Try to spend some time connecting after a issue isn't love bombing, it's attempting to fix things, reconnect, and communicate. Thay are offering an olive branch, an invitation go work through things and reconcile. They are trying to show their partner that they care. They are trying to open a path to allow for communication. They didn't say “buy her a car, that'll fix it.” That said to try to connect with her by going on a date. Intention 100% DOES matter. Intention matters in EVERY situation. “Love bombing refers to intense emotions, affection, and admiration someone gives to another person in a relationship. Love bombing can happen at any stage of a relationship, but it’s more common when two people first meet. While all this attention may seem flattering, it can be dangerously manipulative. Some people use this tactic to gain trust and build intimacy quickly.” – choosingtherapy.com
Please do not immediately accuse people of having bad intentions or being manipulative, controlling, or abusive when it is clear they are not. I don't see one person on this thread who has even mentioned buying her gifts.
They didn't tell him to go buy her things, they recommended a date. To spent some time with her to help ease into healthy communication. Dont assume her love language isnt gifts of time. I think the OP would know their partner, and their love language. You shouldnt assume that everyone's intentions are bad and make unsupported deep personal accusations. When you throw in terms like love bombing in situations where they don't fit it muddles the term. Love bombing it trying to sway, purchase, influence, manipulate, or manipulate someone into forgiving you buy BOMBING them with oberwheming gifts, affection, or intense emotions. Please. Look up the terms you're using before accusing people of abuse. Its just a simple Google search.
It is being discouraged to study in the Netherlands unless you have a house available. Housing shortage is a real problem, and it will be a big problem if you don't get one before you go.
We online in times with the highest divorce rates in history. Is it crazy to protect your assets? If I had enough money right now to buy something, I'd buy it in my name only too. And you'd both have more money to spend if you both owned a property, right?
Sure, some people rather put money down together for a house. But don't expect everyone to do this. Women already have a huge advantage in a divorce. They often end up getting way more than 50/50. Let OP protect his assets, lmao.
This is really solid advice. Follow this for hard, effective flirting.
I was in a relationship like this, except more in the role of your boyfriend. Being rejected makes it nude to initiate, as you both know. Keep trying. It sounds like your communication is great, so if the flirting doesn't work you can always say so. So if he playfully pushes you away say ouch, and then he can let you know if he means it, etc.
I gave up what would have been a truly life changing job training opportunity for my then girlfriend (now ex wife). It was a bad decision. Follow the best path, if he is not excited about your future he is not the one.
Either dump her outright if you don’t feel like having a conversation about it.
Or
Have a conversation about the fact that you know he hit on her and she’s STILL planning to drive with him/do driving lessons. Ask her to cut contact with this guy completely outside of work. If she doesn’t then dump her.
Would you rather find out 18 years later that you have wasted your life with someone who was a liar and cheater? I mean yeah trust is important but if you aren’t hiding something why fight it?
You don’t. This isn’t something you want. Don’t do it just to keep someone who wants others when it’s obviously not something you are even kind of comfortable with much less actually want.
Break up, of course. I'd go to the session as a last session. You can tell him how you feel and what your expectations were with a 3rd party in the room who can help him understand that what he did was wrong.
Grand gestures are a red herring. You two need to figure out how to have healthy disagreements, ASAP. You say hurtful things in anger, he gives you the silent treatment: neither of these are acceptable in a functional relationship.
Are you willing to work on communication? Is he? If so, find a premarital counseling or couples therapy resource.
The best apology is taking action to make sure you never do that hurtful thing again.
I got myself into a little bit of debt last year and because of that it may show that my finances were separate to my partners we don't online together but we were planning on it but I made it clear that my money was my problem and my debts are my problem. I now coming out of that but I can't think of another reason he would want separate finances unless his were an absolute mess.
Even then if he is finally stable he needs to still experience having a separate finances for a little while to get back on his feet properly and to show consistency.
I wouldn't sign anything with him until you're sure that.
This is the sort of thing that could be completely innocent, or could be shady, and unfortunately the internet isn’t going to know which one.
I’ll stop typing mid sentence and lock my phone – sometimes it’s because I was in the middle of arguing with someone on twitter or adding yet another vote to an AITA post, and I don’t need to do either of those things and I lose nothing by stopping and paying attention to my partner. Sometimes I’m googling something personal and don’t want them to see, or I’m commenting on a smutty fan fiction that I would be super embarrassed for anyone to know I read. Or I’m writing smutty fiction I would be super embarrassed to own, though I’ve never been brave enough to publish anything so they mostly online in my email drafts because for some reason that seemed like a logical place to store them. I hide my screen when reading fanfic or romance novels, but if my partner wanted to know what I was doing I would at least tell them.
Really, you need to talk to your partner and find out what she says is going on. Based on her answer and how it makes you feel, decide from there if you believe her or not, and if you can online with the status quo or if there’s no trust there.
What do you think my stance is exactly? I’m a woman with no fertility issues, so why can’t I give birth? My stance is that they need to communicate, no idea why you’d think that’s “wild.”
The real question is if he has such a prevalent history of cheating and therefore a lack of respect for your relationship and you, why are you still with him?
Sounds like it.
His hook up was the reason he didn’t want you to come.
Ive had 5 month relations where 1 year after the relationship started, its like we never even knew eachother lol. This guy is strange
Try to spend some time connecting after a issue isn't love bombing, it's attempting to fix things, reconnect, and communicate. Thay are offering an olive branch, an invitation go work through things and reconcile. They are trying to show their partner that they care. They are trying to open a path to allow for communication. They didn't say “buy her a car, that'll fix it.” That said to try to connect with her by going on a date. Intention 100% DOES matter. Intention matters in EVERY situation. “Love bombing refers to intense emotions, affection, and admiration someone gives to another person in a relationship. Love bombing can happen at any stage of a relationship, but it’s more common when two people first meet. While all this attention may seem flattering, it can be dangerously manipulative. Some people use this tactic to gain trust and build intimacy quickly.” – choosingtherapy.com
Please do not immediately accuse people of having bad intentions or being manipulative, controlling, or abusive when it is clear they are not. I don't see one person on this thread who has even mentioned buying her gifts.
They didn't tell him to go buy her things, they recommended a date. To spent some time with her to help ease into healthy communication. Dont assume her love language isnt gifts of time. I think the OP would know their partner, and their love language. You shouldnt assume that everyone's intentions are bad and make unsupported deep personal accusations. When you throw in terms like love bombing in situations where they don't fit it muddles the term. Love bombing it trying to sway, purchase, influence, manipulate, or manipulate someone into forgiving you buy BOMBING them with oberwheming gifts, affection, or intense emotions. Please. Look up the terms you're using before accusing people of abuse. Its just a simple Google search.
It is being discouraged to study in the Netherlands unless you have a house available. Housing shortage is a real problem, and it will be a big problem if you don't get one before you go.
We online in times with the highest divorce rates in history. Is it crazy to protect your assets? If I had enough money right now to buy something, I'd buy it in my name only too. And you'd both have more money to spend if you both owned a property, right?
Sure, some people rather put money down together for a house. But don't expect everyone to do this. Women already have a huge advantage in a divorce. They often end up getting way more than 50/50. Let OP protect his assets, lmao.
This is really solid advice. Follow this for hard, effective flirting.
I was in a relationship like this, except more in the role of your boyfriend. Being rejected makes it nude to initiate, as you both know. Keep trying. It sounds like your communication is great, so if the flirting doesn't work you can always say so. So if he playfully pushes you away say ouch, and then he can let you know if he means it, etc.
Easy Peasy….
Just continue to be the selfish, self-centered ass that you seem to be
and the other person will leave You.
Problem solved.
I gave up what would have been a truly life changing job training opportunity for my then girlfriend (now ex wife). It was a bad decision. Follow the best path, if he is not excited about your future he is not the one.
Either dump her outright if you don’t feel like having a conversation about it.
Or
Have a conversation about the fact that you know he hit on her and she’s STILL planning to drive with him/do driving lessons. Ask her to cut contact with this guy completely outside of work. If she doesn’t then dump her.
Eat whatever you want! You need fats and carbs for a healthy baby. I feel like they're trying to make you miscarry!
My opinion: any large city tends to have a China Town. Get them a short term rental in that area.
Or he agreed to support his wife and all kids because he views them equally as his kids and responsibility and she does which is sad.
Thank you for your reply. I appreciate the time you spent to help me.
Should probably work on not hating her parents.
NTA but not very smart, friend
I think whole thing seems incredibly odd.
Would you rather find out 18 years later that you have wasted your life with someone who was a liar and cheater? I mean yeah trust is important but if you aren’t hiding something why fight it?
You don’t. This isn’t something you want. Don’t do it just to keep someone who wants others when it’s obviously not something you are even kind of comfortable with much less actually want.
So your saying I should message her on IG? Sorry if I am not following you
Break up, of course. I'd go to the session as a last session. You can tell him how you feel and what your expectations were with a 3rd party in the room who can help him understand that what he did was wrong.
Have an abundance mindset and you'll never be disappointed. Mostly every functioning adult can do the basics, so don't let that stop you.
Grand gestures are a red herring. You two need to figure out how to have healthy disagreements, ASAP. You say hurtful things in anger, he gives you the silent treatment: neither of these are acceptable in a functional relationship.
Are you willing to work on communication? Is he? If so, find a premarital counseling or couples therapy resource.
The best apology is taking action to make sure you never do that hurtful thing again.
Is he bitter or is he wary of potentially taking a large financial hit only a few years before retirement.
This has 'rebound' written all over it. Even though they've 'broken up', they're clearly still enmeshed in each other's lives. Be cautious.
I didn't call him bitter. The commenter did. I said it would be odd if he was still bitter.
The prenup isn't an issue. I think its smart. He just sounds jaded and didn't even lead with the fact he had already been married.
I'm realizing it isn't that he said it, but how he said it more than anything.
Your gf is a fucking moron
I got myself into a little bit of debt last year and because of that it may show that my finances were separate to my partners we don't online together but we were planning on it but I made it clear that my money was my problem and my debts are my problem. I now coming out of that but I can't think of another reason he would want separate finances unless his were an absolute mess.
Even then if he is finally stable he needs to still experience having a separate finances for a little while to get back on his feet properly and to show consistency.
I wouldn't sign anything with him until you're sure that.
This is the sort of thing that could be completely innocent, or could be shady, and unfortunately the internet isn’t going to know which one.
I’ll stop typing mid sentence and lock my phone – sometimes it’s because I was in the middle of arguing with someone on twitter or adding yet another vote to an AITA post, and I don’t need to do either of those things and I lose nothing by stopping and paying attention to my partner. Sometimes I’m googling something personal and don’t want them to see, or I’m commenting on a smutty fan fiction that I would be super embarrassed for anyone to know I read. Or I’m writing smutty fiction I would be super embarrassed to own, though I’ve never been brave enough to publish anything so they mostly online in my email drafts because for some reason that seemed like a logical place to store them. I hide my screen when reading fanfic or romance novels, but if my partner wanted to know what I was doing I would at least tell them.
Really, you need to talk to your partner and find out what she says is going on. Based on her answer and how it makes you feel, decide from there if you believe her or not, and if you can online with the status quo or if there’s no trust there.
What do you think my stance is exactly? I’m a woman with no fertility issues, so why can’t I give birth? My stance is that they need to communicate, no idea why you’d think that’s “wild.”
She doesn’t understand your reaction because she’s been groomed. Perhaps as a coping mechanism, her mind thinks it’s normal.
The real question is if he has such a prevalent history of cheating and therefore a lack of respect for your relationship and you, why are you still with him?
Is he going to say: “Hi honey, I feel like I'm attracted to my female colleague, and I think she's attracted to me too.”?
No really, can you enlighten us how you'd approach this subject with your partner?
No he’s not, she seems like a horrible person. Don’t you think it would be better for him if she just left.