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I think by…
I'm not gay
I know that I can't be gay
You actually mean “I don't want to be gay.” That might be useful to unpack before you figure out what to do next.
honestly?? play stupid childish games lmao. maybe with one or 2 close friends if necessary for some? i hung out with my best friend and her husband for thanskgiving and we drank a little, smoked a little, and then played hide and clap in their tiny apartment lmao. like hide and seek but the seeker is blindfolded and gets to make everyone clap 2 or 3 times and thats what u use to find them. maybe not exactly date night worthy but it was still really fun
yall could make a blanket fort to spend the afternoon in watching movies, eating takeout. get a couple nerf guns maybe? and chase each other around the house with them. water guns, even if youre careful. you could probably go to the dollar store and get like. one thing of tiny plastic horses and a thing of tiny dinosaurs or smthn, so you hide one and he hides the other around the house and u both see who can find all of what their partner hid first for bragging rights.
She sounds abusive. Stand up to her, and her husband. Tell your fiance first and come to an agreement together. It's not healthy the way she is treating either of you.
If you have a sticking point about how long your dad should be able to stay, perhaps compromise on the frequency with which he visits.
Or just dump your boyfriend. But I don’t like to be that open and shut about it. Keep talking, the truth will come out. It sounds to me like your boyfriend sees his home as a place of comfort and recharging. He’s likely an introvert in that way? Someone extra chattery coming over removes that comfort, albeit temporarily.
I say this with empathy. I am not an introvert. But my wife sure is and if I had a stay the night guest once a month, she wouldn’t like it. But we don’t have that problem. We found our own compromise. I’m more of a, “everyone can come and go as they please” kind of person.
Thank for suggestions. She’s Every-time trying to believe me that they have nothing more than friends. So many times i fought and told her left me for him but no she’s not accept at all
I think you should bring it up if you feel uncomfortable about it, to discuss and solve it if it causes you stress. But in my experience, girls like feeling attractive to other guys, and so long as she isn't responding to his advances, I wouldn't worry about it.
It’s lying when I ask him directly, “Is it because of my meltdown yesterday?” “No of course not.” “Is it because of our argument?” “No that wasnt even that bad of an argument, its literally just because i’m too busy to give you the care and attention you deserve and I think it’s unfair to make you wait around for me while I go through with this.”
So if he answers me that, but it’s not the case and as you say if it’s because i’m the problem and he has to hate me he has denied that…then yes, it’s a lie.
She was telling you how she perceived you were acting. It was an observation, and that's why she didn't question you
She was telling you how she perceived you were acting. It was an observation, and that's why she didn't question you
My guess is she will not want to report this at all because it was consentual.
Seriously, you have no idea about what being bisexual is about. It doesn't make you a free-for-all. Get off Pornhub.
So his knee-jerk reaction to:
Brain:”quick, think of something to change my friends downward spiral!”
Is:”I got an STD from cheating on my wife!!”
… Cmon. That's just…Ugh. Because you know what they say, STDs, no big deal. Totally not to be taken seriously. Who in their right mind… ??♀️
It's not about the money but the clear favoritism. Your grandparents are giant assholes for that.
Its time to look for inspiration on r/NuclearRevenge
For starters I would try to record your sister or your partents admiting the dog has been abused, take it to the vet too, and then go straight to the police and file charges for animal abuse.
BOT ACCOUNT
Tagging u/R_Amods
??♂️??♂️??♂️
Seconding this. What you’ve described is textbook emotional abuse. It is a big deal and you should leave him.
I’m sorry this is happening to you.
You don't have to earn affection, that is not how healthy relationships work. Sorry that the on fire garbage can currently masquerading as your boyfriend isn't aware of that.
Respect yourself. It's pretty clear this boyfriend fail does not. No partner has the right to punish. That's not how that works.
Leave this asshole, and when he asks why, just tell him, “You know.”
You should just message her via a parenting app and only after a paternity test. Otherwise no or low contact. This is going to get worse.
If her viral load is low she’ll be undetectable.
“Hangry.” You don't have a boyfriend, you have a spoiled brat for a son. You should call him a bitch who thinks milk is spicy and break up with him
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Honestly, I understand that and you're 100% right. I just wanted for it to end in peace and maybe get together in the future once we're both more mature. But how could one even think anything of a person who does what she did to me?
Okay, so:
A 43 years old woman asking out someone who's only 25 is very creepy.
You are not transphobic if you don't want to date someone who just happens to be trans. No matter why you don't want to date them – if it's because of age, personality or, yes, genital preference. All of that is valid. If you are not attracted to someone, it's fine to not date them. If your friends called you transphobic for shutting Carla down, they're assholes who don't know what 'transphobic' means.
It's indeed not fair to exclude Carla because she was born in the wrong body, but it is also not fair that your friends say that you should just “get over your trauma”. Like seriously, given what you went through for years, this is absolutely insane.
Given my last two points: Your friends sound horrible. Like the type of friends who are more enemies than friends. Are you sure you want to keep them around?!
Don't go on that trip. You're not their servant who drives all the assholes who treat you like trash. Sounds more like slavery than friendships. Please see if you can go solo and maybe meet some new people on the trip.
Well, he certainly put you in a lose-lose position didn’t he? It’s uncouth to ask for what you want, but then he couldn’t think of anything to get you. This is also called a double bind, a tactic used to control others. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Doesn’t bode well for your marriage if this type is what you’re married to.
Don’t you dare give him his gifts. I dated long term a guy like this. Return his gifts, and spend the money on something for you.
He’s being an A-H. He’s trying to lower your self esteem. This is not a small thing. It’s Christmas and your Dad passed recently and this guy is treating you like crap. I’d be livid.
Do you think your Dad would want you married to someone who treats you this badly? Like you don’t even matter? And make no mistake—it’s not that he couldn’t think of anything. He did this on purpose.
Don’t be the only one making this marriage work, because he isn’t making the effort, and in fact is destroying it.
Hide his gifts so you can return them. Don’t embarrass yourself by sitting there getting nothing, while he opens gifts. I’ve been there done that and never again will I allow anyone to treat me like I don’t matter.
When he asks about the gifts tell him F-ck no he’s not getting anything, not if he can’t respect his own wife.
What you allow will continue. Straighten your crown and show him who’s Queen.
How would I feel? I'd feel like it was too much and I'd say, “hey bro, those shoes are amazing and loves them. But it made me uncomfortable that you bought them for her because . Can we agree on a price limit for gifts, please?” That's what an emotionally mature person might say. You don't go insane, particularly not toward your partner. If he can't control himself about this, it sure doesn't bode well for the rest of their relationship.
Does your boyfriend like you? It sounds like he might not like you or at least doesn't respect you. What you do is kind. Everyone enjoys compliments and to know they did something well.
This has to be fake tbh
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Nice
Anyone with a little bit of social awarness wouldn’t do that. How can someone defend this behaviour ?
At least she seems to have good taste in men.
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You can both leave a toxic situation and still be awesome parents. Sometimes people fall out and that’s ok.
Just say you mean hetero relationship dude, 1/5 of het relationships end because someone cheated. Spouse and I are both queer and friends with our exes. We just don’t have trust issues.
Your actions have consequences. When you consent to sex you consent to the risks associated with that. You may not want to get pregnant but shit happens. I hate this saying because it makes it sound like because I didn't consent to getting pregnant this is essentially rape.
It sounds like he doesn't want to put in the effort to make your relationship work.
He has every excuse in the book why he doesn't want to put in that effort. It's almost as if he would prefer to use excuses so he didn't have to actually try. The therapy would help with the depression, but you cannot force him. When you told him the relationship would fail if he didn't get therapy, he turns around and tries to paint you as the villain. The talking over you and wanting everything his way shows he doesn't value your opinion. It's all about compromises and at least hearing the other person out.
I was slightly leaning towards this isn't going to work since he can't put any effort into it and one person doing all the works never can carry a relationship. Once he started cheating on-line, I changed my mind and figure it's time to end it without doubts.
I don't think you can save this alone….and I don't think he can put the effort into it.
What post do you think you're commenting on?
What post do you think you're commenting on?
You can't control what you feel but you can choose what you do.
“Can't control feelings” is just a shitty excuse for cheating. “But honey, I couldn't control myself.”
Everyone's already told you what you should do, you just don't like it. If you actually cared for and respected him, you would leave him or stop cheating (though I think you should leave him the F alone).
I have money saved up but was not willing to move to Midwest long term, we had a plan to meet in the middle that fizzled out because we both have contracted jobs. I know I sound whiney I guess I’m just looking for ways on how to get closure knowing neither of us can sacrifice everything to move to one or the other 🙁
Please leave your husband as soon as possible. Do it for you and your childs safety. Please. I don't know if you have parents/ if you have parents you have contact with, but if you have… Ask them if you can stay at their home for as long as you need. I'm very sorry for what happened and I wish you and your child the best
I agree with this- Start with a lawyer first and immediately. The edibles, photos, slapping you- he is harming your child and you. I don't know your financial situation but if you can't afford a lawyer hopefully there are services available to you where you on-line.
I can personally handle abuse…
Um, no. You can prioritize your child's safety, but to this, NO. You are both at risk. And if you're prioritizing your child's safety over your own, you both need to get out of their for your child's safety.
I wish you the best.
..has some lapse in judgement…feeds a toddler drugs meant for recreational adult use…holly shit lady get your head out of your ass..that's criminal
Have you tried to figure out why he has so little control? I know I have a problem with sharing food because we used to starve a lot as kids and if I ever wanted a left over my sister would fight me over it so naked on principle alone, not because she actually wanted it, that my mom would give it to her and she wouldn't eat it. Just do something with it so I couldn't eat it. That, along with my grandmother shovelling so much food on my plate during visits and not letting you leave the table until you had eaten everything, even if I was crying I was so full, led to a massive eating disorder where I just completely trained away feeling full and ate my own weight in food.
I don't know what kind of answer you want from us. You're gonna have to either sit down, get to the root cause and see whether he is willing to change, learn to on-line with it if it's minor in comparison to all the benefits he brings to your life or break up.
Let her go. She just showed you who she is and it’s not good.
I take a long train 2 times per week and sleep on it every single time. If I fell asleep on someone I would expect them to wake me up if they or someone they were with were uncomfortable. Even if not, I don't want to sleep on anyone's shoulder.
I think the real problem here is you prioritizing a random girl's sleep over the comfort and feelings. You told your gf to be quiet when she was expressing concern and her feelings, to not disturb a random girl who was leaning on you. This is extremely disrespectful.
And I just want to add, this has nothing to do with gender for me. I am bi, if my partner wanted me to push someone away that was on me, I would absolutely do it. Personally, I think I wouldn't mind if someone fell asleep on my SO but it all depends, and just because it wouldn't bother me doesn't mean that it doesn't bother them. And I would prioritize them.
You shouldn’t have moved in with her.
They have both experienced a tragic loss. On top of that, she is experiencing everything physically, emotionally, hormonally, that comes from having a baby, while her baby died. This is no excuse to cheat, but she is definitely not in the right headspace. This is incredibly tragic for both but she experienced an added layer of trauma having carried the baby for however long the pregnancy lasted. Only your friend can decide if he can get past the cheating or not, but they both should consider individual therapy and couples therapy. Maybe after he's had some time working through the grief, it will be clearer to him if he wants (or if he can) remain in this relationship with her or not.
Ideally you'd have no contact at all with his ex. It's just not your place to be involved with a partner's past partner(s). The problem here is that this person isn't taking charge of his life and standing up to his ex. You don't seem to understand what an egregious outrage it is that his ex is contacting you. Anyone worth dating would have long since intervened to sort this out. Could be this is someone who just enjoys watching others fight over him.
This was not a trap he fell into. He was trying to sext with someone, they blackmailed him, and he refused to pay. Hon, have some self respect. Dump this cheater.
Why would he tell her? There’s nothing there. If it was a guy would he need to tell her? Sounds like a boring conversation. Lots more fun conversations to be had.
I wouldn’t care of my wife was dropping off a guy friend from work on her way home. And she did sometimes. She didn’t tell me immediately. Why would she? It’s just a friend like any other friend.
I trust her, so why would I care? It sounds like this girl has trust issues.
she's completely overreacting.
haven't you two seen game of thrones?
wow the 31 year old is abusing the 21 year old? shocking. leave him and find someone who isn’t a psychopath.
Pretty bizzare. Stop doing any money or crypto things related to her. Tell her you’re done gambling and will simply be investing in market wide ETFs.
Sounds like he’s just trying to get to know you lol
My bf has been telling me this for a month now
I see a therapist (which he doesn't believe in)
Have you thought about whether this person does more to add to your life than they take away from it? On average, is your life better for having known this person? These are hot questions to ask yourself, but this person doesn't sound good for you.
Ask her to join you. Long distance is hard to maintain.
Rofl…. Hahaha awesome dude
What relationship is worth bringing a child into this world that you don't feel ready for? Children tend to be more permanent than many relationships.
Marriage gives a lot more stability than dating does. Do you plan to be a stay at home mom? If so, you have absolutely no protection. You’re incapacitated and need decisions made for you? Your boyfriend is screwed and vice versa. Tax benefits? Nada. If one of you dies with no will? The other gets nothing.
You don’t have to get married, it’s not a requirement. However, based on your logic you absolutely want the benefits of being a wife (house and family) without making that vow or commitment. If you can’t find it in yourself to love your boyfriend unconditionally forever then why exactly should you get any luxuries of being a wife?
Dumbass guys who haven’t matured past the age of 16 who watched porn with all their friends in high school and jerked off as a group and think it’s cool. Yeah, I keep my porn and sex habits private with me and my partner and let the creepy pervs go play by themselves. I only want a lap dance and show from my partner and her old ultra ego thank you very much and I can get that for free and in a much more comfortable place than a club.
Wow. He has zero excuse for failing to make a reservation, which indicates he (1) did not want to go out with you, or (2) was just hoping you'd realize he was lazy/undependable/uninterested and do it yourself.
I mean, who doesn't realize that reservations fill up fast for a holiday?
What kind of excuse did he give?
So now he's all sad that you are disappointed and irritated. Is he actually expecting you to be all cheery and tell him it's okay, not a big deal, you forgive him?
Did he even say he was sorry?
That's so lame and useless. Really pathetic.
What was his problem, do you think? Does he not know how to go on-line and make a restaurant reservation, or make a call?
They don’t get to decide if the dress choice is okay and no wearing white to a wedding is never acceptable. Honestly I would have kicked them out until she changed. They make and sell maturity clothes so there is no excuse besides they are trashy. Go NC
Plus even if he's REALLY poor there's usually tons of price options for bakery items. A big cake is $30, too much? Then you can get a mini cake for $4. And they're decorated nice like a regular cake would be. Or a single slice for $2.50. You can even buy individual jumbo cupcakes for $1.75 if you're really strapped for cash. Like if he cared AT ALL he could have scrounged up sofa change and come up with SOMETHING to give her.
Thanks. That's something I needed to hear/read. I'm trying, and I know that it's not really my responsibility, but I see people I love suffer and all I want is fix it and return to some form of normality and happiness. That seems to be over.
Could be she just wants the friendship side part back, rather than the romantic relationship.
He cheated on his wife with you? That’s disgusting
I think this is fake… On the off chance it isn't: you can't make him see reason. You can talk and present good, rational arguments until you are blue in the face: it won't work. Because he doesn't care. It is about what he wants and only what he wants and he will twist it any way it suits him. He is manipulating you, getting you to doubt reality and it is already working. It doesn't even matter if he is doing it on purpose or if he isn't even aware. He is still doing it. It is complete bullshit what he is telling you. It doesn't even make sense. Let me repeat, complete bullshit and he is abusive and controlling. Please believe the old and wise people of reddit, this will get worse and you absolutely should get out. When he feels like he is losing his grip on you and wants his doormat back, he might be for a while on his best behavior, promise you he has changed, the whole Love bombing charade. It also won't last. Please, think long and hot. Your gut feeling is telling you, this isn't right. You are not confused, you know it deep down. No healthy relationship will ever demand from you to not see your childhood friends or not post on social media. You are very young and don't know better. We have been there.. Your boyfriend should be like your best friend. Having your back, supportive partner, and having lots of fun. Plus being attracted to them, sure. But that's the extra. All the other things should be there. Would you be besties with him? Certainly not. You would see it for the toxic drama it is. If you judge your boyfriends like you would judge friends, it becomes way easier. He is not a good person. Very immature. Very emotionally abusive. Controlling. Let him go.
You were wrong. Period.
You blamed her because you (wrongly) thought you were right.
See the top comment
Maybe you need to grow up and realize you don't know everything and aren't always right?
Can you? With a mindset that thinks it's 'weird' to be a fan, while being a fan themselves – a fan of a game kids play? It's your attitude toward it that seems weird to me. “This thing is ok to like, but that other thing is not”.
Depends how much it bugs you.
If it bugs you a little now, it's going to bug you a whole lot after 10, 20, 50 years of it.
If you have the capacity to let it slide and everything else is good, have at it.
Just stop. Stop hoping/wishing/thinking about her. That is past life/relationship. Block her number if you have to, and just move on
I feel like this is more than just a ring. Is he like this with everything?
The difference is my current girlfriend can take a joke. She doesn’t get all bent out of shape over an off color joke.
Fertility awareness method!
Not much of a friend, is he? He's what I'd call a 'user' who likes to use and abuse “friends”.
I'd suggest cutting ties with him, he seems to be an awful person. Take public transportation like you mentioned or a ride share service or taxi in your area. Maybe a different friend, neighbor, or colleague could help you here.
Good luck!
Ps. Don’t waste time. He is probably already telling her what to say to you.
No, you shouldn't have.
Is he the most handsome man in the world?
“I tried to steer it away from that, but it didn’t work and we both got heated and he asked me a question four times in a row and when I would get four or five words out, he would cut me off, say “not an answer, try again”, and after the fourth time with that, I do admit I snapped and raised my voice and cut him off. And that’s where it went truly downhill. I got accused of losing my shit at him over a topic I said i wouldn’t do it on. It was one of the bricks of our new foundation and I broke it.”
This ^ is reactive abuse. He pushes and pushes and pushes until you lose it and then be cries victim.
Your relationship is toxic, through and through. Not only are you apparently not sexually compatible but you are not healthy in a mountain of other ways.
It's time to separate and head for divorce.
There is no reason to be texting a coworker outside of work.
There is even less reason to be deleting the texts if they are innocent.
There is a book by Shirley Glass called Not Just Friends. About how emotional affairs start and often progress to something more. Ask him to read it. (You should read it too). Then discuss it with him. It should make it clear you’re concerned about his relationship with this woman. And if he’s not too far gone, he may realise he’s in jeopardy of ruining your marriage.
Good luck.
Yes, your GF is right.
I know that technically you are helping, however, you are doing so in a problematic manner, which you yourself seem to recognize too.
The fact that you get a kick from seeing these women realize they are not going to get kidnapped and raped but instead saved is also weird as hell. I know it was phrased differently but that's literally what it is. Also, you open yourself to potential legal trouble if someone else sees this behavior, which they might believe is you being an actual predator.
If you see a stranded teen on a street call the cops and leave. That's the best help you can provide to them. Someone mentioned and uber, which is also an option I guess.
Yes you are though. You and this person both joined the same club together. You chose to do that whether you want to admit it or not. You can keep doing this to yourself, or not. You can keep lying to yourself, or not. I don’t really care.
So I can't speak to anything related to his experience but my own experiences with both physical abuse and sexual abuse all happened when I was extremely intoxicated in one way or another. So during the period after that when I still drank or did drugs around people even ones that I trusted I always had a certain level of fear in the back of my mind because of previous trauma. So there were a couple of situations where I ended up in a similar position. I felt uncomfortable and like I was losing control of the situation and I freaked right out. So maybe that is what you are dealing with? Either way he has a drinking problem that needs to be confronted. While you might be able to prompt him to start that process he is going to have to choose to do that on his own or it wont really make a long term difference.
It's simple, don't try to change other people behaviour. You can't !
What happens if you break an arm or leg and have to wear a cast for a long time? Lose a finger at some point in your life?
Get hurt and scarred for life in any way?
Thank you
You both dating people independently can be ENM. Dating can include casual sex, or a casual relationship (like dinner and sex but you’re not in love).
I have had threesomes (fff). In those cases it was with people we knew. The thirds had a pretty good idea what they were getting into. I don’t regret doing it, but I wouldn’t try to pretend it was ENM . I also would be pissed if virtual strangers approached me for this.
when you leave call 911 let them know whats going on
Just to be clear: the concept of love language deals with unhealthy behaviors. In a healthy relationship, the concept of love language would never come up because the two partners would unconditionally accept each other as they are.
It is unhealthy to expect your partner to love you the way you think you need to be loved simply to satisfy your own psychological insecurities (regardless of the effort that you put into loving her how she wishes to be loved).
I'm not telling you this for my own amusement. You will eventually figure this out one way or the other. I'm simply providing you with an alternative to figuring it out the hot way.
Perhaps you should contemplate whether her lack of complementing you is a deal breaker. Since you need this to make you happy, it potentially should be. And if not, why not?
Well done on getting a lawyer involved to look out for your best interests. This is going to suck in the short term and a good therapist can help you heal and move on to a happier future.
Communication?! You want OP to communicate?! Don't be bringing that type of positivity to Reddit. We either demand they break up or drag the OP for miles.
It sounds like you need time and space to focus on your own healing journey.
When you feel good about yourself then you can see if he has moved on from the ex properly and see if the connection is still there. However, do not wait for him or anyone else.
You pinnin T?
Your boyfriend is acting strangely. Like, what if you had a kid with someone else? Would he make you feel bad and hate your kid?
Your husband needs more fiber in his diet. This is incredibly gross and there cannot be anything good happening in his digestive system.
Yeah idk the boyfriend might be an ass but if someone who I knew to already have severe mental health issues was claiming they were having paranormal experiences I would also think they were suffering psychosis.
Is it possible it was in his wallet or computer bag/backpack and fell out?
You better stop thinking because it is not your strongest feature. If you want to have a healthy relationship with the man you love have some respect to him as he has towards you. He never wanted to bring his family into the picture because there were plenty of reasons maybe his bad was that he lacked some comunication and never said why. But on the other hand it clearly might be a thing that he never felt comfortable to talk about even with you because what was he supposed to say that his family are racists? No one would feel comfortable to say something like that especialy to someone who one cares about.
I agree..plus she's getting a lot of free money! Why would she want this to end. OP needs to get information quietly. Even consult a lawyer to see what her options are just in case.
😀
So there's your answer. If he wants to eat beans then either he takes Beano with his first bite, GasX after, or you don't stay once he starts.
I will say this. Sometimes my husbands location is like way off. Like it will say he's at a store. I call he's driving and nowhere near the store. The odd thing is though it doesn't tell me he's at someone's house of whom I know I would have issues with. I mean. Maybe it's a weird coincendence but it's alarming to say the least that her location is exactly there.
It’s funny how trashy of a person this post makes you out to be
If you found out you were pregnant, and immediately decided abortion was the route for you, please do not flip flop and bring a child into this world because you overheard your boyfriend vent to his therapist. If you didn’t jump for joy and start planning for the baby, you don’t want a baby. It’s completely normal – even applauded, really – that your boyfriend is in therapy and has a healthy outlet to share his feelings and concerns. If he felt strongly about keeping the baby, I’m sure he would’ve made more of an effort to talk to you about your options. Do the right thing for you ♥️
Then he's not the man he should be or that you deserve. I imagine he will be incredibly hurt and angry but he should not be taking that out on you. You're still the child he raised and from a parents perspective that love is not something that just goes away. I don't know your father so I can't say how he will react, I doubt if you even put it to him hypothetically he would be able to give an honest answer because you don't know until you're in that situation but it is a possibility unfortunately. Does he seem like the kind of person who would turn his back on you? Or would he be grateful that you were honest and wouldn't care that you didn't share DNA, he would still see you as his son?
I don’t want to break up with him, I love him and he really does love me, he’d do literally anything for me and does find me attractive, I believe its some sort of physical issue because mentally he says he thinks about it, he just doesn’t feel like acting on it
I just wanted to know if I could get advice on how to not be so disappointed about it, if that was even possible lol
I want someone I'm meant to be marrying to show some care, but that seems to much to expect.
Break up with him. He's testing the waters. He wants to fuck other people.
NO. Get a new girl or ten.
Would you rather have your kids grow up thinking a dead marriage with cheating is normal?
My guy, it's time to grow a spine and do what you know needs to be done. This relationship is over, you shouldn't want it back, you're simply afraid of change. Don't be
He’s a bully. He doesn’t respect or love you. It doesn’t even sound like he likes you. He likes hurting you because it makes him feel superior and powerful. He also likes it when you ask him to stop because he knows he’s hurt you and he feels powerful because you can’t stop him.
But you can stop him. Dump him and block him.
This is not someone you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with, and you will realize this in a couple years after you've fully moved on. You need someone dependable, not who will drop you because they “don't feel the spark”. Also please stop texting her, you can't be friends if you still have romantic feelings for her. I am friends with one of my exes, but I had to go no contact for about 2 years first to remove all romantic feelings for her, now I see her in a purely platonic way.
Honestly, it sounds like you're done. Stop supporting him. Don't help him financially or emotionally. He can get that support elsewhere. You don't have to put up with him being cold and distant and mean. Things won't get better. Spoken as someone who has been there where you are.
That’s a good point, I do need to work on giving him space. I tend to hammer the point in.
It really is! I'd do the same thing and I'd either keep guessing wrong or not “do it right” and it's so draining on the self-esteem! I constantly felt like people didn't like me and people constantly treated me like an annoying reclusive mistake for performing wrong for them. Besides, most people are so busy living their own lives anyway, why should I on-line mine on someone else's terms? Life is too dang short for that.
Whoa, the unkindest cut. Gut check (with a professional) on why you would issue this kind of pain to someone that thought they were having a conversation. Probably because you aren't sure of what you want except to plunge ahead on your terms without entertaining talks of change.
this makes zero sense. also, you don't sound mature enough to be having sex
Are the antidepressants new? You should be this nauseous from them
And you on-line your life so perfectly I'm sure – never doing anything bad for the environment. You don't drive a car or eat a steak or on-line in a house or burn fossil fuels to heat your home or have rare earth minerals in your cell phone. By all means golf is the only evil in the world and must be stamped out despite the fact it brings him joy and reminds him of his dad. I suggest you break up with him because he is obviously a super villain who deserves someone equally evil who lets him golf despite how awful it is.
No they’re not. Did you read they asked me to stay in contact and he made a fake account. They’re on my side. This isn’t even a worry of mine
My job is secure.. im aware that this can end up how i want it to.. or a total disaster… but i mean people divorce and remarry no ? Idk.. i'll keep updating with the results haha
I haven't been wrong though. Your mom refused pain medication and now you're a pro-life idiot trying to fuck up other women with fake stories. Pathetic
I don’t agree. I’ve been with my husband going on 14 years now and I’ve literally never found him sexier than I do right now at this current time. It’s easy to be cynical but your perspective isn’t necessarily accurate.
had texted me at about 3AM saying he was sorry he had overstepped and he shouldn’t have told me any of that. The rest of the message was him saying how important my daughter and I are to the family and how he hopes I know I can count on him for anything.
It's good he apologized. Don't reply, and don't see him again until you feel you can forget what he said.
We aren’t board of each other I just had a lot on my mind
How do you split childcare and household chores?
Still. He’s not worried about. That much is clear
Break up. Don't date losers
Sounds like she didn't do a good job in describing I'm her original post that she sees masturbating to porn as cheating which I feel is more the issue at hand then him actually masturbating. It wasn't described well at all but after reading their responses to others it's clear that she is feeling cheated on by his use of porn.
If op reads this I would suggest maybe making a post in this subreddit that is looking to discuss talking to your partner about the use of porn being cheating to you.
I understand. You got me lmao. I am not fine with this whole “work wife/husband” thing but that's just my personal opinion. I am not concerned with what others do with their lives. People who think like this should date people who are also okay with it. So yeah you're right. I'll talk to her about it.
1 year and 2 months. We're about to move in together this summer but I have some doubts about doing it
Because she fucking told you to
Not quite an update yet as I still haven’t spoken to my boyfriend. Had a lot of comments and I appreciate all of them, mixed opinions but I can see both sides and value each perspective. I know deep in my bones that what happened to me was wrong and malicious and I did not choose it but I do need to accept some responsibility for my actions. I put myself in an unsafe situation in a foreign country and put too much trust in people I’d just met, I was trying to make friends as like I said I’m alone in a new country and was excited to meet new people. I still don’t know what happened but the consequences were severe and I’m not denying that I am partly responsible. Regarding my problematic drinking, I’m also not denying that this is a thing. I’ve had issues with alcohol in the past and it’s been a few years now that I’ve been able to enjoy alcohol in moderation and drink in a ‘normal’ way, but I know it’s naive to think that people who have had drinking problems are able to drink in a ‘normal’ way.
I think I am going to give up alcohol for good and keep to myself for the year that I’m here. I feel like I need to stay because I’ll probably never have an experience like this again and I’ve planned it for so long and I will regret it for the rest of my life if I come back early. I needed to do this alone as I needed to get some headspace and experience some good things in life and travel is very important to me. My boyfriend is a bit older and he has a good job and a house and more of an attachment to home than I do. He would never have wanted to move abroad for a year and I figured it would be better for me to do this now when I’m young before we’ve settled down and moved in together instead of not doing it at all. People do long distance relationships all the time and they can work (although clearly it’s not working for us so far but I really couldn’t see that coming). Having said that I’ll stay, it depends on what my boyfriend says. If he decides to stay with me but can’t trust me long distance anymore then I will come home as he is more important to me than seeing the world. And to all those saying that there’s something missing from the story, I don’t know what to say. I’ve told you all I know about what happened and everything I’ve written is the truth. Yes I’ve had quite a sketchy past and made some bad decisions in life, which my partner knows about, but I don’t think that makes me a villain. The things I’ve done have been an unhealthy reaction to what happened to me in the past. It was years ago and I have since straightened up and regained control of my life. I’ve made mistakes and done things that were bad for me, but I would never knowingly hurt a soul let alone someone I love.
I don’t have a lot of good things to say about myself but I’m a deeply caring and compassionate person and the mistakes I’ve made in the past have been detrimental only to myself, until now of course. I’ve never done anything like this before and again I did not choose this. All I can do now is take accountability for my actions and pray to god that my boyfriend can read the situation and find it in himself to forgive me, because if I lose him because of this I have no idea what I’ll do with myself. Thanks again for all the responses, even the harsh ones have been helpful. Will update when I’ve spoken to him.
I am going to get tested and get plan b. I’ve decided not to contact the police as like I’ve said this is largely my responsibility.
Is she leading up to a mfm for her 30th?
This is a devastating thing to find out about someone you love and trust. In a lot of ways, it's worse than them dying.
Going into a tailspin is a pretty normal reaction, we don't need to call OP names. We just need to remind her that there's no coming back from this and she needs to report this to the police.
You gotta call the police yesterday.
Yeah, ppl often learn their partners are dumpster fires when they get a chronic illness. She’s seeing the real you and she’s not impressed.
This is her mom, so it’s up to Amy to deal with.
That said, is this relationship worth going back to? It was rocky for its entirety, and she spread rumors about you that could have impacted your livelihood. Is she someone you can trust and build a relationship with?
I doubt Mom is the real problem here. I’ve raised 3 sons. They are in their 30s. I DO still listen for their motors, even though we aren’t in the same city and my insomnia has nothing to do with them. I know boys and young men. No chance this is all Mom. He simply wants to go home.
It’s not? You can’t just say something is psychotic and it just is. Unless a girlfriend/boyfriend to you means something different to me you should absolutely be able to tell them what you’re going through rather than saying you need space. When people say they need space it’s normally because that person did something wrong. To not clarify is almost cruel.
i'm not friends with him we just go to practice together, i do dance. he also got a gf recently
Sorry bt no. No matter what you might have done, there is ABSOLUTELY no excuse for cheating. If he was not happy he should have dumped you, but never ever he should have cheated.
You do you, but from the little you told in the post, your relationship is clearly doomed, and you both shuld not be together.
Most likely what is happening is she is already talking to or has done something with someone else and wants to open the relationship to justify it. OP I saw your comment to poptartwith and please open your eyes, I was once in your shoes and I really loved my ex even through everything she put me through. The lowering of your mental health isn’t worth a relationship. You don’t need a girlfriend to on-line, it’ll hurt yea but you don’t need her to on-line. If you talk to her and she still insists on an open relationship then breakup with her then she can have the open relationship she so desperately craves. You don’t need her or her bs, I hope you actually talk to her and don’t let her walk all over you.
Growing up, my dad would eat cottage cheese straight out of the tub while we’d be watching tv. He wasn’t necessarily large or anything, but he would crush some cottage cheese straight
I do often pay for dinner ? not sure where you read otherwise?
a single incident means once. three times isn’t once. you’re making excuses as to why you’re too lazy to go down 2 floors and refuse to see that that laziness crossed the boundary she set.
His ex-girlfriend is currently seven months pregnant and up until now, he hasn’t told me. He says he kept it from me out of fear that I would leave him and because he wasn’t sure if she was being 100% truthful about the pregnancy.
So he wanted to make it where you didn't have agency to make your own decisions, and he's going to pretend a lady doesn't show until into the 3rd trimester?
I can understand if he's conflict avoidant and extremely sorry. It's still a bad thing, but some people crack under pressure. That cracking can be a deal breaker for many people though.
The question you have to ask is this – do you want to stay with someone that will hide information from you for months so you can't make your own decisions? Do you think he will change?
If he is working on conflict management maybe he will be better over time. Likely he won't.
You keep writing she blocked him as if this is a magical force field that stops him from even knowing she exists. His mum found her public Instagram. She wasn’t in hiding impossible to find. He could’ve literally just made a new Facebook or gone on anyone else’s and messaged her. He could’ve checked her Instagram himself – he wasn’t blocked from that since he messaged her on it. He could’ve used someone else’s phone to text her – but she does only say she blocked his Facebook not his phone number so maybe he could’ve texted her. I imagine she even has other social media like a LinkedIn if he’s desperate.
In any sense, if someone told me I got them pregnant I’d at least think 9 months later “hmm might just pop onto her Facebook on another account to see if she said anything about that”. It would kinda consume me the possibility that it could be true. Instead he dismissed it and for 11yr never considered the possibility she wasn’t lying. Never once thought “might take 5 seconds to search her up” in 11yrs.
Yeah, I agree with this line of reasoning. Often 1 year is way too early to talk about having kids and maybe she didn’t want to put pressure on him.
I honestly can't fathom how foolish some people can be.
If she can lie about her age so easily….what else can she lie about?
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. The chick has demonstrated time and time again she likes your bf and I’m glad he doesn’t like her back but why would he put himself in a position for her to do something? I don’t think your bf is thinking about his actions.
Example 1) they are all drunk and she climbs into his bed and since he’s drunk too, he thinks she’s you and something happens
Example 2) their friends forces them to partner for stuff and she kisses him by surprise and then she says to you he kissed me back and tells you to break up with you.
I can come up with more if he needs to see how his life can change.
This, OP. it's a very sound advice.
Also, always use protection next time. And always carry you own condom. You can't despute her claim because you don't use protection. Or better yet, get a snip.
His problem is with the groomsman but he had him in the wedding. He was embarrassed. You made him look bad, but he wouldn’t even talk to you about it. You had to do the emotional work. Not wanting waste time on petty shit like this in my life, I would get an annulment cause this isn’t going to stop if it just started on your wedding night.
Don’t cuddle and kiss him, that would be a good start, if he wants to kiss you he should know he wants you first, you are not a state fair kissing booth.
it’s hot to even argue with you women because you even lie about shit like that ? you know damn well your ass isn’t even smirking lol. I can tell you’re one of those who’ll just say anything to try to get to the next point of the argument. you’re not actually coming with anything that will make me sit there and think about your words. You called me gay lmao, are you still 16? You care more about me THINKING you won and unbothered, than trying to come up with an actual argument to win. As expected, you’re worried about another persons thought of you instead of yourself
I’m still trying to figure it out, I feel pretty torn inside tbh.
She is using you, she is abusing you. This is not a salvageable relationship.
Leave. Next time he remarks that he could do better, tell him that you're ending the relationship, and he's welcome to “do better.” He wants your self esteem to be low.
He never helped his mom out with chores when we visited. But his siblings don't help, either, I was usually the only one helping the mom prepare dinner.
Wow.
Were his siblings all brothers, by any chance? This hints at some really deep seated misogyny here.
Lol this place is so grimy there is nothing else in the strip mall.. it’s like 2 miles from our house too. He did admit to choosing this place specifically because he knew the “services” they offer. I feel like his entitlement and selfishness is covert, he is a really nice guy. Cute and unassuming.. everyone likes him. I’m sure this will be a huge knock to his ego if anyone finds out about this. It’s not consistent with the nice guy image he likes to portray
Please go love yourself.
im wondering her financial situation. shes a full time students with multiple jobs, can she afford a ticket to london? is it expensive from your country there? have you discussed with her how you feel?
Bro are people really shocking the monkey with a on-line human being in their bed? Just tell him stop spanking off when you're in the bed lmao.
Thank you… I can be too harsh on myself. I'm on medication now which helps a lot. But I also need a bigger support system, more friends and people I can rely on besides my partner who is going through his own stuff. It's going to take time, I'm just trying to keep my head above water and figure out how to build my life.
Honestly most helpful advice so far, thank you 🙂
Do what you can now. Everyone has things they regret. Look towards the future and what you can do now. Your past does not defy you unless you let it.
The only thing I hope to see in a future update is: I left my ???ABUSIVE???ex husband.
Absolutely this, I don't know why more couples don't do this
Ayo wtf lmao is everything ok there buddy?
Did you read the meds label? Do not drink alcohol while on this medication. If you look it up on-line, it is the first warning. It's probably why you're blanking out and why you behave differently.
He needs to be rushed to the ER immediately!
Well then you cant promise her a committed relationship. A simple way around this would be hey i promise that if I ever think of acting on cheating, i will leave you first.
In the near future? When? Because if there isn't a date, those aren't plans.
Which means he's going to plan a trip with an old crush despite that obviously being a dick thing to do when you're in a new relationship.
how about you request some advice in there.