Do not go to couples therapy WITH someone that is abusive (verbally OR physically)!
There’s quite a few things with how he behaved that show him in a poor light, but I’m stuck on the fact that he’s pissed at you for not forgiving him…
It doesn’t sound like he’s really sorry, as he made excuses as to why he didn’t do anything for you. (Getting flowers after the fact doesn’t cut it – he did that to hopefully appease you so it would get him off the hook, and he wouldn’t have to hear about it any more).
If nothing else, you should consider going to therapy on your own.
The condom thing – This was way in the beginning so my memory of it was a it blurry, but I found an old message to a friend where I explained the situation shortly after it happened and I forgot some details of it: I was the one to actually take the condom off, not him. We were in the middle of having sex and took a little break to cuddle. I then took it off to give him a hand job. Then we got back into things and he didn't put a new one on. That's what surprised me, because even though I removed it, in my mind he'd just put a new one on, cause that's what my exes and I would do in that situation. I didn't really process that he didn't have a new one on until after he already penetrated me again, and I thought to myself “oh well it's too late now” and just let it happen. FWIW, he did pull out too. My main concern was STD's, which happened to be valid. I can't vividly recall that part either. If I remember correctly, I did ask him if he tested clean and he said yes. A lot of comment here are saying that he lied about that. But he had tested in his past and was clean when he did, it just hadn't been in a long time. To be fair I also did not ask him how recently he got tested. But would that still count as him lying? I'm really trying to not defend him but I'm surprised I never saw it the way everyone else in these comments does
Your fiance, a man of 35, is a predator. He appears to troll for young women and/or girls. An 18 year old? EIGHTEEN?
he convinced one girl to leave her husband and then two weeks later slept with her.
My God. And if you don't care about this young girl, when is it going to be you he trades in for a younger naive woman? He's using and playing women left and right.
Oh and to one of your comments, 'She came on to him!' Are you seriously believing that? Even if she did, HE'S the adult. HE'S the one responsible here – to say no, to even tell her 'Young Person, do not DO NOT end up a victim to someone a decade older than you as you are BARELY AN ADULT.”
Why aren't you holding him to that standard? “She came on to me what could I do? I mean who's in charge of my Penis? It just fell into her!”
Jesus God.
This guy is a a terrible human, and that is the kindest way to describe him.
Yesssssssss. Unfortunately it is an old cliché, but if you are not a doctor you will never understand what it's like to be a doctor…the long hours, the not being able to go grocery shopping, weekend getaways, the movies, etc because you are always on call and that call can come through at any time. The stress, the pressure of having a life in your hands, constant questioning if yourself and ypyr decisions. It is a very very nude life.
If you can find another human who understands this way of life and accepts it…go for it. With both hands!!!
Thank you for being an un-sung hero and putting the lives and well-being of others above your own. You all are a unique breed for which I personally will forever be grateful for.
If it's ok to share, do you currently live with your spouse? I'm trying to gauge if living together before marriage is the issue with him. If the commitment is already made, maybe living together is not such a difficult decision
Eww what a horrible person he is. He's skipped all s*x education classes and it shows. He wants the feel of penetration of an unwet and unready vagina. Give him an artificial one and say todaloo to him. There's nothing wrong with you. He's an absolute monster for saying this.
He should have figure this out long before he did. But now that it's out there, I wonder what he's thinking that you don't know about.
I'm kinda curious what your plan was if you guys broke up. Honestly just interested in how you thought through it, or potentially didn't.
Do not go to couples therapy WITH someone that is abusive (verbally OR physically)!
There’s quite a few things with how he behaved that show him in a poor light, but I’m stuck on the fact that he’s pissed at you for not forgiving him…
It doesn’t sound like he’s really sorry, as he made excuses as to why he didn’t do anything for you. (Getting flowers after the fact doesn’t cut it – he did that to hopefully appease you so it would get him off the hook, and he wouldn’t have to hear about it any more).
If nothing else, you should consider going to therapy on your own.
The condom thing – This was way in the beginning so my memory of it was a it blurry, but I found an old message to a friend where I explained the situation shortly after it happened and I forgot some details of it: I was the one to actually take the condom off, not him. We were in the middle of having sex and took a little break to cuddle. I then took it off to give him a hand job. Then we got back into things and he didn't put a new one on. That's what surprised me, because even though I removed it, in my mind he'd just put a new one on, cause that's what my exes and I would do in that situation. I didn't really process that he didn't have a new one on until after he already penetrated me again, and I thought to myself “oh well it's too late now” and just let it happen. FWIW, he did pull out too. My main concern was STD's, which happened to be valid. I can't vividly recall that part either. If I remember correctly, I did ask him if he tested clean and he said yes. A lot of comment here are saying that he lied about that. But he had tested in his past and was clean when he did, it just hadn't been in a long time. To be fair I also did not ask him how recently he got tested. But would that still count as him lying? I'm really trying to not defend him but I'm surprised I never saw it the way everyone else in these comments does
NOPE.
Your fiance, a man of 35, is a predator. He appears to troll for young women and/or girls. An 18 year old? EIGHTEEN?
he convinced one girl to leave her husband and then two weeks later slept with her.
My God. And if you don't care about this young girl, when is it going to be you he trades in for a younger naive woman? He's using and playing women left and right.
Oh and to one of your comments, 'She came on to him!' Are you seriously believing that? Even if she did, HE'S the adult. HE'S the one responsible here – to say no, to even tell her 'Young Person, do not DO NOT end up a victim to someone a decade older than you as you are BARELY AN ADULT.”
Why aren't you holding him to that standard? “She came on to me what could I do? I mean who's in charge of my Penis? It just fell into her!”
Jesus God.
This guy is a a terrible human, and that is the kindest way to describe him.
Yesssssssss. Unfortunately it is an old cliché, but if you are not a doctor you will never understand what it's like to be a doctor…the long hours, the not being able to go grocery shopping, weekend getaways, the movies, etc because you are always on call and that call can come through at any time. The stress, the pressure of having a life in your hands, constant questioning if yourself and ypyr decisions. It is a very very nude life.
If you can find another human who understands this way of life and accepts it…go for it. With both hands!!!
Thank you for being an un-sung hero and putting the lives and well-being of others above your own. You all are a unique breed for which I personally will forever be grateful for.
If it's ok to share, do you currently live with your spouse? I'm trying to gauge if living together before marriage is the issue with him. If the commitment is already made, maybe living together is not such a difficult decision
Eww what a horrible person he is. He's skipped all s*x education classes and it shows. He wants the feel of penetration of an unwet and unready vagina. Give him an artificial one and say todaloo to him. There's nothing wrong with you. He's an absolute monster for saying this.