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30 year old with a 19 year old was already a giant red flag. Then he spent your money and left you entirely reliant on him. I'm sorry, you've been taken advantage of. There's a reason he was looking to date someone much younger.
Don't buy into the sunk cost fallacy. Doesn't matter how much time you put into it, he clearly doesn't give a fuck and wanted a hard baby sitter for his kids, not an equal partner.
Leave and never look back. Reach out to friends and family for help.
Are YOU the one growing a whole ass human being in your body? No? THEN YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE. If she wants her mother there, she gets her mother there. Period.
Imagine what she'll say when she is mad at you. Are you not afraid of her lies that could ruin your life?