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1. Hello /u/Stunning-Perception9,

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2. Yea he is screwing her dude.

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3. We’re probably disagreeing over what “crisis” or mania means or how likely it is.

   I agree that brand new behavior is more worth paying attention to, so I see your point there

   That said, NIMH defines “mania” as a specific symptom of bipolar disorder. Less than ~5% of people have bipolar disorder and ~1% of people will be experiencing manic symptoms on any given day (according to my quick skim of NIMH data). Mania is a really serious symptom of a likely lifelong disorder, so I don’t take guesses about mania lightly. It seems an “extreme” thing to say because it’s so rare.

   Similar for MH crises. About 5.6% of people in the US have severe mental illness.

   And Anxiety is common, but ‘serious’ anxiety is also not super common: 3-22% of US adults have anxiety and “The majority of adults with anxiety have a mild impairment (43.5%), 33.7% have a moderate impairment, and 22.8% have a serious impairment. (NIMH, 2017)”.

   Maybe the gf is in that smaller group of people with mania or severe anxiety or other mental illness. Probably she’s in the much larger group of people who are fine, but sometimes have difficult emotions. I think of having difficult emotions sometimes as part of being alive, not a MH crisis.

   When people don’t handle their difficult emotions expertly, it’s often a result of inexperience with that emotion. (Even if it’s fairly mild anxiety, a non-anxious person might not know how to recognize it easily or handle it well on her own). And it’s “immature” of her (her skills are less developed) if she doesn’t know how to self-regulate. None of that is a big concern.

   I think it’s important for OP to know that there are lots of explanations for this kind of behavior, and that a MH crisis is not likely.

   In my view, being silly, chatty, or bratty one time while she can’t sleep is not a mental health crisis. Neither is getting anxious at night and asking unwise questions.

   It’s really common for people, women especially, to have spikes of anxiety sometimes for a variety of reasons. They often subside just fine on their own. People just need to learn to manage them, and it’s not something to call a crisis intervention team about.

   In my view, the partner will be better served by not freaking out about bipolar disorder or calling a crisis hotline, and instead just talking to his gf about ways to problem-solve and self regulate better if she’s wired when he’s tired.

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4. Or you just are not the one for him. Dated many amazing women that I liked very much but knew I could not or did not love. Better to break up a good relationship and stop wasting their time then to hang on to them.

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