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  1. Hello /u/North_Masterpiece_90,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  2. Hello /u/opal_path,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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    request advice in real situations involving two or more people

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  3. He might be the perfect spouse everyone envies but doesn’t sound like it when he’s drinking and these people who envy you don’t have to deal with his drunk antics, it sounds like that’s quite often. Have you had a conversation with him about his drinking when he’s absolutely sober? If he brushes you off/doesn’t take you seriously maybe record some of his antics to show him when he’s sober.

  4. Yeah, I don’t care.

    There’s enough women out there that’ll date gamers—recreational and addicted. I’m not sure why my own personal standards is such an issue.

    There’s enough women for everybody!

  5. He is a dick. He should have told you before, and been understanding when you at least needed time to process and decide if this was the relationship for you. Not cool.

  6. It sounds like you guys got engaged and married when you were 22? 23? And you said your marriage was like a fairy tale and you felt loved all the time. If he really did never speak to this woman after the text he sent the day before the wedding, it's possible that not all of the past 8-9 years was a lie. Maybe the truth is, he was really young and did a really dumb, shitty thing, but over the years and in building a beautiful life together with you, you really did become the love of his life.

    I realize this makes me sound terribly naive and trite, but I've been married to my husband for almost a decade now too, and even if I found something out like this tomorrow, or if he started cheating on me in the future, it still doesn't make our entire relationship a lie. I KNOW it's real. No matter what happens, I will never regret the time I spent with him. He made me so happy for a decade. That's not nothing.

    You are the one who spent 12 years loving your husband and almost 10 years married to him. You know if it's real or not. We don't. If it's at all possible, I really hope this jealous bitch “friend” doesn't win.

  7. Yeah, I agree the panic about divorce is purely selfish concern about paying alimony and child support with his successful business in mind.

  8. My mom didn’t approve of my wife until we had our son. Everything changes when a baby comes, until then it’s going to be challenging.

  9. I think there's a very big misconception as it relates to divorce and how the splitting of assets works. To be clear, I'm here as an American, so my perspective is coming from that point of view. It's also very state-specific. I'm making the assumption that you're an American, so obviously correct me if I'm wrong, because you'll have to know the laws of wherever you live.

    I digress. Before I get into why it's a misconception, let me disclose that I'm a guy, now happily married, but I've been divorced, so I'm coming at this with experience. Marriage doesn't inherently “fuck” men; if “fuck” is even the right word, it fucks the higher income earner. That had obviously traditionally been men back when many homes were single income while women stayed home. Now, many women have careers of their own. In saying that, if they get divorced and out-earn their husbands, I assure you that it's not the husband who's going to get fucked. I do, however, need to be clear that adding children into the mix changes a lot if not everything, and I do believe that men are largely fucked in that regard. But this response is based just on marriage alone exclusive of potential children.

    Pre-nuptual agreements largely exist to protect assets incurred prior to marriage, but from a legal perspective, those assets should already be protected. For example, if I owned a property or had a $1M personal savings account that never co-mingled funds prior to marriage, my wife shouldn't legally be entitled to any of that regardless of a pre-nup. Pre-nups can obviously include provisions to protect income earned during marriage though, which I think you're looking for.

    Your home should be protected, but if it's intended to be the marital home, that can change things but only in terms of the equity earned from the date of your marriage. To keep it simple, let's say you bought it for $1M and it's valued at $5M as of the date of your marriage. She's not instantly entitled to half of that. She'd only potentially be entitled to half of the equity earned after that date. So if you file for divorce and it's valued at 6M, you'd have to buy her out of half of 1M. Even if she doesn't put a single cent towards your mortgage, the assumption is that she's contributed to your marriage, which we should logically assume she is in some form or another. If she's not, then this is a relationship problem, not a financial problem and you have something else to consider.

    You also wouldn't be responsible for existing debt. If she (or both of you) take on new debt, then that's a different story. Either way, your issue here is essentially the issue every single couple has regarding pre-nups. I wouldn't blame you in the slightest for doing this. It's just pragmatic. I don't agree with her argument (which is always the argument), but I think we can all at least understand it. Either way, people fail to realize that it's easy to say these things today when all is good. When a marriage fails, emotions are very hot, and we have no idea what would happen. So if she says “I'd never do that,” let's see how she'd feel if you two were miserable and breaking up.

    You essentially need to decide if it's a deal breaker for you. That's all there is to it. She honestly seems like a financial liability to begin with, and whether you co-mingle funds or not, her finances impact your relationship. So her debt might be “her” debt, but it still overall impacts your life, and you'll likely end up paying it off. That's fine perhaps, but you should really figuring out a plan to ensure this doesn't happen again. Student loans might be one thing, but credit card debt was a choice. Is she still irresponsible? You have a lot to think about here. Good luck.

  10. It’s not healthy to have one friendship without which you will “collapse”. You’re making her an unwilling participant in your own self-torture.

    Why?

  11. They mean you overexplained and scared her off. You could just say you like her but don't know her too well instead of all that. Also, you did say you don't want to take her out but say later that you do, so obviously gotta rethink a little here.

  12. Ohh I get what your saying, what should I do? Should I text her again and explain that I would like to take her on a date? Or should I wait till I see her in person? Or should I just leave her alone?

  13. Also she may have thought you were surprising her because you felt guilty about something. Maybe her mind was going all over the place and thought you cheated on her so were trying to make it up to her ??

  14. depicting something is not endorsing something. just because a story has rape in it doesn't make the other a creep. please internalize this.

  15. Dude put the diaries away and forget it. Let me tell you my story for context. I met my current love 35 years ago and was completely knocked over. It was a coincidence, chance meeting. I had to pursue her and win her. She told me to my face that she liked me and took a long to fall in love with me. We were married for 11years and divorced. Apart roughly two years. Have been living together 20 years. I got cancer and she was afraid to lose me but it’s been six years remission. Life is funny and complex but if she has chosen to be with you then there’s already a foundation to build on, but don’t stop working on the structure. Breathe deep and be happy but not complacent. All the best.

  16. yeah i mean i think it's pretty obv those two should not be getting married, and optimally op would not be having his baby. maybe abort and even go to a sperm bank or just start having unprotected sex. she said she got prego after 1 broken condom so obv she is extremely fertile.

    but this is my autistic brain working, i know this isn't how people are. but yeah i feel you a lot of mess here. hopefully it works out for everybody. going to be messy.

  17. INFO: Have you tried family therapy?

    I've never seen a step-parent become close to their step-kids by insisting they are called 'Dad' and kids give them the same love as they have for their Mum & Dad. Especially never works when the children have formative memories of life before the Step-parent. Most of the situations where the Step-parents are able to build their own special, loving relationship with their step kids its been because the stepkids were allowed to dictate how the relationship looks like. Over many years this developed, but still not something the same as Mum & Dad. Have

  18. LEAVE HIM. what the fuck???? if not for you, die your boys. this behaviour is absolutely abusive and inexcusable. leave him before he hurts you and your kids. It’s not too late.

  19. I scrolled back up and looked at the ages after reading this comment. Not a crazy age gap at all but his actions make me wonder.

  20. Sounds like he wants to get laid, but doesn't have any interest in an ongoing romantic relationship with you. Is that something you'd be interested in ?

    You've got to talk to him to find out for sure.

  21. Sounds like he wants to get laid, but doesn't have any interest in an ongoing romantic relationship with you. Is that something you'd be interested in ?

    You've got to talk to him to find out for sure.

  22. This is why I believe men that were never married or lived with a woman should be allowed a paper abortion. Women have the right to get an abortion if they’re not financially ready or find there partner unfit, men are forced into fatherhood all for the sake of Title D lV Funds.

    It was a one night stand, what do you expect…? No one wants a child with a one night stand unless they’re mentally unhealthy, especially this day in age.

  23. Yes, who cares about what anyone else is wearing. I heard of another wedding where everyone wore their old wedding dresses and thought it was such a cool idea. A wedding is just one day anyway. You shouldn't spoil your relationship with your MIL for just one day. A wedding, in my mind, is supposed to be fun and happy and shouldn't be ruined trying to micromanage what others wear.

  24. Hi! I hope my replying is not bothersome. I hope you don't a bit of discussion, either!

    I had mentioned something about our age difference before shortening the post, as I felt it was too long. Would you still think the same if I said that we're both well aware of the age gap, and that he slept on it before dating me?

    I'm planning on leaving the workplace soon, so all you've suggested is feasible, even if I don't believe he is manipulating me. But maybe he is, yeah. The issue is, do I leave the place AND him behind haha.

    Thank you so much for your advice. I appreciate it a lot!

  25. If no one mentioned it already, get checked for STI’s. I would not be having sex with this person anymore. Lawyer up. Keep letting them make more and more evidence.

  26. So I have a dark sense of humour, I'm English so it is kinda part of our culture, but that isn't an excuse for this. Racism isn't funny, a dark humour is not an excuse to be racist and you know knowing that makes me think that you are kinda racist.

  27. All of this, I also want to add that on top of what this person wrote it's completely unreasonable for her to be mad over you having female friends and even saying you shouldn't talk to women that aren't her. That's a bit of a red flag, imo.

  28. My parents home is like this. My Dad is retired and full on lazy, my Mum is exhausted from working full time and coming home to her giant man baby of a husband that she has to cook every meal. It's been like that for a long time and I was always so embarrassed by the state of the house so never had friends round for sleepovers after a certain point. My sister and I sometimes completely clean the worst rooms (and never with help) but it never lasts because it's not maintained. My home is neat and tidy because I learned the hard way that a cluttered home makes me depressed and anxious.

    Just know your GF isn't her parents. I'm surprised she took you to see the house because, from experience, it's nerve wracking knowing the negative judgements that would come. It shows a high level of trust to expose what is likely a challenging aspect of her life to you. If you talk to her, make sure she knows she deserved better.

  29. What’s more important right now.. your relationship or the health and safety of your unborn baby??? Do what’s right by the kid- seek professional help and possibly a protective order once baby is born because mother is clearly a danger

  30. What do I do about my relationship and About him??

    I would suggest that you break up with him. He cheated on you. It may only be a an live thing, but he entered into it with the intention of being mentally/emotionally sexual with some other person.

  31. What should you do? You certainly shouldn’t get married for a start. None of this is reasonable behaviour. Telling her to go fuck herself was at least as bad as anything she did.

  32. Yeah, it’s condescending. If it is him being direct, then he’s saying explicitly that he doesn’t think you understand what he’s saying/where he’s coming from.

  33. More precisely: you don't trust him anymore.

    He hurt you once and your body didn't forgive him.

    Literally read the comment chain you are replying to lol

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