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…no that's definitely not normal
I’m not a mother. I’ve never been pregnant. I didn’t say I didn’t terminate. Don’t misquote me. I’m simply agreeing that I wouldn’t want to terminate if I were her, and if she’s excited about the baby she shouldn’t let his lack of a desire to keep it stop her from pursuing that desire of hers.
No. Maybe he's not that in to you. Maybe he doesn't know what you like. Tell him you love it when he does that next time he holds your hand our puts his arm around you. Better yet, treat him the way you want to be treated. Take his hand and say “that's better”. If he doesn't get the message by your words and your actions, maybe he's just not a fit for you in that way.
Literally a bunch of self victimizing bull crap. OP sounds exhausting to be around.
This right here.
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Nope and i should be.
I'm getting help for my own issues tomorrow, ironically. I've never been formally diagnosed but I went to therapy before and I was told i almost certainly have an anxiety disorder and likely depression.
Tell him straight up. Not to be rude, but I’d be surprised if he didn’t leave you ?
Mate, I’ve been in an abusive relationship and stayed because I loved them and tolerated shit no one ever should. That was 15 years ago and I am so happy now. I’m in a loving relationship with a man who treats me well. I’m physically and financially secure. Trust me, leave her and it’ll only take a month before you the fog lifts and you’ll know with every ounce of your body that you made the right choice.
Of course it's free, you shouldn't charge friends and family
So what exactly is your problem then? You didn't read the post right so now you're doubling down and calling everyone dumb and spoiled and children because you don't want to admit you read it wrong?
I had expectations. It was obvious to every single human being in my life what that expectation was. I was disappointed when i assumed my boyfriend didn't know me well enough to know what my expectations were when I've been so transparent about it before. The ending was that he did know and got me a rose because it's valentine's day and flowers for valentine's day is the most common and most normal thing in the world.
So what exactly is so spoiled about wanting your significant other to know what your interests are?
I feel like you see your three kids as your ex wifes kids and not yours, since you want to have the ability to make a new family with someone else in the future. Seem like you’re willing to abandon the kids you already have for the possible future ones.
OP, I think going no contact is likely the right choice.
“My FWB and I are very sexual together and I think in that aspect we are compatible. But I know in a relationship we don’t have the same goals.”
OP, this alone is a very powerful statement. Re-read it. A relationship, as you know, requires much more than sexual chemistry.
“FWB tells me he is taking care of his very elderly grandmother (102) and he likes me and dreams about me and we can do sexual things together but not be in a serious relationship because of her. When I offer to help with her, because I don’t mind, he refuses.”
I don't think him taking care of his elderly grandmother should stop him from being in a relationship. If anything, I'd think the emotional support would help. If he has enough time to be your FWB and post with other girls on Instagram, he has enough time for a relationship.
“However when I tell him my goals and ask him his, he starts saying we could have a baby together or travel together and things about when our relationship is able to progress.”
This could very well be true, but it doesn't mean he is necessarily READY for these things. Nothing you can do or say will make him ready, either. He has to be ready on his own accord. This may take years.
“Recently my long time boyfriend got married and so I started telling my FWB my real feelings about him since ex and I are not getting back together now.”
This is your red flag, OP. With all do respect, it sounds like you might not be ready for a relationship, either. It sounds like you were still holding out hope for your ex and using this man as a backup. It sounds like you pushed for a relationship out of spite and desperation.
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I could be reaching, but this sounds like a classic example of the anxious-avoidant trap in Attachment Theory. The anxious type (you) has a very hot time being on their own and monkey-branches from one person to the next. You overthink things and always give the benefit of the doubt to your partner
Your FWB sounds like an avoidant – deep down they crave closeness but not at the risk of losing their independence. They've learned from a young age that nobody else can meet their needs but themselves. These types of people often sleep around and don't commit. As intimacy increases in a relationship, they distance themselves. They keep their relationships at an arms length. Most of this is behavior is unconscious so don't take it personally. The grandmother excuse is likely unconscious as well.
You can't be friends with him IMO. It's either commitment or nothing. No need to leave the door open and cause more pain for yourself. If he reaches out, I'd reiterate why your needs don't line up and why it's best you keep your space. Or, write him a nice text explaining your boundaries, but be careful not to get roped in.
I think he cares about you very much, and deep down he might want a relationship with you. As you mentioned, he hinted at having a baby with you, travelling with you, and talked of a future. He also messaged you instantly and offered to help when you hinted at going no contact. This shows he cares, but unfortunately it's no enough. If you two were meant for each other, it would likely be far into the future. Maybe in a couple years you'll cross paths again, but by then you will have probably moved on and found someone else.
Can I suggest some resources:
“The Power of Attachment” by Diane Poole Heller
“Attached” by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller (a criticism of this book is that the authors are too naked on the avoidant attachment type)
The Personal Development School on YouTube
Matthew Hussey on YouTube
Sounds perfect
Us women are conditioned to believe we owe people answers, and we really don't. “no is a full sentence” takes a lot of practice but it's good to set boundaries and recognize that others are not entitled to our reasoning for anything
Lollll dump his ass. He is the one to blame considering he has the gf not her. They definitely did something
Wait til he finds out she plans to go to the bathroom in their shared home.
“If you don’t want me to lose attraction to you, I expect you to go to the Burger King down through street to poop.”
Sounds like he wants to sabotage the relationship – wants you to say you are done.
Yes! Absolutely 100000% this is it!