Anastaxialynn shows her charms for you
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21 thoughts on “Anastaxialynn shows her charms for you”
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It is at the point where he is refusing to tell you things because you are trying to make him responsible for your happiness and mental health. It's one thing to be sad he moved away, but making him responsible for you is not okay. It will not make him closer to you, not physically, not emotionally. You're driving him away to the point that he's withholding information from you so that he doesn't have to deal with your reactions. I'll be honest, I have never understood this sort of response to having successfully raised a successful, independent adult. But the level at which you are leaning into being traumatized by succeeding at parenting your child to adulthood is not healthy for you. I strongly suggest a therapist (one who won't tell you that your son is evil for not living according to your culture's norms) to help you work through this. You can understand, you just refuse to try. Your son wanted things from life that he wasn't going to get in your country, whatever those are. Your options are to lean into your misery or get help to find joy in life and learn to support your son. Because if you don't, he'll likely pull further and further away.
I also suggest you stop gossiping about your son and DIL with your DIL's mother. She's violating her daughter's trust by giving you information she knows you aren't meant to have. This is hurting you, and when your son and DIL find out, your DIL will be hurt and may choose to withhold information from her mother as well since she can't be trusted.
Clark. All in.
Don’t let his guilt and blame force you into any situation in which you feel fearful or uneasy.
This. My husband has friends of both genders and encourage a friendship between me and them, and vise versa. So when we see friends it's easy and no one feels left out, because we all friends and have respect for each other. So if they hangout over here it's just “oh it's just so and so, cool, tell them I say hi”
Cameras if you need proof, but at this point he will stop fucking around in your place if he has a brain in his skull.
Get him on the spot, and ask him uf he is cyeating, once he denies, tell him you didn't believe him, and will provably break up with him.
Ask him to show you his phones, his accounts and messages. Tell him to do it with no delay (that would allow him to delete things). Make sure he understands your relationship is at stake here
If he refuses, it means he has an affair. Stop digging for proof as it is unnecessary. You need to leave him cause he cheats on you, not because you have physical proof of it. This isn't a court.
My ex-partner was a lawyer, and when his (divorced, marriage-shy) relative asked him to draw up papers that would give their partner the legal benefits of marriage without getting married, he: a. refused, because he isn't a family and estate lawyer, and b. told them it would cost 4 figures to get a lawyer to draft those documents so they were watertight, versus about 100 bucks for the cheapest possible civil marriage option.
TL;DR: While it is possible to get the legal benefits of marriage without getting married, it is vastly cheaper and easier to get married instead, because that's how society is set up.
She would pay for anything which needed to payed with the house but no rent. Why should he be her landlord while living together when the house is paid off?
Why are you angry?
The dude is doing exactly what he needs to to avoid trouble, and being incredibly honest about it.
If you don’t value honesty and self-control in a man, fine, change him into someone weak and dishonest.
This is handing her less control, not more. It also forces his mates to reconsider inviting her to anything if they want him to come along. Bold move, my man!
And you want to override his decision to stay out of that situation. So you don’t want him to have his own power over her, YOU want to have power over him to make him go just so you can have power over her.
So you’d be putting him in a powerless, awkward, miserable situation for the sake of your power over him.
And you’re angry.
Imagine saying that shit to you right out in the open
Pretty much telling you straight up that the guy there had the best dick of her life so far and that includes you
I mean have your fun dude but it's clear that you are to her just one more experience
In her eyes this is not a serious relationship
100% a creep
He was a creep at “he put his hand on my knee” and everything after that just proved it further.
What EVER you do, DON'T tell her. You puff-jacket freak.
/s
Puffer Jacket? I barely know her!
That's a dumb saying made by conmen. Stupidity is the first disguise people use to hide malice.
If you guys are serious, then you should have a pretty good understand of what each others financial contributions will be. Rent is only one expense. Maybe he doesnt pay rent, but pays all the utilities. Maybe he buys the groceries. Maybe he pays half the rent.
You guys need to start figuring this out now, or your going to have problems down the road.
These people are idiots. Just see your neighbor when this guy's not there and keep your distance when he is. It's ultimately none of your business who this woman is dating. But that doesn't mean you need to part of their shenanigans.
“I definitely have pretty severe anxiety. And how well I manage it comes and goes.”
Here we go. That's the root cause of your current troubles.
Been there. Done that.
My dad had been an absent dad already when I was born. And has generated me abandonment fears between age 0 and age 3. Always handing me over to my mom, when I was crying. Only picking me up IF I was crying.
I DO know where that comes from! And I do know that male behavior like the one you described triggers that.
And made deep rooted inner panick rabbit mode run amok.
You really need to stop your inner bunny from panicking.
You are dealing with 2 seperate men! The one you are with currently.
And the one who installed that fear of being left behind unloved.
Children always think that they did something wrong to make daddy leave.
But they NEVER did. OP, that's where you are at.
Second person is the person who triggered that: your current boyfriend.
Turn things around:
Life has offered you the very best person to learn to DEAL with your own issues.
In fact it's a vicious circle: – his vehavior triggers fear. – Your fear makes you insecure. – Your insecurity makes you kling to him and do more for him than he dies for you. – You doing more for him than he for you makes him do even less. As obviously “accounts” are still imbalanced i his favor and he doesn't need to do a thing to get positive vibes
You need to stop yourself.
Otherwise it wil go down faster and faster.
“We don't get to see each other much except on the weekends anyways. And we have plans that were made previously for this weekend already.”
Cancel weekends.
“But he's not wanting to make plans outside of ones we have already made, and mentioned not following through with plans that are already made.”
Call plans off. It doesn't seem to make much sense right now.
“He's not calling as much either, I find that I am the one make initial contact more often. That is what I meant by constantly.”
Stop calling him. He has no chance to miss you. You are constantly present, even though not being there. Stop being over available
“I am the first one to text, I am the one calling.”
Stop doing that. At once. Do … really … sit… this… out. It will normalize again. But only if you really DO stop doing all of his relational work!
“I definitely have pretty severe anxiety. And how well I manage it comes and goes.”
Get counseling. Yesterday.
It really hurts you. And if you can't find your own inner “Stop Point” it will always pop up again in relationships.
**Life has made you a valuable present: a man who triggers your own solvable inner issues.
Say “thank you” innerly. And hurry do your job towards yourself. (You don't eve have time for that guy now. You have that issue to solve. That's priority 1! )
Any advice would depend on what the unfortunate circumstances are. You should probably talk directly to your sibling, find out if they’re ok, tell them your feelings were hurt they missed your birthday and then try to listen to them about their relationship without making it about you and your previous relationship.
I have a feeling that your boyfriend will move the goal posts because he doesn't want to get married at all, or he doesn't want to marry you, specifically.
He might agree with a prenup, but only after he's been promoted. And once he gets promoted, it'll be after a house deposit is saved. And after the deposit is saved, it'll be after he gets back from a great holiday. And after the holiday, he'll need to replace his car. He'll set criteria in place, and you'll meet the criteria, but then he'll change them.
21 and 23 is pretty young. Is it common where you live! to get married so early? To not date around? Especially since you two are high school sweethearts – maybe he's experiencing FOMO and all the marriage talk has him feeling trapped.
Thank you, this helped a lot
Then you should fix those things.