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You need to tell your wife about Sam and then you need to distance yourself from her for a little, but most likely permanently.
The thing is, Sam waited until you were at your lowest and most vulnerable to express how she felt about you. Not only that, she admitted that she has always had feelings for you and has stayed in contacted and got a job at your place of work to be near you. She has never dated, most likely because she has been waiting for her opportunity with you. This is concerning behaviour – obsessive behaviour.
Even more concerning is her jealousy of your wife. Ask yourself a question, if you and Tina split up would Sam be there to support you both or would she ditch Tina for you and end the friendship with her then and there? This woman has been pretending to be your wife’s friend so that she can be close to you. She spends time with your child so she can be close to you.
You need to tell your wife everything that happened in your childhood and everything that is happening now. She can’t be there to support you if she doesn’t know what is going on. Let her be that support system you need right now.
I’m sorry for the loss of your brother, I’m sorry your dad was/is mean and hateful, and I’m sorry you had such a rough childhood.
Best of luck!
So, he's never shown any signs.
Sometimes, that intuition is just anxiety. You being SCARED, and you picking up on signs, are two very different things.
In stead of asking to see his phone, because the second you do that, he'll feel like you're accusing him. you need to look inside of you, and see what's making you anxious. You also need to do the actual mature thing, and have a real talk with your BF. Talk about your fears, without the accusing undertone. aknowledge that “intuition” without actual SIGNS is just anxiety. Be real with yourself, and him. And THEN you can build up a safety towards eachother together.
If you want a mature relationship, do the mature thing.
She doesn’t want to cut off I think. She invited us for a dinner for her birthday. Should I go and try to mend things?