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1. I'll tell you what to say to Husband further below. First, a little perspective.

   Something I often suspect in such an age gap, but can rarely prove, is that the older one NEEDS the role of Senior Partner, and the status, privileges, powers and perks that comes with it. Your story provides the proof. Husband has this need.

   Of course, he understands that with power comes responsibility. His formula is simple: carry out your responsibility, and Junior Partner will appreciate what she gets when she willingly surrenders equality to your protection and leadership. But fail, as he believes he did, and Junior Partner will learn that she has surrendered equality to you for nothing.

   You clearly haven't come to that same conclusion. So, with respect, if you go on valuing his leadership, and do not feel you've paid too great a price for it, I suggest you tell him that the maturity he brings to the marriage is what matters to you, and if that maturity arrives at a time in life when younger men have more muscle, you still consider it a good trade, and have no regrets.

   Finally, a surprise: I hope you ignore my advice. I join most readers here who are more than a little concerned about the marriage bargain you've made, in which you're the lesser of two equals, and probably always will be. TBH, I really hope you find equality in marriage, if not with this Husband, than with his successor. But I can't say with moral certainty that this bargain is fatally flawed. Some Junior Partners feel the need for leadership just as strongly as their Senior feels the need to be the Leader. For the answer to that riddle, don't rely on Reddit. That's a know-thyself deal, for sure, and you need to look inside, long and nude.

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2. Thank you for the reply.

   She has always been more guarded and shy around me relative to the rest of our friend group. She’s more off the rails with others. She makes obscure jokes. With me she remains filtered. She doesn’t joke with me, but discusses more intellectual topics.

   I assumed that this was due to her not having an interest in me, but I’ve seen her glancing over at me, defending me, and my friends say that she does flicks her hair nervously when referring to me.

   Part of me thinks that she isn’t talkative with me, because she wants to be selective with how I perceive her, but another part of me thinks that I’m wasting my time, because she isn’t acting interested. A lot of the signs of interest I see are naked and cold and I’m at loss in terms of what I should think.

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3. Whatever his reaction talk to your parents or other family. I was married with a supportive spouse but my supportive family saw me though. Kids are grown now.

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