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My dad's second wife attempted to hand over most of the assets to her children. The money was almost entirely from my father, she contributed just about nothing financially. She had convinced him to make apportionments based on who visited the properties they owned more. When he brought the new info to his attorney and then to his money manager, they both had the same question, “Why do you want to screw over your own children?” They talked him out of making the changes. It pissed her off enormously and the day after my dad's memorial, the bitch was at the lawyer's office trying to screw my sister and I once again. My dad made a will that disallowed any changes to apportionment. The conversation you two need to have with an estate attorney is way overdue. Protect your kids and your peace of mind. No matter what you believed prior to this, you now know your husband does not consider the well-being of your children as equal to his own.
If your parents/grandparents/whoever within the family expect you to invite the sister, go to them first and explain why you're not inviting her. “She slept with my bf and now he's with her. I do not want him anywhere near me ever, and so long as she's with him, I don't want her around, either. This is my decision, and it is not subject to discussion or compromise. I am telling you all of this up front so you know how to respond to the sh**storm she's going to raise.”
Then be prepared for the inevitable “but she's faaaaaaaaamily” BS.