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  1. He’s choosing her over you, you don’t get a say in that. Clearly he doesn’t value the friendship as much as you do. This is fairly common with friendships like this as it’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people. If you really were his best friend, he wouldn’t be letting her dictate to him who his friends are. You two have never dated or hooked up, so there’s no reason for her to be this upset except for her own insecurities. All you can do is talk to him and let him know what you expect out of your friendship. And that with all the restrictions, you don’t really see the point in continuing the friendship. I certainly wouldn’t. It’s going to dwindle until it’s gone anyways. That’s what she wants and he’s going to give it to her because of his own lack of experience. imo she is toxic and that’s why you should have the conversation. If they break up, it’s not because of you, it’s because he needs to stand up for himself and his friendships and learn to set boundaries with the people he dates. It just sucks that you two might lose this friendship because he’s not willing to do that.

  2. modern psychology follows this logic and yes while 4 out of 5 doctors agree disciplining a child is better long term, that actions come with consequences, there are groups, vocal minority if you will, that still hold the belief that the best way is not to discipline. Heck there are people that believe Freud was right. And yes Dr. Spock recanted on a redbook article entitled “how not to raise a bratty child” spanking a child lightly telling them no firmly is akin to letting them touch something electrified by a 9v battery, they wont want to do it again. basic reasoning that yes even a child understands, especially when done consistently. Are there those who spank to nude yes, and there are those who will speed no matter the speed limit.

  3. Exactly why do you think you’re in the wrong for literally properly reading his facial expression and knowing him well as a person?

  4. Alcohol doesn’t make you cheat. I told you a story about being raped but then lied about the interactions with that girl. And he intentionally went over to her place after you already discussed this was a boundary. So he had the intention to hang out and hook up with this girl. He is not willing to earn your trust by leaving that job. The girl didn’t leave that job either. She just supposedly works at another location. She can still cover at his location and stay in touch. You can’t trust your BF ever again. Call him out for this and prepare to break up.

  5. Yup. My ex is on court ordered support because our daughter had medicaid when she born. He has to pay child support and medical support until he started to provide insurance for her. Now it's just child support that is ordered but he's not paying of course.

  6. I agree with this post 100%.

    I’m not religious, and my fiancé and I are getting married without a wedding— it’s a ceremony we’re not interested in, but we’re excited to have our rings and participate in building a life together within the legal structures and shared assets a legal marriage brings.

    If one of us wanted a ceremony, we would be partners in planning and participating. We would want to share the cost, and effort, because we would want to find a ceremony that was authentic to both of us.

    Yes, in reality we’d both rather spend that money on a nice piece of furniture and a vacation. But, even if one of us was less invested in the ceremony itself, our job would not be to just show up.

    Also, we know each other well and share our goals and values. Yes, neither of us would be particularly happy dating someone who wanted a huge, traditional ceremony, but that’s fine because we communicate and make sure we share priorities and respect where we differ.

    We’re not 6 years into the relationship and have one of us writing off the idea of participating at all in what, to many people, is the biggest commitment ceremony of their life.

    If he’s surprised you want a wedding (did you two never talk about it?), he should still be participating as a partner.

    If it conflicts with his wants, that shouldn’t be treated as a free pass for him to totally disengage— he should be trying to talk through things and come to some shared ownership and understanding of each other’s wants about what, for many people and families, is a big life event.

  7. It’d be different if he had said it in a way to say 2 months is too fast to put a label on it, but the way he said it makes me confused. I’d be asking what his issue with “labels” are specifically if he’s now saying he IS interested, doesn’t want either of you to see other people. That’s basically being exclusive without him calling you his “girlfriend” I don’t get it?

  8. Yes. Do I own her clothes she bought with her money ? Do I also tell her what to do with whatever she puts inside of her body. Do I throw her makeup away because it’s not up to my standards ? No I do not. There’s absolutely no revenue anymore from her end and after I tried helping her find a job. She quit after two days because she hated being on her feet for 7 hrs. What I work nude for is mine. She shares that. She doesn’t own that.

  9. I don't think your mum should have given you the ultimatum, but you made the wrong choice imo.

    From your mums pov you are siding with your dad, therefore supporting his affair. You should speak to her and explain that the ultimatum was wrong and that you should still have a relationship with your father, but not his AP. Sounds like a home wrecker to me.

  10. If you want to date someone who acts like a romcom, date someone else. You are trying to get this guy to be someone he isn't and to do things that do not come naturally to him. How would you feel if he expected you to act like an anime character all of the time?

  11. yes, but none of that is the case here. What is more likely, is the high weight causes risk for pregnancy, risk for illness, risk for accident etc. You wildly went out of line shaming OP who does not come off as someone who is shallow. Quite the opposite. OP comes off as someone who is vulnerable and honest and seeking help. OP is asking out of concern to try to save his relationship.

  12. No. This is not a debilitating illness that requires surgery. He has had the vacation planned for months. She scheduled her surgery purposefully, to spite him and ruin his first chance at a vacation because she hates his best friend.

  13. A lot of people will bring things up when someone is in the middle of cooking or laundry. A “sit down” doesn't have to be physically sitting but the person should know that you have a serious topic to discuss and you want their full attention. It's absolutely different than bringing something up in passing that the person can casually brush off.

  14. You are 22, any relationship which ends at this stage is no big deal. I am serious. You were SA'd and your bf who should have been someone you could trust decided his feelings were hurt… Your attachment to him is not healthy because he effed up.

    See I was in a toxic relationship when I was SA'd and even my “bf” at the time recognised it was SA. Because it is not nude and does not cost a thing.

    being in love is not something you have to do anything about. Sometimes feelings make no sense and thus you don't acknowledge them.

  15. Wow, you definitely did not word that in a way that would result in productive comments on Reddit.

    It is true that being overweight is unhealthy and can affect all aspects of a relationship. However, being embarrassed to be seen out with your partner should not ever enter the conversation – not because it is irrelevant, but because it is hurtful and less important than how you make each other feel. If you are in love, then you won't care how others judge you.

    Getting in shape, and taking care of yourself needs to be about how it makes you feel: energetic, alert, pain-free, and happy. These outweigh beauty and social approval by tons

  16. You can't force someone to be something they don't want t9 be. Yes it's tough for you but ultimately you just have a conflict of personalities and either you accept it or move on.

  17. So, there's a pattern that the way you deal with stress is not ok with the people you're dating.

    Eventually you'll find someone who either is good at snapping you out of a funk, or you'll find someone who doesn't mind them, understands it and doesn't take it personally.

    I'm in my 40s and a lot that I thought were deal breakers when I was young aren't any more. My partner of 12 years and I even moved into separate apartments after lockdown while staying together – he needed the space, I'm autistic with ADHD & being together all day every day is NOT a pattern that was good for us! So we mixed it up and stayed committed to talking when it wasn't working for us. We're starting therapy together soon, to figure out where we go from here.

    It's not necessarily that you're doing something you need to fix, but if you can't fix it within a relationship then the relationship isn't working for either of you, and only you two will know when to call it quits.

  18. Not only did he cheat, he is insulting your intelligence by that inane justification.

    You are not a fool, he is just trying to make you think you are crazy.

    There is no good end to this, other than you dropping this fellow.

    I so hope I wasn't this stupid and immature when I was a 23 year old guy…

  19. It's mind blowing how many men don't take any responsibility for their own reproductive protection and then are shocked when they get “baby trapped” after having unprotected sex.

  20. Ask him, not strangers on the internet. Not everyone is into sharing personal pictures of a vacation. Nothing worth worrying or thinking about.

  21. I might not get it done by her timeline, I'm a little more laid back, I work a lot and when I'm home I like to relax. I could probably improve, yes.

    I do feel she is demanding immediate action, I think she has said in the past she has OCD and wants things done right away, I don't know if that would explain it.

  22. Dude. There's nothing here that suggests psychological issues for anyone but OP. You have to be pretty deep in the non-scientific, destructive SKINNY = HEALTHY cult to get this turned off by extra weight in their 30s, then convince yourself that you're just concerned about the poor hub's health.

    Hub doesn't need therapy. OP does. If the gender roles were reversed, it would be obvious to everyone. Nobody would think OP's take is healthy if she was the husband of a woman in her 30s. Men deserve the exact same respect and body peace.

  23. Your kids are happy, your wife has local/family support. Time to take care of you. Get a therapist for yourself, and figure out some things. Talk to them about your relationship with your wife, and try whatever they suggest! You can also just straight talk to your wife, try to get on the same page, at least. Don't do anything dramatic. It's a good thing, in my opinion anyway, that you're so open to talking about all this, that means there's hope.

  24. money is like the biggest reason people get divorced. if you guys are super incompatible now about money, it only gets worse.

    tell me how you'll be able to plan for a pregnancy with this guy. what if you have a disability that prevents you from working. how the hell does retirement look with this man?

  25. In my humble experience(s), it wouldn't matter if it was your Xbox, your electric guitar collection, your model train hobby, your dad's old restored nude rod, your golfing friends, your Pokemon cards, or your fantasy league, etc.. As it turns out, friend… you just married a bitch.

    Crack a beer, get over it, and come outside on the driveways with the rest of us.

  26. I’m starting to question my self worth.

    GOOD. You should be. I’m glad you are. Hopefully you realized what a dumb situation this is and that you deserve better. Like, are you sure he isn’t gay?

  27. I’d rather be cold than smell a nasty fart. Crack that window girl! As for the farts, you’ll likely just embarrass her. There’s no way for her to fix this issue. I have teen boys, sometimes I walk in their rooms to wake them up and believe me, it’s like getting punched in the nostril. Not much they can do about it tho.

  28. As for your anger issues — go to therapy. You started things, she retaliated, and in turn you knocked over your drink. Getting upset at her over that is ridiculous.

    *As for her getting upset that you’re getting upset *— consider couples counseling.

    As for the break — have a conversation with her about what the break is. Make things VERY clear.

    *What’s the goal of the break?

    *How will just a few days apart change things?

    *Whats a “successful” ending to the break look like to her?

    *Will you maintain contact during those days, and if so how much? Who will initiate this contact, and how will it take place (in person, text, call, etc)?

    *Will you both remain exclusive and loyal to each other during this break?

    *If others ask, are you single or in a relationship?

  29. You should have dated someone your own age. So she gap first red flag. Together just over a year and there is already a Baby involved? Second red flag… why are you with him? Why would you get pregnant so early on without any real commitment? Honestly…

  30. Unsafe abortion account for upwards of 13% of maternal death. Especially in areas with lack of access to medical care. It's quite literally a leading cause of maternal death.

    If op is living in a developing country, there's a high chance of these abortions being the least safe. Meaning no medical professionals, no sterile equipment, etc.

    It's highly probable op knows a girl or woman who died or experienced horrifying consequences of unsafe abortion.

    Having a man joke about it as if it's nothing would absolutely be upsetting. Even more so that she ended the relationship before he did a lick of research and apologized.

  31. Your best revenge is passing your exams and succeeding in life. It's pretty obvious he's intimidated by your intelligence & is trying to get you to fail.

    Woman..you prove to him just how smart you are!! You don't need someone so immature, unsupportive, unfaithful and idiotic in your life!

  32. I’ve sent him a message stating that I want him to stop messaging me, calling me, leaving voicemails, and showing up at my apartment. It just ended with him begging me, apologizing and calling my phone nonstop and leaving voicemails. It’s so draining because my parents ask me almost everyday if I was talking to him and asking me about him

  33. Yeah about that. Am I the only one here being shocked by that answer ?

    You are more willing to open your eyes from a stranger's advice on the internet while completely invalidating your entire husband's thought process by default. Like he did not even have a chance to convince you, it shows in the way you speak about him. And yet the exact same words from a faceless stranger on Reddit and now it makes sense ?

    I'd say you guys have a lot more issues than some bad words on a long night.

  34. Had this been a one hookup thing, knowing your history, I could see you giving her another chance, but this went soooo far beyond just one time.

    She KNEW it was wrong when she texted/snapped him, which you made it clear you weren’t comfortable with it, and that it was suspicious, but she insisted it was innocent—all the while—she was sleeping with HIM.

    You say you love each other but she obviously didn’t love you enough not to sleep with someone else. Just think about that.

    If you forgive her of this, and you get back with her, you are pretty much saying, it’s okay to cheat on me because you are letting her get away, and she can do it again, as long as she hides it better.

    She—knowingly and willingly—threw away your entire relationship on some AH. She had her chance with you but she carelessly threw it away.

    I’m sorry. I know this hurts so badly. Work on yourself and move on.

    Know. Your. Worth.

    (I would show her this post and our comments)

  35. ?? you’re pretty angry about this huh?

    Such maturity. Wonderful quality for a father and partner.

    Love how you're changing your story now though. You'll have to forgive my utter skepticism. Your behaviour towards your girlfriend was disgraceful and you should apologise. But you clearly won't.

    Enjoy seeing YOUR son every other weekend.

  36. Right. In fact, OP has broken a law by viewing the material if she doesn't immediately report him. OP, you really have no other option. Get to the police immediately. Don't sit on this.

  37. I would just say congratulations and good luck. Be honest with and kind to each other.

    Finding meaningful relationships gets harder to do as you get older.

  38. On one hand I hear that you can't envision anyone else, but yet want your freedom. You feel like it would take a bunch of changes and compromises on your part to make it all work. I think that is worth reflecting on.

    We can love someone, and struggle to think of ourselves with anyone else, while knowing that it is not the right fit for us at the end of the day.

  39. This was my exact thought when she said, “she would like to gain experience with others so she knows what love really is.” She wants OP to be a back up in case whoever she likes now doesn't pan out.

  40. Nothing to fix. Just end it and go your separate ways. Seek therapy for your suicidal thoughts and other emotional trauma.

  41. There have actually been several oral contraceptives for men that never passed the trial sages because the men didn't like the side effects of fatigue, nausea, acne, headaches, and low sex drive.

    Those side effects are only suitable for women.

  42. I know this is Reddit but I feel like you're jumping to conclusions pretty fast without knowing the whole story. What I'm talking about isn't going to clubs (which I'm fine with). The issue I'm talking about could have serious repercussions with a chance of them going to jail.

    If that happened it wouldn't just affect them, but it would affect me and our relationship as well. I hope this clarifies where I'm coming from a little bit more.

    To be clear, this is not a jealousy issue.

  43. I think asking her transparently but with as much goodwill as you can muster is the right route. It's possible the kids got into an argument and he said regretful things and this has nothing to do with an attempt at cheating but… Yeah, looks like he made her wildly uncomfortable and I can't imagine many ways that would happen.

  44. I think it's fair to mention that my university isn't in the us and it's not really the best. Last year, one male student harrassed quite a lot of the people he was working with and, despite talking to the academics staff, nothing happened until a girl spoke out and went to the police. The university was quick to deny that they ever knew nothing of this story. So in my case they might do little to nothing.

  45. Why are you with this absolute POS? Seriously, why are you still with this person? This is abuse and now it’s getting physical, you will eventually get physical assaulted by this POS and you need to leave him like yesterday. Seriously, go to your family or friends house to stay / start looking for a new place. You are in danger OP, you need to leave him…..

  46. Man my fatherly instincts are kicking in right now, please PLEASE don’t stay with this guy. He is not good for you. There is nothing in this world that could justify his destroying your apartment. That is flat out abuse. This is where abusive relationships start … if he will destroy your things then he will eventually hit you. Everything you said to him was absolutely reasonable. He is gaslighting you. It is what abusers do.

    You dream of him because he reminds you of past trauma. Believe me, I dreamed about the woman who abused me for years and years. It is because abusers know how to love bomb you and play on your needs and insecurities… it was what they do. The dreams will go away as you heal from your past trauma … you don’t don’t need this abuser in your life to feel whole. You need to learn and value yourself to be whole, regardless of who you date.

    If his friends are good people they know that he is abusing you … I wonder if that is why they feel so uncomfortable around you.

    Anyway, please take care of yourself. Sending a virtual dad hug your way.

  47. she told me that anyone would if the chemistry was right, and that if someone did promise me to always be faithful that person would be a liar

    Lmao NOPE she's a cheater.

    Tons of people every single day encounter other people they have great chemistry with. Sometimes they even have a years long old bond and history and CRAZY good chemistry, and they still don't cheat because they're not fucking cheaters and they refuse to hurt their partners for their own selfishness.

    She thinks everyone would do it because SHE would do it. She's making excuses.

    She's a cheater, dump her bro.

    Source: 12+ years in a faithful relationship, where there were opportunities with “chemistry” and no one cheated.

  48. I want to sympathize with your wife because she was drunk. I really do. Amanda took advantage of her in an altered state, and for that, I hate Amanda so much.

    But she should have shut Amanda down when she started heavily flirting. She should have shut her down after the kiss.

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