So… I had this exact situation with my husband. He was not supportive when he came to the scene of the accident,and wasn't emotionally supportive after.
It wasn't because he didn't care- it's because he had no idea what I needed. Don't get me wrong- it was shitty and I was very angry.
What I did was- I spoke with him about it. I expressed my needs and what I wanted and needed from him. He learned, and will do better in the future.
You need to have this talk with your GF. Tell her what you needed, why you were upset, and what you need in the future. If she can't be that person for you, this relationship won't work. If she's willing to work on it, you need to decide if it's worth it to you to out in that effort, or if you just want to move on.
That is why I’ve set the ultimatum, it’s been three years. We aren’t shy about talking about her asexuality, so I know exactly what it is, and where she lies on the spectrum. She is also attracted to girls, so I don’t think that asexuality is the only thing at play here.
I agree that she’s been avoiding it consistently. An aside, but early in the relationship she went on a lunch date with somebody that all of her friends were pushing together with her. She didn’t outwardly refuse it and just mildly told them off. She still went on the date. She was logged into instagram on my phone and I saw messages of one of her friends telling her that she should leave me to try and get with him.
She told him no but still stayed in the conversation. We didn’t talk about this for 6 months because she gaslit me into never talking. She would cry or change the subject each time. She told me that she was young and stupid, and that she was afraid that I would leave her.
I almost broke up with her over this earlier this year, but she begged me to stay
So this guy isn’t your friend as much as you thought he was. Sadly as we age, we start to see true colours of our friends and lose many along the way. Some of the high quality ones will stick but sadly these are the experiences we face when someone shows their true colours.
But you don’t have a right to prevent him and your ex from being together in any capacity … but I get why you’d want him to know you don’t like it and then from there you can see how “true” of a friend he is or not.
Be ware though, if you don’t give him a “safe space” to be honest with you, they will just do it behind your back. Also, if you push him away immediately, he will feel justified to just go do it. Either way, I have a feeling this ends with them having sex
How’s he acting exactly? You don’t know if she’s asking for anything or not. The kid is freaking out. To get a test etc he’d have to go back to her to get a proper test. If she did baby trap him how can he be sure any test she provides is an honest test?
I’m not saying he shouldn’t take care of his kid I’m saying we don’t know what she wants it doesn’t want. But by telling him to grow up & be a man you’re being an ass. He’s in another country, he’s shocked, comes from a different background and from what I’m reading is he’s just posting for advice. Not to be reprimanded by strangers.
My last year with her..was so toxic and she was always saying if I leave her, she will ruin my life,do this and that, I mean im kinda busy with my life..(lost all mutual friends anyways) cuz they think I'm psycho lol. I remember when she told me,last year if we broke up what she's going to do, and she's doing kinda similar stuff lil by bit.. but the thing is she LEFT ME. I didn't left her lol and as iknow she has a boyfriend. But she just can't stop stalking n leave me alone, and all the stuff she does, she's saying to everybody that I'm doing it, so basically apart my family and own few friends nobody believes me.
You can only see things from your own perspective, so can't say she feels or sees the same things you do. She left for a reason. No matter how much you don't see what made her leave, she didn't want to be in this relationship for a reason. Maybe a relationship was too much responsibil1ity for her or maybe she had requirements that were not met. You can only found it if she ever explains.
This. If the problem were on her end, there are intermediate steps that can be taken to force ovulation like IUI. If it's on his end, IVF is basically mandatory so that the doctors and technicians can actually ensure that a healthy sperm fertilizes the egg.
It's too fast. It's said you need about half the length of a relationship to recover. You just got out of an abusive relationship, there's no way you've processed it and figured out all the red flags you missed.
A rush to commitment is a red flag for an abusive relationship, you barely know each other. Maybe you lucked out and find a perfect match on tinder (??) but if he's right for you, he'll still be right if you still take a few months to heal.
Take time to connect with friends, take some time for yourself, reconnect with things you enjoyed before your last relationship. Find yourself again before lose it with another person.
Leave him?
You are welcome.
So… I had this exact situation with my husband. He was not supportive when he came to the scene of the accident,and wasn't emotionally supportive after.
It wasn't because he didn't care- it's because he had no idea what I needed. Don't get me wrong- it was shitty and I was very angry.
What I did was- I spoke with him about it. I expressed my needs and what I wanted and needed from him. He learned, and will do better in the future.
You need to have this talk with your GF. Tell her what you needed, why you were upset, and what you need in the future. If she can't be that person for you, this relationship won't work. If she's willing to work on it, you need to decide if it's worth it to you to out in that effort, or if you just want to move on.
It's interesting to me that you're still trying to tell everyone how right you are.
Maybe work on that if you want others to be more receptive.
That is why I’ve set the ultimatum, it’s been three years. We aren’t shy about talking about her asexuality, so I know exactly what it is, and where she lies on the spectrum. She is also attracted to girls, so I don’t think that asexuality is the only thing at play here.
I agree that she’s been avoiding it consistently. An aside, but early in the relationship she went on a lunch date with somebody that all of her friends were pushing together with her. She didn’t outwardly refuse it and just mildly told them off. She still went on the date. She was logged into instagram on my phone and I saw messages of one of her friends telling her that she should leave me to try and get with him.
She told him no but still stayed in the conversation. We didn’t talk about this for 6 months because she gaslit me into never talking. She would cry or change the subject each time. She told me that she was young and stupid, and that she was afraid that I would leave her.
I almost broke up with her over this earlier this year, but she begged me to stay
So this guy isn’t your friend as much as you thought he was. Sadly as we age, we start to see true colours of our friends and lose many along the way. Some of the high quality ones will stick but sadly these are the experiences we face when someone shows their true colours.
But you don’t have a right to prevent him and your ex from being together in any capacity … but I get why you’d want him to know you don’t like it and then from there you can see how “true” of a friend he is or not.
Be ware though, if you don’t give him a “safe space” to be honest with you, they will just do it behind your back. Also, if you push him away immediately, he will feel justified to just go do it. Either way, I have a feeling this ends with them having sex
Dude, you are obviously plan B/ place holder. Dump her ass.
She’s not, she typically runs it twice (30 minutes) but she throws everything in one load so it needs a bit more time
How’s he acting exactly? You don’t know if she’s asking for anything or not. The kid is freaking out. To get a test etc he’d have to go back to her to get a proper test. If she did baby trap him how can he be sure any test she provides is an honest test?
I’m not saying he shouldn’t take care of his kid I’m saying we don’t know what she wants it doesn’t want. But by telling him to grow up & be a man you’re being an ass. He’s in another country, he’s shocked, comes from a different background and from what I’m reading is he’s just posting for advice. Not to be reprimanded by strangers.
He's asking for permission to cheat.
If you want your relationship to survive, you need to nip this in the bud and have him cut Alyssa off.
She dodged a bullet by not getting tied down to your rank ass lmao
My last year with her..was so toxic and she was always saying if I leave her, she will ruin my life,do this and that, I mean im kinda busy with my life..(lost all mutual friends anyways) cuz they think I'm psycho lol. I remember when she told me,last year if we broke up what she's going to do, and she's doing kinda similar stuff lil by bit.. but the thing is she LEFT ME. I didn't left her lol and as iknow she has a boyfriend. But she just can't stop stalking n leave me alone, and all the stuff she does, she's saying to everybody that I'm doing it, so basically apart my family and own few friends nobody believes me.
I am going to get downvoted but OP isnt that much better than his wh*re of a dad and homewrecker of step mom. Absolutely bottom barrel people.
I wish for love n light for the mom. She absolutely deserves it
You can only see things from your own perspective, so can't say she feels or sees the same things you do. She left for a reason. No matter how much you don't see what made her leave, she didn't want to be in this relationship for a reason. Maybe a relationship was too much responsibil1ity for her or maybe she had requirements that were not met. You can only found it if she ever explains.
Lately I feel I have to be in the relationship regardless of if it’s good for me.
Why do you feel that way?
This. If the problem were on her end, there are intermediate steps that can be taken to force ovulation like IUI. If it's on his end, IVF is basically mandatory so that the doctors and technicians can actually ensure that a healthy sperm fertilizes the egg.
You’re not compatible. Just end it. He doesn’t want any type of commitment other than having a fuckbuddy.
It's too fast. It's said you need about half the length of a relationship to recover. You just got out of an abusive relationship, there's no way you've processed it and figured out all the red flags you missed.
A rush to commitment is a red flag for an abusive relationship, you barely know each other. Maybe you lucked out and find a perfect match on tinder (??) but if he's right for you, he'll still be right if you still take a few months to heal.
Take time to connect with friends, take some time for yourself, reconnect with things you enjoyed before your last relationship. Find yourself again before lose it with another person.