You need to lawyer up now, and be ready for it so you aren't scrambling. I would get the lawyer ready, find out what the most likely result is going to be. Figure out whether you should move out, whether you can force the house to be sold, whether you want to buy the house, and whatever else you need to protect your interests.
The best thing to do is to view it as a business transaction, and to be as cold blooded about it.
IGNORE HER. This happened to me with a girl at a gym I used to go to. She hit me with the same line and never followed up. I told myself I would not interact with her until she speaks first. She did every thirst trap to get me feeling some type of way (Talk to other dudes next to my bench press, wear sexy gym attire and try to get me to look the whole nine). I never buckled and focused on me. 4 years later I ran into her at another gym (post wall) and she approached me. We had a “what’s new” covo that ended with me saying nice seeing you and went back to my workout. She left with an upset look. Don’t play their games, they shoot themselves in the foot by acting like this. She still is naked but my wife is even hotter. You’ll get over her.
To add onto this, it could be a change in sleep schedule too since they mentioned finals. Imma be honest, it sounds partially like depression if. Or for the birth control or possible pregnancy. I know I have SAD so my seasonal depression kicks me ass around this time of year
Healthy relationships yes – abusive ones nope. You can communicate all you want, he’s just testing your boundaries and will go further and further with the abuse. RUN. Do NOT sink your life with him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I just got a new finance job, I’m going to be doing a lot of taxes and stuff. I told my girlfriend I was going to buy myself this watch after my first tax season. It’s like $350. I basically wanted to buy this for myself to commemorate this new step in my life, I grew up without a lot of money so to be able to do something like that on my own means a lot to me. She bought it for me for our one year anniversary without me knowing but then told me the other day that the website refunded her and told her they are out of stock so she can’t get it. I reacted by saying something like ‘thank god, I wanted to get that for myself, that would have sucked.’ I know not a cool thing to say but anyways, days pass and now she texts me saying they withdrew the money from her account and got it back in stock and are sending it to her but she doesn’t want to give it to me because I won’t like it and I don’t appreciate her and stuff. I told her I just wanted to be able to buy it myself as like a goal for myself. I told her I would love anything she got me and it’s more personal anyways for her to pick something out herself. She says a gift is a gift and I should be grateful. I feel really bad but I don’t know what to do.
I agree with this. I think “She'd be forced to do things” may feel like she might be pressured into something she's not into. And maybe there's a reason for that. She has birthed your child. That's a big deal, and her body has gone through major changes. OP, have you talked to her about why she's not interested in sex? Many people struggle with hormonal changes and discomfort in their bodies after giving birth, among other things, such as postpartum depression.
I understand you want to have a marriage with someone you're capable of having a healthy sex life with, but I think you're focusing way too much on yourself here and not digging deep into the cause of why she's not interested in sex. And from her perspective, I would feel like sh*t if after I had birthed your child you had said “eeehh, maybe I don't want to get married after all, just in case we can't figure this whole sex thing out.”
Oh, so this just means you have never seen a functioning poly family and can’t imagine how it works. Reminds me of people against gay or interracial marriages. Or people who believe women can’t work construction.
I’m wondering why the names aren’t in order. Some may say she remembered them later and just added them to the bottom but why not just add them where they needed to be originally? If I wanted to track something like this I’d be sure to keep it as accurate as I can. That part just doesn’t make sense to me. I do think that hanging out with this co-worker shouldn’t be a thing. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it.
Do what you need to. Save, separate finances, consult a lawyer. Use his help for everything but also prep for someone to come and help for those initial months post baby. When you’re ready drop the divorce papers.
You can do this. It’s better to be a single mom than married to someone who will not help and will destroy your confidence
having Xanax pills in a baggie honestly doesn't seem suspicious at all. I carry pills in baggies all the time when I don't want to carry a full bottle with me. He might be prescribed Xanax or could be taking it recreationally… Definitely wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he drugged you, and if he'd done it with Xanax if would be very obvious. Feeling sleepy and spotting could have many other causes.
Remember two things from this situation: dont ever get something as intense in care as a pet for the children. You gotta want a dog. Then they can take care of it too. Second, the dogs poor behavior always always comes from poor training and/or treatment of the owners. No dog is gonna be potty trained by itself. No dog is gonna be quiet, rested, listening etc by itself. Moving the dog off to a trainer only ever works if you set the same boundaries in your house and on top it is a lazy approach.
Sit down with your bf and figure out a clear plan on how to deal with the dog. Who walks him when? What are commands to use? What 2 rules are most important?
You have three options: train the dog yourself and have a well behaved pet within a couple months. For this you need to get him onto a walking schedule so he at least is potty trained. Children like playing with behaved pets. Its also easier to get them to treat it well and teach them how to properly handle an animal. For this, you gotta work with your bf and it might be a good bonding experience.
Second, you can get rid of the dog. This will send a horrible example to the children, but ultimately might be easiest for your relationship.
Third, get a trainer again but this time actually implement the rules in your home. It is on the people that dog lives with to train him. You will never be able to ship a dog off, and get a trained version back if your home does not have clear guidelines.
I do a lot of research before I go exploring. And I'm not saying there isn't a risk of being SA and killed. That is how the conversation starts. I never told my boyfriend his concerns weren't valid I totally agree with them. The way he keeps going about it is coming across as skeevy and scary. I don't appreciate my partner trying to scare things into me that I am already voicing are a concern. His attitude is “well what did you expect?”. That gives me big rape apologist vibes.
Since you're into this hobby too, let me set up a scenario and ask you how you would feel about it. Let's say you're going exploring in a small group, and you bring this cool new person with you and they express concern about being SA and killed (which is a natural thought to have with this hobby). Your other buddy says “well if I was a homeless man living in an abandoned building and a naked girl walked in, what would you expect! That's a dream come true”.
How do you think your cool new friend would feel about that comment from your other buddy?
I don't feel like I'm being naive about the dangers, I understand that people living in an abandoned building can be facing much different struggles than other homeless people and it can make them more erratic. I've said in other comments that I think his line of thought might have been innocent but he came across in a really bad way that hurt me and he's refusing to even admit that.
My jaw dropped reading all of this. I’m so sorry you and your kitty had to go through that. That’s not an safe and supportive partner. I’m sorry that’s how you had to find out. Take care and good on you for taking the necessary steps forward!
This person has been spamming this all day and has had plenty of good advice.
You need to lawyer up now, and be ready for it so you aren't scrambling. I would get the lawyer ready, find out what the most likely result is going to be. Figure out whether you should move out, whether you can force the house to be sold, whether you want to buy the house, and whatever else you need to protect your interests.
The best thing to do is to view it as a business transaction, and to be as cold blooded about it.
IGNORE HER. This happened to me with a girl at a gym I used to go to. She hit me with the same line and never followed up. I told myself I would not interact with her until she speaks first. She did every thirst trap to get me feeling some type of way (Talk to other dudes next to my bench press, wear sexy gym attire and try to get me to look the whole nine). I never buckled and focused on me. 4 years later I ran into her at another gym (post wall) and she approached me. We had a “what’s new” covo that ended with me saying nice seeing you and went back to my workout. She left with an upset look. Don’t play their games, they shoot themselves in the foot by acting like this. She still is naked but my wife is even hotter. You’ll get over her.
To add onto this, it could be a change in sleep schedule too since they mentioned finals. Imma be honest, it sounds partially like depression if. Or for the birth control or possible pregnancy. I know I have SAD so my seasonal depression kicks me ass around this time of year
OP she sounds like she has some severe self esteem and control issues but those are things she needs to work through on her own.
However why are you with someone that acts this way towards you?
As someone from an enmeshed Latino family all I can say is I wish you the best of luck lol
She has feelings but wants you to move on, respect her wishes.
Healthy relationships yes – abusive ones nope. You can communicate all you want, he’s just testing your boundaries and will go further and further with the abuse. RUN. Do NOT sink your life with him.
Does the fact that this post is about lying and the entire post itself is a lie make this sone kind of Inception lie?
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I just got a new finance job, I’m going to be doing a lot of taxes and stuff. I told my girlfriend I was going to buy myself this watch after my first tax season. It’s like $350. I basically wanted to buy this for myself to commemorate this new step in my life, I grew up without a lot of money so to be able to do something like that on my own means a lot to me. She bought it for me for our one year anniversary without me knowing but then told me the other day that the website refunded her and told her they are out of stock so she can’t get it. I reacted by saying something like ‘thank god, I wanted to get that for myself, that would have sucked.’ I know not a cool thing to say but anyways, days pass and now she texts me saying they withdrew the money from her account and got it back in stock and are sending it to her but she doesn’t want to give it to me because I won’t like it and I don’t appreciate her and stuff. I told her I just wanted to be able to buy it myself as like a goal for myself. I told her I would love anything she got me and it’s more personal anyways for her to pick something out herself. She says a gift is a gift and I should be grateful. I feel really bad but I don’t know what to do.
I wonder what underlying definitions and beliefs he holds with the label ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’..
I agree with this. I think “She'd be forced to do things” may feel like she might be pressured into something she's not into. And maybe there's a reason for that. She has birthed your child. That's a big deal, and her body has gone through major changes. OP, have you talked to her about why she's not interested in sex? Many people struggle with hormonal changes and discomfort in their bodies after giving birth, among other things, such as postpartum depression.
I understand you want to have a marriage with someone you're capable of having a healthy sex life with, but I think you're focusing way too much on yourself here and not digging deep into the cause of why she's not interested in sex. And from her perspective, I would feel like sh*t if after I had birthed your child you had said “eeehh, maybe I don't want to get married after all, just in case we can't figure this whole sex thing out.”
Oh, so this just means you have never seen a functioning poly family and can’t imagine how it works. Reminds me of people against gay or interracial marriages. Or people who believe women can’t work construction.
I’m wondering why the names aren’t in order. Some may say she remembered them later and just added them to the bottom but why not just add them where they needed to be originally? If I wanted to track something like this I’d be sure to keep it as accurate as I can. That part just doesn’t make sense to me. I do think that hanging out with this co-worker shouldn’t be a thing. I wouldn’t be comfortable with it.
Because it shouldn’t be a big deal to any mentally stable human being.
Do what you need to. Save, separate finances, consult a lawyer. Use his help for everything but also prep for someone to come and help for those initial months post baby. When you’re ready drop the divorce papers.
You can do this. It’s better to be a single mom than married to someone who will not help and will destroy your confidence
Even by your example, he isn't those things to her. Starting something and hoping it changes is just a dumb thing to do.
having Xanax pills in a baggie honestly doesn't seem suspicious at all. I carry pills in baggies all the time when I don't want to carry a full bottle with me. He might be prescribed Xanax or could be taking it recreationally… Definitely wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he drugged you, and if he'd done it with Xanax if would be very obvious. Feeling sleepy and spotting could have many other causes.
Remember two things from this situation: dont ever get something as intense in care as a pet for the children. You gotta want a dog. Then they can take care of it too. Second, the dogs poor behavior always always comes from poor training and/or treatment of the owners. No dog is gonna be potty trained by itself. No dog is gonna be quiet, rested, listening etc by itself. Moving the dog off to a trainer only ever works if you set the same boundaries in your house and on top it is a lazy approach.
Sit down with your bf and figure out a clear plan on how to deal with the dog. Who walks him when? What are commands to use? What 2 rules are most important?
You have three options: train the dog yourself and have a well behaved pet within a couple months. For this you need to get him onto a walking schedule so he at least is potty trained. Children like playing with behaved pets. Its also easier to get them to treat it well and teach them how to properly handle an animal. For this, you gotta work with your bf and it might be a good bonding experience.
Second, you can get rid of the dog. This will send a horrible example to the children, but ultimately might be easiest for your relationship.
Third, get a trainer again but this time actually implement the rules in your home. It is on the people that dog lives with to train him. You will never be able to ship a dog off, and get a trained version back if your home does not have clear guidelines.
I do a lot of research before I go exploring. And I'm not saying there isn't a risk of being SA and killed. That is how the conversation starts. I never told my boyfriend his concerns weren't valid I totally agree with them. The way he keeps going about it is coming across as skeevy and scary. I don't appreciate my partner trying to scare things into me that I am already voicing are a concern. His attitude is “well what did you expect?”. That gives me big rape apologist vibes.
Since you're into this hobby too, let me set up a scenario and ask you how you would feel about it. Let's say you're going exploring in a small group, and you bring this cool new person with you and they express concern about being SA and killed (which is a natural thought to have with this hobby). Your other buddy says “well if I was a homeless man living in an abandoned building and a naked girl walked in, what would you expect! That's a dream come true”.
How do you think your cool new friend would feel about that comment from your other buddy?
I don't feel like I'm being naive about the dangers, I understand that people living in an abandoned building can be facing much different struggles than other homeless people and it can make them more erratic. I've said in other comments that I think his line of thought might have been innocent but he came across in a really bad way that hurt me and he's refusing to even admit that.
Leave her ass please. She openly disrespecting and embarrassing you. Do it now before she has sex with him
Thank goodness.
My jaw dropped reading all of this. I’m so sorry you and your kitty had to go through that. That’s not an safe and supportive partner. I’m sorry that’s how you had to find out. Take care and good on you for taking the necessary steps forward!
It’s not illegal IF he’s telling you the truth.