“Got the ick” ah yes the current I can't make a valid point so I'll try the shame tactic. He told a fucking joke that wasn't his. Yes clearly he has bodies in the freezer.
I’m sorry, OP: She’s given you her answer. If you respect her, you have to respect it rather than doing all of these mental logistics to work around it.
I can truly relate, having been in very similar situations—plural. Because as much as you think you’ll never click with someone like this again, that’s your youth speaking. You will. So channel your inner Elsa now, for the sake of your friendship if not for yourself.
That said, you can try to keep in touch with her after she leaves. Just don’t cling to hope or overanalyze things with her—get out there and date. Maybe she’ll be ready and interested later. If you’re still game, see how it goes.
But please don’t pressure her. Tell her exactly once, maybe in a goodbye card, that you’re standing down and she’ll have to let you know if her answer ever changes.
The first best girlfriend, there was no need whatsoever to even make that kind of comment about in the first place. Usually guys that are in love and respect their girlfriends don’t blurt out that their friend is the most beautiful thing on the planet, unless they are a special kind of moron. The second girl, she DID ask and that was on her. He did not affirm or deny, but for some moronic reason he decided it would be a marvelous idea to tell his gf he use to try to date her. A piece of info she could have lived without. And now he’s on a 4 day vacation with the most beautiful girl on the planet getting fucked up wasted every night with. Most normal people, including beautiful people who are in long term committed relationships would have a big issue with this.
I don’t see anyone here claiming people should not have attractive friends. A lot of people have attractive friends, but they don’t swoon all about them, talk about their past glories of trying date one of them, or go stay with one for days on end drinking like fish; which is an issue here. If your friend makes you have butterflies in your stomach or makes you horny and you are in a committed relationship, you should probably consider some boundaries to help quell temptation.
Nope. Sorry. Time blindness is real and it impacts every element of life with adhd. It does NOT mean people don’t care. Learning to manage it takes time. And resources. Considering how many women don’t get an adhd dx til later in life, they may not know those resources exist.
Best thing to do is just sit down and talk to him.
Have a calm conversation about how you're feeling. Ask him to let you get your points/feelings across without interrupting, and then let him respond without interrupting him. It's important to do it like this so you're not just going tit for tat & it breaking down into a squabble/heated argument where you just leave things in a worse state.
Explain what he's done and why it makes you feel the way it does.
Relationships are tough & can take a lot of work. My wife and I just had a baby (she's 16 days old now!) and we had to sit down and have a chat a few days in as we were both tired & pissing each other off without realising it & just winding each other up more. Having an honest conversation can go miles, even if it's tough to start that convo. We had one at 3am and it made the world of difference.
Having that convo before things go too far is a must, as sometimes you can leave it too long and you can't repair it.
Unfortunately the problem is more than just your low self-esteem. No matter how much self-appreciation you may develop, if your bf leaves for her ex (should she reach out to him) it would be a blow anyway.
I am not quite sure what do, can he get over his ex to the point he would reject her if she wanted him back (to stay with you)? Maybe, maybe not. I don't want to lie here.
Then just leave her?? Tf? I don’t understand this having to convince yourself thing, if it’s that bad then leave her or do some soul searching because maybe deep down you know it is you. Hopefully the 14 hours of silence is just her ghosting you for good though
If you tell him, and his response is “are you ready for this? What about your study / career etc” – what will you say?
Goof ball? He's a self centered, psycho, shut head.
Ignore that person, they are trying to victim blame. There is no excuse for talking to you the way he did.
“Got the ick” ah yes the current I can't make a valid point so I'll try the shame tactic. He told a fucking joke that wasn't his. Yes clearly he has bodies in the freezer.
I’m sorry, OP: She’s given you her answer. If you respect her, you have to respect it rather than doing all of these mental logistics to work around it.
I can truly relate, having been in very similar situations—plural. Because as much as you think you’ll never click with someone like this again, that’s your youth speaking. You will. So channel your inner Elsa now, for the sake of your friendship if not for yourself.
That said, you can try to keep in touch with her after she leaves. Just don’t cling to hope or overanalyze things with her—get out there and date. Maybe she’ll be ready and interested later. If you’re still game, see how it goes.
But please don’t pressure her. Tell her exactly once, maybe in a goodbye card, that you’re standing down and she’ll have to let you know if her answer ever changes.
Without respect, there can be no love.
The first best girlfriend, there was no need whatsoever to even make that kind of comment about in the first place. Usually guys that are in love and respect their girlfriends don’t blurt out that their friend is the most beautiful thing on the planet, unless they are a special kind of moron. The second girl, she DID ask and that was on her. He did not affirm or deny, but for some moronic reason he decided it would be a marvelous idea to tell his gf he use to try to date her. A piece of info she could have lived without. And now he’s on a 4 day vacation with the most beautiful girl on the planet getting fucked up wasted every night with. Most normal people, including beautiful people who are in long term committed relationships would have a big issue with this.
I don’t see anyone here claiming people should not have attractive friends. A lot of people have attractive friends, but they don’t swoon all about them, talk about their past glories of trying date one of them, or go stay with one for days on end drinking like fish; which is an issue here. If your friend makes you have butterflies in your stomach or makes you horny and you are in a committed relationship, you should probably consider some boundaries to help quell temptation.
Nope. Sorry. Time blindness is real and it impacts every element of life with adhd. It does NOT mean people don’t care. Learning to manage it takes time. And resources. Considering how many women don’t get an adhd dx til later in life, they may not know those resources exist.
Best thing to do is just sit down and talk to him.
Have a calm conversation about how you're feeling. Ask him to let you get your points/feelings across without interrupting, and then let him respond without interrupting him. It's important to do it like this so you're not just going tit for tat & it breaking down into a squabble/heated argument where you just leave things in a worse state.
Explain what he's done and why it makes you feel the way it does.
Relationships are tough & can take a lot of work. My wife and I just had a baby (she's 16 days old now!) and we had to sit down and have a chat a few days in as we were both tired & pissing each other off without realising it & just winding each other up more. Having an honest conversation can go miles, even if it's tough to start that convo. We had one at 3am and it made the world of difference.
Having that convo before things go too far is a must, as sometimes you can leave it too long and you can't repair it.
Probably and ….. instead of addressing it, and being respectful to his friend, he was a coward and a disrespectful Arseh***
Unfortunately the problem is more than just your low self-esteem. No matter how much self-appreciation you may develop, if your bf leaves for her ex (should she reach out to him) it would be a blow anyway.
I am not quite sure what do, can he get over his ex to the point he would reject her if she wanted him back (to stay with you)? Maybe, maybe not. I don't want to lie here.
Here's another possibility. You're polyamorous. If your wife or other partner aren't, though… then you have some reordering of your life to do.
Then just leave her?? Tf? I don’t understand this having to convince yourself thing, if it’s that bad then leave her or do some soul searching because maybe deep down you know it is you. Hopefully the 14 hours of silence is just her ghosting you for good though