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Thank you for the point of view. I guess I have a prideful ego and I am ashamed to ask him because I feel embarrassed to ask for help
He’s going to baby trap you 100%. You barely know him and you’re moving in. And he already wants to get married and is talking about kids.
Definitely wait longer. You need more time to see how he acts in person. Give it a year or 2 then reconsider.
Fair. I’ll take your word for it and try my hardest to avoid going down a path where anyone describes me that way.
Fair. I’ll take your word for it and try my hardest to avoid going down a path where anyone describes me that way.
you're right, re-reading this post without context it sounds terrifying, and I apologize for that. I wrote while I was angry. I'm not a morbid attention seeker, quite the opposite in fact. I tend to give space to others a lot, but because I love to behave like this. however, this thing in my relationship has led me to feel transparent. I'm about to finish my studies, it's very close to the beginning of my adult life. I haven't received even a word of interest in this step of my life that I feel is very important, she is aware. I don't demand much, but she often seems to stay with me only for what I give her, totally forgetting about me as a person. my best friend ended up in hospital in october with a stroke, now she has a scar on her brain and she is fighting with her life. two days ago, when I was talking to her about the scar, she said “ah, I thought it was a heart problem”. all these little things then make me blow up on bullshit like teddy bear. is that I often feel very neglected.
Yeah but 4/50 states aren’t great odds
Congratulations on having a daughter.
Start therapy. Having a new baby and adjusting to life afterwards is naked. We as women try to do everything ourselves. Therapy can honestly help you work through your emotions.
Good luck.
I'm so sorry and I hope this won't come off as harsh, as I am so so so upset on your behalf.
You need to leave this guy. He doesn't love you and he is not your friend. The first time you had sex, was sexual abuse, if not borderline assault. No wonder you are back to square one!
Repeatedly pulling away, only for him to grab you and force you back into sexual behavior.
Saying no and totally opening up to him about why you're not comfortable and instead of him understanding that and letting you know he cares about you and is happy to go at your pace and make sure you are comfortable, he immediately asked for oral sex.
And after he kept pestering you, despite knowing you did not want to have sex, you said “fine just have sex with me if you want to so bad”, which to a decent guy would be a big signal of “oh shit, I am behaving like a rapist and need to stop because this girl does not want to have sex with me right now”. He also continued until he came, even though you lay there like a corpse.
Ever since, he has not made an effort to be gentle with you during sex, even though he has a deep understanding of your trauma.
You really need to cut this guy out of your life. This is a sexual abusive situation and not at all what you need. He is obviously not who you thought he is. I hope you can get away from this relationship before it causes you more trauma and emotional damage. You deserve better than this.
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Yes, THIS. This is the part that gets to me the most. If he truly regretted his outburst, he’d have been blowing up your phone with apologetic text message after apologetic text message, frantically calling you, pulling you aside at the dinner and whispering he understood what he said was unforgivable, could you please talk about it after the party. Not only did he not try to reach out to you at any point after you left, nor speak to you at the part, he just…went back home and straight to bed acting like this never happened? Straight up psycho behavior, I would be scared. OP, start quietly planning your exit post haste!
Right? Kudos to her for telling him after she told the other guy first. /s Considering he felt the same, they'd decided together about what to do with those feelings before even coming clean to OP.
What are the range of explanation for him having a sex worker's number in his phone?
he visits that sex worker he was planning to visit that sex worker and….?
He very much does want to be a parent, we've talked about that a million times. He just doesn't want to have a baby yet and is convinced he'd be a bad dad if we had a baby right now
Her Mom is setting her up for failure. She's going to grow up to be an entitled selfish brat. No one is going to put up with her thinking the world owes her. She needs to say no and stay strong. Take away TV, phone, tablet, whatever. Keep doing this until she learns not to hit and bite.
I guess yeah, I kind of figured we would go and others in the group would get a lapdance and that we were just there for a few drinks and bonding with the co workers. But I probably should have expected it.. I guess I just expected her to have a conversation with me about it since she’s usually an amazing communicator before actually going through with it and saying nothing ahh. Thanks for your opinion
So he's isolating you, doesn't help with the baby, ignores you when you try to talk to him and/or flips it around on you so that you're the problem and he isn't… does he have any good sides here? I'm not talking about being a good dad (I know you said it, but I don't see how sleeping all day and not helping with your child makes someone a good dad), I mean in relation to you? Does he help you around the house? Tell you you're beautiful? Snuggle? Buy you gifts? (Idk what his love language would be, but those are all examples of different ones.)
You have needs that aren't being met, and if he can't meet them, or if he's refusing to meet them, then you two aren't compatible.
Men are visual creatures, he is satisfying his curiosity. If you have a Ferrari you're still going to check out a Lamborghini if you know that I mean
You sympathize with women but not with men.
OP not gonna lie, it makes you look like a massive creep.
He’s not interested in marriage, at least not with you & not right now. He said what he needed to say to keep you around. At best, you’re “worst case scenario” to him. You can do better.
She’s your friend. Bring it up. Be straightforward. Tell her what you didn’t like and why.
Ahold have had the conversation with your Mrs. It looks like you have something to hide by never saying anything. Are you getting reimbursed for gas and extra mileage?
Updateme!
I mean, this doesn’t really answer my question but I do want to on-line my own life, Its just difficult rn for financial reasons and the fact that despite the way he acts, he acts like me leaving is gonna ruin his relationship with his mom
He raped you, leave him.
Absolutely an excuse.
Update us and let us know what happens.
Stop having sex with her! Jeez.
Then, buy a pregnancy test and tell her you'll wait right there while she uses it. You need definitive proof.
If you were going to break up with her, why in the world would her being pregnant change that decision in any way??? Babies make relationships harder, not easier.
What was the conversation that prompted this comment? I think that context is important.
You have access to mental health help through your work? It's sounds like you're dealing w a lot, and you need a licensed professional to help you sort this out.
Maybe she just can't be bothered? Does it matter if you resolve or just let things be? Or are you having sinful lustful thoughts?
I think she quite clearly is into him romantically and just made a mistake when she responded to the last follow up about her liking him as a friend.
Why did it take 5 months to get here?
Get her out fast. Offer her cash if she leaves tomorrow.
Inform her that you forgive her – but no longer trust her. When she moves out ghost and block her.
You are not, and I mean NOT, being insecure. He's trying to be a player. Do yourself a favour and drop him. He's been on tinder the entire 2 years. Not sure how he finds anything other than female friends on tinder. Why is he looking for female friends and not male friends? To be fair, I don't know his, whatever it's called on these apps, profile? Maybe he's open to both on there. Respect yourself and stop being treated like this. You're no fool but he's making you think you are. Isn't the word gaslighting? Making you question what you know to be true until you don't believe yourself?
He knew her job already it's not like it was oh surprise honey btw I am going away for months on end for work Sorry I didn't tell you earlier
I agree. Have fun. Stay safe.
As stated in other comments, his family is not from our country originally. They are extremely religious traditional racist homophobic people. If he came out, most likely, his life would be in danger.
They require 30% down payments for mortgages? I don't know Canada like that so I'm genuinely curious.
I'm in Cali where houses go for about the same price at 1.5 million but our down payments are usually 3% to 10%.
I spend almost all of my freetime with him, and he has asked to marry me
Ask them why they’re so interested in y’all’s sex life. Fucking creeps.
NEVER have children to appease anyone—this includes for family, husband, bf, society, etc.
You mentioned pregnancy is too risky because of medical reasons. This is none of his family’s business. And regardless, your body, your choice. Your life and health.
I am childfree by choice; my life is fulfilling and I’m happy. Don’t let anyone tell you children are the only real joy and love you’ll know.