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  1. Coming out of an abusive relationship messes up with your head and she clearly has her own issues to deal with. So I won’t necessarily say she is an asshole – though she sounds irresponsible.

    However, it’s not your burden to take on a person as a project and help her if you feel you’re not satisfied with the relationship/situation. Which you clearly are not.

    She is responsible for her happiness and herself – and your are responsible for yours. Since she is the source of yours issues, you need to let her go. Regardless of how much you love her, put yourself first. Be warned that she might gaslight you to force you to keep her in this advantageous situation for her.

  2. It was more about finding a good person for her friend not finding you a good partner. Chances are she probably told him you are no good, depending on what had happened. I suggest you just online your normal life for now unless something changes

  3. People process breakups differently. Only he knows why he's feeling and thinking like he is. That said, it's not uncommon for people to start getting nostalgic about previous relationships after several months alone, no matter how bad that relationship was or ended, especially if they were thinking their post breakup life was going to be something that it's not.

    Regardless, when an ex approaches you about missing you and maybe wanting to try again, remember that you don't owe them another chance and your feelings about another try should override anything coming from them. If you're entertaining another try, take a look at what evidence you have of changes from either of you – has whatever broke you up definitely and observably changed? Are you and they past any resentment from your previous go rounds? If not, another breakup will be unavailable.

    Best of luck!

  4. A relationship in which you block each other is no relationship. You didn't talk to her for 20 days. Going forward you need to learn to communicate.

    Sometimes things just run their course. This relationship has. She doesn't want to date anymore. Let her go.

  5. Because people are allowed to walk away from arguments or tense situations where they don't feel comfortable… chasing them down is, 8 times out of 10, abusive and controlling.

  6. If he's used to touching you while you sleep it's a good idea to set clear boundaries. Boundaries are very important. Nude to tell if it's a red flag. If he respects your boundarkes from now on I think it shouldn't be an issue

  7. While it is a large gap and at your age unlikely to last, the way you started doesn’t sound fishy to me. You met naturally and you were the one initiating. Enjoy it while it lasts but make sure you don’t start changing/compromising too much to make him happy.

  8. I don’t wanna throw away almost a decade relationship.

    Do not fall for that suck cost fallacy bullshit, you need to leave NOW.

    He's going to fucking kill you. You have been in a toxic, abusive relationship for god knows how long and it just escalated massively.

    You can't forgive him. You shouldn't forgive him. You. Need. To. Leave.

  9. You were secually arrousing yourself and orgasming to videos you deemed fucked up. If you don’t think that interferes with your daily life and sexual health then idk what to tell you. Just trying to be civil when did you start and stop watching porn and how frequently x a week or day did you do the deed. I’m think the important to educate people on porn and it’s harmful effects.

  10. I will probably do that, I never done anything behind my parents back before but this seems to be what’ll have to be

  11. Imo both are wrong here. Your dad a bit more than your BF: Your BF chooses to ventilate his view on something that's sensitive to your dad. He could've just skipped the subject, but decided not to. Sure, his view is nuanced, the way you wrote it, but still: it's a sensitive subject.

    Your dad could've also skipped it because BF was referring to music, not a cop shooting.

    So i think both were going in for the confrontation, which is fine, but if you do so, be prepared to deal with the fallout.

    Your dad is the most in the wrong here, because he decides to involve you in this by asking you to evaluate your relationship after this. That's cheap.

  12. I am 23, my boyfriend is 22 and if he did or acted like this at ALL, I would dump him. This is appalling behavior! Stop trying to “fix” him, OP. It’s not worth it. If he isn’t a decent man to begin with, why do you need to school him on common decency and empathy? He’s 35 years old. Your average person doesn’t act like this. Find someone else.

  13. When did his wife told him not to date a friend? She just told him to maintain anonymity w.r.t his sexual partners

  14. When did his wife told him not to date a friend? She just told him to maintain anonymity w.r.t his sexual partners

  15. Ooof, your comment just really upsets me. You need to develop some relationship confidence. I realize you’re young and you probably will in your own time, but it really can’t come quick enough.

    1) if he says he doesn’t have the money, say he does have the money because you watch him spend some of it on other projects/people. Some of that money needs to go to following through with his commitments. Not every cent he makes obviously, but if he says he’s going to take you on a boba date then the next $5 he has needs to go to that, not buying car parts.

    2) he also needs to rub his two brain cells together and think wow, OP has driven to me the last two times, it’s probably time I get off my ass and come to her.

    3) Also make sure to tell him that you won’t be spending your life holding his hand through basic relationship concepts such as “keep your promises” and “return favors.” He needs to think for himself and constantly check in to make sure he’s maintaining an equal partnership.

    4) What I mean by “relationship confidence” is making your feelings known. I strongly feel that if your main priority when talking about how someone’s mistreating you is “not wanting to upset them” then you’re not ready to be in a relationship. You absolutely must have the strength and confidence to explain what’s upsetting you, why and what you need your partner to do to rectify the situation. And if he won’t follow through and you know you’re not being unreasonable, then the relationship isn’t as great as you thought and neither is he. That’s when you wipe your hands clean of it.

    Tell your boyfriend he needs to do better

  16. Thank you. I appreciate the comment and I agree. I feel a bit broken over all this, but I think with time it will pass.. just nude to deal with the disappointment

  17. I would have my parents or a trusty family member adopt the child so his name is not on paperwork so he won’t be able to use it as à leverage to get his visa.

    Also if they are not legally in the country I would make sure to file a complaint to the police and have the hospital aware with pictures to have the security call the police if they try to enter

  18. Yes you should tell him how you feel. This is obviously bit of an unfair situation. Thats all you can really do. Talk about it. Say how its kind of a double standard. Especially after how much money it costs for you.

  19. I do think you need to have an honest talk but of course that's easier said than done.

    18 months is a long time and it seems like you guys have a very special thing going on. With time, passion may seem like it died but it's mainly just you getting used to each other. Special things may seem a bit more regular and the 'specialness' maybe die die to repetitiveness

    It may also be that he is trying to give you a bit of emotional space? He may be reading your emotions wrong and think you need space when really you need more assurance. That's my thinking but i may have that completely wrong

    I think you should maybe right a little list about the thinhs you want to say, highlight the bigger main points and think how you can start the conversation?

    I'm sorry you're feeling low but please remember how strong you are. You get up in the morning, feeling like this with a sh*tty job and you still get through it. You've got this!

  20. This is just plain silly.

    If my wife got a Mohawk, I would still love her, but I would definitely be less physically attracted to her. People don't decide whether to be physically attracted.

  21. I would NEVER choose a man over an animal. I’m also not a fan of ultimatums. The love of another human may not last forever the love from your pet is eternal.

  22. if I leave him alone for a day, he’ll never text me first.

    Maybe he wants some time alone

    How long were you around each other before this one day? 2 days? A week? 6 weeks?

    I read a very one sided story here

  23. I know you're really hoping you are bc it's obvious you've been determined to get this guy to love you with your tactics for a long time.

    What are you going to do when you're not? Because you're immediately calling him before you even know shows you were looking for that fairy tale ending by getting pregnant.

    You're not getting it, op. Even if you are. He's not going to change his mind.

    You showed us your true intentions when you buried in comments the very relevant bit about you forwarding your texts with him to her. Why? To lay claim on him when he's made it clear you have none?

    Next guy who comes along i suggest not trying the baby trap method. Go with a donor if guy must.

  24. These yiing guys are doing for her what a father should have done, or be doing. She is incredibly lucky to have friends willing to set this kind of boundary.

  25. If you like. I kept a journal for a year in my early 20s and re-reading it a few years later brought up those same emotions you described. I wish I hadn't lost it, but my life isn't worse off because I lost it.

    Do what you feel.

  26. So you are friends with someone who brings sadness and betrayal to every guys she meets and see nothing wrong with this? Wow. Poor guy had a shit ex gf and has a shit friend.

  27. Oh man, I've been here with an ex-girlfriend and her insane mum. It all ended with me having to call the police as the mum wouldn't let her 22 year old daughter leave the house after an argument.

    I strongly urge you not to get involved with the mum. She is nothing to do with you and her “parenting” her son as if he is a 7 year old is a problem.

    Yes, he should probably move out.

  28. He does not care about you enough to stand up for you when you need it the most. I wouldn’t stick around because it’ll only get worse if the relationship goes any further.

  29. Bro 17F here I beg of you to just look at your situation from an outsiders perspective… To me you sound like a manipulated fool. But since you're in this situation you obviously feel different.

    Would you date your 'gf's' 10yo sister? Would you even think of her as a romantic partner after having known her for years and seeing her grow up? Would you be able to betray your 'gf's' brother who has been your best friend for years? Would you be able to date and then hit her over her head?

    If you are the least bit mentally sound your answer to all of these were NO

  30. Normally it would. I also would say that. If It didn't happen to me also and if I didn't KNOW that there MAY be other factors involved also.

    They should talk. And he should try hug him if they have sex initiated by the other man next time.

    If he didn't like it, why would he initiate it? Wouldn't go along with “getting suicidal”.

    Them boyz seem a bit complicated.

  31. Yeah this behavior isn't just selfish- it's bordering on evil. This would be enough for me that the idea of that person ever touching me again would be nauseating, and I would leave. I want you to consider heavily that abusers often wait for an event when you are “stuck” with them before they unleash abuse, and he may have already switched mindsets to “abuse mode” despite the miscarriage.

  32. You don't ask for permission to hang out with your friends, you just inform him.

    Him yelling at you for not coming home at the same time as him is ridiculous. He is in no position to establish any kind of curfew.

    His abusive reactions have trained you to wait for his sorry butt for nearly an hour outside, only getting infos after you contacted him, running around to catch up with him, wasting another part of your evening and when you are finally having fun, you are terrified to get home, because of his abusive behaviour. Sounds like your boyfriend has some serious issues and you will be better off if you leave him.

    You did nothing wrong, the only thing to fix here is your relationship status.

  33. If you care for the relationship don’t do this. You both can maybe talk about taking a break to experience more. This is not bad since it’s an honest and clear with no hidden agendas (cheating is called cheating because one partner is lying about being intimate with another). If you both decide to carry through make sure you get clear on what the boundaries to that will be. My advice is to keep it monogamous and if you both really want to try then the tl take a mutual break where you both know you guys will experiment for maybe 3 or months or whatever you both decide and go back to see how it feels. Wishing you the best.

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