Clearly he understands little about genetics. Brown eyes are a dominant gene. Even if neither parent has them, there's still a possibility for the child to have them. And even so, all the idiot had to do is get a paternity test if he's that scared about it. Seriously. ?
Why do I suck? I am just expressing my feelings and seeing if others are in the same position and how they feel. Saying I suck adds nothing to the Convo and isn't Relationship advise
I think I read through 200 unhinged posts before reaching yours, the first that takes a reality-based, non-judgmental view of the common parasite that is the pinworm.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So recently my wife met a new friend. He's a friend of a friend, so not a complete stranger. Anyway, he's a photographer and mostly does weddings and stuff. Anyway, he apparently asked her if she'd do some 'bikini modeling'. He's apparently trying to get into doing boudoir shoots, but has never done any. He's looking to build a portfolio of some 'sexy but tasteful' photos. Well my wife volunteered.
They've done a few photo shoots. How many I dont know, at least 3. I told her I wasn't super comfy as I don't really know the guy. She says he's a professional and to not worry. I've asked to come watch, but they're always when I'm at work. They can never find a time that also fits my schedule…
I've asked to see some of the photos. But they're “Not ready yet.”
It just means she is a private person and keeps her friends close enough for them to get ahold of her other ways. I know people that are just flat out done with all the bs of social media and they've deactivated their accounts to disconnect.
I think you can do this in a happy medium, it is Christmas and new years after all and she probably misses you a great deal if you flew the coop and are studying away from home.
Say from 9AM to 11 AM is study time then break for lunch and then have another 2 hours in the afternoon or so, then another hour after supper. it gives you 5 hours a day to study and do your time tests and the rest of the time is with family. She gets to enjoy your company and you get to study in peace, you can even call it a night around 8h30 or 9 and then study till 10 and go to bed to have an extra hour in.
If this fails however maybe try the not so nice approach and tell your mom since she won't respect your wishes you will have to cut the visit short and then go back to your dorm or apartment.
good luck on your LSAT's, I heard they are hard and super important (Am canadian, we don't have that here) and also good luck with your mom, we can't help ourselves, my kids leave for a weekend and when they get back from their dads I just wants to hold them and never let go! I imagine I will get on their nerves too when they get older lol.
If I was that son I would want to know that info about the father. I would demand he includes his other family in the will otherwise resentment will breed
How do you not hate your dad, honestly? I hate him with a burning passion even from reading this, I wouldn't need my mom to tell me to cut him off. He's treated you and your mother horribly and abused her sense of responsibility (letting her take care of him during his cancer and then going back to the useless trophy wife as soon as possible), cut you out of the will for no reason, even just letting his affair partner harass your mother is inexcusable. I'd tell him to shove it or else I'd feel like a complete doormat.
As a general rule of thumb, kissing anyone, in a sexual/romantic way if you are in a relationship is cheating.
However there could be exceptions to this. I kiss my best friend all the time, her bf doesn’t care and when I’ve been in relationships they’ve never cared. My friend and I are both bi women but very, platonically close and we don’t make out. It’s more like a I love you so much, MWAH.
Unless you take him to court, you're not getting money for your car. Consider this the dumbass tax for dating garbage. Have some self-respect and leave him.
When I found out I was having a daughter, my jaw dropped and I very loudly said “ah fuck” while my s/o jumped around happy. I wouldnt worry about it too much. Just enjoy the new kid 🙂
And because reddit is always negative: I am very involved with my daughter and love her very much. She’s not a disappointment at all.
Guys almost 30 and he's acting like a damn teenager. What did he expect you'd be cool to just sit around and just “hang out” for the rest of your lives?
If he doesn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend then he can't be mad if you go off and look for someone who will commit.
Guys almost 30 and he's acting like a damn teenager. What did he expect you'd be cool to just sit around and just “hang out” for the rest of your lives?
If he doesn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend then he can't be mad if you go off and look for someone who will commit.
You can dump a guy because you don't like the colour of his sholaces if you want, you are not obligated to be with anyone for ANY reason. Your sister should mind her business. He sounds like a useless manbaby who brings nothing to the relationship. If you are unhappy why would you stay together?
You don't need to justify breaking up to him or anyone else or get him to agree to it….if you are not happy BREAK UP NOW!
Why are we acting like we 100% know what is going to happen or how are we sure it's even likely? We are not experts here on behaviour. I get that he fucked up but just deciding that he will never be better is just another level of giving up on someone.
I'd have another conversation with him to clear the air. Along the lines “hey, this isn't about the recommendation, you are absolutely not obliged to give one and I respect that. But I'm really saddened to hear that you still believe that I don't respect you and your school. I said something really shitty and stupid back then because I thought I was being funny, but you've really opened my eyes to how immature and rude I used to be, and I have really learned so much from you. So I just want to clear the air and let you know how highly I think of you and how much I respect you and reiterate that I'm really sorry that my stupid attempt at a joke hurt you and made you feel like I didn't respect you”
This is terrible advice. I don't know your age, but it sounds like your view of the world is in black-white, which is somewhat immature (no offence meant).
This is not about “destroying evidence” or “getting away with it”. These are not teenagers or people taking advantage of one another.
There is a complex family situation at play here.
OP is very unwell. His father has several health issues, there is no money for a divorce, and it seems his mother is the one who is holding the family together.
His parents get along well, as much as possible. Life is not a fairytale where everybody gets what they want. His mother is unhappy, but is staying and sacrificing for the health of the family, also due to financial constrains. Millions of people do that, everyday. Sometimes people find ways of coping that is a lifeline. There is no simple answer to resolve the issue and make the situation better for them as a family.
It is delicate situation but I am concerned for you OP. I agree that you should seek therapy. You must discuss this situation with a professional — the issue is not your parents but how you feel, and how to deal with your feelings. That should be the priority.
I can see that is very distressing to you — it's not a matter of “stay out of your parents marriage” because you love them both, and you don't want to see anyone hurt.
In time, you can perhaps write a letter to your mother, to try to understand what's going on, and see what would be way forward. As you said, this might just be a way for her to cope, and it may end. But before taking any steps, please seek help.
In this, i will make sure you mother knows you need to go to therapy asap. You can say you are feeling overwhelmed, and you need 3 months of counselling. I'm sure that can be arranged, and she can help you financialy.
Please make that a priority for yourself, and the way forward for the other issue will eventually become clear to you.
I agree, I just didn't think I had enough information to advise OP on how to navigate the coparenting negotiation. Sometimes when you're stuck with someone you have to pick your battles, and I don't know if the ex needs some time to cool down before this can be approached constructively or what.
Yes I know it’s a different sub, but people still come here asking for opinions and advice. It doesn’t all have to go in the same direction though – your opinion is that he did ok, mine is that he didn’t. He asked how to get over it – the answer for me is that he acted like an AH and needs to realise that. That’s how he gets over the situation.
It doesn’t mean I ‘shit’ on OP because I disagree with him, you, or a % of posters. And in fact my comment on ‘feeling safe’ which I think set you off wasn’t even directed at OP, it was directed at you, as you brought that up. The man is in his own house with his wife and another human – what could possibly make him feel unsafe? This isn’t walking through Hackney at night in the 90s. It’s his own home. I think you might have meant a place where he felt ‘comfortable’ rather than ‘safe’. But those are two very different things.
How in the hell did you get so entitled. This is your baby it’s never going to be your baby. If I were in her position, I would want you to have a little to do with it as possible. Eventually, yes when the child comes to stay with you. You will have to have some sort of pseudo-relationship. But you’re never going to be the mother she doesn’t want you to be and she is the child’s mother. You are the girlfriend fiancé of her ex. Her ex will be the father, but she will not be the mother. How do you not see this and why do you think you deserve that kind of position that you haven’t even earned. She’s giving birth she carried the baby it’s her baby.
In my experience, you don’t. The hurt doesn’t go away. Neither does the anger. It’ll get smaller, and you’ll be able to pack it away easier, the more time that passes. Keep up the good self-care techniques, that’ll definitely help. I was cheated on 3 years ago and still feel the rage every now and again.
I'm the introvert in this. Be attuned to your partner. Subtle hints at them wanting to leave are your best out before a meltdown. Our social bar runs out real quick in social situations, so be aware of it. The minute a happy face falls into something blank and unseeing is the first sign, it's time to go. After that, it will become hostile and angry and possible self isolation for fear of emotionally hurting someone else in our irrational fear of being among the public.
This is who we are and I hope you don't try to change it.
Unfortunately you can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. Maybe you should just sit him down one day and ask him straight, “Do you still love me?” If he doesn't, then you need to decide what to do from there. If he says he does, then you need to go for couple's therapy because things can't carry on as they are. Good luck.
He not a good bf
Clearly he understands little about genetics. Brown eyes are a dominant gene. Even if neither parent has them, there's still a possibility for the child to have them. And even so, all the idiot had to do is get a paternity test if he's that scared about it. Seriously. ?
Why do I suck? I am just expressing my feelings and seeing if others are in the same position and how they feel. Saying I suck adds nothing to the Convo and isn't Relationship advise
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I think I read through 200 unhinged posts before reaching yours, the first that takes a reality-based, non-judgmental view of the common parasite that is the pinworm.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So recently my wife met a new friend. He's a friend of a friend, so not a complete stranger. Anyway, he's a photographer and mostly does weddings and stuff. Anyway, he apparently asked her if she'd do some 'bikini modeling'. He's apparently trying to get into doing boudoir shoots, but has never done any. He's looking to build a portfolio of some 'sexy but tasteful' photos. Well my wife volunteered.
They've done a few photo shoots. How many I dont know, at least 3. I told her I wasn't super comfy as I don't really know the guy. She says he's a professional and to not worry. I've asked to come watch, but they're always when I'm at work. They can never find a time that also fits my schedule…
I've asked to see some of the photos. But they're “Not ready yet.”
It feels off and I'm not really sure what to do.
It just means she is a private person and keeps her friends close enough for them to get ahold of her other ways. I know people that are just flat out done with all the bs of social media and they've deactivated their accounts to disconnect.
I think you can do this in a happy medium, it is Christmas and new years after all and she probably misses you a great deal if you flew the coop and are studying away from home.
Say from 9AM to 11 AM is study time then break for lunch and then have another 2 hours in the afternoon or so, then another hour after supper. it gives you 5 hours a day to study and do your time tests and the rest of the time is with family. She gets to enjoy your company and you get to study in peace, you can even call it a night around 8h30 or 9 and then study till 10 and go to bed to have an extra hour in.
If this fails however maybe try the not so nice approach and tell your mom since she won't respect your wishes you will have to cut the visit short and then go back to your dorm or apartment.
good luck on your LSAT's, I heard they are hard and super important (Am canadian, we don't have that here) and also good luck with your mom, we can't help ourselves, my kids leave for a weekend and when they get back from their dads I just wants to hold them and never let go! I imagine I will get on their nerves too when they get older lol.
If I was that son I would want to know that info about the father. I would demand he includes his other family in the will otherwise resentment will breed
How do you not hate your dad, honestly? I hate him with a burning passion even from reading this, I wouldn't need my mom to tell me to cut him off. He's treated you and your mother horribly and abused her sense of responsibility (letting her take care of him during his cancer and then going back to the useless trophy wife as soon as possible), cut you out of the will for no reason, even just letting his affair partner harass your mother is inexcusable. I'd tell him to shove it or else I'd feel like a complete doormat.
What even is this post. Circumcision is barbaric, unless done as a solution to a medical issue.
When I learned that a lot of the time in the United States BABIES get circumcised I was in disbelief. It's barbaric and unnecessary in 99% of cases.
It's impossible for her to get rid of the nature that desires such things based on how “good” somebody is to them. It will still remain.
Vagina holder here but this is my 2 pence.
As a general rule of thumb, kissing anyone, in a sexual/romantic way if you are in a relationship is cheating.
However there could be exceptions to this. I kiss my best friend all the time, her bf doesn’t care and when I’ve been in relationships they’ve never cared. My friend and I are both bi women but very, platonically close and we don’t make out. It’s more like a I love you so much, MWAH.
Unless you take him to court, you're not getting money for your car. Consider this the dumbass tax for dating garbage. Have some self-respect and leave him.
When I found out I was having a daughter, my jaw dropped and I very loudly said “ah fuck” while my s/o jumped around happy. I wouldnt worry about it too much. Just enjoy the new kid 🙂
And because reddit is always negative: I am very involved with my daughter and love her very much. She’s not a disappointment at all.
Guys almost 30 and he's acting like a damn teenager. What did he expect you'd be cool to just sit around and just “hang out” for the rest of your lives?
If he doesn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend then he can't be mad if you go off and look for someone who will commit.
Guys almost 30 and he's acting like a damn teenager. What did he expect you'd be cool to just sit around and just “hang out” for the rest of your lives?
If he doesn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend then he can't be mad if you go off and look for someone who will commit.
Not after wedding
You can dump a guy because you don't like the colour of his sholaces if you want, you are not obligated to be with anyone for ANY reason. Your sister should mind her business. He sounds like a useless manbaby who brings nothing to the relationship. If you are unhappy why would you stay together?
You don't need to justify breaking up to him or anyone else or get him to agree to it….if you are not happy BREAK UP NOW!
He also acts like a 16 year old boy with zero sexual experience. This is truly mind boggling unless OP was his first.
Thank you for your compassion. It's not an easy road. The relationship didn't start like this. I am grieving what we once had. Thank you!
Why are we acting like we 100% know what is going to happen or how are we sure it's even likely? We are not experts here on behaviour. I get that he fucked up but just deciding that he will never be better is just another level of giving up on someone.
I'd have another conversation with him to clear the air. Along the lines “hey, this isn't about the recommendation, you are absolutely not obliged to give one and I respect that. But I'm really saddened to hear that you still believe that I don't respect you and your school. I said something really shitty and stupid back then because I thought I was being funny, but you've really opened my eyes to how immature and rude I used to be, and I have really learned so much from you. So I just want to clear the air and let you know how highly I think of you and how much I respect you and reiterate that I'm really sorry that my stupid attempt at a joke hurt you and made you feel like I didn't respect you”
Has he met anyone in your life?
Usually on the floor, I grew up sleeping on the floor so it sounds more dramatic than it really is
This is terrible advice. I don't know your age, but it sounds like your view of the world is in black-white, which is somewhat immature (no offence meant).
This is not about “destroying evidence” or “getting away with it”. These are not teenagers or people taking advantage of one another.
There is a complex family situation at play here.
OP is very unwell. His father has several health issues, there is no money for a divorce, and it seems his mother is the one who is holding the family together.
His parents get along well, as much as possible. Life is not a fairytale where everybody gets what they want. His mother is unhappy, but is staying and sacrificing for the health of the family, also due to financial constrains. Millions of people do that, everyday. Sometimes people find ways of coping that is a lifeline. There is no simple answer to resolve the issue and make the situation better for them as a family.
It is delicate situation but I am concerned for you OP. I agree that you should seek therapy. You must discuss this situation with a professional — the issue is not your parents but how you feel, and how to deal with your feelings. That should be the priority.
I can see that is very distressing to you — it's not a matter of “stay out of your parents marriage” because you love them both, and you don't want to see anyone hurt.
In time, you can perhaps write a letter to your mother, to try to understand what's going on, and see what would be way forward. As you said, this might just be a way for her to cope, and it may end. But before taking any steps, please seek help.
In this, i will make sure you mother knows you need to go to therapy asap. You can say you are feeling overwhelmed, and you need 3 months of counselling. I'm sure that can be arranged, and she can help you financialy.
Please make that a priority for yourself, and the way forward for the other issue will eventually become clear to you.
I don’t see a problem.
I agree, I just didn't think I had enough information to advise OP on how to navigate the coparenting negotiation. Sometimes when you're stuck with someone you have to pick your battles, and I don't know if the ex needs some time to cool down before this can be approached constructively or what.
I live! in the valley and i guess i missed that pornhub casting call????
Yes I know it’s a different sub, but people still come here asking for opinions and advice. It doesn’t all have to go in the same direction though – your opinion is that he did ok, mine is that he didn’t. He asked how to get over it – the answer for me is that he acted like an AH and needs to realise that. That’s how he gets over the situation.
It doesn’t mean I ‘shit’ on OP because I disagree with him, you, or a % of posters. And in fact my comment on ‘feeling safe’ which I think set you off wasn’t even directed at OP, it was directed at you, as you brought that up. The man is in his own house with his wife and another human – what could possibly make him feel unsafe? This isn’t walking through Hackney at night in the 90s. It’s his own home. I think you might have meant a place where he felt ‘comfortable’ rather than ‘safe’. But those are two very different things.
How in the hell did you get so entitled. This is your baby it’s never going to be your baby. If I were in her position, I would want you to have a little to do with it as possible. Eventually, yes when the child comes to stay with you. You will have to have some sort of pseudo-relationship. But you’re never going to be the mother she doesn’t want you to be and she is the child’s mother. You are the girlfriend fiancé of her ex. Her ex will be the father, but she will not be the mother. How do you not see this and why do you think you deserve that kind of position that you haven’t even earned. She’s giving birth she carried the baby it’s her baby.
In my experience, you don’t. The hurt doesn’t go away. Neither does the anger. It’ll get smaller, and you’ll be able to pack it away easier, the more time that passes. Keep up the good self-care techniques, that’ll definitely help. I was cheated on 3 years ago and still feel the rage every now and again.
Dress up like a robot
if this is a red flag, why don’t you just break up with him?/gen
I'm the introvert in this. Be attuned to your partner. Subtle hints at them wanting to leave are your best out before a meltdown. Our social bar runs out real quick in social situations, so be aware of it. The minute a happy face falls into something blank and unseeing is the first sign, it's time to go. After that, it will become hostile and angry and possible self isolation for fear of emotionally hurting someone else in our irrational fear of being among the public.
This is who we are and I hope you don't try to change it.
Be careful. If this guy is acting like this he might try to poke holes in condoms or mess with birth control just so you can get pregnant.
Unfortunately you can't help somebody who doesn't want to help themselves. Maybe you should just sit him down one day and ask him straight, “Do you still love me?” If he doesn't, then you need to decide what to do from there. If he says he does, then you need to go for couple's therapy because things can't carry on as they are. Good luck.