Honestly I don't see how that will work since you realistically cannot afford to move with her and she isn't compromising with you at all. The sensible decision is to move in with your dad and start to build yourself and your life back up. Broke and alone (besides your gf who won't even be living with you) at the opposite end of the country sounds miserable and a recipe for disaster. Love and relationships are important but so is having a place to on-line, money and support, which you have neither of if you move to be with her. The situation sucks and you have some hard choices to make.
Her mum has known for a little while and has seen how it's affecting her. I hope she does but the way my wife is, she'll be even more mad at me for going behind her back
You should definitely consider yourself lucky right now. You have a wonderful opportunity to explore the world on your terms and at your leisure.
Whatever you do resist the temptation to just rush out and experience something. That is especially important if you yourself feel that you are not ready for it. And you probably already encountered this in high school but maybe not. The old “everybody else is doing it. How come you aren't” line? Many people fall for that and end up doing things or being in relationships. They weren't ready for. That almost always leads to heartbreak, confusion, or worse.
Rest assured that you are not the only person male or female out there who feels like that. You may be a late bloomer and there's nothing wrong with that. But just know that there was someone out there for you. Someone who is the same way and is just waiting for the right person to come along.
You may pass each other like ships in the night or you may notice each other and decide to dock for a while. Whichever you decide to do the choice is yours. It is your life now. Go out there and enjoy it!
I think you should really consider leaving. I would never be with someone who made me feel bad about my body, I am harsh enough on myself as is. I also think he wants a certain unicorn person that will stay thin their whole lives. You’re young and seem so nice and have a whole life and experiences to on-line. A great relationship is full of trust and knowing that your person has your back and you can be yourself around. Can you really have that when he makes you feel self conscious all the time?
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If you're not going to leave, but want to show him you're serious? Talk to him and just say “you know, that was really damn disrespectful what you said, and I will not be spoken to in such a manner”. If he keeps it up, give it back to him, then threaten a divorce/ alimony/ taking the kids
He sounds more like a toddler instead of a man. Not getting HIM up on time for work? Like it's your job to make sure he gets up to go do his own job? Him throwing things like a little baby does when he doesn't get his little way? Disgusting. On top of being exhausted raising your baby, his attitude alone would be enough to make one dryer than a desert down there. That's a poor excuse of his, to get mad at you for finding out the truth, then try to say it's because he's not getting enough sex. He's got a hand! He's got a woman that he's obviously not putting any effort into. He wants to cheat because he wants to cheat, nothing can excuse that. I don't like telling people to leave, but he doesn't really sound like someone worth the energy.
Niether, my girlfriend wanted to see what it was like for a guy on tinder. She was swiping left on everyone but she came onto a profile and i was like wait wtf that's my coworker. Took the screengrab and then showed my coworker on the monday morning. She said that wasn't her, said it was scary and asked for the screen grab so she could try and get it taken down. They did take it down too she tells me so it ended well.
Children is the one subject where this is zero compromise. You either fully want one or you don’t. This is a dealbreaker for everyone. Mourn you loss of this relationship but it’s definitely for the best.
Personally, this would be a non starter for me. If it isn't for you, it's best to lay down hard boundaries now, otherwise it'll get much worse. The last person that tried that with with my son and my co-parenting relationship with my son's mom is now an ex, because that was merely a symptom of bigger problems that came later.
He doesn’t even let you have your own space or display your collectibles, are you sure you want to move in with him yet? There are compromises to be made by both parties when move in together, and it’s an effort from both sides.
OP you need to break up and block this guy. He does not actually care about you. I know that's a cruel thing to say, but it's the truth. He is a terrible person to tell you that wind raped is cheating. Thats a horrible thing to say to a person you “love”. He also has a pattern of being purposefully hurtful and mean. Why the heck would you stick around?! The nude truth of life is that you can wait for someone to be better and change. Sometimes you just have to take someone at face value and walk away. He's already shown you who he is, believe him. Get away and stay away. You are so young and you deserve happiness and peace. He is never going to give you that as long as you keep letting him back in.
Did you actually have a doctor tell you that you were infertile or have any actual evidence to support this prior to having unprotected sex? Like I’m confused how you both could be so irresponsible (moreso him if he truly did not want kids???)
Harmless? Then why is she crying and lying? She cheated, end of story. If it's worth working out, she has to work hard to rebuild what she broke. And it will be a long uphill battle to trust her again.
Now, the dynamic though. He is in a position of power and he should get in trouble.
You are way to young to get married, this isnt the life you want. Do you want to regret this choice for the next decade or two ? Why does anyone your age need to get married ? There are no advantages to being married so young.
I had a similar gap with a past girlfriend, both of us seeing other people in between the relationships. I feel like this isn’t the reason for his ED, and it’s an opportunity to guilt trip you. Maybe if he remained single and was knowledgeable of your relationships, it could be, but that would fall under his problem, not yours.
i'm judging
Honestly I don't see how that will work since you realistically cannot afford to move with her and she isn't compromising with you at all. The sensible decision is to move in with your dad and start to build yourself and your life back up. Broke and alone (besides your gf who won't even be living with you) at the opposite end of the country sounds miserable and a recipe for disaster. Love and relationships are important but so is having a place to on-line, money and support, which you have neither of if you move to be with her. The situation sucks and you have some hard choices to make.
Don't just recommend birth control tbh.. It has really shitty side effects
Also why should she ruin her weekends? haha
Her mum has known for a little while and has seen how it's affecting her. I hope she does but the way my wife is, she'll be even more mad at me for going behind her back
You should definitely consider yourself lucky right now. You have a wonderful opportunity to explore the world on your terms and at your leisure.
Whatever you do resist the temptation to just rush out and experience something. That is especially important if you yourself feel that you are not ready for it. And you probably already encountered this in high school but maybe not. The old “everybody else is doing it. How come you aren't” line? Many people fall for that and end up doing things or being in relationships. They weren't ready for. That almost always leads to heartbreak, confusion, or worse.
Rest assured that you are not the only person male or female out there who feels like that. You may be a late bloomer and there's nothing wrong with that. But just know that there was someone out there for you. Someone who is the same way and is just waiting for the right person to come along.
You may pass each other like ships in the night or you may notice each other and decide to dock for a while. Whichever you decide to do the choice is yours. It is your life now. Go out there and enjoy it!
Tell him to get lost. Women are secure in their body and see each other's bodies all the time! It's not cheating
You seem very toxic , your husband should be divorcing you smh ??♂️
Celebrate the anniversary of the day you met your kid.
I think you should really consider leaving. I would never be with someone who made me feel bad about my body, I am harsh enough on myself as is. I also think he wants a certain unicorn person that will stay thin their whole lives. You’re young and seem so nice and have a whole life and experiences to on-line. A great relationship is full of trust and knowing that your person has your back and you can be yourself around. Can you really have that when he makes you feel self conscious all the time?
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If you're not going to leave, but want to show him you're serious? Talk to him and just say “you know, that was really damn disrespectful what you said, and I will not be spoken to in such a manner”. If he keeps it up, give it back to him, then threaten a divorce/ alimony/ taking the kids
He sounds more like a toddler instead of a man. Not getting HIM up on time for work? Like it's your job to make sure he gets up to go do his own job? Him throwing things like a little baby does when he doesn't get his little way? Disgusting. On top of being exhausted raising your baby, his attitude alone would be enough to make one dryer than a desert down there. That's a poor excuse of his, to get mad at you for finding out the truth, then try to say it's because he's not getting enough sex. He's got a hand! He's got a woman that he's obviously not putting any effort into. He wants to cheat because he wants to cheat, nothing can excuse that. I don't like telling people to leave, but he doesn't really sound like someone worth the energy.
Niether, my girlfriend wanted to see what it was like for a guy on tinder. She was swiping left on everyone but she came onto a profile and i was like wait wtf that's my coworker. Took the screengrab and then showed my coworker on the monday morning. She said that wasn't her, said it was scary and asked for the screen grab so she could try and get it taken down. They did take it down too she tells me so it ended well.
You keep adding more and more details, and it makes it seem like you are exaggerating to lure people to your side.
Children is the one subject where this is zero compromise. You either fully want one or you don’t. This is a dealbreaker for everyone. Mourn you loss of this relationship but it’s definitely for the best.
if he’s not satisfied, he can leave. you deserve better.
There doesn't seem to be any harm in this…they are just enjoying each other company.
Yeah there is no reason for this. Please confront him. Or just leave. Leave regardless.
Not to mention OP already cooked a dinner for him too.
Personally, this would be a non starter for me. If it isn't for you, it's best to lay down hard boundaries now, otherwise it'll get much worse. The last person that tried that with with my son and my co-parenting relationship with my son's mom is now an ex, because that was merely a symptom of bigger problems that came later.
He doesn’t even let you have your own space or display your collectibles, are you sure you want to move in with him yet? There are compromises to be made by both parties when move in together, and it’s an effort from both sides.
Allow?
Your boyfriend can have an opinion but the choice is yours! You are now an adult and he is not your father! If you want one it is your choice alone!
OP you need to break up and block this guy. He does not actually care about you. I know that's a cruel thing to say, but it's the truth. He is a terrible person to tell you that wind raped is cheating. Thats a horrible thing to say to a person you “love”. He also has a pattern of being purposefully hurtful and mean. Why the heck would you stick around?! The nude truth of life is that you can wait for someone to be better and change. Sometimes you just have to take someone at face value and walk away. He's already shown you who he is, believe him. Get away and stay away. You are so young and you deserve happiness and peace. He is never going to give you that as long as you keep letting him back in.
doesn't think therapy actually helps
counsels people as part of his job (So he thinks he's not helping his clients?)
regardless, wants to be your therapist anyway
What a shitshow.
doesn't think therapy actually helps
counsels people as part of his job (So he thinks he's not helping his clients?)
regardless, wants to be your therapist anyway
What a shitshow.
All his 4 kids were birthed by the same woman?
Did you actually have a doctor tell you that you were infertile or have any actual evidence to support this prior to having unprotected sex? Like I’m confused how you both could be so irresponsible (moreso him if he truly did not want kids???)
Harmless? Then why is she crying and lying? She cheated, end of story. If it's worth working out, she has to work hard to rebuild what she broke. And it will be a long uphill battle to trust her again.
Now, the dynamic though. He is in a position of power and he should get in trouble.
You are way to young to get married, this isnt the life you want. Do you want to regret this choice for the next decade or two ? Why does anyone your age need to get married ? There are no advantages to being married so young.
I had a similar gap with a past girlfriend, both of us seeing other people in between the relationships. I feel like this isn’t the reason for his ED, and it’s an opportunity to guilt trip you. Maybe if he remained single and was knowledgeable of your relationships, it could be, but that would fall under his problem, not yours.
yeah, honestly this is a fair read.
No it absolutely is not. That person is exactly the type of commentor I was expecting to pop up here in my first comment.