People who don't do the right things don't want to face that they're not doing the right things. Your focus needs to be on just making sure that you put a lot more into looking at moral character within the vetting process.
You want this person to understand what they did was wrong. They've trained themselves to avoid accepting what they've done is wrong so many times that it's kind of an uphill battle there.
Boundaries are not for you to control your partner's actions. They are to define what you are comfortable with.
It may seem like a minor difference, but it's pretty big. That means you can let her know what you are comfortable with in the context of a relationship (i.e. “When X happens, it makes me feel uncomfortable/insecure/anxious”). And she can do the same for you. You each decide if the relationship is reasonable for you.
100% cancel the wedding AND the relationship.
People who don't do the right things don't want to face that they're not doing the right things. Your focus needs to be on just making sure that you put a lot more into looking at moral character within the vetting process.
You want this person to understand what they did was wrong. They've trained themselves to avoid accepting what they've done is wrong so many times that it's kind of an uphill battle there.
What constructive thing would you suggest instead?
He is just as much a part of the abuse. Let’s not forget that. He is unemployed but won’t even walk the dog 5 minutes
Boundaries are not for you to control your partner's actions. They are to define what you are comfortable with.
It may seem like a minor difference, but it's pretty big. That means you can let her know what you are comfortable with in the context of a relationship (i.e. “When X happens, it makes me feel uncomfortable/insecure/anxious”). And she can do the same for you. You each decide if the relationship is reasonable for you.