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  1. Does your boyfriend have a mom or older sister you could at least have get you pads and tylenol when you need if stepmother won't help without getting your dad involved in a way that only makes it harder?? You need someone on your team in a big way and I'm so sorry you don't have that.

    Is there a female teacher or coach you get along with you might be able to talk to about how it is at home?

    Or an aunt or female family member in yours that you'll be seeing for the holidays? Its worth a shot.

  2. So you posted it here too ?? I see you got the same results you don’t have a bf anymore and you fucked up bad

  3. Your boyfriend is showing you who he is. Believe him.

    You moved in together too soon, and now that you've found that he lives in an alternate reality and invalidates your experience and efforts, what are you going to do?

    You need to both track all the chores you both do with the amount of time it takes over the course of a week. If he continues to play victim, you are seeing what the rest of your relationship will look like and you need to run before you are permanently tied to him.

    I can imagine him taking credit for all the childcare when he does FA to help.

  4. She said that in support of OP who clearly doesn't want to terminate. She's SUPPORTING her decision since there's plenty of people here giving her reasons on why she should second guess this pregnancy (thats the REAL unsolicited advice here). Why attack this person defending her choice but not the people trying to get her to second guess her decision?

  5. My ex was spouting very similar crap (two people knew, one was scared to speak and the other should be held liable for not speaking), devil is trying to get to him, actual local entity is sending coded messages through a specific type of media, end of days is nigh, etc. In the end “God” told him to kill, and he made a damn good effort at complying, fortunately he failed, but he did manage to permanently wreck multiple lives in the process. She needs help, whether she wants it or not, getting it is likely to be a process, but it needs to happen. You don't want her to find the end of this path, and you especially don't want a baby in the crossfire when she finally hits the end and all hell breaks loose. DO NOT leave that baby alone with her for any reason, if you have to pay for extra for more daycare do it, but don't allow mom to pick her up from there if you aren't also present, she may get angry with you, so be it.

  6. Sorry to say but from what I read about you in the comments you sound unhinged and unfit to be a mother and your partner is right and probably better off without you if you don't change.

  7. After reading the rules, you basically can't give any advice or help to anyone. I'm new to this reddit thing and if you can't say anything what is the point? You get permanently banned for saying anything and it's seems every form of expression is banned. Please explain how you can even express yourself to help people out?.

  8. Thanks for the comments! One thing I should've added is that we are currently long-distance, so we don't online in the same city or event country.

  9. yeah the comments are wild.. from she is a SAHM so she needs to protect herself and the grandfather never see the stepchild so the stepkid have no rights to the money..

    some people really dont understand the main issue..

    here we have someone who supporting his family and he doesnt separate whether its his own child or not.. then to have ur partner stating that she dont care about the step kid is very dissapointing.. when u are commited to have a blended family so u are obligated to treat all 3 kids fairly.. even if another family members contributed to only 1 bio child, as parents u show move around some savings for the kids to ensure all 3 have fair amount for the future..

    people who keep saying the other kid have her own set of grandparents for inheritance.. come on u dont go planning ur financial situation hoping for someone to die and give u inheritance.. wat a crazy mindset..

    OP is she really does this.. then u have everyright to adjust ur savings for ur kids to ensure all 3 have fair amount in it.. but u really gonna have an issue in ur marriage since ur wife dont see ur kid as her own..

  10. lol of course it was the best sex, he's been having it since you were barely walking. Can guarantee when you get older you will realize that his sex ain't shit. He didn't come across as a creep or predator TO YOU specifically because you're too young and naive to realize it. That's why he targets children. And thats what you were at the time: a child.

    You were certainly not his first, you won't be his last. He's a fucking creep. He targets children and lovebombs them until he gets what he wants and then he dumps them and moves on to the next target.

  11. Yes. You should bring it up before being intimate. It's very important to you. I'd say if you're feeling like you may want to go the next step it's time to talk about feelings. If he wants to go next step and be with you he will tell you.

    You mention several past relationships where it fizzed out after a label being out on it. Think on this for yourself. Is it fizzing cause their is a label or was there a label placed no one wanted or did it feel forced. How is that triggered to now. Are you scared it's about that time and you're worried he will leave too? You don't have to reply to that part just think on it.

  12. it was my responsibility as a woman to take care of our child…

    Yep, this asshole is never changing a diaper. OP needs to plan out her future as a single parent.

  13. Nah, I’ve already asked why it’s such an important thing to everyone when it means literally nothing at all.

  14. You can ofc include them in your span, but I doubt they will swipe right on you. Women are often more mature than men, and at your age the difference is very big. You are just entering early adult life, and they are actual adults.

    Why does it matter anyway? What is your thing with dating someone that much older? Isn’t it good to mostly get matches the same age as you?

  15. I will have to do this soon. Hearing other people say this helps since I tend to be nonconfrontational… thank you!

  16. Allow you? What is he your daddy? Are you a little girl who’s asking her parents for a toy? Jesus Christ

  17. You can still back out of an engagement scot free. Once you are married it’s a LOT different. There’s nothing wrong with having an account where you put money in for shared bills. However you should not keep all of your money and savings in one account with him. He could end up being a gambler or an abuser and he loses all of your money or you have no way to get out of the relationship. Always always always protect yourself.

  18. Hey sweetie. Internet mom here. You break up. I know that sounds harsh but staying out of a sense of obligation is unfair to her. You don’t stay because your afraid of losing a friend. She should be with someone who adores her. You didn’t do anything awful. You became infatuated over the phone after seeing her twice. At the time, you believed everything you said. So now you tell her that you are sorry but have realized that you didn’t take enough time to really get to know each other and that you want to go your separate ways. It’s too late to start over and you don’t love her. Don’t say that part. You’ve just realized that your feelings aren’t as strong as you believed. Here’s what you don’t do. You don’t let her keep hoping for another day because that would be cowardly and mean. It’s time to have a difficult conversation. Today. Good luck.

  19. I remember a woman who had a similarly horrific birth, going through hell as she tried to establish breastfeeding. She saw a breastfeeding counsellor and remarked offhandedly that she wished she could be a tigress or something, because animals have no problem with breastfeeding. The counsellor told her “no no, a tigress going through all that would have EATEN her baby”.

    If your husband doesn't want to help out with cooking and cleaning, I reckon he should get that second job.

    If you go back to a job you hated, there's a good chance you'll sink even further into depression. Especially given how badly teachers are treated/paid in the US.

  20. I think he grew a kink out of your plays and it makes him feel better or it just pushes his buttons. Maybe talk about it openly, see whats the case with him doing it. Dont make assumptions before actually speaking to the guy. See whats there to be done and what makes him do it.

  21. He is horrible. But since it’s happened, you’re 34 and you said you eventually want a family, maybe this is your time. He is horrible and has showed you he is wasting your time. Move on.

  22. She posted last week! I told her she didn’t deserve you. You were a good husband and she was not a good wife. I still don’t think she deserves you.

  23. Yeah he’s not divorcing her. You can leave now with some self respect or wait 4 years for his “divorce” to drag on while he’s very much in a relationship with his wife. Good Luck with that

  24. Why did you marry a man who is this vile? Get away from your rapist.

    Sex should be entered into happily and willingly by all involved, and not cause anyone to freeze or cry.

    Do not have a baby with this man, and do not let him stay in your life!!!

  25. Thanks

    I came clean with all 3 of them. And my ex said that he would forgive me and do anything to get back together even if it means giving me sometime to explore my options and decide what is best for me. The 2nd guy said that he understands that we were never exclusive and if i am willing to cut all ties with the other 2 guys he will be more than happy to pursue a relationship with me. The 3rd guy started crying not because I withheld this information but because i told him that i will never be able to connect with him emotionally. He is saying that we should give it a try. But i refused. I am cutting ties with all of them because it's been a little too stressful for me. I am moving to Australia in September and I think this is the best thing i can do for myself right now.

  26. Yea its so weird, why they allow the abuser to have the kid, if that person abused the mother. The kid will then just become another weapon to use…

  27. I want you to realize how much bullshit this is. I want you to realize you actually do need to break up with him because him excluding you from the open relationship saying only HE can go have sex with other people is not only disrespectful and controlling, it's emotional abuse.

  28. You can. Baby trapping is intentionally having unprotected sex in order to have a baby when someone does not want one whilst your partner is under the impression that there is no risk of having a baby when they have sex because you told them that you have taken precautions to prevent that from happening. It’s often done by people who think a baby is this magical connection to a person that can never be severed, hence the trap part.

    Whilst that isn’t the case here, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen in marriage.

  29. Yup maybe lol ?I have friends that have cheated, I’m careful what I said around them, I don’t trust them the same, but we are still good friends. I’m also not married or in a relationship, so my life will not be changed by it. OP has more to worry about than a single person.

  30. Honestly it doesn’t, I wouldn’t feel safe in the relationship again and I wouldn’t trust my partner not to overreact in the same way again.

    He said something to be deliberately hurtful, that’s not okay and it’s not something we should be tolerating in relationships.

  31. All you have to gain from that is heartache. If you’re not okay with the current arrangement, for your own sake… let’s not learn the very hot way.

  32. You might want to report your car stolen, so if she does anything stupid and/or wrecks it, your own ass is covered.

    She isn’t treating you like a boyfriend, so it’s okay if you stop treating her like a girlfriend.

    I promise you, it’s okay to stop now. You won’t change her, and you don’t have anything to prove to anyone. Please love yourself more than she does.

  33. He wants someone to listen to everything he has to say. You don't want to listen to everything he has to say. This seems to be pretty cut and dry to me. Your boyfriend doesn't have any plans to compromise with you.

    Do you think you can stomach listening to his one-sided conversations for 5 more years? What about 20? Because it won't stop. He refuses to listen to reason, as he doesn't see anything wrong with his talking. Which means he isn't going to change it. You could try couples counseling if you want to fight for a compromise, but that would require him to accept that he has a problem.

    Leave if you can't handle it anymore.

  34. I used to struggle with saying “no.” It took a lot of therapy & work to get better at it. It helped me to change perspective- for example, you said you don’t want to hurt his feelings, but you’re hurting your own feelings instead. You don’t want to be rude? You’re being rude to yourself. You don’t like conflict? The conflict is still there, you’re just internalizing it & hurting yourself. Cut him off & block him until you can retrain your mind. He knows damn well you struggle with this, that’s why he’s exploiting it.

  35. Why do you view this as defending the wife?

    People make mistakes. Understanding why the made the mistake (young, then a snowballing lie of omission) helps you understand what lead to the mistake and if it's something you can get past.This is true of all mistakes.

    People are putting the wife's mistakes in a certain light because the OP asked how to move past this. If he doesn't want to move past it, he can focus on the lying for over a decade, that she was potentially irresponsible with drug and alcohol use, how betrayed he feels, and that his wife not only lied to him but set him up to be blindsided with this info.

    Since he wants to move past it, he can chose instead to focus on the fact that they were not together at the time, she was very young, his brother might of taken advantage of the situation (would need more info), that they have since built a life together, his brother only told him about it to hurt him, and his wife's behavior as they have matured together.

    Both perspectives are truthful and accurate. Understanding motivations, thought processes, etc can help frame mistakes and help you decide if it is something you can online with or not. Only his wife can provide some of that information. People are not defined by one act, but rather all of their actions as a whole. If this is one act in a long line of deceitful or lying behavior, then leave. If it is one act that seems to stand alone, the relationship could be worth fighting for.

    Every action has consequences. Even acts that we think of as “good” or “right”. Leaving his wife could be justified, but that doesn't guarantee OP would end up any happier or better off if he does. He will have to figure it out the best he can, just like the rest of us.

  36. You were happy in the relationship when you considered yourself the level-headed one, the hard-worker, with a passion to learn, earn, and achieve to match the best and brightest – to plow thru med school and residency, to comfort and heal the sick, to save lives. In the world outside your front door, this makes you not just above-average, but pretty special.

    And in a relationship, that CAN be the power position. If you could claim that position, and use it to your advantage, the efforts of courtship would be his to undertake, and yours to sit in judgment on. On differences of opinion, your vote would override his. The one having to feel embarrassed about his shortcomings, and obligated to work on self-improvement, would be him. The one getting to remind him of his shortcomings, and to assign and judge his self-improvement efforts when it suits you, would be you.

    I think you are reacting emotionally to the realization that you cannot claim that position, and that you're at risk of having HIM claim it. As to whether you would be perfectly happy in a relationship of equals, or whether you NEED the power position to get past your insecurities, I'm afraid this is something your story doesn't reveal. If you get counseling, you might like to explore that question.

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