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  1. Yes, good advice. Tell her your overwhelmed in a polite way that won't offend her. And hopefully she's not the obsessed type, it should go well, good luck!

  2. in this case we are talking about China

    But the OP wasn’t about China you were the one who brought up the country in your first reply lol.

    My whole point is just that it’s weird to pull out some Chinese exceptionalism around racism when racism takes the same shapes and features across the globe. Yes there are some specific ways that people in China are racist that are different than other countries, but every culture has some nuance in how it deals with race.

    We don’t even know if OP’s partner lives in China, has lived in China, or if their parents were born/raised in China so this whole statement about racism in china is speculative.

  3. I wonder if this has been caused by some sort of “breakdown”.

    I'm not excusing his actions. What he did was a shitty thing, no doubt. And it has been clear that signs like that text message have been there and he clearly wasn't honest with you.

    What I'm thinking is… this guy has been through a big change recently (you moving in with him). Then he had a really stressful time lately and was about to meet your whole family.

    Your idea about him just needing some alone time is not unreasonable and might be completely right, but I think that there might be something else in there: With you leaving a few days earlier than him, this is, I suspect, now the first time since three months that he is being really alone again, like it was before you moved in.

    Maybe that triggered something in him. That him suddenly being able to live! like he did before you moved in brought some stuff up. Maybe he suddenly felt more “free” again, not having to compromise on anything and being able to do at home whatever he wanted. Basically like a taste of less responsibility once more. Maybe he realized he missed that feeling and, now having it again, made him suddenly see the relationship in a too negative light – he suddenly sees what he has lost when you moved in.

    Of course that's just speculation, but I can't help but feel like he might have just come with you if you had travelled at the same time.

  4. I would never even consider staying with a cheater unless – they come clean on their own, they make no excuses (no BS about not feeling close, you were absent etc.), they volunteer to go no contact with their affair partner (even if it means quitting a job or leaving a friend group), are prepared to be transparent for a long time (no phone privacy etc.) and you both realize and commit to months to years of rebuilding trust.

  5. I am so fucking sorry that happened to you. I cannot imagine the depths of the horror you experienced. I wish you healing.

    That being said, hubby's dog would no longer be in my house. End of.

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  7. Oof, I don't think you have the whole story, I think she is trickle truthing. I wouldn't mind if I were told prior. 3 weeks later? Yeah, I'd break up. Apparently your relationship is not enough for her to have validation, that's fine, not being compatible happens. Move on before it gets worse.

  8. I really can’t add much more than this comment. Particularly the part about speaking to your partner about why they chose the proposal they did. Maybe that’s how they interpreted your vision?

    What I would like to add is ; why don’t you try and incorporate these visions into your wedding day? They sound beautiful and romantic

  9. Am I the only person who wouldn’t charge my partner rent in any situation where it wasn’t 100% vital or you’d both be homeless?

  10. Been there done that. Yea it’s probably awkward. What helped for me is.. don’t make a big deal of it. Download a dating app and chat with someone for a bit. I’m not talking go on a date or anything but talking to someone can help boost your confidence a big and people pick up on that. Then just go to work as usual. Be friendly around the work place. If people ask your plans then try to have something interesting going on. Basically OP just live! your life. Eventually things will go back to normal or they won’t. In my experience it’s about the time that I do start pursuing someone else that the original person decides to show interest ?‍♂️

  11. You are the plan B, and her attitude and behaviour while your ‘friend’ is there confirms it.

    You can talk to her, but unless she has more morals than she has displayed so far, she will deny it and get upset at you. Then probably go and cry and seek out your ‘friend’ for sympathy.

    Unless your friend actually has your back, you are going to have to leave them to each other.

  12. Met my current GF on Bumble when I was 26 last year. Plan on getting a house together at the beginning of next year.

  13. Well, once again, one more time, pedophile means before puberty no one here is pedophiles, and your friend is off the rails nuts maybe move on for a while and maybe people should buy a dictionary

  14. So is it more fair to never tell him and end up leaving him?

    Let him feel the weight of how you feel, and let him deal with it. Unless you think he's not strong enough…

  15. Not necessarily true. I believe you. Speak your truth with conviction and with indignation that he's treating you this way. He blew up your relationship!!!

  16. My mom still calls me by her sisters name, or by my own sisters name, it happens, as long as you guys communicate it’ll be okay.

  17. hey man! thanks for the comment. I would agree that I, as well as you, are not that special. Just a fundamental difference in morality. I don’t view dating as shopping at the store for a partner, and I don’t view sex as something done casually. That’s my mindset, and you clearly have yours. Hope they workout for the both of us!

  18. With all due respect, there is less of a physical power difference between yourself and another man – that power imbalance brings a whole host of fears for women, so while it can be ‘easy’ to sleep with a man it can also be very easy to be physically/sexually assaulted by one too – so we’re more hesitant.

  19. Do what feels right for you and personally I usually have an allergic reaction to ultimatums. She's not on the same pace you are so …. probably break up.

  20. Okay, if you want to argue semantics. My husband and I have actively fantasized together about mutual friends who we would have threesomes with. Because we are in loving, sexually mature relationship, where we don't get jealous about us masturbating to or fantasizing about different people.

    As I said before, grow up.

  21. I have told my boyfriend numerous times if he ever asked me to choose, my cat would win. Although he loves her and he said he would also choose her ?

  22. We talked about it before. I’m in the works of trying to get a second job. He said he would help me if I was ever struggling. I just hate asking. Food is the only thing I’m okay with because he has the appetite of a beast lol, but I cook and clean in return.

  23. I don’t understand why your kids had to know this at all. What a weird thing to tell someone .

  24. Thanks for the reply, I’m just worried about how she’ll take a break up, or even just a serious talk about how things are right now, I care about her and don’t want to see anything bad happen

  25. “Clicked immediately” is not a good reason to get married. “He bought me flowers” is not a good reason. And meeting ONE couple that married the same day they met and it lasted 70 years is also not a good reason. Can you actually articulate a valid reason to marry this man?

  26. i am pretty sure it was bc he was dating another person when he started pulling back. i mean, that is what happen when you don’t discuss exclusivity (or in your case, cement it). the guy seem to be insecure and might be bipolar. it would explain why he is clinging on, in case the other relationship does not works out (he has his doubts, etc.). maybe he is one of those love bombing type. hot and heavy early, then die out toward mid and dead toward the end. so i don’t see why the same wouldn’t happen with his new relationship. OR maybe he is simply playing you bc he thinks you are a sure thing.

    i personally think you didn’t do anything wrong (other that flirting with FWB thing, that was a mistake). so i wouldn’t waste time thinking about it. the timing is just bad.

    my advice, this guy is not being 100% with you. you are better off finding someone else.

  27. I'm old, and I'm going to give you the benefit of my years of relationship experience. Fuck this guy. And I don't mean that literally. I mean you should tell him to fuck off. Unless you're cool with being his booty call bang maid. Because that's what he wants. And the fact that he actually thinks what he wants is OK is repulsive. Please, sweetie, pick your dignity up off the floor, dust it off, and tell him to get lost.

  28. Just stay the course, Bud. I'm glad to hear you haven't enough remotely considered going back to Crazy and are sticking with your boundaries. This chick has bad news written all over her.

  29. Tell her you think it's great to display some of her best pieces, but you'd also like to have some of the wall space to display prints of your own favorite art pieces. Then put up some real artists. It will probably be obvious which pieces are from whose collection.

    As to her things that are still unpacked, tell her you don't like to see boxes etc. sitting around, and offer to help with either unpacking or putting in storage.

  30. Sure, try going out again. Let them know how concerned you are about their impression of you because you care very much about their daughter. They will like hearing that. As the girl’s parents, they might not have expected that kind of injury coming from the bedroom that you were sharing so I wouldn’t read too much into their reaction.

  31. So basically, “If you cheat, it's over between us, but I'd rather you break up before you stick your dick in someone else. However, if you don't sufficiently defend me from your family, I will break up anyway because things can only go downhill from here. Your choice.”

    Also, OP, don't fall in the trap of sunk cost fallacy. If you want to keep this relationship, make sure you do it because you think there's a chance you and him can and are willing to make it work. Love alone is mot enough.

  32. Jesus. This reminds me of that episode of Big Bang Theory when a doctor thinks Penny is inviting him to pursue her because she touched him for 3 Mississippi…

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