that, won't work”.
So you're on your own then. None of the advice people have works for you for all the reasons you respond with.
My honest advice is to look into cheap/free therapy you can attend live and start building up your self-worth and confidence again so you don't get treated like this. Because you're right, you DO deserve better. You deserve to be happy.
But you will respond saying “no, that will never work because __________ and _______”
After that, what else are people supposed to say then? Other than, “alright, whatever OP, good luck then?”
Yeah… I asked a yes or no question it shouldn't be that very hot to answer.
According do Guiness world records the youngest premature baby to survive was born after 21 weeks gestation. This story does not add up.
Also you're like a raw nerve and instantly react to anything, which then in turn causes problems.. no matter how the person initially meant it.
During his last visit his girlfriend and I got into a fight via text
The argument wasnt with her. You should have talked to him. This was his time with his daughter and HIS reactions to incoming texts, regardless of who they were from, were taking his time away from his daughter.
I gave him my phone
I think were giving him too much credit. He is not your partner anymore. He's nto someone you should be giving your phone to in some attempt to bring him onto “your” side of this debate.
I want her to have a relationship with her dad,
At this point, yes, you do seem bitter and it seems more like you want a relationship with her Dad.
I know people will disagree with me, but I found that it was difficult as a Father to relate to a new born baby. I suspect the experience is very different than the experience the mother has. I loved my babies but I didnt really begin to relate to them in a deeper way until they were older and could interact with me more. He isnt even in the house with the child all the time so he is not going to feel connected.
As for moving an hour further away? 6 hours? 7 hours? At that distance the extra hour is neglible. And remember he has a g/f that would be happy to get further away and he doesnt have a connection with the child like you, as primary carer, do.
Seems he does have a plan for being in his daughter's life. He wants custody.
Good luck.
You're not bitter, but you do seem slightly naive.
Yes you are too young for him. It’s really creepy for an 38 years old to date a 23 young girl. How old were you when you guys got together?
I hear you, and softening the tone in situations like this seems wholly unhelpful. Isn’t it better for OP to have all the information, than to have people tell her things that aren’t true?
You do you. But for the record, most people prefer the truth.
Porn addict, no real social skills. Did you say it was his first relationship? Color me surprised.
My brother is married to a Jewish woman and he did not have to convert, BUT his sons were circumcised at birth and are being raised Jewish. So I don’t think you should have to be circumcised but I think you need to work out what religion (if any) your children will be brought up in. I have see many relationships break up when children are born and which religion rules causes so many fights.
Wow. This is literally you getting what you wanted and now you're mad. Sounds like you had an amazing husband but weren't willing to see that until it was too late. I hope he runs
Well I have known her for long, she wasn’t ready for a relationship at first place because it was sin and we are in a relationship. That’s why.
You need to end things. The sooner, the better- for both of you. Spare her feelings and keep yourself sane and available for a relationship you want to pursue by ending it ASAP. You both deserve more.
Yeah, fortunately the visa process takes about a year. So we won't be able to get married until then.
How “late” was late for you?
Yeah she was trying to cheat on you because you didn’t “show affection towards her” but really she should talk to you so she doesn’t deserve you because her action shows that.
I didn't say that people don't get married here, obviously they do.
However, my experience is that it's not a big deal if you don't, and it's not particularly expected that you will. That doesn't appear to be the case in the US, where it seems from comments in this sub and others, that there is more of an expectation that long-term relationships will inevitably lead to marriage, and if they don't, it's something that you should be wary of, or some kind of red flag.
I do understand you guys have a good relationship. The problem is that a good relationship isn't enough to just have a sound family. Maybe a part of you wishes he will come around but it's not going to happen randomly.
You want to give your son his best shot, but is your partner looking at it the same way? To me, it's obvious if he can't deal with his parents then he has to stop interacting with them. He has to be willing to admit the faults in them and in himself. That, he needs therapy and some tough decisions need to be made about his parents, REGARDLESS if they are solved or not.
If you decide to pick this battle he has with parents, you are ultimately picking two battles. I can't emphasize enough that if you want to fulfil any of these dreams you have, you really need a dependable partner. One that WILL pull through at times of a crisis. What's going to happen if your son gets sick? What if you got in an accident? One of you loses your jobs? What is a natural disaster affected your house? Meanwhile your partner is still on this quest of fishing for his parents attention no matter the cost.
We’ve never set any boundaries with each other. What boundary do you suspect he’s crossed? I’m trying to breathe out the toxicity which is why I haven’t engaged any further. Thanks for the reminder.
Break up and walk away. He has zero respect for you and doesn't care about anything but himself and her TITS. Walk away
adults can't “run away”
people leave in these ways because they are afraid
Not really sure what that means? I was just trying to convey that my husband isn't physically attracted to her and I see it as disrespectful vs jealousy. I wasn't trying to be rude just factual.
This would DEFINITELY be a deal breaker for me.
TIL honest and direct communication is being a dick.
I actually thought they wrote that pretty nicely. What exactly about their response makes them “such a dick?”
Me and my 5 brothers are all in our 20s and 30s. Every single time we all come home for the holidays there’s at least one wrestling match. I imagine your position would be similar to if one of my brothers were gay, and their partner had to watch said wrestling. I don’t know what they would feel, but I imagine they would feel something. There are so many unique people out there. So many different families. You gotta have an open mind to that. I think you should put a little work into why you’re this uncomfortable, more than just because it’s not like how you were raised
Ask her about her childhood. Those love languages have an equivalent in relationships she had before you. Write them all down, and have her think of instances where she felt best.
She doesn’t want him having children with anyone else, he wants to leave that option open, is my guess.
It can lie dormant for years, and randomly reactivate (are you saying that’s incorrect? Because it’s not incorrect – mine has been mostly dormant but randomly reactivates across a 15 year time span now). I am immune compromised and cannot get rid of the virus. HPV 16 and 18 are linked with cervical cancer so it’s important to be tested for them and any cervical changes. Luckily with regular screening the cell changes are typically detected well before cancer develops. But that’s if you’re actually being screened regularly.
You did get her a gift. You wrote a song
I agree, yes, she had phone tracking on.
Why should he give up a friend just because you’re insecure?
Yeah, your title sounds horrible.
Fun is exactly what you'd think it means. If you said you'd have more fun being single, then there isn't much room for misinterpretation – he's crushed cause you essentially stated he's unfun, and that's the telltale sign a relationship isn't gonna last.
Me me me, ??????! I agree with your BFF. You're going to destroy your life. Pls don't do it.
Don’t worry about it. You’re going to find someone and I’ll bet, it’s going to be incredible.
a lot of people wanted more context, there really isn’t any, i asked him where he was, and tried to call him and he responded with “im out”. I asked him with who, it was Monday evening, he said “can’t, im with a (insert word)”. I tried to message him again and he ghosted me. for everyone asking me to speak to my guardians, they are both white and don’t really know what to do other than the, block and delete. I’ve been with him for 2 years and I can’t decide if this is something i can try to resolve, or something that isn’t worth fixing..
Right! I was thinking the same thing. Like this person obviously didn't read the post ????
This is a bad situation. I don't know about your financial situation here, but I think it's time to make arrangements. Putting money aside, and as soon as you can, you can move out. If you have friends or family close, maybe move in there?
If you have to stay and keep saving up, I think you should put your foot down and confront him about these games he is playing and tell him you won't be intimate with him anymore. If he is all smiling and loving just to get some puss, you don't want it. If he ain't genuine with you, you don't want him.
You are not a toy for him to play with.
This is a bad situation. I don't know about your financial situation here, but I think it's time to make arrangements. Putting money aside, and as soon as you can, you can move out. If you have friends or family close, maybe move in there?
If you have to stay and keep saving up, I think you should put your foot down and confront him about these games he is playing and tell him you won't be intimate with him anymore. If he is all smiling and loving just to get some puss, you don't want it. If he ain't genuine with you, you don't want him.
You are not a toy for him to play with.