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Could be, but her friend is married to a very possessive husband, so I'm told.
I'm in a weird position because I can't be hurt by her telling me the truth, but I believe she's holding back to “protect” me – and the other person involved
As others mentioned here, she’s most likely not holding back to protect you. I think she’s holding back so that you won’t look at her for the ugliness that she is.
With all that has been happening, I’m concerned about your situation here. First of all, I believe that it’s not okay to lie to cover a person’s cheating, especially when you are among the people who are affected the most by it. At this point you don’t owe it to her to lie for her, especially when she’s been lying to you.
I’d suggest to keep copies of all the evidence you’ve collected of her cheating, where she can’t get her hands on. You need to let people know why you stopped your efforts for reconciling and are breaking up. You now know that she’s not above lying. So, it’s possible that she may lie some more and let people know that you’ve been very abusive, that you were the cheater etc.
I know I do things perfect with intimately, she is just looking for woman’s touch on it. I’m the future, she said this could end as it depends on us. She agreed to end it with the girl if it got to a point where it was truly bothering me.
Perhaps you could show him some studies or news stories or other anecdotes about the reality of painful periods, he seems to only have experience with yourself and his mum but seeing the bigger picture may help him realise you aren’t the only one with this issue and that your time off is reasonable. That being said, the way he talks to you, doesn’t believe in your judgment, has a go at you when you’re in pain rather than taking care of you, belittles you, and compares you negatively to his mother…none of that is acceptable behaviour from a good partner. Neither is bouts of explosive anger towards someone with a panic disorder. Maybe he’s a good person like you say but you should have a serious talk with him about how he treats you, even if it’s very hot. You deserve to be respected! I wish you the best x
I wish you the life you deserve for leaving a comment like this ??
He didn't say why.
He did apologize but at the same time im finding out 3 years worth of lies??? He plans to stop. Planned to stop before the engagement, at the start of relationship, during etc he planned to stop a lot.
Divorce. That is the only option. Anything else results in either her cheating again (because you didn't do enough about it so she thinks she will always get away with it) or she will persue divorce because whatever you gave her as a punishment was “above and beyond what she deserved for cheating”. You are the victim here so to get out of it with any dignity in tact is to divorce her and make sure to have it infidelity brought up in court so you dont get railroaded
It was time to say goodbye when he cheated on you. Where is your confidence and self esteem?
Why are your standards so low?
Why are you settling?
Of all the great guys to choose from, you're crying over this ?-head….. WHY? He's a pathetic waste of oxygen. Don't waste your best boob years on silly immature little boys. You can do so much better and you know it. Stand up for yourself.
I'm sorry this is happening to you. My husband did something extremely similar and it broke my heart. If he's serious about fixing things then he needs to put in the work. If he was feeling neglected then he should have put on his big boy pants and said so. Healing can not begin until he STOPS talking to her completely, in group settings or otherwise. If that means he also has to lose his friends then that's tough shit. He should have considered that before having an affair with someone in his friend group. Best of luck. You will be ok.
You could shower together.
Lol my philosophy I don’t answer any phones without a caller ID.
Mate you know her best you know how to communicate with her. Nobody here can tell you what to do or how to act towards a person they do not know.
All I can say is don't go quiet now she might think she messed up by kissing you and you being offended by that.
Just ask her next time you see her what she meant by that kiss and that you like her but didn't want to ruin the good thing you had going but if she likes you too that you want to see what could be.
If that is what you want.
At this point why even get back with him? He was within his rights to hook up with people while broken up. Your shot yourself in the foot when you asked him who and he told you. Now the box cannot be un-opened. And as such I personally believe you are better off seeking happiness elsewhere. Because you will not be able to be over it. Exs are exs for a reason. The drama and baggage of getting back with one is not worth it.
I’m very confused about what the problem is here.
Do you not want to marry him?
The dude who made all the money to buy the house is keeping it in his name until he’s legally married. This is consistent with all financial advice ever given to any humans.
Your children are school aged. If you want a credit card and a bank account, those things are available to you. Go get a job and claim those things as your own.
Are you being held captive? Are you trying to leave this relationship? Why can you not have more agency in your life?
To me, this sounds like you’ve left out some important details. If you want to marry the man and online in a home you own jointly, go do that.
Jane is 31 and can’t be bothered to contribute things like cutlery? This is odd. Where was she living before? Why can’t she bring some items to your shared space?
I once had an ex who was upset I went to a male surgeon for my breast reduction. He brought it up in several arguments but you know what? I late left him because he was abusive and my breasts are beautiful because I chose a surgeon based on experience, not their sexual orientation. I say leave that relationship before he gets more controlling.
Get a cat
???
Your ex is incapable for being fiscally responsible because she hasn't had to. You've enabled that behavior. If you set boundaries, she'll freak. She'll wail. She'll beg. She'll tell you how there's no way she can make it on her own, and then… she will. She'll discover, once she no longer has you supporting her, she'll do what she has to do.
And let's be real here, you are supporting her. Of course, you should take care of the kids. No one is faulting you for that. Even the nesting thing is admirable. What's not admirable is you carrying all that weight on your own. Your ex has been living a relatively stress-free life, using her money for… whatever the hell women use disposable income for, I imagine 24-7 nail jobs?
Your girlfriend is right. You should be drawing boundaries and setting clear distinctions between the children's expenses and your ex's. There's more than money at stake here. Obviously, she wants to protect her own financial future, but I absolutely guarantee there's a part of her that wonders why you're so willing to support your ex the way you are. Maybe there's still a little spark? Maybe part of you wants her back? I'm not suggesting this is true, but it's definitely living rent-free in your girlfriend's mind.
If your girlfriend really is the one, give her the security she's asking for. It's not unreasonable. In fact, you owe it to her.
You gave him a boundary and he crossed it after reassuring you he wouldn't. So no, it isn't normal. Why do you need to talk? You told him once and he didn't listen despite agreeing to respect your boundary. Just leave. Make sure he's deleted all traces of your pics before you do though.
That's a months, even years long process sometimes. The last thing I would do is keep bringing it up.
Well, the Reddit tried and proven method is: always a change in behavior, gaslighting, secrecy with phone when there wasn't before, change is sex drive etc plus your own gut feeling. Plus others can add to this list.
There's another thought I have but I don't want to drive you over the edge with suspicions, I already feel horrible giving you so much to think about.
Here's some info for context that I replied with on another post if this explains anything better:
It's… It's complicated. The phone calls are something that I asked for because he honestly didn't really talk to me that much for the first few months of the relationship. We'd have some brief text conversations and he'd call me maybe once a month to once every other month, and I told him I wanted him to call me more often to show effort I guess? Try not to judge… He doesn't have a car for personal/financial reasons and he can't come see me. I always have to go to his place, which is about 40 minutes away to go see him. There was a period of time when he lived over an hour away, and the only time we'd really talk was when I'd go see him, so we set the phone call in place to help with communication. He started with setting an alarm to call me every day, then about a week or two later it slipped to maybe twice a week, now it's probably once a week to once every other week, so it's not a daily routine that we have or anything. I try to be patient because I know he's relatively busy taking care of his aging family and such, but it seems like he doesn't really give me the same courtesy when with friends, and that's where I'm kind of iffy about it. Sorry about the wordy comment, thank you for your reply!
Thank you for your advice!
He doesn't have a lot of meaningful credentials. He seems to be an entrepreneur trying to make it. He found his passion (Krav Maga and bushcraft) and wants to make a quick buck from it.
In my update I wrote he isn't a native and has only been living there a couple of months.
Then why did he even accept the email info exchange?? I'm really confused by the whole thing tbh.
Pick up the phone and talk to each other. Texting is not how to have a relationship. Call her. Put aside a 1/2 hour or more to devote just to her.
Yea a lot of people shit on you and i thought that was unfair. I was one that told you its human to have these thoughts. I’m glad you worked thru it!
Except he lives at home. He might just be strange. Either way. Not worth the time.
I would never say dumb! Just unexperienced. And I just wanted to point out the position she might be in, if somebody would be rejected. If you really like her and you get the vibe that she might like you, too, maybe just ask for a lunchbreak together or something and look what happens. Get to know her as a work mate. I would start there
There’s two things I’m having a go at you for.
One is for scolding a mentally handicapped person saying their marriage is a joke. Which is a fact around the context of the conversation and has nothing to do with the words you said.
The second is for the words you said gatekeeping marriage based on peoples ages.
I’m not disagreeing with you. Honestly I appreciate you saying that. I’m just so fed up. It feels emotionally like my abusive relationship.
I didn't even have to read more than a sentence or two to know this will never be a happy marriage
You don't know him, you don't even online in the same country not to mention city for you to be able to have ability to spend enough time with him in order to truly know him. You know persona he created for you. Those comments are showing his true and real character. Not to mention you both are 19, what past are you talking about? When he supposedly treated women like they were nothing, a year ago? And where did you learned that about him? Let me guess – he told you that and said that he is treating you differently because he love you. He changed for you. Find someone you will be able to actually know, someone you can spend time with and see how they act in different settings, different situations, in company of different people… And no, three weeks visit isn't enough to truly know someone. You are very young, you have time to find someone. To learn what you want and need in a partner. I'm not going to tell you about how many people thought at 18 or 19 that they were in a very serious relationship with the love of their life and how they see it now after years passed. Just do yourself a favor and find someone you can actually know, not their live! persona.
Stop pretending anyone is in a relationship with you. At best you are a stalker and the chick doesn’t know you exist. This long winded rambling looks more like mental illness than intelligence.
Just because you care doesn't mean you have to be his provider, unless you are ok with it. As long as you are willing to keep taking care of him, he can think about other thing like girls.
If she wants a 30 year old to express physical anger in the way her father used to, she is essentially a psychopath.
Cut off contact and next time chose more wisely with whom you “do stuff” and how fast – especially if you are working together. Word always gets around…
I see that so much, I hate it.
“YOU WENT THROUGH MY PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS??” As if that could possibly be worse.
I’m so sorry, friend.
I'm really sorry to say this, but I suspect your husband is having an affair or at the very least he has his eye on another woman. I have noticed this pattern in my family and friends as well as in my clients (I'm a divorce lawyer). When there is a third party involved, the husband/wife will start harping on about looks, ageing etc. I hope you have other people in your life who can support you
Him telling you to go no contact with your mom is him walling you off and controlling you. He’s doing it to you and you can’t see it.
Op I really want an update. I am curious
I would have an ex-girlfriend and do what I wanted without their nasty commentary. Why are you in this relationship? I think being single would be preferrable. How do these people add joy and meaning to your life?
Tell him that he can have her! Next!
You said no to the penis comment. She’s already told him multiple times his comments are hurtful but he doesn’t care. If he can dish it out, he can certainly take it. Is it petty? You betcha! But sometimes blunt pettiness is what a person needs to wake the fuck up.
This is as good as your relationship will ever get from this point forward. She doesn't understand why you might have a very legitimate issue with thus and is just choosing to bulldoze your feelings around it. So if you want to stay in an on-again-off-again relationship with this chick where she totally won't be screwing her “ex” then you could try and make it work. Or you could leave and look for something healthier.
Rent is so expensive, can't blame her. Ur the one who said no to moving in together. Her ex didn't.
Also, we weren't bullying him, it was all jokes =
“Jokes” at other people's expense is one form of bullying.
He never told us it hurt him
It's not someone's job to tell you that your shit behavior is hurting them.
that wasn't our intention
Doesn't matter.
I was an active addict for thirteen years and whenever someone accused me of using and they were right I would get angry and defensive just like this guy. Same as when I was accused of cheating I did a lot of bad shit and then gaslit the other person into insanity and then cry on Facebook about how no one loves me even though I'm so great and wonderful. I still catch myself doing it on occasion. Your dude sounds a lot like me. I'd go ahead and take half his shit and make sure to keep records of his assholery. I don't know if it will help anything but it probably won't hurt to have it. I hope everything works out okay for you as much as it can in this situation
Nah mate. This ain't normal.
In a healthy relationship, she would trust you. That's it. You don't want to bring children into a world where the two people they are going to look up to the most don't even trust each other.