Mate just break up, even if she didn't cheat you don' trust her, she is not doing anything to improve that and there should not be this much conflict in a relationship.
The pull-out method is game you will eventually lose, or win, depending on your outlook.
This is a shared responsibility as you both have to agree and all options are on the table. This includes condoms and celibacy.
You’re adults in an adult sexual relationship. He had no room to ignore discussions or responsibility. No room for vagueness or avoidance.
If you fall pregnant do you think he’ll support you emotionally, practically and financially as a partner, no matter the outcome? If you’re not sure then you positively need to reassess having sex with this person.
You have conflicting opinions about this while you still in a relationship with him but you’re happy without him , you both should meet one day and have a serious conversation about this , either you both figure out something or end everything and move on .
2 ,If the only reason you've been excluded is that your boss doesn't want both you & bf to be in charge together then why not sugest to both that you get the opportunity instead. See how they like them apples.
3, Ask for a big payrise to compensate for the loss of opportunity/demotion.
I think when you are in the middle of it, it so all very confusing, fuzzy and your emotions are in the mix as well. Hot to see it for what it is. From the outside, not so much. Of course I don't have the whole picture, this is just a post and I don't know you. So take my advice for what it is. Here it goes: this is an emotional unavailable man. You want a real relationship, a genuine connection, he however does not. Certainly not with you. I'm sorry, but you will never get what you want from him. You can concort yourself in whatever version you think he will like the most, and he will still not love you. He is using you for sex, entertainment, maybe sometimes nice company. Nothing more. This would be alright if he wasn't such a manipulate looser and liar, but he knows, if he actually made it clear to you, you would walk away. How annoying for him, having to find another toy. Also, I would bet some money that you aren't the only one he is playing this game with. I was in a “relationship” like this once. It made no sense to me also, I was also confused, despite it being quite clear. The problem for me was that I thought, everyone wanted a loving relationship and if not like monogamy than at least still honesty and closeness, so none of it made any sense. Like, we are good together, what's the problem? What am I doing wrong? Am I too clingy? All of this. Their problem with attachment, with fearing intimacy, with stringing people along, is not in your power to fix. Please don't make him your project. You will only lose precious lifetime. Just because he is a psychologist doesn't mean he has automatically reached some level of self awareness, you can also just use that knowledge to manipulate people or explain how everyone else has and is the real problem. I wholeheartedly believe, the best thing you can do for yourself is end it via text, block on absolutely everything, and never look back. you don't owe him a talk, he will just try to rope you back in. Enlist trusted friends to keep you on the straight and narrow, you are worth more, you deserve more, you are never looking back. I will leave you with some of my favorite quotes to ponder. “When someone shows you who they are – believe them” and than in the same spirit “if they wanted to, they would”. Break up with this loser, get maybe some therapy to talk about your low self-esteem and relationship troubles, and then you are hopefully in a very good position to spot a good man, and discard all the rest. Wish you the best of luck, you got this.
How is she going to be a stay at home mom? How is she doing to be a mom? Like that child just raises it self? You are in a lose/lose situation. Don't stick your D in crazy my man.
You should not have gone to the ex. That was seriously overstepping abd a clear violation of boundaries. On the other hand, you found out he's a cheater. That should be reason enough for you to leave HIM.
I mean aside from his wife’s bad behaviour realistically if you expect that much attention and codependency from any partner you’ll never feel loved. It’s unhealthy
If you've read the additional context she's providing, it seems like he either cheated years ago OR his photos are scooped up in something, because he literally couldn't have been on the app AND with the distance it reported for at least one of these occasions
No need to call someone stupid because they don't operate with the same maladapted misanthropic trauma that you do
My dad is in the hospital today and may not survive. If you can imagine that circumstance and still be sure you don’t want contact, then it’s a good choice. It has to be your decision and not anyone else’s in your family.
I think it would be worth while you asking your husband why he has these opinions rather than asking a Reddit forum to play devils advocate.
Definitely worth while noting down his comments and asking your doctors the to diminish any pregnancy myths etc.
His comments may be there because he is concerned about your opinions of yourself after child birth as your overall body condition will deteriorate in the short term and possibly also long term if you don’t rehab properly.
You know your husband best and you also are the only one with the ability to clarify his thoughts, opinions and comments with him so I suggest you go do that.
Tell her to get therapy so she can learn to respect your privacy and boundaries if she can't do it on her own. If she doesn't stop this behavior I'm willing to bet it will get worse and extend to other aspects of your life not just a closed door.
Use the dang condoms. The pill does have a fail rate even when used properly. There is a wealth of variables that increase the failure rate, including taking antibiotics, ingesting activated charcoal, and not taking pills at a consistent time, among others. If your BF is willing to lose some of his sensitivity to make sure an accident doesn't happen, take him up on it.
I’ve got a feeling this isn’t the last time you’ll come into conflict with your father. So you’ll have to put your foot down eventually. Mine as well do it while you still have your bf and his family as a support network.
See if you can get a consultation with a lawyer to talk through what the court process will look like.
Sounds a bit controlling. So he might be uncomfortable you going to a bar without him but it's not like you're going alone, you're going with a group of friends to have fun and hang out with them not to go scope out guys and have a random hook up. To Put a bluntly he doesn't trust you it's not that he doesn't trust the other people he can't watch you and make sure you're being a good little girl. Tell him you're going out with your friends and that's that. You can call him a few times here and there and just say hey we're here we're having a great time blah blah blah if you feel that you have to kiss his ass. But a supportive boyfriend or girlfriend would not have a problem with their SO going out and having a good time with friends.
I don’t mind him doing one-on-one things with women. He has a lot of female friends and I knew this when we started dating. Last month he had plans to catch up with one of them at a poetry reading and he invited me along but I told him to go alone so he could have some one-on-one time with her (the only times he’d seen her since we started dating was when I went along). But this girl isn’t his coworker who came out of nowhere and is suddenly texting him all of the time. So yeah it did feel like a date. He said at the show, she was staring at him when the singer said, “this song is about those people you meet in life unexpectedly, like at work” or something and the song that followed was a love song. Who knows if she knew that’s what they’d play but it makes me feel gross.
Sadly she suffers from mental health issues and addiction. Grandma has been the primary caregiver until recently and said it was largely kept a secret because she knew I would have a good chance to gain full custody. I hope she heals and is able to be in our sons life again.
I don't think I really gaf what a woman hating troll thinks. Every thing in your post history is calling women names and talking about needing a fuck buddy. Maybe if you had experienced adult life with real relationships and children you would understand the dynamics going on here.
His wife isn't a pos for not wanting to raise a junkies kid and for not wanting her kids around that. Some of us are actually trying to do what's best for our kids and resources are always finite.
You sound like a mommy dealing with her toddler. How are you liking babying a dude who could be your dad? Take your phone back and let him figure his shit out. There are phonecases to protect electronics but i guess hogging your phone comes with a nice side-serving of having acess to your messages and communication so old creepo will keep bring 'clumsy' with his own shit.
You're very likely going to need to get a restraining order against your ex. I hope you are still living with or near your parents, and that they can help you by taking you to the police station and being a support system for you. If not, then you'll need to lean on whomever is in your support system, whether it's other relatives or close friends.
Start documenting any jealous, angry acts he does so that you can use that as evidence for why you need to make sure he shouldn't be allowed near you.
She is overreacting, AND when someone goes this extreme, they usually are telling on themselves. If she insists on this, it's because SHE knows she can't be trusted.
If you were my son, I'd advise you that anyone who insists that you cut off anyone of the opposite sex is guilty of whatever behavior they want to prevent you from having.
The trick is to accuse you so you are on the defensive and too busy to question them.
Are there any other reasons or indications that make you beleive she is interested in you? I only ask because I am in a similar situation but I've tried my best to keep things platonic and not cross any boundaries with a married man.
I don’t agree with that based on what was written. I am definitely attuned to call out abuse and here I see two people who are young and want totally different things, and are not communicating about it well. Abuse is a serious word and should not be used lightly.
Maybe I am over reacting and I have set my expectations too high but I just wish he could show me he cared more. I’m sure he does care and he doesn’t know how to react but he hasn’t even asked me about what happened. We had a phone-call not long ago and it was as if he was actively avoiding the topic.
Asking a friend for advice if there are any problems in bed may be different, but this sounds more like he is bragging about what the two of you are doing in the bedroom. It's messed up. Red flag, you're absolutely right to feel betrayed. Valid reason to break up.
Bullshit.
Mate just break up, even if she didn't cheat you don' trust her, she is not doing anything to improve that and there should not be this much conflict in a relationship.
The pull-out method is game you will eventually lose, or win, depending on your outlook.
This is a shared responsibility as you both have to agree and all options are on the table. This includes condoms and celibacy.
You’re adults in an adult sexual relationship. He had no room to ignore discussions or responsibility. No room for vagueness or avoidance.
If you fall pregnant do you think he’ll support you emotionally, practically and financially as a partner, no matter the outcome? If you’re not sure then you positively need to reassess having sex with this person.
Did he also delete it from the “recently deleted”
I bet he got it back later
Has she actually dumped him tho or is he lying because he wants some side action. Idk verify with her and I would leave him fully out of your life
He probably finds comfort in you. But frankly, is he deserving of that??
Dude forgot he was talking to another human being. Does he talk to hi friends like that too? Yuck.
You have conflicting opinions about this while you still in a relationship with him but you’re happy without him , you both should meet one day and have a serious conversation about this , either you both figure out something or end everything and move on .
Some people actually just suck ass at password security
The trash took itself out. You’re fortunate.
Break up with her.
1 , Are all the new 'partners' male?
2 ,If the only reason you've been excluded is that your boss doesn't want both you & bf to be in charge together then why not sugest to both that you get the opportunity instead. See how they like them apples.
3, Ask for a big payrise to compensate for the loss of opportunity/demotion.
4 , Drive to a spa hotel .
Family counseling
RUN.
This guy is his own worst enemy.
Girl I know you’re young but give me a break. You can’t possibly think this guy is worth staying with when he’s this rude to you
there has to be something else no? instead of just divorce, some sort of middle ground?
Thank you for the kind words ❤️
I think when you are in the middle of it, it so all very confusing, fuzzy and your emotions are in the mix as well. Hot to see it for what it is. From the outside, not so much. Of course I don't have the whole picture, this is just a post and I don't know you. So take my advice for what it is. Here it goes: this is an emotional unavailable man. You want a real relationship, a genuine connection, he however does not. Certainly not with you. I'm sorry, but you will never get what you want from him. You can concort yourself in whatever version you think he will like the most, and he will still not love you. He is using you for sex, entertainment, maybe sometimes nice company. Nothing more. This would be alright if he wasn't such a manipulate looser and liar, but he knows, if he actually made it clear to you, you would walk away. How annoying for him, having to find another toy. Also, I would bet some money that you aren't the only one he is playing this game with. I was in a “relationship” like this once. It made no sense to me also, I was also confused, despite it being quite clear. The problem for me was that I thought, everyone wanted a loving relationship and if not like monogamy than at least still honesty and closeness, so none of it made any sense. Like, we are good together, what's the problem? What am I doing wrong? Am I too clingy? All of this. Their problem with attachment, with fearing intimacy, with stringing people along, is not in your power to fix. Please don't make him your project. You will only lose precious lifetime. Just because he is a psychologist doesn't mean he has automatically reached some level of self awareness, you can also just use that knowledge to manipulate people or explain how everyone else has and is the real problem. I wholeheartedly believe, the best thing you can do for yourself is end it via text, block on absolutely everything, and never look back. you don't owe him a talk, he will just try to rope you back in. Enlist trusted friends to keep you on the straight and narrow, you are worth more, you deserve more, you are never looking back. I will leave you with some of my favorite quotes to ponder. “When someone shows you who they are – believe them” and than in the same spirit “if they wanted to, they would”. Break up with this loser, get maybe some therapy to talk about your low self-esteem and relationship troubles, and then you are hopefully in a very good position to spot a good man, and discard all the rest. Wish you the best of luck, you got this.
How is she going to be a stay at home mom? How is she doing to be a mom? Like that child just raises it self? You are in a lose/lose situation. Don't stick your D in crazy my man.
You should not have gone to the ex. That was seriously overstepping abd a clear violation of boundaries. On the other hand, you found out he's a cheater. That should be reason enough for you to leave HIM.
Update me!
I mean aside from his wife’s bad behaviour realistically if you expect that much attention and codependency from any partner you’ll never feel loved. It’s unhealthy
If you've read the additional context she's providing, it seems like he either cheated years ago OR his photos are scooped up in something, because he literally couldn't have been on the app AND with the distance it reported for at least one of these occasions
No need to call someone stupid because they don't operate with the same maladapted misanthropic trauma that you do
Bahahahaha
Airbnb listings? Why is that a bad thing?
My dad is in the hospital today and may not survive. If you can imagine that circumstance and still be sure you don’t want contact, then it’s a good choice. It has to be your decision and not anyone else’s in your family.
That's a good point. I just know my family wants the best for me, but at the end of the day, it's my life, not their life. I appreciate your comment!
If there is no law, they would even go lower.
Me 18, SO 50, married 5 years with 6 yo son. ???
I think it would be worth while you asking your husband why he has these opinions rather than asking a Reddit forum to play devils advocate.
Definitely worth while noting down his comments and asking your doctors the to diminish any pregnancy myths etc.
His comments may be there because he is concerned about your opinions of yourself after child birth as your overall body condition will deteriorate in the short term and possibly also long term if you don’t rehab properly.
You know your husband best and you also are the only one with the ability to clarify his thoughts, opinions and comments with him so I suggest you go do that.
How do you know they’re American? Just gave him permission to date 18 or 16 year olds
Why do you not believe him?
Tell her to get therapy so she can learn to respect your privacy and boundaries if she can't do it on her own. If she doesn't stop this behavior I'm willing to bet it will get worse and extend to other aspects of your life not just a closed door.
Use the dang condoms. The pill does have a fail rate even when used properly. There is a wealth of variables that increase the failure rate, including taking antibiotics, ingesting activated charcoal, and not taking pills at a consistent time, among others. If your BF is willing to lose some of his sensitivity to make sure an accident doesn't happen, take him up on it.
I didn’t say it was, though. But at least we know the reason for it isn’t OPs propensity to having human needs like food
I’ve got a feeling this isn’t the last time you’ll come into conflict with your father. So you’ll have to put your foot down eventually. Mine as well do it while you still have your bf and his family as a support network.
See if you can get a consultation with a lawyer to talk through what the court process will look like.
The thing is I became friends with her way before her brother and I started dating. I’d say we were friends already for a year.
To be honest I don’t. I don’t want to have anymore self help convos with him. I’m just done
Sounds a bit controlling. So he might be uncomfortable you going to a bar without him but it's not like you're going alone, you're going with a group of friends to have fun and hang out with them not to go scope out guys and have a random hook up. To Put a bluntly he doesn't trust you it's not that he doesn't trust the other people he can't watch you and make sure you're being a good little girl. Tell him you're going out with your friends and that's that. You can call him a few times here and there and just say hey we're here we're having a great time blah blah blah if you feel that you have to kiss his ass. But a supportive boyfriend or girlfriend would not have a problem with their SO going out and having a good time with friends.
A girl getting so dead drunk that she has to sleep at a strangers house …
…. should be the real dealbreaker here.
She is toxic AF. Do yourself a favor and block her forever.
Don’t forget them saying their ex were the best or better.
I would
Hahaha the video shows on tecent and you believe her when she said it was from her college years?
Hahahahaha
I don’t mind him doing one-on-one things with women. He has a lot of female friends and I knew this when we started dating. Last month he had plans to catch up with one of them at a poetry reading and he invited me along but I told him to go alone so he could have some one-on-one time with her (the only times he’d seen her since we started dating was when I went along). But this girl isn’t his coworker who came out of nowhere and is suddenly texting him all of the time. So yeah it did feel like a date. He said at the show, she was staring at him when the singer said, “this song is about those people you meet in life unexpectedly, like at work” or something and the song that followed was a love song. Who knows if she knew that’s what they’d play but it makes me feel gross.
Sadly she suffers from mental health issues and addiction. Grandma has been the primary caregiver until recently and said it was largely kept a secret because she knew I would have a good chance to gain full custody. I hope she heals and is able to be in our sons life again.
I don't think I really gaf what a woman hating troll thinks. Every thing in your post history is calling women names and talking about needing a fuck buddy. Maybe if you had experienced adult life with real relationships and children you would understand the dynamics going on here.
His wife isn't a pos for not wanting to raise a junkies kid and for not wanting her kids around that. Some of us are actually trying to do what's best for our kids and resources are always finite.
Film him and show him his behaviour when he’s sober. Then tell him he either quits drinking or you’re quitting him.
You sound like a mommy dealing with her toddler. How are you liking babying a dude who could be your dad? Take your phone back and let him figure his shit out. There are phonecases to protect electronics but i guess hogging your phone comes with a nice side-serving of having acess to your messages and communication so old creepo will keep bring 'clumsy' with his own shit.
Does he monitor your social media as well?
You're very likely going to need to get a restraining order against your ex. I hope you are still living with or near your parents, and that they can help you by taking you to the police station and being a support system for you. If not, then you'll need to lean on whomever is in your support system, whether it's other relatives or close friends.
Start documenting any jealous, angry acts he does so that you can use that as evidence for why you need to make sure he shouldn't be allowed near you.
She is overreacting, AND when someone goes this extreme, they usually are telling on themselves. If she insists on this, it's because SHE knows she can't be trusted.
If you were my son, I'd advise you that anyone who insists that you cut off anyone of the opposite sex is guilty of whatever behavior they want to prevent you from having.
The trick is to accuse you so you are on the defensive and too busy to question them.
Are there any other reasons or indications that make you beleive she is interested in you? I only ask because I am in a similar situation but I've tried my best to keep things platonic and not cross any boundaries with a married man.
I don’t agree with that based on what was written. I am definitely attuned to call out abuse and here I see two people who are young and want totally different things, and are not communicating about it well. Abuse is a serious word and should not be used lightly.
Maybe I am over reacting and I have set my expectations too high but I just wish he could show me he cared more. I’m sure he does care and he doesn’t know how to react but he hasn’t even asked me about what happened. We had a phone-call not long ago and it was as if he was actively avoiding the topic.
If the first 6 months were awful and even worse in retrospect, why did you continue this long? Don’t you feel like you deserve better?
You should have finished yourself off and let him hanging!
Tell your brother. He shouldn’t be blindsided by this situation.
Surprise be damned. It wouldn’t be a nice surprise for him anyway and there’s no way to salvage that party into some semblance of being ok.
That entire friend group must be mean af or clueless af – or both.
Asking a friend for advice if there are any problems in bed may be different, but this sounds more like he is bragging about what the two of you are doing in the bedroom. It's messed up. Red flag, you're absolutely right to feel betrayed. Valid reason to break up.