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1. INFO: Do you pick up after him?

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2. I think the realizations that you are sharing in this post are extremely important. From my reading, it seems the issue is less about polyamory itself, and more about your belief that your parents consistently put their own needs and wants above yours. I can also understand why you have been left with a sense of betrayal and distrust. It sounds like they held strong religious beliefs and espoused a very “moral” view of sexuality, but quickly (and without your knowledge) abandoned these beliefs to embrace a nontraditional lifestyle. I can see why this would have felt like the rug was pulled out from under you. In addition, your parents really failed to provide you with guidance and support while you were processing this, which was a huge miss on their part.

   If you have an interest in developing a relationship with your parents in the future, I think exploring the concepts of acceptance and forgiveness in therapy would be beneficial. (It will likely be beneficial even if you chose not to associate with them in the future). Because here’s the reality, and something that most young adults your age also grapple with: your parents are flawed and human, just like everyone else. It seems like our parents should be mature enough to have it all figured out, and from the eyes of a child, it sure looks that way. But this is a fallacy. Adulthood and marriage is HARD, and people are constantly growing and changing – even in their 30s, 40s, and beyond.

   I’m sure your parents thought that they were going to have a traditional, monogamous marriage, because that is the “norm” and (if they were religious) what is “right” and expected. But they figured out over time that this was not going to work for them. And you know what? They’re not alone. Over time, most marriages will face a crisis. People often feel restless and unsatisfied, and infidelity is a common by-product. In some marriages, a spouse may come to realize that their sexual or gender identity is not as black and white as they imagined. Many couples aren’t able to work through these issues together, leading to divorce. But your parents found a solution that worked for them. From my perspective, their solution was fine. The problem was that you were still a kid and had no way to really process what was going on, and they did not have the tools or ability to help you at that time.

   You seem like a very self-aware, reflective person, and I believe you have the capacity to work through this in a very healthy way. I wish you all the best.

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